Written by: Anne Hellgren, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Using self-awareness and the Law of Attraction, this article will provide you with great relationship advice on how to manifest a better relationship whether you are in a relationship, or single and looking for your ideal partner. As a Relationship Coach, I’m often asked “How do I attract the right kind of a person into my life?” or “How can I make my relationship better with my partner?” I have found that these two questions have one fundamental thing in common the need to know who they are authentically at their core and understand what their needs are. Without knowing who you truly are, and what truly makes you happy, you cannot really expect to know what you need in a relationship or in an ideal partner. Let’s first look at what we mean by self-awareness. According to PositivePsychology.com, “self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection.” This means our ability to know who we truly are, our good, bad, and everything in-between. We can do this by taking the time to honestly and objectively examine our wants, needs, values, and beliefs. I think this should be done while considering a couple of influencing factors. For one, we are all preconditioned by our upbringing, society, culture, and religious or spiritual beliefs, amongst many other factors. This is true for everyone to some degree, no matter who you are and where on the planet you live. There are many benefits to having self-awareness, in and out of our intimate and non-intimate relationships. For example, it can make us better communicators- not just with others but with what we say to ourselves too. It can increase our confidence, self-control, self-esteem, empathy, and decision-making process. These are all great benefits to having self-awareness, so the question is, how can you use self-awareness to attract your ideal partner? How can you improve your current relationship so you have a happier and more loving relationship? Have you experienced or are currently experiencing some of the below thoughts or feelings? I can’t find the kind of partner that I want. Things always go wrong in my relationships. I’m not 100% sure what I want/need in a partner or relationship. I’m feeling lost and tired in my relationship. I’m sick of dating the wrong people or having dysfunctional relationships. Here are 3 key points that will help you on your journey to a more loving, fulfilling, passionate, and desired relationship! 1. Understanding who you authentically are and determining the feeling you are after. Too often we get into relationships before we even truly understand who WE are. If asked, how many of us truly know who we are when stripped of the unwanted programming of culture, society, upbringing, etc as mentioned above? How much of you is authentically you, as opposed to who you are expected to be, or are told you should be and behave? Only when we do this work and strip all these norms placed on us by others, do we really show up as who we really are. I believe that part of gaining self-awareness also means being able to identify what feelings you want to experience within yourself and in the relationship itself. Take the time to determine what those feelings are for you. This is powerful and can really give you self-clarity which will shift how you show up in all areas of your life! Listen to episode 2 of my podcast, The Love You Want- It starts with you, titled “Why You MUST Have Self-Clarity in Your Relationships!” 2. Understand the difference between your Wants vs Needs. During coaching, I will always ask my clients “What do you want in your relationship?” Typically the client will make a list of what they think they want. I then ask, what do they NEED? And the confusion on their face is apparent, as they seem to be the one and the same thing. I explain that what we WANT is a long list - no judgment. But what we NEED is usually different though it can be formed from our want list. Our needs are things we must have in the relationship to be happy and fulfilled. These are qualities, values, attributes, behaviors, etc that form what we consider essential in a relationship. These are things that we should not negotiate on. Without our needs being met- we are headed for frustration, resentment, and ultimately separation. Our wants on the other hand are things that would be desirable but if lacking, would not have a fundamental impact on the survival or happiness of the relationship. These we can and often should negotiate on, or at least be flexible on. So for example, if religious faith is not very important to you, but is for your partner, then you might allow your partner to raise your children in their faith. However, if your religion forms a core of who you are and how you want to raise your children, you may want to clearly communicate this as one of your needs. And preferably as soon as possible, not 5 years into the relationship with a pregnancy bump… If you would like some help around understanding who you truly are and getting clarity around your wants vs needs, please schedule a time to speak with me here. 3. Create your best future self One of the most famous proponents of the Law of Attraction was Abraham Hicks. She explains that every thought you have, positive or negative, creates a vibration that attracts things into your life. In the same manner that we wish to attract better jobs, more money, better health, success, etc we can also use it to attract the kind of relationships we desire. However, the Law of Attraction also states that we attract what we vibrate. So to attract happy and loving relationships, we must first work on being in a place where we can radiate happiness, love, and everything else we wish to attract. Sound like a lot? It may seem difficult but being able to get clear on what your best future self looks like, then working on yourself to attain those traits and values is a good start. This will help you get clarity on who you need to be to attract what you desire in return! Remember, the universe gives you what you focus on and what you believe about yourself, not necessarily what you ask for. If you or anyone you know has struggled in finding your ideal partner or is struggling in your current one, please reach out to me at anne@annehellgren.com or find out more about my coaching services on my website. If you are unsure of whether Relationship Coaching is right for you, please feel free to listen to this episode of The Love You Want Podcast on Why Seeking Professional Help When You Need It Is A Must! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Anne! Anne Hellgren, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Anne is the Founder of Anne Hellgren Coaching, a Relationship Expert, Certified Coach, Board Member & Podcast Host. She helps people live fulfilled, successful, and joyful lives through their relationship with themselves- and others. Her expertise has helped her clients to gain the Confidence, Clarity, Communication, Connections, and Mindset that have changed their relationships and many other areas of their lives. Her Podcast 'The Love You Want- It starts with you', has a global audience and is ranked as one of the most shared podcasts globally by Spotify. Anne works with her clients on a deep level because she has experienced most of what she helps others through. Her own life experiences of past bad, abusive, and toxic relationships, as well as a contentious divorce, provide a level of understanding and empathy that is much valued by those she helps. She has combined her life experiences with her qualifications, that is, an MSc in Occupational & Organisational Psychology, a BSc in Counselling Psychology, NLP, and Time-Line Therapy practices, amongst other qualifications, to create very impactful and empowering coaching programs. Being able to create bespoke programs for her client's exact needs is one of her many areas of expertise.

