Written by: Robin Goldsbro, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Being a man in the 21st century can be challenging and tough. Society has long imposed rigid and unrealistic expectations on men, shaping an idea of masculinity in the minds of men, that is detrimental to their growth and well-being.
The unrealistic expectations and toxic traits of masculinity perpetuate harmful stereotypes, encouraging behaviours that hinder men from fully expressing and embracing their authentic selves.
In this article, we will delve into the damaging effects of these expectations and explore how breaking free is crucial for men to unlock their true potential, foster meaningful relationships, and lead fulfilling lives. This article is about bringing focus and clarity to an outdated model of masculinity, calling it out for what it is, offering a model that is reflective of reality with suggestions about making the journey to this this way of being. We live in the fastest, most transient time in human history and if that wasn’t enough, we also have to contend with our conditioning, which is orientated around outdated models of masculinity. It’s a perfect storm that leaves guys feeling hammered, lost and frustrated. We can feel overwhelmed and not good enough and then procrastinate for fear of failure and rejection, yet chastise ourselves for not being strong enough to push past the stress and anxiety. Our confidence diminishes along with our mental health. And we suffer in silence, because that’s what we think men do.
We've been conditioned to believe outdated notions of manhood, masculinity without humanity.
Most of us guys have been brought up to believe in, either consciously or unconsciously, male gender roles that emphasise and promote male dominance, power-seeking, competition for status, and emotional stoicism.
As a boy I watched action movies and grew up holding fictional characters as ideals of masculinity. This is not uncommon and most boys are taught by society that we must always remain strong and present ourselves as emotional rocks. We’re often socialised to prioritise dominance over cooperation or compromise and to suck up our emotions, internalising our feelings rather than seeking out healthy outlets for stress relief or emotional expression. It leads us to focus on controlling behaviour within relationships, aggressive reactions to perceived slights or challenges to one’s authority, and an unhealthy obsession with competitiveness. It’s unpleasant for all involved. Relationships suffer, including the relationship with ourself, which is a significant contributor to the astonishingly high suicide rate amongst men.
I believe a considerable factor to our challenge has been the lack of positive role models in this space. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not necessarily that our fathers and uncles didn’t want to guide us, but their guidance was based on what they thought men should do, based on what they were taught. We shouldn’t hide from the truth that operating from outdated notions of masculinity has created lots of suppression and challenges in the world and it’s therefore not surprising we get labelled with things like Male, Stale and Pale; but if we’re not careful, condemnation will limit men further rather than inspire us to operate differently.
What is urgently required is a new paradigm for masculinity that aligns with reality, promoting self-love instead of toxic behaviours, and fostering mutual respect in relationships instead of conflict. To bring about meaningful change in the lives of men and boys, as well as those they interact with, we must develop role models who will embody qualities such as serenity, kindness, compassion, and emotional intelligence.
By shifting the narrative and embracing a new architecture for masculinity, we can empower men to redefine their sense of self-worth and embrace a holistic approach to personal growth. This involves cultivating a deep appreciation and acceptance of oneself, nurturing positive relationships, and developing the emotional intelligence necessary to navigate life's challenges with openness, grace and empathy.
Men need role models who demonstrate that true strength lies in vulnerability, that courage is rooted in authenticity, and that power is best utilized in service to others. By embracing these qualities, men can embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and growth, breaking free from the limitations imposed by outdated societal expectations.
A Kingly Model Of Masculinity
What I've discovered through my work with men is that many are actively seeking to construct a ‘better’, more balanced version of themselves. They yearn to cultivate confidence, inner serenity, and laser-sharp focus, while simultaneously uncovering their authentic identity and purpose in the world. Most guys will come to a point in their lives where their aim is to leave a lasting legacy, rooted in significance and meaning. What’s clear is that we aspire to become influential figures in both our personal and professional realms, without compromising our values or morphing into tyrannical figures.
To accomplish these aspirations, men require a set of tools that facilitate inner transformation and enable them to navigate their career paths with clarity and grace. Men need practical strategies to fortify their resilience during times of adversity, establish concrete goals for success, sustain their energy levels, and discover love and fulfilment in all aspects of life.
