Written by: Lacey Dawn Jackson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Just when you thought you had found that person who understood you, the one you could be vulnerable with, he gets quiet. He disappears without a trace. It’s as if he wasn’t ever there in the first place. You wonder if you imagined everything. It was like a dream.
It seemed so real. You had spent hours talking on the phone, and texting back and forth. You had so much in common with one another. You shared the same desires, and the same goals. You even got flirty with one another.
Promises of the future together had been hinted upon. Now you sit wondering. “Did I do something wrong? Did I say something he didn’t like? Did something happen to him? Is he alright?”
Why do guys come in and sweep you off your feet only to disappear a few weeks later? Is there just a bad bunch of selfish guys out there that you keep attracting? It seems to happen to some of your friends as well. All you want is to meet someone of substance. You want to meet someone you can rely upon. You want someone who can be communicative and receptive. Is that so hard? Has society prompted this?
It seems that people just don’t care as much as they used to when it comes to finding someone to have a healthy long-term relationship with. It seems that people will stop all contact out of nowhere for no reason leaving you to question your abilities. You want to know how you can avoid being ghosted.
There is no explanation for his disappearance. This is a head game within itself. You are frustrated. You don’t want to be frustrated. It can bring up past hurts that you thought you had moved through and healed from only to find yourself going through this past hurt and feelings of betrayal all over again.
Often it takes a while to get over being ghosted. It is an emotional turmoil we go through. You end up putting a barrier against others just so you don’t get hurt again. You find yourself cynical and ready to run at the first sign of someone being interested in you.
This doesn’t bode well when you want to find that one you have dreamed about coming into your life. You wonder how you are going to proceed in your dating life. Is this going to happen again? You are starting to think it isn’t worth even trying to date anymore because it happens so often.
There are ways to move on from this. It is easier than you think. But before we can do this there are some common mistakes that women are guilty of once they realize a guy has disappeared from their lives. It is important to know what they are and how to prevent them from happening again.
If for some reason you have already made one or two of the common mistakes that are about to be talked about, as I certainly have, take a breath, smile, and give yourself kudos that you are now learning how to prevent yourself from making the same mistakes again.
1. You call or text him incessantly
You’re mad! How dare he not reach back out. You two had such an attraction toward one another. You felt it. There was a kinship between you. You understood one another. You know he felt it too. He even said so. Because of all of this. There is no reason for him to disappear. You want an explanation.
You text him once. “Wow. I hope nothing is wrong. Let me know if I can support you in any way... thinking of you.” No answer. Dead silent. There is no good reason. So you text him again. “I am really worried about you. I hope everything is ok!” Still nothing. Nada.
By this time, you decide you are going to leave a voicemail instead. You are very stern, direct, and to the point “Hey there. It’s me. I haven’t heard from you for a few days. You said you would reach out tomorrow.
Well... tomorrow was several days ago. I am just wanting to know if we are still on for the date we talked about going on. Give me a quick call or at least text. I just want to know what’s up. I hope you are having a good day and nothing has happened to you.” Now you wait. He is surely going to answer you back.
The next day arrives and nothing. This is ridiculous. You are mad at yourself for the time and energy you have wasted on wondering about him. You pick up your phone and dial his number again hoping that he answers and that there has been a big communication gap and you two can just move on with one another. His voicemail comes on, this time you are pleading, “Just let me know one way or another whether you are alright. I am worried about you.” You hang up knowing that you shouldn’t have left that message but you couldn’t help it.
Later on, you quickly text him, “How dare you! It is so rude to not let me know what is up. Whether you want to see me again or not, just let me know. You are being very disrespectful by not letting me know.” Oh my god, did I just act like a crazy woman? You wonder. It really bothers you that he didn’t have the decency to let you at least know he is no longer interested so you can move on.
Now, this is when you walk away. Actually maybe a few messages ago would have been better but hey, we are just being human. Don’t beat yourself up over the temporary insanity that overcame you.