Written by: Maxine K. Brown, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. It’s the beginning of the year, and who has joined the gym to get back in shape for the year ahead? You want to ensure that your body works to its best possible ability. You feel better when your muscles are working correctly, and you feel invigorated and able to tackle whatever happens going forward. Then why don't you use a coach for your mind? Because at the end of the day, your brain is a muscle too. You don't think twice about going to the gym and asking a coach to give you support; they tell you how to use the machines that will benefit you and make a difference in how your body feels. They will provide exercises to ensure your muscles are working correctly within your body. That muscle in your head, which is your brain, which encases your mind needs support too. So, the ideal person for you to find is a life coach. These people will support you in finding the best way to enhance your life and see the future more clearly. The majority of the time, it's YOU who will find the solution. The coach will support you while you chat about what concerns you. They will empathise and listen to you but will not give you the answers you want, which is what friends and family tend to do. But the right coach will keep asking you sometimes tough questions until you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel more settled about your life and how you will tackle things in the future. Now and again, we all get a blockage or a life challenge that we need support with. You should never feel that it is weak or wrong to ask for support, as REMEMBER YOU ASK FOR SUPPORT FROM THE COACH AT THE GYM. Doesn't this NOW all make sense? One of the essential things to do, though, as you would at the gym, is to have a taster session. You want to ensure that you have chemistry with the life coach and feel comfortable chatting with them. If this doesn’t happen, you will most likely not get the results you need. Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Maxine! Maxine K. Brown, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Maxine has for many years been completing different coaching and counselling courses to enable her to help people that are going through challenging times. She specialises in grief and bereavement support. She started MKB Life Coach to give affordable support to others. She has personally been through loss, a marriage breakup, and complicated times throughout her life, so she can relate to you even though no person’s situation is the same. She aims to assist people in enabling them to continue with their lives and feel happy and content when they have struggled through life-changing periods of their lives. Her values are to be supportive, empathetic, and affordable always, and she wants everyone to feel safe when they are either in a one to one or group session with her. Recently she has published a self-help book, “31 Days Life Changing Journal”, which is aimed at helping people change their mindset and start to become positive after going through a traumatic time. Maxine believes it is essential that you feel at ease with her when you are working together, so with this in mind, she offers everyone a free hour meeting.

Written by: Marc de Bruin, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. As a counsellor and coach, I mainly speak about ways to improve our lives and find more effective ways of dealing with our mental health issues. Today, I thought I’d try a different counselling tack, and provide you with 10 sure-fire ways to feel and keep feeling absolutely miserable for the majority of your life. This article will be split into two parts. This is part 1: the First Five. “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” ‒ John Stuart Mill Why do I want to write about this? Well, because many counselling clients and other people regularly seem to keep arguing for their limitations, trying to convince me that ‘nothing’ is going to change (even though they came to counselling for change). These arguments often take the form of ‘yes-buts’; ‘it doesn’t works’; ‘I’ve tried thats’; or ‘you don’t understand’. I actually DO understand (I’ve been in plenty of similar mindsets and circumstances myself, over time), yet also know that life CAN change for the better; and often does. Nevertheless, to validate Debbie Downers and Donnie Dooms (counsellors need to validate their clients’ concerns), I have decided to provide you with ten ways to ensure you will not feel much better, and will most likely feel worse over time. I have plenty more than ten tips available, and will probably look at those in other articles. Check the below (and part 2) out and see if they work for you. Unless you want to live a more meaningful and effective life, and stop arguing for your case. Then please stop reading here, and leave part 2 alone. If you’re looking to maintain your negative mood and feeling, here are the First Five Ways to do so. Don’t take responsibility for your actions or events in life This is one of the best tips I can give you. If you are serious about consistently feeling miserable, then disavow your words and actions, and blame others or other events. Deny any responsibility for your emotions and behaviours ‒ it wasn’t you who caused you to be angry; it was other people and put the cause of what happened in the hands of other people or circumstances. It was the economy; it was your parents; it was the alcohol; it’s because s/he said something; it’s because I got treated badly; someone else started it; reasoning like that. Keep pointing fingers elsewhere. All very good ways to offload personal responsibility, and to also keep your happiness and well-being dependent on other people’s behaviour and uncontrollable life events ‒ which generally means very little happiness will come your way. Compare all you are, do and have achieved to everything and everyone. There will always be someone who is (or has) more than you, or has (or is) less than you. The best way to apply this tip to feel bad, is to first compare UP. Comparing yourself with people who have achieved more, are in better circumstances, or seem to be what you desire to be will no doubt make you feel discontentment, jealousy and envy. Even better though, it will make you feel shame: the sense of not ‘being’ enough. You’re not a good human. You have failed in some way, shape or form. At least life has failed you. Comparing DOWN works well, too (especially after comparing UP). Looking at how other people are worse off, and how your life is actually immeasurably better, will guaranteed ‒ bring on feelings of guilt, shame and entitlement, along the lines of “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”, or “I shouldn’t be complaining”. Be careful with this one, though, as it could bring on feelings of gratitude and appreciation as well, which might offset your gains in feeling shame and guilt. Listen, and I mean REALLY listen, to your inner critical voice, and to the advice and comments of other people, especially pessimists. If you want to lose all your optimism quick-smart, try and see the world the way pessimists do. Follow their advice and tips to prepare yourself for short-term or long-term danger, and to make arrangements to deal with the trouble that is surely lying ahead. Also link in with their complaints and gossip, and their ideas about how things “used to be better”. Allow them to drain you of valuable life force energy by looking at things negatively. Also, best used in combination with the former, abide by the rules set by your inner critical voice. Don’t ever go against its instructions, even though these are mostly contradictory (it will often tell you to do something, and then scold you for having done so or not good enough). Contradiction is the whole point, as you want to feel as conflicted and powerless as you can by your inner voice’s advice. You’ll feel totally miserable within no time. Try and please everyone. And rely on validation from others to feel good. This one works well, too. Trying to please everyone will undoubtedly lead you to situations where you will have to disappoint one to please another (e.g., saying yes to 2 social engagements with close friends ‒same day, similar time and then having to cancel one of them). It will also allow you to feel quite stressed and overwhelmed at work, (e.g., by saying “yes” to any task or request that is heaped upon you). Ultimately, you will have to cut corners or leave things unfinished, which will bring up guilt, self-criticism, disappointment (from you and your superiors), and potentially ramifications for your career. Combine this with being more sensitive to approval from others for your sense of self-worth (rather than sensing your own inner worth), and you will be sure to feel stressed and miserable in most aspects of life. Spend all your time in the past and the future. The best way to become and stay – depressed and disillusioned with life is to pile loads of regret and resentment onto circumstances and events that did not happen but should have happened (and v.v.!!). Look back with regret, resentment and shame for your own life so far, and towards the people who played a role in it. Keep living in the past to pass judgement on your present life. This way, today’s life will look very undesirable, as in: “it should have been so much better”. You can then cast a line out into the future, forecasting that “things cannot improve anymore” because of past events. You also want to hold on to unrealistic expectations and impossible desires around the future. That way, you can produce anxiety about what will happen, now that your past has screwed things up for your future, and things won’t get better. Keep comparing the two (past and future), and by all means: do NOT live in the present moment or in body awareness. Keep the “temporal jumps” happening in your narrative, and stay in your head. So, there you have it. The First Five. Give these First Five ways to live a miserable life a good go, and please ask if you need any counselling assistance with this. I can speak from experience for all of them, and they work! Guaranteed. You know where to find me. If you’re interested in more ‒ maybe because these ones didn’t do the trick, and you actually felt better, go to Part Two of this article to find Five More Tips to feel miserable. You should be successful after that. Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Marc! Marc de Bruin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Marc is a Registered International Counsellor, Supervisor and Educator "with a twist". If you're looking for a run-of-the-mill mental health professional, feel free to contact one of his very capable colleagues. Marc looks at life through a different lens, with a transpersonal, even "spiritual" filter. Expect to discuss your life from a bigger perspective, while still being very practical (Marc is an ex-litigation lawyer, too, so very solution-focused); and expect to work from the inside out: YOU will change before your circumstances will. In order for things to change, you'll be the one to change some things. If that sounds like something you are up for, Marc is ready for you.

