Written by: Clive Rooney, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Over the next few months, I will be delighted to share with you some common presenting mental health issues that typically befall us all by virtue of the fact our brains have been designed for us, not by us through evolution and how our earliest experiences have shaped our day to day struggles in relationships, work, life, and functioning. I will provide a typical case vignette that will depict how an amalgam of childhood experiences, early learning, internalization processes, and current unhealthy perceptual appraisals of normal psychological and neural brain mechanisms serve to perpetuate interpersonal, relational, and emotional distress. I will use a pseudonym to protect the confidentiality of the clients, the principal emphasis will be placed on the commonality of human experiences, normalizing the 'abnormal' and learning, to help us all understand, grow and develop self-compassion for ourselves and those that matter for us. So now let us begin with a short vignette and the CliveCare feedback and response. November Care time Problem: Peter is 45 years old and works as a mechanical engineer. he has two small daughters and a wife of 15 years. Peter has no history of mental health problems and was very encouraged to find out more about the particular worry that had been perturbing him for the last year. Peter's wife, Vicky, worked as a sales representative for a multinational company. As part of Vicky's work schedule, she gets to travel to various countries. On one such occasion, Vicky was on a work assignment in Saudi Arabia. Peter had described in sessions that he had spent a lot of time by himself when his children were in school during the day pursuing his own interests and recreational pursuits. In a session, Peter had informed me of a burgeoning, and to him, unsettling emotional feeling that he had been experiencing since Vicky had left. Peter had disclosed that he was having 'unusual' urges, and fantasies, both sexual and deviant impulses to 'hook up' with other women whom he had observed n the local bar which he had been frequenting a lot with Vicky for dinner and casual socializing. Peter had described himself as a stoical and religious man, a man who had good values and ethical principles which had led him to pursue interests and goals congruent with his value system in life. Peter had difficulties, and subsequent physical and emotional stress with reconciling what he coined ' abnormal, deviant desires' with his core value principle and ethics about being a good, faithful, and nurturing husband and caring devoted father. Peter would spend hours every day ruminating on why such 'blasphemous' desires and thoughts were occupying and residing in his mental real estate. Such rumination led to social withdrawal, resulting in avoidance of previously enjoyed activities and interaction with friends whom he felt 'bad ' about and 'unworthy' of being in their company as he perceives them as sharing the same value-based goals and principles as himself. " I don't like myself anymore". " Why am I like this", and " How could I betray Vicki like this" were typical chants from Peter as he having considerable difficulty not just in understanding himself and his thought processes but also in the concomitant resulting social emotions of embarrassment, shame, and despondency. Clivecare Feedback and Therapeutic Response 1. Normalizing the Abnormal: Peter was engaged in a common human tendency called Emotional Perfectionism outlined by Leahy (2015). This is a rigid self-representation of always being good, pure, and nice and striving for decency, morality, and thinking and acting in a 'proper' way. Unfortunately, striving for such a univalent ideal would be akin to expecting yourself to turn base metal into gold! Every one of us by virtue of the fact that we are part of the human race and exist has contradictory or ambivalent thoughts and feelings. Evolution has bestowed onto us a genetic code, a brain that contains millions of electo events passing through our neural pathways. Our minds have their own neural activity that is very noisy, chaotic, and imperfect. Due to this imperfection, our brains can shift us in a moment from nice, pleasant thoughts or images to distasteful, perturbing, and often bizarre thoughts or images that pass like an immediate electro current in the blink of an eye. This neural automatic process will also produce in all a panoply of momentary urges, desires, resentments, and impulses for retaliation, discomfort and disappointment that none of us are alive are so good that we will not experience even in