You realize that there has been a lot of time spent in turmoil over this disappearance. Take a deep breath. Find humor. Yes. I know. It’s not a funny situation. You are hurt. But in order to let go of the frustration you are feeling from not getting any sort of response from him, finding the humor in your actions, and your craziness will help you to move on.
Delete his phone number and all messages out of your phone and any social media accounts you have of his. Deleting the messages from your phone will keep you from going over the messages over and over again while trying to figure out why he disappeared. Save yourself some detective work. The answers aren’t there anyways.
Make it really hard for you to message him in a moment of angry passion that you might have. By the time you search for his number and find it, chances are you will have cooled down. Remember Humor! Be willing to laugh at this. It is not the end of your love life.
2. Blaming yourself for his disappearance
“What did I do wrong?” You ask yourself. You must have said something in your last conversation to drive him away. You scan the many texts that were shared between you. Your search for clues as to why he has disappeared. “What was it that I said that could have affected this budding relationship? Did he give any indications or signs that I missed that would have given me a heads up that he would do this?” Maybe it was the way you talked or answered.
You continue to question yourself over and over again. You decide that it must be the way you are very opinionated at times. You know that you can be too direct and decide this is why he disappeared. You scared him off. So many thoughts go through your head. Your confidence in this relationship starts to waiver. convinced that you continue to overthink every conversation and text between you. You are convinced that you must have done something wrong.
Just so you know... you have not scared him off for being You. You are an awesome person. Whether you are direct or not, whether you didn’t share enough or think you shared too much, honor everything about you. It is what makes you who you are. This is a part of your authentic self. People appreciate this about you. There is nothing you need to change in the manner of you being confident in who you are.
Often we are disappointed in others for their actions. We tend to take things that happen to us personally. We think that we have done something wrong to make a person disappear when actually it has nothing to do with us. Did you read that right? It has nothing to do with you. It is their stuff. Please don’t make it about you. You do not want to change the awesome things about you that someone else will love. Don’t try to fit into a square peg when you are a groovy round hole. He has missed out on an Awesome person. Move on.
3. Feeling like you are a failure at dating
Remember he was the one who disappeared. You showed up ready to communicate and get to know one another. You are ready for a healthy relationship and he disregarded this.
Even if he would have said, “I am not into you,” He would have been demonstrating healthy communication. At least you would have known even though it wasn’t what you wanted to hear, you would know. You could move on. Just because he didn’t do this, doesn’t mean that you are a failure.
Much to the contrary. You showed up mature, ready to communicate and open to the possibilities. Bravo for that. Pat yourself on the back. Because he didn’t do any of this indicates that he is not mature enough to have a healthy relationship with you. He only thought of himself and was disrespectful. Because of this, it would be highly likely that he would have brought toxic tendencies to the relationship.
Take a deep breath and say to yourself: I am successful and am manifesting a healthy relationship. Even though you may not feel this at this moment, remember that this is your right. The universe will provide when you have faith.
It is hard to believe in that faith when you are going through all the emotions of him disappearing. Remember, I’ve been right here with you. But one thing is for sure, time moves on and you will be ok. Take a deep breath and say out loud, “I am Awesome! I am worthy of a fantastic relationship”
4. Giving him the benefit of the doubt
Sometimes it’s easy to give a person the benefit of the doubt on their behavior. Simply put, life happens. Things come up and we don’t always communicate in the way we mean to. So when he doesn’t call when he said he would, we are easy to forgive. He got busy. He’ll call later. Then later comes and still no phone call.
You wait as long as possible before reaching out to him. You wonder if he is alright and maybe he just can’t reach out to you at this time. You start to worry and talk yourself into reaching out because you don’t want to play games. You want to know.
You are sure he has a good reason for not communicating with you. He wouldn’t do this because you two hit it off marvelously. He has got to have a good reason.
All of a sudden it hits you, he has lost his phone. Of course! So he can’t communicate with you in a timely manner because he is trying to figure his phone thing out. It may take him a couple of days to do this so you will wait patiently.
In the back of your mind, you wonder why he hasn’t just gotten on a computer to reach out through social media but maybe he doesn’t have access to a computer. It never came up whether he had a computer or not so you wait. He will communicate when he can.
