Written by: Diane Hiller, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
So many articles are written about this topic, but what does it mean? Is it even possible or healthy? Many leave out that unconditional love refers to the love of others and the unconditional love of the self.
This does not mean Narcissism
Narcissists are only capable of love of self. Their unfortunate love partner does not figure into the equation unless it is to be selfless to the point of being a doormat. Once they express any needs in the relationship, they will find themselves subject to abuse, mind games, manipulation, and gaslighting. All narcissists and addicts lie both to themselves and others. Does this feel like you are being loved unconditionally? I doubt it.
Unconditional love does not mean putting up with any form of abuse. Unconditional love is a high vibrational frequency of the spirit, and in a romantic relationship, it can only occur between two mature adults.
Love from the ego is far different
It is fear-based and full of conditions. You may love someone who cannot love you back, does not know healthy love, or has never experienced it. After some time, you will be unable to remain in this situation. You then can love them from a distance and hold space and hope for them and their healing. But, unless they put in the work of self-awareness and are accountable, they are not capable of healthy love with you, themselves, or anyone else.
You have heard the saying that you can’t love anyone until you love yourself. People lacking self-love and insight into the impact of their behavior are unable to love healthily. You may be their perfect match, but somehow they can’t or won’t break their old way of being. Once again, due to fear and ego, and in most cases, also trauma.
We all have faults, but unconditional love does not mean you ever put up with bad behavior or excuses; you are accountable to your partner, and they are to you. You do not seek to control them, nor they you. You desire to understand each other and to find common ground. There is trust, respect, honesty, and good communication. Emotional deception is the number one reason relationships fail. Why? Because it erodes trust.
What does healthy romantic love look like:
Love requires the effort of both people. It may ask you to compromise, to look through a different lens. Love will help you grow and learn about yourself in the spirit of compromise. It may push you to the edges of your comfort zone, but you should feel safe with your partner.
Love will require you to be vulnerable; this will be very, very hard if you are insecure or have any control issues. A lack of communication at this juncture will damage the relationship significantly, if not permanently.
What does toxic love look like? ( I prefer the word unhealed to toxic )
But honestly, this is toxic, and these are some signs:
You feel hurt by his/her behavior or choices, and when this is expressed, the person discounts it, makes excuses, and does not change their behavior. You constantly run into the same conflicts, arguments, fights, and nothing ever seems to get resolved.
You wish your partner would understand that their behaviors are hurting you. You feel they lack empathy. It feels as though your needs, wants, thoughts or feelings don't matter to them. If they feign genuine interest at any time, a hidden motive is usually behind it. Boundaries are poor in this kind of relationship.
Unconditional love can and does exist between a parent and child, or it should. This is not always the case, and those raised in conditional loving households, will not be able to love you unconditionally. They honestly need professional help to see what is healthy and what is not.
We all deserve healthy love, and we all can be in alignment with the divine aspect of ourselves and offer that to share with the right person.
“Love is the only freedom in the world because it so elevates the spirit that the laws of humanity and the phenomena of nature do not alter its course.” ‒ Kahlil Gibran
Diane Hiller, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Diane is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Psychic Medium, Certified Feng Shui Master, and Medical Intuitive. She has been tested for accuracy. After working in the nursing field as an LPN for 13 years, she returned to college and received a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, summa cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa. She then went on to earn her Master's (MSW) with a Major in Clinical and a Minor in Research, both from the University of Connecticut. She is licensed by State examination as an LCSW. In 2005 she founded Elemental Empowerments, LLC. She is noted in the book “The Top 100 Psychics and Astrologers in America.” She is one of the most well-researched psychics In North America.
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