close intimate relationships. In therapy, we replaced this misguided and unattainable Emotional Perfectionism with the more realistic and authentic emotional flexibility in mindfully tolerating these brief, moment-by-moment internal events without judgment or self-devaluation. If you are alive, this is the given, allow yourself to 'be' with them as part of you. 2. Owning your emotions In therapy, through Mindful Observation of these natural inner events as what Plato described as 'The Fluttering of the Soul" I assisted Peter in owing and using these temporary, passing givens of human nature and putting them into the perspective of his whole life and his valued based self-direction. Several value-based exercises where we focused more on what was really important, meaningful, and worthwhile allowed Peter to build a life that was big enough to take in these temporary human flutterings and choose to respond with greater flexibility with the notion that he cannot be defined by moments that come and go but by choosing to pursue a complete life that can expand on them with enough experiences based on his values in life. 3. Thought-Action Fusion Another human psychological process that Leahy (2015) describes is Thought-Action Fusion. This is a tendency for us to fuse our inner psychological events with our behavior and the fear that we will automatically act on these neural-driven events. One of Peter's fears was that he was going to 'inevitably' one of the days 'act' on his sexual impulses and have an extramarital encounter. Therapy focused on separating once again the phenomenon of thoughts of such infidelity which is beyond the scope of human control to choosing NOT to act on this thought given that we all can control our behavior and our actions. When such urges, images or thoughts come into Peter's mind we used metacognitive mindful detachment to see this normal phenomenon as passing pebbles that were skimmed along the lake until eventually dropping. This created a psychological mind space to gently focus his attention on receiving and welcoming other emotional experiences from rewarding activities. This process allowed Peter to function more effectively in parallel with this ' mental/neural noise' and use acceptance of the human condition as his motivation, and not to be caught up or entangled in his thoughts and urges. Once again Peter was guided to see himself as part of the human universe which is complex, contradictory, and capable of experiencing everything. 4. Value-added choice Therapy allowed Peter to see his urges and sexual fantasies of other women to enrich and improve his closeness and marital bond with Vicki. The process of differentiating and separating the urge/thought/impulse from choosing not to act on it underscored for Peter his value system of exercising self-control and self-discipline in the service of resisting the passing temporary neural induced moments that is part of living a healthy richer and complete life. When we consider morality and living according to your values in life, then we must consider that having the urge, impulse, fantasy, or sensation is NOT an immoral act, as what Peter was guided to consider, but that a conscious moral choice to not engage or act on the temptation represents the moral character, and it is this which all of us have a choice over. In Peter's case, these 'tests' can be welcomed, embraced, tolerated, and even appreciated instead of employing problematic experiential avoidance strategies that lead to greater suffering. When we accept the existence and ubiquity of such temptations, then we can willingly pursue in life what really matters to us. Spend some time this month to care for yourself. Feel free to visit my website for more info! Read more from Clive! Clive Rooney, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Clive Rooney is a leading mental health psychotherapist, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy practitioner, and owner of CliveCare. Clive's philosophy of positive mental health maintenance has been influenced by his time spent with courageous and inspiring people who overcame mental health suffering. From his earliest beginnings, he was driven by an insatiable desire to remove the obstacles that prevent sufferers from achieving inner contentment and peace in their minds and hearts. Currently working for the Health Service Executive In Rep of Ireland and owner of CliveCare Psychotherapy mental health services, Clive is a member of the IACP ( Irish Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy) ‒ Build a Compassionate Mind. Reference: Leahy, R, L. (2015) Emotional Schema Therapy. The Guilford Press.