Stop the madness. I get it. You have such a big heart and such a giving nature. You have bent over backward in all of your relationships. You show compassion because you know that everyone deserves a chance. What you don’t take into account is that you have got to put yourself first.
No matter what the reason is that he hasn’t taken the time to get a hold of you doesn’t matter. What matters is the way you are feeling. Lean into your emotions. Really feel them. Yeah, it’s hard to do this. We avoid it like the plague. But in order to really get in touch with how this situation is affecting you, your emotions matter.
This will help you to remember that the way you are feeling because of this disappearance isn’t worth it in the bigger picture. You deserve to be happy and if he isn’t respectful enough to say ‘hey’ when he says he will, he is not worth the ground you walk on.
5. Not showing compassion for yourself
This is so easy to overlook especially when you are focused more on why he disappeared. Many times when stress arrives into our life, the first thing to go out the window is the self-care needed to help guide you through the stress of the situation.
This stress can come in many forms. Drinking too much wine, eating too much food, calling ourselves stupid for being tricked, telling ourselves that we are never going to have a healthy relationship, doing things to ourselves that hurt our bodies is never a good idea. In fact, it prolongs our pain of him disappearing.
Indulging in too much of anything is not good for us. Extreme self-care and taking time to heal can look like many things. Maybe it is taking an extra long walk with your dog. Maybe it is scheduling a massage or facial? It can also be a sad movie so you can cry it out. It can be a happy movie to help you remember you are Awesome and will survive. It can be getting together with friends and hanging out.
Go on a road trip or take a quick vacation somewhere you have never been. Be a tourist in your own town. Getting the support of good friends can remind you that you are never alone. Write in your journal all the things you are grateful for. Slow down and smell the roses. Take a leisurely walk. Sign up for that yoga or art class you have wanted to do for so long.
Put you first. Lean into the present moment of how you feel and really honor You. Acknowledge how much you continue to learn about yourself. Honor the emotions you have. This can go a long way in your healing. It can give you the strength to move through this. Self-compassion and self-care is implemental in your Awesomeness.
A Message from Lacey…
I am here for you and support you in overcoming the pain of his disappearing. There are many ways to overcome your doubt when getting to know someone you are interested in. There are ways to read between the lines and know whether ghosting is coming.
Discover the hidden ways you are sabotaging your chances to recognize immediately if the guy you are interested in is actually right for you.
Live your life with confidence that you will be able to pick and choose the right guy who is ready and serious about sticking around and cultivating a healthy long-lasting and committed relationship.
Learn the secrets of being more irresistible so the guy can’t wait to spend more time with you.
Love is out there for you. Sometimes tuning into ourselves in an Intuitive way will help us live that love we desire. This is possible for you.
Having been in the Healing Arts profession for over 35 years, and a Professional Psychic for over 25 years, I have heard it all. Namely how women desire a healthy long-term relationship only to be disappointed time and time again for getting involved with a man who disappears just as they thought things were going great. I have helped many smart and attractive women overcome their dependence on unhealthy relationships as well as spotting the red flags before you’re all in emotionally.
I totally get it. The last thing a woman wants is a guy to ghost her. I have worked with many women who are confused about how to keep a guy interested so they do not disappear. I have helped women see behind the mask a man wears that keeps him at a distance so getting closer and establishing a long-lasting and healthy relationship seems impossible. I have helped women to recognize traits within themselves that are attributed to guys they are interested in doing the disappearing act on them. It would be my honor to help you manifest that healthy long-term relationship you dream about.
Lacey Dawn Jackson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lacey Dawn Jackson is a Spiritual Mentor and Intuitive Leader with over 35 years in the Healing Arts. She is passionate about helping others to become more intuitive and to gain the confidence to follow it. Stepping into a life Authentically and Magically is what she teaches so others can live in Abundance. She is an Author, Mentor, Storyteller, and Authority on Intuitive Wellness. She leads workshops through her Online Intuitive Wellness Academy. Her mission: Manifest the Reality you desire.
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