A New Model Of Masculinity And Some Tools And Guidance For Getting There
Considering the work of renowned psychologist Carl Jung, I’d like to put forward a model that aligns with humanity. A noble model, that embodies the ideals of masculinity and leadership, encompassing qualities such as courage, strength, wisdom, confidence, and integrity. Ultimately, it enables men to create a fulfilling life that serves as an inspiration to others.
Emotional Self-Awareness - Standing in our true masculinity requires recognising and understanding our emotions without allowing them to dictate our actions. We cultivate the ability to navigate our feelings, knowing their origins and maintaining control over our responses.
True Inner Confidence - Operating from genuine inner confidence, we align with our purpose and prioritise our well-being, achieving a profound sense of balance. Even amidst chaos, we remain calm, radiating positive energy and engaging with the present moment.
Active Presence - Rather than reacting impulsively, we respond thoughtfully, fully engaged, and centred in the present. We stand outside the realms of drama, evaluating situations from a holistic and long-term perspective.
Rooted in Identity and Values - Grounded in self-awareness, we possess a deep understanding of who we are and what we stand for. With integrity, we make choices aligned with our values, knowing the right action to take at the right time.
Interdependence and Wholeness - Existing in interdependence, we honour our boundaries and nurture our own well-being, encompassing physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects. Simultaneously, we support and encourage the growth and wholeness of others.
Inspirational Influence - We inspire others to reach their fullest potential. Acknowledging and celebrating their contributions, we foster creativity and empower individuals without feeling threatened, for we recognize our inherent worth and know it will not be diminished by others.
By embracing these qualities, we can realise our true potential and radiate a powerful presence in our lives and the lives of those around us. We are unwavering in our integrity, protect our inner psyche, and inspire others to unlock their greatness.
To achieve the level of maturity, men can consider the following course of action:
Self-Reflection: Engage in deep self-reflection to gain a better understanding of your values, strengths, weaknesses, and purpose in life. Explore your inner psyche and identify areas of personal growth and development.
Emotional Intelligence Development: Invest time and effort in developing emotional intelligence skills. Enhance your self-awareness, emotional regulation, empathy, and interpersonal relationships. Practice mindfulness and techniques that help you understand and manage your emotions effectively.
Personal Growth and Self-Development: Engage in personal growth activities such as reading books, attending workshops, and seeking guidance from mentors or coaches. Focus on topics related to leadership, self-improvement, psychology, and philosophy to expand your knowledge and perspective.
Integrity and Values Alignment: Reflect on your core values and ensure that your actions and decisions align with these. Strive to make choices that are ethical, honest, and in line with your personal values. This consistency between your values and actions will reinforce your sense of integrity and remove inner conflict.
Boundaries and Self-Care: Establish and maintain healthy personal boundaries that protect your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Prioritize self-care activities, including exercise, relaxation techniques, and pursuing hobbies or passions that bring you joy and fulfilment.
Continuous Learning and Evaluation: Embrace a life-long learning mindset. Appreciate you’re enough just as you are, whilst also opening yourself to opportunities for growth. Reflect regularly and seek feedback from trusted individuals and invite constructive criticism without taking things personally.
Inspirational Leadership: Lead by example and inspire others to unlock their potential. Encourage their growth, recognize their contributions, and create an environment that fosters creativity, collaboration, and personal development.
A life full of meaning, purpose and feeling alive is a journey that requires commitment, self-reflection, and continuous effort. Be patient with yourself and embrace the process of personal growth and self-discovery. By embracing a holistic approach that encompasses personal growth, professional development, and the cultivation of meaningful relationships, all men can embark on a journey which empowers them to unlock their full potential and achieve a harmonious integration of their aspirations, values, and actions.
Robin Goldsbro, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Robin is an Emotional Intelligence, Mindset and Leadership Coach on a mission to help individuals become epic leaders who make a diffrence in the world. Through his bespoke one-to-one programs and powerful principles-based strategies, he helps people become the highest expression of their unique and authentic selves, by focusing on their deepest levels of identity and consciousness. Working with Robin is an empowering experience, bringing clarity, confidence, focus and self-mastery, enabling you to realise continuous excellence, through being more you than you’ve ever been before. This leads to vast improvements in performance and success, but also helps you get back in touch with that feeling of aliveness
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