Written by: Kristen Lessig Schenerlein, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Everything in moderation, including moderation. When it comes to positive and negative emotions, it seems that spending too much time in either, we lack the full spectrum of emotions. It is often said that being angry at another person can do more harm than good, to you (the angry person) than to the person you are angry with. Conversely, if we have experienced the positive emotions of a colleague at work that never seems to have a bad day and always joins meetings bubbling with positive energy or emotions, we may be inclined to assume that they lack a realistic grasp on life. So then how do we process our emotions in such a way that we can use them to navigate the path forward without falling prey to the extremes of either negative or positive emotions? If moderation is about striking a balance between two things, then balancing positive and negative emotions is essential for living the “good life”. In Buddhism, a principal teaching in the belief system is of the Middle Way, which is the path between two extremes. Applying this principle to the idea of moderation (as it relates to our emotions), one is looking for the path that transcends the negative and positive emotions. Positive emotions are based on love, and they are expansive in their ability to open us up to others, to experiences, and to knowledge of the world around us. Negative emotions have a purpose too. They are a source of grounding, realism, and often protect us (Frederickson, 2009). Both forms of emotions are relative, at their basic level and beyond feelings, they also have important functions. Negative emotions serve as an alert to danger, narrowing options to move to action. Positive emotions signal safety, which then allows us to look to expand on them (Peterson, 2006). Appreciating the full spectrum of emotions is essential. Ancient teachings have postulated: emotions are good servants but not good masters. Our ability to master emotions aids in finding the middle path through the peaks and valleys so that well-being can flourish. Frederickson references insight from a Buddhist nun on another important principle in that when a student is ready, the teacher will appear. Applying this to navigating both negative and positive emotions to find the middle way, we treat each wave of emotion as a teacher. The emotion itself is signaling an important lesson. Experiences of negative emotions allow us to get curious as to what triggered it or to explore the thoughts coupled with it. Maybe even investigate how those thoughts compare to reality, searching for more details that dispute the draining cycle of negative thoughts. These steps initiate a pause, shifting you to master your mind, allowing you to dispute the negative thought that may only breed extreme negative emotions. Negative emotions such as fears of the unknown that quickly spiral or involve rumination, closing us off from experiencing “the good life” (Frederickson, 2009). Love opens us up. Positive emotions signal an openness to life, to experiences, and to growth. Frederickson eloquently uses the image of a water lily to demonstrate how we bloom and retract between our experiences of positive and negative emotions. A plant grows by turning towards the light. Positive attracts positive. This requires control over our thoughts and instead of waiting for things to happen “to us” to take the reins. One must THINK as well as DO things that breed positive emotions. Simply asking ourselves reflective questions about what is going well right now for us at work or home. Maybe beginning each day identifying what three things you are most grateful for in your life. Both prompts are grounded, allowing us to experience balanced positive emotions. From there we can embrace a positivity that can broaden us and shift us into more possibility thinking, connection with others, and expanded awareness. This type of positivity is not mere wishful thinking. It has the potential to be a new lens for how we see the world (Frederickson, 2009). The goal essentially is to pursue a healthy mix of balanced positive and negative emotions on our quest for living the “good life”. Generating positive emotions each day allows us to deposit coins in a theoretical piggy bank. As these coins (positive emotions) add up, we build our potential to flourish. If we allow ourselves to be dragged down by the negative events in our lives, we are in essence, draining that piggy bank and less likely to experience well-being essential for the “good life” (Frederickson, 2009). A healthy mix gives perspective and ensures we transcend any extremes that may flare up as a result of circumstances beyond our control. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kristen! Kristen Lessig Schenerlein, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Kristen Lessig-Schenerlein, a social entrepreneur, mental fitness coach and yoga instructor, is an expert in nonprofit leadership, forever passionate about the fields of neuroscience, positive psychology, and performance science. After nearly two decades of being driven by a mission, almost to complete burnout and after having experienced the real life effects of working within a toxic environment, Kristen began down a new path in service to others facing similar challenges. She integrated her own personal yoga practice and energy medicine into a science-based coaching practice. She became a trained yoga instructor guiding her clients “on the mat” and also an ICF Certified Professional Coach and a Certified Positive Intelligence Coach to support her clients “off the mat” with mental fitness training and coaching. Kristen has dedicated her entire career to transforming the lives of others and sees herself now as a guide to those willing to do the innerwork necessary to link their power with their passions, so that they can live a life more in alignment with their values, while showing up authentically in aspects of their lives. Kristen is the founder of Koi Coaching and Consulting, serving clients around the world, thanks in part to being part of the coaching team of BetterUp as well, whose mission is to make coaching accessible to all, unlocking greater potential, purpose, and passion. Born in a small coastal town in Connecticut, Kristen also spent a good part of her career in Richmond, Virginia, where she founded her nonprofit organization before moving back to the coast where she now resides in Southwest Florida with her husband and a blended family of four beautiful children.

