Written by Lark Ericson, Confidence Coach, RN, CHT
Lark Ericson is on a mission to help shy and socially awkward people embrace their authentic selves and confidently navigate any social situation without fear of rejection or embarrassment. Lark understands that dating and networking can be daunting for those who aren't naturally outgoing or confident.
Lately, I’ve been hearing people in my life talk about how they don’t feel they are “good” enough. Either not good enough for their careers, their relationships, or even as a parent. Often, we underestimate how great we truly are because we are constantly inundated with how we should or could be rather than just appreciating ourselves as we are.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all about self-improvement. On a daily basis, I am building my skills, working on changing my thought patterns, and learning new ideas. However, there is a difference between wanting more because you love yourself and trying to be something you are not because you are ashamed of who you are or what you are not. You can change and grow into newer versions of yourself without all of the self-hatred.
The trick is to love and approve of yourself, no matter where you are in life.
Every day, like most people, you are expressing multiple versions of yourself on the same day. Think about it, on any given day, you can donate to a charity and be the asshole yelling at other drivers on the road. You can play with your kids in the morning and ignore them in the evening when you’re tired. You can be late to work and still crush your presentation. It’s important to understand that whatever you think your failings are, you are still a worthwhile and wonderful person.
It’s okay to feel like you’re not living up to your full potential but when you dwell on everything you do wrong and everything that’s not going right, you're reducing who you are to only your perceived negative attributes. I bet you have a lot more good qualities than you realize.
So how do you start to see the good in yourself?
Three ways to up your self-love game
1. Keep a success journal
Record all of your wins—not just work wins but anything that made you feel successful. No matter how small, you can find appreciation for what you do. You can also record little shout-outs to your best qualities. Did you make someone laugh today? Write down that you're funny. Did you help someone in need? Write about your kind and generous nature. This isn’t a hard practice and it doesn’t take time but start making a note mentally or in your journal about how great you are. Then, one day, when you’re feeling crummy about yourself, go back and read what you wrote. All of those positive things are true about you, even if you don’t feel them all the time.
2. Help someone else
If you focus on giving to other people, you can’t help but feel better about yourself. Volunteering with organizations that support a cause you believe in will help you believe in yourself. You’ll discover a well of compassion that you never knew you had. You’ll develop interpersonal skills, empathy, and ways to be more connected to your community. Volunteering is a wonderful way to learn more about yourself while benefiting others around you.
3. Compare yourself with others
Yes, you read that right. Who do you admire or respect? Look at the qualities of the people you admire and see if you have any similarities. Do you have some of the same qualities? Don’t shame yourself for not being just like them, but appreciate that you have similarities. Appreciate that the good you see in them, others see in you.
By having more self-acceptance, you unlock the potential to live a more fulfilling and authentic life. You will have both good days and challenging ones, and you can expect your self-love to fluctuate. However, if you honor your strengths, embrace your imperfections, and take pride in the wonderfully unique individual you are, you can have a life filled with joy, confidence, and inner peace. Remember that self-love is not a destination but a journey.
Ready to navigate any social situation with ease? Discover how to be charming on dates and confidently assertive in your career with the guide—Confidence in Every Conversation: 5 Essential Steps.
For more info about Lark Ericson, follow her on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit her website.
Lark Ericson, Confidence Coach, RN, CHT
Lark Ericson is on a mission to help shy and socially awkward people embrace their authentic selves and confidently navigate any social situation without fear of rejection or embarrassment. Lark understands that dating and networking can be daunting for those who aren't naturally outgoing or confident. Having once avoided socializing due to her own fear of rejection, Lark learned to embrace her "weirdness" and thrive in social settings, achieving success in both love and business. Now known for her confidence and ability to easily initiate conversations, Lark wants to teach others how to ignite their own socializing superpowers.
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