Written by: Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You could be having a great time with your partner. You might be talking to them about the fun you had that day or making plans with them for activities later that evening.
Then you ask them to show you something on their phone. Your partner reaches into their pocket and pulls it out. But instead of handing it to you, they put it face down on the table, act like they can't find what they were looking for, or scoop it back up and say they'll get to it later.
If this has happened to you too often, you're likely dealing with significant trust and communication issues. That's not to say the person who doesn't disclose the information to you has something to hide. However, it could be a red flag in a long-term relationship if your partner does hide the phone nearly all the time and is highly protective of what's on it. Avoiding or concealing the phone can make your mind create assumptions and conclude that your partner's behaviour is suspicious.
There could be many reasons your partner may withhold information; however, this does not mean it should make you anxious, even though some do feel and believe they have reason to. So let me shed light on five different phone behaviours that might be making you feel uneasy and what to do when this happens.
1. Anxiety About A Persistent Unknown Caller
Whenever a person consistently calls your partner more than once per day, and you don't know who it is, it is natural to feel anxious. The unknown makes us nervous. But, especially if your partner keeps telling you, it's no one important. It is normal and acceptable to question it if something does not seem right.
If your partner's behaviour is out of character, it doesn't mean something is necessarily wrong. It could be as simple as a friend needing advice on something private. However, it isn't normal to keep information from you related to their past relationship, such as an ex-partner wanting to get back together.
Hiding information can trigger insecurity and make people feel their partner has something to protect. Most people hope their partner will be honest with them, so it's essential to ask yourself if your partner has given you reasons not to trust them in other areas. If their behaviour is a repeat of a familiar pattern of untrustworthy behaviour, then it may well be that something is not right. If you believe they have something to hide and have done so in the past, causing you to be hurt, it is natural to be triggered and think they will do it again if the behaviour rituals are the same. The most important thing here is to ask yourself whether it is their behaviour you do not trust in that moment or whether you're holding on to the past yourself and not letting go.
2. Anxiety Triggered by a Ping
If you or your partner withhold your phones and behave anxiously every time it pings, it probably means neither of you wants to see what pops up. Avoiding addressing the phone in front of a partner might be another warning sign. Moving away from your partner when speaking to someone, concealing who you are talking to, or texting can cause anxiety.
It's important not to allow the phone to take your attention away from your partner and vice versa. It does not matter if you are using the phone to arrange dates with other people, but if the attention is given more so to their phone, especially if they aren't disclosing who they are speaking with, it can lead to overthinking and suspecting there is something else going on. This type of behaviour can lead to overthinking the situation. Thoughts such as – 'Is he/she cheating on me?' often surface. You might even think, "Why am I so paranoid?" or "What's wrong with me?" They might also be trying to avoid addressing stress by ignoring the phone issue. However, if you feel like your partner is covering things from you or keeping secrets or you are from them, it could trigger and create further tension between you both.
It's essential to be honest. Communication between each other is critical. Making a relationship work takes effort, trust, sincerity, and the ability to convey your emotions. If you don't like how the other is behaving, explain why it affects you or if you are the one concealing information, address the issue of why you feel you need to.
3. Anxiety About Cheating
Cheating is a common fear among people who do not share their phones with their partners. This can be especially true when one person behaves in a very protective manner with their phone. Several apps exist that allow people to hide texts and call logs from their phones so that others can't see them anymore. This can make people think that their partners are cheating on them when in reality, it's just because of privacy concerns. The critical thing to reflect on is whether there's a reason you suspect them of cheating. If there is trust in the relationship, you would not be questioning it.
4. Anxiety Over Trust Issues
When someone keeps their phone from you, you might wonder if they're withholding something else. Maybe even hiding a secret life online. Perhaps they're hiding how unhappy they are with their relationship and want out of it as soon as possible. There are a variety of possibilities regarding what could be happening behind closed doors. It's hard not to feel anxious about the situation overall. The vital thing to do is confront the problem causing the anxiety openly. Let your partner know what is causing you the worry without assuming or making accusations. Speak your truth. If they love you, they will reassure your doubts by disclosing why they like their phone privacy.
5. Anxiety Causing Further Insecurities
If your partner isn't concealing their phone, you have nothing to worry about. If you're the one who is hiding your phone, then you should reflect on what it is that you want to keep private. Reflect on why you feel the need to do this in the first place.
When a phone is kept private to the individual, it's usually not because a person is cheating — but instead, it's because of some insecurity they may have about themselves (and possibly about you). This could mean that the relationship isn't as secure as it should be, and perhaps deeper issues are going on that need addressing before any further action can occur.
Being open and sincere in a relationship always brings people closer because they can be candid and let any frustration out instead of guarding it or leading a double life. By not hiding phones and having open conversations, it's easier to allow one another to understand your genuine thoughts and feelings. Being authentic is crucial. You should feel you can just be yourself by speaking directly to each other, even if you are clear about why you keep your phone private.
Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist, who helps people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered from Perinatal Anxiety, she focuses on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online and on-set psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help align the THREE Brains (the head, heart, and gut). She's in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, and Thrive Global. She’s featured on the front cover of Passion Vista as one of the women to look up to 2022. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, to help people radically change their minds to change their lives.