Written by: Rita May , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Weight loss goals. Let´s talk about your weight loss goals, since losing weight and setting goals are what many people aim to do in January. You’ve probably heard that you should set a specific and measurable goal so when you decide to lose weight: you choose a certain weight reached by a specific time as a goal. But you aren’t totally in control of that goal. Even if you are doing “all the right things”, there are so many complex processes going on in your body that you might not be able to reach that (random) number. This can be frustrating, especially if you don’t see the results you want. You may feel like the numbers aren’t reflecting the effort you have put in, or you can´t reach the goal at the arbitrary date you chose. So you get impatient and start to eat even less and/or work out more. With this approach, we usually get the opposite results since overexercising and undereating almost always result in overeating or binging in the long term. What if you focused on things you could control instead of tying your success to some arbitrary number and date? Habit goals It's far more effective and empowering to set a goal around habits than chasing an arbitrary number. By doing so, you're setting yourself up for lasting change instead of yo-yoing between restricting and binging or giving up entirely. If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you'll constantly feel like you are not “good enough” until you reach that goal. This can be really discouraging and might make you give up because it's easier than continuing to be disappointed all the time. If you actually reach your weight goal, you feel great for a while but then realize that the only thing that was giving you purpose was the goal itself. Now what? You might also feel depleted or you want to reward yourself with something delicious and you end up going back to your old behaviours. With habits, you succeed and feel good every single time you do the chosen habit. You ‘succeed’ because you do exactly what you planned to do. When you reach the weight you are happy with, you won´t stop doing your habits, because you either enjoy doing them or they became automatic behaviours (or both). You probably adjust your habits a bit but you won´t stop doing them and won´t go back to your old, unhealthy habits. The 3 layers of behaviour change James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits, that there are three layers of behaviour change. Outcomes are the outer layer, Processes are the inner layer, and Identity is at the core. Most goals people set are related to an outcome (e.g., lose 5 kilos/10 pounds in 1 month). Most habits people establish are related to a process (e.g., going to the gym regularly). But if you start with your identity, the core of behaviour change, it will reflect on your habits and your outcomes much more effectively. Your habits define who you are “Ultimately, your habits matter because they help you become the type of person you wish to be. They are the channel through which you develop your deepest beliefs about yourself. The process of building habits is actually the process of becoming yourself .” ‒ James Clear Your current behaviours are a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is governed by your beliefs and thoughts about yourself (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your behaviour for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself. Your self-image Your self-image is how you identify yourself, how you see yourself, and your thoughts about yourself. "You can never outperform your own self-image" ‒ Maxwell Maltz If you identify yourself as someone with weight problems, you will have weight problems. You cannot extend outside the barriers of your self-image because you self-sabotage yourself to get back into the "box" you created for yourself. Your self-image is like a thermostat. It keeps you in the range you can identify yourself with. Your self-image really affects every part of your life. It shapes how you think about and see yourself, which then impacts how you interact with others and how they treat you. It also affects the food you eat, how often you exercise, the work you do, the people you spend time with, and so on. Because of that, a behaviour change that doesn't line up with your self-image will never really stick. The more closely associated a thought or action is with your sense of self, the harder it is to change it. Here's a two-step process that can help: Decide what type of person you want to be. Create evidence to prove to yourself that you are that type of person with small wins. For example, each time you eat healthy food, you prove to yourself: "I'm a healthy eater." Every time you go for a jog, you remind yourself: "I'm a runner", when you practice mindfulness, you show that you’re a ‘mindful person’, and so on. Join Our Healthy Lifestyles Program If you are tired of quick fixes and are ready to create long-term success, join my Healthy Habits for Permanent Weight Loss course. This program is a combination of nutrition, habit building based on how our brain works, and psychology to understand how to change your behaviour, and how to update your beliefs and stories that are keeping you from losing weight. The Healthy Habits for Permanent Weight Loss program is easy to follow. It doesn't involve any difficult concepts or behaviours, like calorie counting or meal planning. You don't need to follow a specific fitness program. The program is available on a one-on-one basis or as a self-study course. You can learn more about it here . Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Linke dIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Rita! Rita May, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Rita May is a scientist turned Emotional Eating and Health Coach. She helps driven professionals and entrepreneurs who are successful in other areas of their life but struggle with their weight because of emotions and stress-eating. Her coaching method is based on three pillars: the science of nutrition, psychology, and a bit of spirituality. She doesn’t believe in the one-diet-fits-all approach. Instead of giving you a diet plan, she helps you choose a way of eating that you enjoy because that’s the one you will be able to sustain in the long term. However, nourishing your body is not enough. Our well-being is also affected by stress, relaxation, thoughts, emotions, beliefs, joy, self-awareness, our personal history, and so much more. Using her Mindfulness to Food Freedom method and How to stop eating your feelings workbook, she helps her clients eliminate emotional and stress-related overeating or binge eating. She designed her Healthy Habits for Permanent Weight Loss program to help busy professionals and entrepreneurs lose weight and improve their health with just a little time investment per week so they can focus on their work, business, and family.

