Written by: Bronwen Sciortino, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I recently watched Monica Lewinsky being interviewed about self-bullying on the Today Show in the United States, and it reminded me how far I have come with the way that I speak to myself.
In listening to Monica’s interview, I remembered the way I used to talk to myself – the things I used to say and just how hard a time I gave myself about tiny, irrelevant things. I also remembered the way I used to feel and the way that it always made me want to shrink inside of myself and never be seen again.
‘The language that we use is very powerful and it’s perhaps the most ignored aspect of our daily lives. I’m not talking about whether or not you use ‘naughty’ words, I’m talking about the words you use in your everyday life that are impacting on your world. I have heard it said that whilst the tongue has no bones, we should be careful of the words we use because we can easily break a heart (verybestquotes.com). Our words have the power to make or break us.’
These are the some of the words I wrote when I wrote the chapter on the power of ‘I AM’ in my first book, Keep It Super Simple: Tips from a Recovering Perfectionist.
When I penned those words, I was only halfway through my recovery from a complete breakdown. But as I wrote about the ‘mean girl in my head’, I realised that I had been a relentless bully and that I had terrorised myself for decades.
There is no way I would have ever spoken to someone else the same way
Not only would I never have said the horrible things I said to and about myself to someone else, the things that I was capable of thinking about myself didn’t even enter my head when looking at someone else’s situation.
My ‘mean girl’ had been allowed to run around unchecked for a very long time before I realised the impact she was having on my life. She would say things like ‘you’re such an idiot’ or ‘you’re so useless’ if I happened to spill something on the kitchen floor. She used to call me a klutz when I tripped over something or hurt my toe. When I wanted to ask a question in a meeting, she would say things like, ‘Don’t ask that; that’s a dumb question’.
But if exactly the same things happened to someone else, she’d go into ‘love and care’ mode and would be the first to check in with them and make sure they were OK.
I could cut the noise – If I wanted to
As I was writing Keep It Super Simple, I realised that my ‘mean girl’ would carry on (and on and on and on) as long as I let her. If I gave her a microphone, she’d talk for hours at a volume that was impossible to ignore.
I’m a big believer that the best thing about gaining clarity and understanding about something is that you can see things about it that you couldn’t see before. And that means that there’s an opportunity to look at the situation in a different way. Gaining clarity about my ‘mean girl’ and the impact she’d had on my life was no different. Understanding this gave me the opportunity to question whether there was a way that she could step into a different role – a role that supported me rather than tearing me down.
I knew she was capable of love and care; I’d seen the depths of it available to everyone else. So, I started to look at ways that I could turn her into my greatest cheerleader and get her working to support me.
So … I took control of the conversation
Trying to deny the existence of my inner critic didn’t make sense to me. Instead, I decided that I would take control of the conversation and make sure that it was focused on kindness and compassion for me.
When something happened, and my ‘mean girl’ had something nasty to say, I’d have a conversation with her and gently turn the conversation to a kinder place. I put in place a plan to deliberately and consciously counteract any meanness with positivity and support. Throughout my recovery I had been given the opportunity to understand the power of my words … so I took the time to become very conscious of what I was saying – to myself and to others.
I became mindful of how often I would say things that didn’t support myself and I would change the conversation any time I caught myself speaking words that were toxic to my soul. I became my own greatest cheerleader and provided an irrefutable role model that my inner critic couldn’t help but be inspired by. I learned to stand up to myself – to stand up FOR myself – and it’s a habit that I continually look to weave into my life today.
So … do you let the voice in your head run unchecked? Are you happy with the things you allow it to say? There’s a way to turn your ‘mean girl’ to your advantage. She’s capable of loving and caring support for you too. You just have to lead the way.
If you want some help getting started, there are also loads of tips and more information in the articles and videos in my FREE email series. Simply click here to start you on your way.
Bronwen Sciortino is a Simplicity Expert, Professional Speaker and an internationally renowned author. You can follow her at her website; Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn.
Bronwen Sciortino, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Bronwen Sciortino is an International Author and Simplicity Expert who spent almost two decades as an award-winning executive before experiencing a life changing event that forced her to stop and ask the question ‘What if there’s a better way to live?’
Embarking on a journey to answer this question, Bronwen developed a whole new way of living – one that teaches you to challenge the status quo and include the power of questions in everyday life.
Gaining international critical acclaim and 5-star awards for her books and online programs, Bronwen spends every day teaching people that there is an easy, practical and simple pathway to creating a healthy, happy AND highly successful life.
Sourced globally for media comment as an expert and working with corporate programs, conference platforms, retreats, professional mentoring and in the online environment, Bronwen teaches people how easy it is to live life very differently.
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