The answer is simple, you will never, ever be able to keep everyone completely happy. Working with decision-makers of large corporations, the question, how can I keep my customers, my employees This article will explore the question, can we keep everyone happy over Christmas, in both a business There is no right or wrong As I said earlier, you cannot keep everyone happy. Once we realise this, it is easier to stop trying to keep everyone happy.

anxiety-free, you need to eat real, whole food, balanced meals (protein + veg + healthy carbs ) to keep A learned coping mechanism is an unconscious addiction to keeping your nervous system in a highly activated Your body, which is basically your unconscious mind, keeps all the secrets.

though Starlink is still losing money & other companies are getting billions of taxpayer $, we’ll just keep

Ellie Shefi is the very definition of tenacious. Ellie’s mission is to impact lives. Hello Ellie! Focus on keeping your thoughts, your actions, and your perspective positive! Read more from Ellie!

Following on from my previous cricket article, I wish to discuss how and why we need to keep club youth But what keeps the coaching relevant? Keeping up with the latest national team affairs and transferring that in a way that youth cricketers Keeping up to date with world cricket, new practices, ongoing education, and peer support maintains relevance

Organizations must provide people with the resources and support they need to thrive in order to keep It has become increasingly difficult to keep talented individuals during this competitive time for talent In order to keep their best talent, organizations must provide people with the resources and support

You measure your belly fat, and you haven’t lost any inches! Why can’t you lose any weight? In this article I will explain the 1 reason that you cannot lose belly fat and improve your health. If you are carrying a significant amount of belly fat right now, then the cause of your belly fat is So, for you to lose the belly fat, it requires you to get healthy on a cellular level first! To lose your belly fat for life, Insulin levels must lower.

Written by: Omu Obilor, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Authenticity is a term that is often used in business circles to describe a company's or individual's ability to remain true to its values and identity. In today's fast-paced and hyper-competitive business world, it can be challenging for entrepreneurs to maintain authenticity while trying to grow their businesses. However, embracing authenticity can be a powerful tool for entrepreneurs, helping them to build trust with customers and stakeholders, differentiate themselves from competitors, and build a strong brand identity. In this article, we'll explore the importance of authenticity for entrepreneurs and how it can benefit their businesses. Firstly, authenticity can help entrepreneurs build trust with customers and stakeholders. When a company or individual is authentic, it sends a message to its audience that it is trustworthy and reliable. Customers are more likely to do business with a company they feel they can trust, and authenticity can help entrepreneurs establish this trust. By being authentic and true to their values, entrepreneurs can show their customers that they are committed to delivering quality products or services and building long-lasting relationships. Secondly, authenticity can help entrepreneurs differentiate themselves from their competitors. In today's crowded marketplace, it can be challenging to stand out from the crowd. However, by embracing their unique identity and values, entrepreneurs can differentiate themselves and attract customers who share their beliefs. Authenticity allows entrepreneurs to showcase their unique strengths and values, which can help them to carve out a niche in the market and build a loyal customer base. Thirdly, authenticity can help entrepreneurs build a strong brand identity. When a company or individual is authentic, it creates a strong and consistent brand identity that resonates with its customers. By staying true to their values, entrepreneurs can create a brand identity that is recognisable and memorable, which can help them to build brand loyalty and attract new customers. Authenticity allows entrepreneurs to create a brand that is unique and genuine, which is essential for building a strong brand identity. So, how can entrepreneurs embrace authenticity in their business practices? They must identify their authentic selves and align their values with their business goals. This involves taking the time to reflect on their beliefs, passions, and strengths and using this information to shape their business practices. Entrepreneurs must be transparent with