Written by: Phillip Golding, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. In my previous article ‘Be the Master of Your Mind’, I focused on the two foundational principles of Self-Mastery (Laws of Consciousness) – 1. Self-Acceptance and 2. full Personal Responsibility – and what real Self-Mastery does and does not look like. With this article, I will focus on showing you how you can practically make a real positive difference to your life. In all of my previous articles for Brainz magazine, I have been showing you how to awaken your Awareness by placing Acceptance and Responsibility at the center of your approach to the way you care for and manage yourself and how you deal with the world around you. So let’s look at how these two Laws of Consciousness can be put to work to transform your mind. I will focus on a common problem that undermines and disempowers us and that is negative self-talk. Consequences of Negative Self-Talk Our perceptions about ourselves and the world around us are determined by the ways our minds think, and the meaning our minds place on all that we experience. The way our minds think is determined by the ways we have become conditioned throughout our formative years. The quality, or usefulness of our conditioning is determined by whether it has been predominantly based on unconditional love or fear and judgement. If our conditioning has been overly influenced by fear and judgement, we are likely to have developed the habit of judging ourselves and deeming ourselves unworthy if things don’t go our way. In other words, we have taken on habits of rejecting ourselves instead of accepting ourselves as we are. When we judge/reject ourselves, it makes it very difficult to turn mistakes and difficulties into opportunities to learn and grow. Instead, we tend to blame ourselves or others and remain stuck. We only see and create more problems, rather than seeing and becoming the solution. Becoming the Solution to Your Negative Self-Talk There is a secret that those who are resilient, who can bounce back and succeed in the face of difficulty know, whether consciously or unconsciously. The secret is that our lives are not determined by the world around us. Regardless of our circumstances and conditioning, our lives are determined by the ways we think about and react/respond to the world around us. If your self-worth/love is dependent on being accepted and approved of by those around you, or by things always going your way, than your peace of mind and stability will be at the mercy of the ever-changing conditions of your circumstances. If you are committed to accepting full responsibility to accept yourself, your fallible humanness, unconditionally and take responsibility for all that you think, say and do, and therefore feel, then you are going to want to learn more about how to care for and master yourself when life gets challenging. Every experience, whether positive or negative, is now turned to your advantage. You are no longer a victim of life, you are now a student of Life. Life is now happening for you, not to you. You are no longer an ego being controlled by a blindly conditioned mind. You are an awakened awareness, learning how to care for and master your own mind. You are learning how to be in the drivers seat of your mind, steering it toward your real potential and the life that you really want. Overcome Negative Self-Talk Exercise I will now lay out for you a practical exercise that will show you how to identify negative self-talk and turn it around so that you can have a positive and empowering relationship with yourself. This will, in turn, improve the ways you care for yourself, your decision making and the ways you form and conduct your relationships, whether personal or business. This exercise is adapted from my book ‘Five Steps to Freedom, Revised Edition’. Make good use of your journal while doing this exercise. Writing down your thoughts greatly increases the power and effectiveness of the process, because you are lifting your thoughts up out of the recesses of your mind and into the light of day of your awareness, where you can take control of your life. Once recorded, you can then delve deeper into what you have written to gain more perspective and insight. What this exercise is about is learning to be the wise, loving parent to your own vulnerable and confused human-self. If you persist, this exercise will enable you to experience love as something that you can access internally. You are always within the embrace of Universal Love and you access this love at any time through actively and responsibly caring for yourself ‒ by being a representative of this Universal Love to yourself. This is not an exercise to do just once. In order to gain positive control of your mind, it is essential to do this exercise on a daily basis, at least until your new positive and loving self-talk starts to feel normal and natural. Also, don’t expect to be very skilled at it at first. It is normal to not be used to looking within and being there for yourself, and being your own best friend. Read the exercise through first at least a few times before you start in order to gain a good feel for the process. 1. Today, right this moment, make a rock solid commitment to treat yourself and speak to yourself only with acceptance, loving kindness, compassion and forgiveness. This will also help to bring your self-rejecting thoughts more into focus. Post yourself reminders in as many ways you as can, so you can stay aware of your positive intention throughout your day, otherwise your old mindsets will just take over and cause you to forget. 2. Keep a little notebook with you always, that you can use to write down your self-rejecting thoughts, as you become aware of them (our mobile phones are now useful for this purpose). Don’t be surprised by how often you observe such self-destructive thoughts. 3. The more you lift your negative self-talk into your awareness, the more power you will have over it. The more familiar you become with it, the more you will be able to identify it in the moment and make a better choice. 4. Identify the negative self-talk, but do NOT identify with it. Recognise that if any thoughts coming from your mind are unkind/unloving towards you, then they are the product of past confusion. You are learning to no longer reinforce this insidious form of self-harm. 5. Also, understand that you are not doing this to become self-indulgent, but to become self-responsible, to become the wise, empowered and loving forever parent to yourself. 6. When you observe negative self-talk, write it down in that moment, or as soon as you can, before you forget. In that moment or later on that day or evening, make time to focus your awareness on the self-rejecting thoughts you have recorded. Feel into what these thoughts are doing to you. Write down what you discover, while remembering that you have a right to be human and that this process is a starting point to making a positive difference to your life. 7. As you contemplate your self-rejecting thoughts, imagine this human-self, that you are putting down, is you when you were a vulnerable child just wanting to be accepted and loved. Look back at how vulnerable and powerless you were as that child, knowing also that you have done the best you could with the awareness that you have had, from then, right up to now. 8. Always remember that you have a right to be human. You have a right to learn and grow. Self-acceptance must always be our foundation. Children, as well as adults, learn and grow to be happy and healthy in an environment of Unconditional Love. You are now taking control of the environment that your mind/your humanness/your inner-child lives in. You are setting things right. That is your power of Conscious-Awareness. 9. Examine the negative self-talk that you have identified so far and explore and write down positive self-accepting/caring/loving things to keep saying to yourself instead. Let your feelings guide you. 10. Pay attention to any resistance to being kind to yourself that may be coming from your old conditioning. Spend time exploring and writing about this to compassionately connect to the dilemma that you were in as a child, adolescent and young adult. Reflect on these memories with the awareness of how powerless you were then and how you could not avoid taking on negative conditioning. Know that this is your life and your mind and you now have the power to take charge. 11. As you become more skilled with this process, you will gain more of a feel for the right things to say to yourself. On a daily basis, use your new positive self-talk, that you explore and right down on a daily basis, to keep countering the negative. If you persist, your new positive self-talk will soon be triggered along with the negative, increasingly neutralising the negative. In time, the positive will overtake and replace the negative. This will be the result of your never-give-up persistence. 12. You will also notice that some recurring negative self-talk will give way easily, while other negative self-talk will be more persistent, held in place by deeper, more entrenched conditioning. Don’t be discouraged. Keep working with it for as long as it takes. This entrenched self-rejection may take to deeper layers of healing that you need to do for yourself. 