Written by: Doree O'Neal, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I was trapped. I found myself one week before my wedding, and something didn’t feel quite right. Truth be told, there had been red flags all throughout the courtship. We were not compatible in so many ways. I was ambitious and wanted a family. He wanted a company he did not know how to manage (one that would eventually go under), and he was only willing to have children to appease me. But I couldn’t (wouldn’t) see the flags now that it was too late. I had made the decision. This was it. After all, the invitations had already been sent! I had made my bed, and now it was time to lie in it. And so, the wedding proceeded.
Of course, the marriage doomed from the start would end in divorce sooner rather than later. I felt wrecked and devastated. After all, I had done the right thing: honored my commitment and went through with the wedding. So why had it turned out this way? I had made my bed and dutifully laid in it, so why wasn’t it blissful?
Those questions hung with me for about a year. Now I can see how old beliefs from my past were so tightly woven into my psyche that they dominated my actions. Our minds act like giant filing cabinets. When we think, they peruse the files, searching for some nugget of wisdom. In my case, all too often, my mind pulled out some outdated garbage that I believed to be the truth.
As the years have progressed, I have explored all the other dusty articles in the filing cabinet of my mind and have done some major cleaning, throwing out all the old files that have held me back. Here are my top five articles from the past that held me – and hold many other people – back from living a life full of potential and passion:
1. You made your bed; now lie in it:
This common saying apparently came from the 16th century and, of course, there are no further details regarding its origin. The saying means that when you make a decision, you are obligated to face the consequences. Of course, it’s true that all actions have consequences; however, the saying falls short in dismissing one key fact: you can change your mind. You do not have to remain stuck in a bad situation or follow through with a bad decision just because you said you would. You have the right to change your mind.
2. No pain, no gain:
This one has long been used wildly in the fitness industry and later became prevalent in other areas, including business. It implies that gaining whatever it is that you desire needs to be hard. But why does it all have to be hard? In the coaching industry, we see this all the time. People come in tired and ready to give up on their dreams. They’ve tried the hard way and are ready to throw in the towel. But what if there was an easier way to achieve their dreams and goals? Yes, obstacles exist; however, ebb and flow can be a beautiful place to exist and can get you to the same destination just as quickly with a lot less stress.
3. Money doesn’t grow on trees:
One of my personal favorites. This idiom came from the early 20th century and was originally meant to imply that you should not spend frivolously. However, over time, the meaning has shifted to imply that money is not readily available and is very hard to make. The result? People end up staying in miserable jobs, working long hours, taking time away from family and happy lives, and chasing after the often-illusive financial security they believe will make their lives better. What if you could do what you love and make money? It is possible. Many people pursue their dreams and find they can make money doing it. Whether it is in the corporate world, being an entrepreneur or a philanthropist, or something else: when you are happy doing what you love, making money easily becomes more possible.
4. Haste makes waste:
This proverb traces back to the 1546 collection of proverbs by John Heywood: “Measure twice, cut once.” The saying implies that any action should be planned and well thought out before being executed. Agreed that time and planning are required when making big decisions, such as buying a house; however, thoughtful decision-making has a flip side called analysis paralysis. Analysis paralysis is the inability to make any decisions because of the fear of taking a risk or the fear of failure. When people get stuck in this paralysis of sorts, they are robbed of the adventure of life and even the lessons of failure. Yes, that’s right. Failure is a good thing! Why? Because when you fail, you learn, and learning is essential for success. In fact, in one of my corporate roles many years ago, we had a saying: “Fail and fail fast.” The sooner we learn that something isn’t going to work, the closer we are to uncovering the right answer.
5. Don’t rock the boat:
The origins of this phrase are somewhat unknown, but it seems to come from a nautical background. The meaning is clear: excessive motion on a boat may cause that boat to tip over. For us non-nautical people, this translates to not doing anything that disrupts the balance we call life and does not disturb the balance in other people’s lives. Because our minds like to protect us from danger found in the unknown (and change is an unknown!), they want things to stay the same. Change rocks the boat, and it is uncomfortable. So, we remain seated with our arms inside the vehicle at all times. But to make a transformation, the boat needs to rock.
Just because a phrase has been passed down as “words of wisdom” does not mean it’s always relevant. I encourage my clients to make their beds, but if they find they don’t want to lie in it: don’t! Find the flow of life and stop swimming upstream. Remember that when you do what you love, the money shows up. Don’t be afraid to fail and fail fast. And finally, rock the boat, make waves, and enjoy your life filled with purpose and passion!
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Doree O'Neal, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Doree O’Neal is a 1 Amazon International Best-Selling author, a motivational speaker, certified hypnotherapist, and a sought-after success coach. People hire her to bring their goals and dreams to life so that they can live a life without regret. Her book, Seriously? How I Went From A Hotmess to a Daring Badass is the inspirational story of how she was able to find and build the life after recovering from addiction. Doree is living proof that dreams can come true, and it is her life’s purpose to guide others to theirs!
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