their customers and stakeholders. This means being open and honest about their values, products, and services and communicating these clearly to their audience. By being transparent, entrepreneurs can build trust with their customers and stakeholders and establish themselves as reliable and trustworthy business partners. Entrepreneurs can look to successful entrepreneurs who have embraced authenticity and learn from their experiences. For example, the outdoor clothing company Patagonia has built a successful brand by staying true to its environmental values and commitment to sustainability. By creating products that align with its values and using its platform to advocate for environmental issues, Patagonia has built a loyal following of customers who share its values. By studying companies like Patagonia, entrepreneurs can learn how to embrace authenticity and build a solid and successful business. Ultimately the advantages of being are authentic brand is Builds Trust Being authentic in business helps entrepreneurs build trust with their customers and stakeholders. When you are honest and true to your values, customers and stakeholders are more likely to trust you and your brand. Creates Brand Loyalty Authenticity can help entrepreneurs create brand loyalty. Customers who share your values and beliefs are more likely to become loyal to your brand and stick with you long-term. Differentiates You from Competitors By embracing your unique identity and values, you can differentiate yourself from your competitors. This can help you stand out in a crowded marketplace and attract customers who share your beliefs. Enhances Creativity When you are authentic in your business practices, you can explore your creativity and find new and innovative ways to approach your business. Authenticity can help entrepreneurs unlock their creativity and develop fresh ideas that set them apart from the competition. Increases Resilience Finally, authenticity can help entrepreneurs build resilience in the face of challenges and setbacks. When you are true to your values, you are more likely to stay committed to your goals and overcome possible obstacles. This can help entrepreneurs weather the ups and downs of business ownership and emerge stronger and more successful in the long run. In the ever-busy marketplace, you can identify an authentic brand by some of these. Stays True to their Values An authentic entrepreneur stays true to their values and beliefs, even in the face of challenges or setbacks. They don't compromise their values for short-term gains or to please others. Consistent in their Actions An authentic entrepreneur is consistent in their actions and behaviour. They don't pretend to be someone they are not, and their actions align with their values and beliefs. Transparent in their Communication Authentic entrepreneurs are transparent in their communication with their customers, stakeholders, and employees. They are honest and open about their values, goals, and business practices. Creates a Unique Brand Identity An authentic entrepreneur creates a unique brand identity that reflects their values and beliefs. They refrain from copying their competitors or trying to fit in with the crowd. Empathetic and Compassionate An authentic entrepreneur is empathetic and compassionate towards their customers, employees, and stakeholders. They care about the people they work with and strive to make a positive impact on their lives. What is it for you Authenticity? Visit Omu's website to learn more! Read more from Omu! Omu Obilor, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Omu is an International Coach, Speaker, Trainer, and Thought Leader. Her mantra is “Living my best life," this she achieves by living Intentionally. Her mission in life is to empower others to live their best life, curating the life they want for themselves. As a founding member of the John Maxwell Team, she has mastered intentional living in personal and professional life. She performs the role of Executive Director and National Trainer in Business Network International (BNI), which empowered her to master training networking. Omu has, over the years, poured out her all into the lives of her clients. Walking them through the various transitions in life and mentoring them through the transformation. She is driven by her passion for helping individuals realize that it is possible to live the life they dream of. Extremely passionate about Transformation in people, she works tirelessly to see this through. Her approach is designed to increase awareness and accountability to increase morale and determine values. She runs a mentor mind group for women looking to grow in their personal and professional lives. She also runs masterminds monthly, amongst others.