13. If you experience others putting you down, feel into how that affected you. If it hurt you, or in other words, if you think their confusion had something to do with you, look closely at what you are thinking about yourself. Even if you made a mistake, you don’t deserve to be belittled or spoken to harshly. You have a right to be human. Let go of the other person and focus on how their harsh words have exposed doubts you have about yourself. This is about you caring for yourself and therefore taking charge of your own life. We give our power away by holding others responsible for our worth. If you do need to set boundaries to protect yourself from negative people, as a part of caring for yourself, this exercise will help you gain the necessary clarity and courage to do so. 14. Remember, you did the best you could in the past with the awareness that you had, right up to this moment. This also applies to your efforts now. Forgive yourself for your human mistakes and realise that you now have an opportunity to treat yourself differently and to work toward healing the wounds of the past. Forgiving yourself is an important step toward living this new way of life. 15. Be open to whatever emotions that are released during this process. Do your best to let them flow while breathing deeply and slowly, which will help you manage the emotions more effectively. Acknowledging your own pain works the same as when someone else important to you acknowledges your pain. This is not about indulging in self-pity or being a victim, it is taking your own mind into your heart, like embracing your own upset child. Staying with your vulnerable emotions, with your self-accepting and compassionate heart open to yourself, is very important for healing. It is about helping your inner-child/human-self feel that he/she is in the presence of your Love, simply by you being there. Let your emotions flow and trust that any emotional release will pass naturally and have a chance to heal in the process while you compassionately stay open to it. This is one of the great powers of awareness. Much of this pent-up emotion comes from your childhood. You were so small and powerless then. It is normal to feel that uncomfortable vulnerability again as the emotions are coming through your consciousness now. This can be challenging at first. Remember that you are an adult now with Conscious-Awareness. These challenging emotions are coming from memories where you were powerless, but you now have the power to be there for yourself in a way that you couldn’t as a child. 16. Don’t try to force or ‘fix’ your emotions, like there is something wrong with you. Go gently. Learning to be there consistently for yourself with acceptance and compassion is like giving yourself the love that you didn’t get when your memories/conditioning was being formed. This is what you needed then and what you need now. 17. You don’t have to be experiencing emotional release. There are no shoulds or shouldn’ts. It is more about learning to be there for yourself and acknowledging what you are feeling, validating that you have a right to be human. 18. To help you recognise what is for your highest good, consider viewing these new ways of talking to yourself and caring for yourself in the long term. Would it enhance your life in the short, medium and long term? How does it compare to the old negative self-talk? 19. Don’t be concerned about finding the perfect answers. It is all a journey of trial and error. Any step toward genuinely caring for yourself is going to improve your life. Be free and open to learn from each attempt to talk and act more lovingly toward yourself. 20. Write out on a card or in your pocket book or phone your new positive self-talk and refer to it regularly in order to keep your Conscious-Awareness ahead of the old destructive habits. Give yourself as many reminders as you can. Your awareness needs as much help as you can give it. 21. You can program your mobile phone to give you positive messages every couple of hours. Regular reminders are essential for reprogramming the old conditioning. Habits are formed through repetition. You are now removing the power from the old destructive thinking habits and putting that power into creating good thinking habits. 22. When you catch yourself again in a state of self-rejection, you increasingly have these new strategies that you are creating to fall back on. When you keep referring to these new positive intentions, you will increasingly gain more clarity of the consequences of self-rejection. You will also have more clarity around how to treat yourself with loving kindness in that moment. 23. Continue to put this exercise into practice on a daily basis. Try to see this as your new lifestyle and not some unrealistic quick fix. It is not about getting it right. It is about having a go and learning from each experience. Recognise that by making this your new lifestyle, you will naturally continue to heal and grow. 24. No matter how tough, persistent and multi-layered the old self-destructive mind-habits are, they will inevitably give way, so long as you patiently, gently, but with determination, persist, with a never-give-up attitude. Therefore, easy dose it, but keep doing it. There is no “are we there yet”. There is you, your mind, now and every day. Feed your mind positive energy every day, because it will grow on what you feed it. That is the power of your awareness. If you keep doing this, realising your increasing, self-created experience of happiness, fulfilment and empowerment is inevitable. Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Philip! Phillip Golding, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Phil has been on his own personal development journey since 1984. He overcame chronic depression and PTSD, which motivated him to continue to learn about emotional healing, psychology, and self-awareness. Phil’s qualifications and experience cover general psychology, existential/spiritual/transpersonal psychology and mindfulness and a post-graduate degree in psychology. With his personal and professional experience, Phil developed the powerful and effective mindfulness-based “Five Step Process,” which has been the foundation of his psychotherapy practice and mindfulness/self-awareness teaching. Phil is also an author and is in the process of completing the second edition of his book, “Five Steps to Freedom.”

Written by: Myles Morgan, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. The trance of constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling envious of their success is such a mental, emotional, and spiritual drain! It’s time to finally break free from this common trap. In this article, you'll learn why covetousness was dubbed a spiritual “sin” and discover 3 powerful reflection exercises to help you overcome covetousness and find more gratitude and abundance in your journey. We have all been there — scrolling social media, seeing people’s “best life” posts, and being lulled into this funk of anxiety, jealousy, and self-doubt. I call this “funk” the trance of comparison. Before you’re even aware of it, it’s eating away at your focus, energy, motivation, and inner peace. It’s uncanny how much a harmless scroll can ruin our mood. Worse, we don’t even need social media to fall into this trance. It can happen anywhere and at any time. In fact, despite being a trained therapist and coach, my own unconscious habit of comparing and coveting sabotaged nearly all of my goals and performance. Why can’t I have that? Here’s a quick story to illustrate the above point. One of my closest friends had founded company, built a team, and was growing her annual profits year over year. People admired and lauded her for her charisma, intelligence, and sharpness. Meanwhile, even though I was helping her grow, I felt like I was just scraping by trying to grow my own business. I knew I had something to give as well, and I wanted to be just as celebrated as she was. For the life of me, I couldn’t help but compare myself to her. This manifested most often as repeatedly asking myself a very painful and destructive question: Why can’t I be like that? Why can’t I have what she has? What am I missing? That simple desire — wanting what she had — represented covetousness, which is one of the sins listed in the “thou shalt not” Ten Commandments. For the most part in our current times, we just label this “sin” as comparison. I have long wondered why something like covetousness is considered a sin. And over time, I have come to understand some of the answer. Put most simply: covetousness causes harm to ourselves and others. It puts us in a trance of fear, scarcity, doubt, and bitterness. It makes us focus on and lament what we don’t have. One of the rules I have distilled for all “sins” is that they cause disconnection from love. Covetousness causes us to miss all of the love, abundance, and support that we have around us, all the blessings that we actually have. It prevents us from being content and enjoying where we are on our journeys. It robs us of the capacity for deep gratitude. It contributes to a destructive loop on an emotional, spiritual, and material level: To those who do NOT have, even what they have will be taken away. And in the worst-case scenario, for those with wicked hearts, it can lead to greed, theft, and murder. In understanding this, I realized that disrupting covetousness and moving into contentment was one of the most important skills and success conditions I needed to cultivate to enjoy the life I wanted. As a result, I now have a handful of reflections that help me break out of the trance of covetousness whenever I find myself comparing or coveting someone else’s life and/or results. Here they are: Reflection 1: What did they have to go through or give to get there? I noticed that when I’m coveting what someone has or where they are, I tend to be missing a part of the full picture. I’m only focused on their blessings and results, and I tend to be missing the hurt, pain, or sacrifice that they might have endured on their journeys. This could stretch back to some trauma that they endured in their childhood that served as the seed of their drive or excellence. It could be the fact that they wouldn’t be where they are without a series of very painful events such as getting fired from a job or losing someone or something that they loved dearly. It could be the fact that they had to be willing to go months without income so that they could focus on what really matters. Whatever it is, I have found that when I widen my perspective to consider things like this, it then leads to another question: Would I be willing to go through what they went through in order to get where they are? Oftentimes, the answer is no. This helps me begin to see my blessings and relative privilege in higher