We keep our struggles to ourselves, thinking we need to be strong and handle everything alone. When we keep our pain hidden, it can feel even heavier. We need to change this.

Must-do No.3 Modulating energy and tone Varying your energy and tone is the secret to keeping your audience It allows you to connect with your audience on a deeper level, keeping them attentive and responsive Keen to learn more?

Written by: Mariann Sebestyen , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. You are not alone with this question when you ask yourself every time you have a bad relationship. I used to ask myself this question, and I am sure so many women and even men can resonate with this situation. What is wrong with me? Do you go into blaming yourself and feeling down? When the relationship is not working out, we often feel that we can’t find another one like that. You might feel that way at that moment. This is more complex than you think because the way we perceive the experience often doesn’t mean our interpretation or coding is right. So as the relationship ends, you are likely to feel hurt, rejected, abandoned, and worthless and just want to get ice cream or sugary food to make you feel better or reach for that bottle of alcohol. It can probably numb the pain short term, but it is not a solution for attracting good and loving relationships. The problem is that we internalize the experience and conclude that I am not lovable, no one loves me, or I don’t deserve a good relationship, and I will never try again. It Starts with Your Childhood Your Childhood has so much to do with bad relationships, especially if you grew up in a dysfunctional family or experienced any form of abuse. Then you are much more likely to attract that into your adulthood. When it is about attachment that you experienced in your childhood between the caregiver-child relationship (mother-child, father-child), it becomes the prototype of your future relationships. An internal working model of attachment is a mental representation formed through a child's early experiences with their primary caregiver. This mental representation can influence how the child interacts and builds relationships with others as they grow. So if this was not secure based, rather it was insecure, then you attract people who feed those feelings in you in the future as well. So, you attract people who make you feel bad about yourself, but often that is their projection. Remember, we do not have to internalize other people’s projections. We have to become more self-aware to change and recognize the red flags next time. Often this can become like a vicious cycle that you feel that you can never break free from. But I can assure you that you can, and it is possible to change that. Red Flags The red flags can tell the feature of your partner, which might be identical to your caregiver, who had the same feature when you grew up. The negative feelings can be familiar and link to your experience with your caregivers. This pattern can be unconscious, maybe until this moment when you recognize the signs and when you do, then you know it will not give you a pleasurable experience. You might attract someone: Who is emotionally unavailable , is not comfortable with their feeling or sharing their emotions, or is emotionally immature and just dislikes to think ahead or plan with you. Perhaps those who have narcissistic personality features who lack empathy, have a fragile self-esteem, use gaslighting or making you a scapegoat, put you down, so they can feel better and make it all about themselves. You can also attract people where the relationship is one-sided, so you only put the effort into the relationship. Please note this is very common with people who were not loved in childhood and adulthood they feel they have to work for love and do everything to be loved. An unloved child will become an adult who will do anything just to seek love and attention. The person is not into you, so just take advantage of you and literally take what they need. Abuse is not normal ! No one deserves to be abused that is not a sign of love, so please do not believe when someone loves you, it is painful. No, love is not painful! It is a myth that goes around and tells people a lie. It is a lie that comes from generations where people believe that they can change a person. Staying in abusive relationship damage and destroy you inside , isolate you from other people and possible help that could be there for you. So, when you grow up in a dysfunctional family, you only learn that pattern , and you know exactly how to attract a dysfunctional relationship and perhaps a person who had a similar experience. As mentioned above, like attract like. You have not learned in childhood how to attract a loving relationship , but you can change that in adulthood. Oh, yeah, “You have the power,” dear reader. It Continues with You You are not going into a relationship and expecting the other person to fix anything about you or you fix them. That is a huge responsibility, but also, what happens if they make you feel bad. That is the reason why it is so important to heal your inner wounds and pain points; work on yourself because you can attract a healthier and happier relationship. What you can do to attract a loving relationship. Firstly, self-awareness becomes the key in this process. You can make the difference between what is good and what is not good in the relationship. What was familiar from your childhood is not serving you anymore. The bad pattern, the bad schema, and behaviour were more familiar to you because you grew up in that and could be normalized easily. However, as you can see now, that does not mean it makes you happy or it is good for you or your future. Instead, you can have a different ending because you now recognize that these old patterns of behaviour are not working for you in the present. Rewrite limiting beliefs: The best what you can give yourself is to rewrite your limiting beliefs and implement more positive ones about yourself and your relationships. Past bad experiences happened because of that mindset, environment energy, beliefs, and learned behaviour. But now you can choose to change that. If you want a beautiful relationship, then you need a new mindset, environment, beliefs, energy, and behaviour. Heal the child and adult self: Relationship wounds, childhood wounds, the self which can be on child and adult self-level. Having a positive relationship with yourself and your past can open up new possibilities and doors for you now. Self-Love : Learn to love yourself unconditionally. When you fall in love with yourself, so others can fall in love with you as well. Accept and love who you are. Healthy Self-esteem and self-confidence : See your inner worth, and raise your self-esteem by setting healthy boundaries. You are a magnificent being. What you look for in the relationship or person : Values, emotion, communication, intimacy, openness, honesty, appreciation, love, kindness, understanding, respect, and consent. You know exactly what relationship you want and be specific about it. Everything is possible! Give yourself time : You don’t have to make decisions overnight. Spend time with yourself before you decide to spend time with someone else. Give yourself time to get to know the other person gradually. Know yourself : It is much better to know yourself and discover who you are. See what you are good at and what is your interest, skills, values, and talent. So, you come to see yourself as valuable for the right person and relationship. Let’s change it together! If you would like to have a chat or share anything with me about yourself. I am happy to listen and help you to achieve your goals. You can read my regular post on my social media platforms. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Mariann! Mariann Sebestyen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Mariann Sebestyen is an expert in inner child wound healing, breaking free from unhealthy patterns and restoring a healthier self-concept. Adversity in early life left her with developmental challenges, childhood wounds, unmet needs, and the feeling of powerlessness and helplessness. Mariann generated strategies to extraordinarily change her relationship with herself, step into her power and create a positive self-image to become. She has since dedicated her life to helping others unleash their power, letting their true selves shine, and confidently move towards a new life. She is the founder of Inner Child Wound Healing and the Childhood Trauma Healing Journey program. Her mission: Self Restoration.