resolution. I begin to feel grateful that I haven’t had many of the same trials as they have had. Sometimes, something else happens. I realize that I actually haven’t been willing to put myself in the same types of (calculated) risky situations as them or I haven’t been willing to make the sacrifices or trade-offs that they have. This leads me to question why not? Sometimes the result of this inquiry is the realization that I need to be willing to give or let go of something that I have been unwilling to. The willingness to do then give what I have been unwilling to give or let go of what I have been unwilling to let go of can be a powerful catalyst for the next leg of my life journey. Reflection 2: What makes me different? I have another quick story. When I was first starting my journey toward becoming a coach, I had just earned my Masters and had quit my job in educational leadership to strike out on my own. This put me in a very tight spot financially. At the same time, I was dating someone who had just got hired into a new corporate position, with a signing bonus that he used to buy his mom a house. I couldn’t help but think: How can I be the one who’s the life coach but other people are much more financially well off than me? This line of thinking launched me into self-doubt and insecurity and robbed me of the confidence that I needed to take bold actions and grow. But what I was missing at that time was the ability to acknowledge and distinguish what made my path different from the people I was comparing myself to. The truth was that I was doing something far riskier—and potentially far more rewarding—than him. The truth is that my path required more education and a complex set of skills that allowed me to impact people’s lives on a deeper level, which meant a longer learning curve towards prosperity. The list of differences goes on. The point here is that when I was finally able to see what makes me, my path, and my journey different, then I was more able to accept the trade-offs inherent in the decisions I had made up until that point. And in doing so, I realized that I was comparing apples and oranges. This simply made it easier to stop comparing and return my focus to doing my best on my distinct journey. Reflection 3: What do I already have that I can be grateful for? This last reflection represents a principle that has become a core tenet of my effectiveness, progress, and success: start with what you already have. I have learned that when you start by focusing on what you already have instead of focusing on what you don’t have — especially when you can express and embody gratitude for it — it contributes to a positive reinforcing loop. Listing what you have helps you identify all the resources, both internal and external, that you have at your disposal to get what or where you want. Expressing and feeling gratitude stimulates the release of dopamine and serotonin, two happiness chemicals that support joy, motivation, pride, and confidence. Not only does all of this contribute to a way of being that is more resourceful, creative, resilient, and joyous. But it also helps you see and act on new and different perspectives and ideas to move in the direction that you want faster than you would have if you were still in a trance of comparison and covetousness. As a result, you begin experiencing small wins, which then represent more “things you have”. Can you see how this might create a virtuous cycle of gratitude and growth? Conclusion At the end of the day, these are three questions that I sit down and journal about when I’m feeling triggered by comparison, covetousness, and even scarcity and urgency. I know for certain that I’m not the only one who struggles with this. Given that comparison is often triggered by the simple daily act of scrolling social media, now more than ever we need tools to combat it so that we can maintain a sense of well-being as we walk on our own distinct paths toward creating the life, results, and impact that we want in the world. I hope helps you develop and refine your own mental habits for recognizing and breaking out of the trance of comparison and covetousness. Wishing you all the best! Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Myles! Myles Morgan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Myles Morgan is a trained therapist who chose a path of leadership and entrepreneurship rather than working in a clinical setting. Over the last seven years, he has co-founded and managed three education-based startups while slowly building his own life coaching practice. Now in his fifth year of practice, his signature coaching program, The Fulfillment Accelerator, specializes in helping founders, leaders, and creatives clear the deepest mental and emotional blocks that are preventing them from enjoying fulfillment as they actualize their dreams. As a writer, speaker, and teacher, much of the perspective he has to offer lives at the intersection between positive psychology, deep healing, and creative practice.

Written by: Maureen Chiana, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. The start of the new year is an excellent time for self-reflection, as it can help you set goals and plan for the year ahead. "Don't become too preoccupied with what is happening around you. Pay more attention to what is going on within you." ‒ Mary-Frances Winters How often do you self-reflect? Once a year? In January? When was the last time you really reflected on your career path — past, present and future? Have you thought of and planned out where you want to be this year? Have you identified your strengths, areas of development, and limiting beliefs that have held you stuck? Self-reflection is the act of thinking about and analysing your thoughts, actions, and behaviours. It is an essential tool for personal growth and development because it allows you to understand yourself better and identify areas that you can improve on. It is a way to become more self-aware and to make conscious choices about your life. Self-reflection for leaders Self-reflection is an essential skill for all leaders to develop, as it allows them to understand their own strengths and weaknesses and how they can improve and grow as leaders. It can also help leaders be more self-aware, leading to better decision-making, effective communication, and successful relationships with team members. In addition, self-reflection can help leaders to identify patterns in their behaviour and thought processes, which can help them to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Here are a few reasons why self-reflection is important for leaders: It helps you make better decisions. When you take the time to reflect on your thoughts and emotions, you can better understand your motivations and biases, which can help you make more informed and balanced decisions. It promotes personal growth. Self-reflection allows you to identify areas where you can improve and take action to make positive changes. It enhances your leadership skills. You can become a more effective and respected leader by regularly reflecting on your leadership style and effectiveness. It improves your relationships with others. When you take the time to reflect on your interactions with others, you can better understand their perspective and communicate more effectively. Overall, self-reflection is essential for any leader who wants to be effective and successful. A critical aspect of self-reflection is honesty. It is essential to be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings, even if they are difficult or uncomfortable. This can be challenging but essential for personal growth and development. Here are a few ideas for how you might begin the new year by engaging in self-reflection: Consider your successes from the previous year for a moment. What do you take pride in? What did you learn? Consider areas where you would like to make changes or improvements. What are your goals for the new year? How can you work towards achieving them? Reflect on your values and priorities. Are you living in alignment with what is most important to you? If not, how can you make changes to align your actions with your values? Keep a notebook where you can record your feelings and thoughts. This can be valuable for organising your ideas and emotions and monitoring your development over time. Seek feedback from others. Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your experiences and ask for their perspective on your growth and development. In conclusion, self-reflection is an essential tool for personal growth and development. It allows you to understand yourself better, identify areas for improvement, and make conscious choices about your life. By being honest with yourself and engaging in self-reflection consistently, you can make meaningful progress toward living a more fulfilling and meaningful life. I hope these recommendations prove helpful as you start your journey of introspection for the coming year. Follow me on LinkedIn, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Invest in your self-development with our Soar Higher eToolkit. Read more from Maureen! Maureen Chiana, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Maureen is the CEO and founder of The Mindsight Academy and host of Lead To Excel Podcast. She is a NeuroCoach, delivering Performance Enhancement Treatment [PET] by rewiring the brains of leaders to perform at their optimum. She is a High Performance Coach, Corporate Consultant, Neuro-Leadership and Emotional Intelligence Specialist, an Award Winning Speaker, that leverages on Neuroscience insights of how the brain works, to empower leaders, executives, female founders and business owners to perform optimally and transform how they lead, work and live. Maureen is passionate about helping people mitigate the biases that negatively affects them and their decisions, and her framework focuses on the Human Central Processing Unit – THE BRAIN, which helps leaders make better decisions ‒ especially under pressure ‒ thereby improving their overall or targeted performance.

Elena Manole is a time management and productivity coach, business owner and aspiring writer. She thrives on working with clients 1:1, giving workshops and leading her team. She is fired up by the idea of creating a job around a lifestyle that suits you, and not creating a lifestyle around your work. When she got her dream job in the tech industry, she realised that having lunch at her desk in front of the computer and spending her evenings and weekends in events promoting her company’s services wasn’t the way to go. The burnout that resulted from overworking in that “dream job” made Elena reflect on her life’s ambitions and on what is worth the hassle and the battle. She decided to keep striving and grow, but with a different goal/vision in mind. She worked hard on creating a vision that made sense for her and started working on it with the same passion that she showed to any project she embarked on. These days she wakes up with a desire to show up for her clients, she is not afraid anymore of Sunday evenings and has ownership of her time. Elena Manole, Productivity and Time Management Coach Elena, you are a business owner and time management and productivity coach. You help your clients build systems that work and help them gain clarity around their vision. How did you get to this point and what kind of audience do you target your business towards? Thanks for the question. It’s quite interesting to reflect on the beginnings of this project. Well, to start with, I had to learn the hard way that, living my life based on intentions and visions rather than on inertia, wasn’t anymore an option but a necessity. I have always been a bit more controversial in my thinking and followed a path that was different from my peers, but when I landed the dream job and I felt the misery that one feels only when they don’t live their true life, it dawned on me. I don’t have to live like this, nobody is forcing me. Having the fancy title and the salary wasn’t making me happy. There was something different I was aiming for. Today I thrive on working with clients who want to live with intention, who decide where their time is spent, with whom and on what projects. I usually work with small businesses (one or two people) but also homemakers, creators and therapists. We work on their finances, starting from account statements, to building a budget that feeds their vision and not the typical consumer attitude. It makes me really happy to work with clients who are in the process of learning how to delegate, how to say no to projects (and invites) that don’t align with their vision and how to prioritise their most important tasks. I help them build systems, which usually starts with checking their calendar, what goes there and what shouldn’t be there. We make sure that there are appointments they keep with themselves, whether resting or taking themselves to a fancy restaurant/cinema date. You’ll find my clients working in all types of industries. I work with makeup artists, film producers, music producers, property business owners, writers, painters, etc. The list goes on. It doesn’t matter what the industry is. What really matters is that they are looking to build a structure that helps them thrive and to go to the next level, as opposed to burn-out and exhaustion. You are famous for following the 7/7/7. What is this about? Sure. It’s a very simple concept. After having experienced burn-out in my previous career, I decided to be intentional with my time off. No matter where my business is, I take a whole day off every 7 days/week, a week off every 7 weeks and a month off every 7 months. It is hard to say no to client work when there is so much abundance, but I decided that my health and mental well-being were more important than anything else. I cannot give from a place of exhaustion. My clients thank me for taking some time out. I don't recommend anyone to follow the 7/7/7 plan. What I do recommend is that they are intentional with their holidays and that they take at least one or two holidays a year, which can also be a staycation for sure (my fav one). Nurturing relationships and taking care of ourselves is what need to go on the priority list these days. In my weeks off, I love spending extended time with friends, or exploring my own city (London). On the months off, I make a point to have a 10-day silent retreat to reconnect with what is important for me. This year I was blessed enough to spend those days in a beautiful ashram in India. It was a wonderful experience. You have a Master’s in accounting and an Undergrad in business administration. You worked with big corporations, small start ups and scales up, shifting from Italy to Spain and then to the UK. Why this journey and what are your current goals for your business? I was always curious about the world, hence the travelling. But early in my career I asked someone who had their own business what advice they would give to someone who was just starting their career. They suggested I’d get myself in the small start-up world and learn everything I need to learn about business and how to run one. Given that I have a master’s degree in accounting, managing the admin side of the business hasn’t been difficult for me (although I still need some mentoring and support around forecasting, etc.). With regards to my vision of the business and my current goals, I’d say that my most important goal for the year is to let people know I exist. And yes, I’m referring to marketing. I used to hate this topic back in uni but now I see how fundamental this is. Through my marketing efforts, I aim to reach as many people from my targeted audience as possible. Marketing, done well, helps those who need me, find me. And I know for myself that having mentorship and accountability worked really well in my life. I would not give up on my support network under any conditions. And I want the same for my clients. My clients are a treasure for me and a testimony that having the right support is needed when one decides to live a life with integrity and intention. What would you like to achieve for yourself and your business in the future? I usually talk in my blog posts and in my work with clients about the importance of having a vision and clarity for one’s life. From clarity a plan can be designed and a discipline can be built to follow that plan. When I don’t have a vision of where I want to be in a year’s time or 3/5 years, etc., etc. it is harder for me to build a map. And yes, I love being open to spontaneity and to life’s decisions for me. I just try to make sure I take responsibility for my own life. And don’t you worry that life will let you know if you are leading in the wrong direction. In my vision, I plan to publish my book in the next five years. I am on the first draft and I just submitted my book proposal with Hay House. I am in their membership community and I am learning so much. I am also a runner and planning to run as many races as I can together with my partner and friends. I love my spiritual life and I take 10 days off my schedule every 7 months and go on a silent retreat to meditate. I will do that in August next year with the SRF (Self Realization Fellowship). I want to continue nurturing my relationships and build strong connections. For my business I want to be more vocal, with my own gentleness and my own way of being in an industry that can be a bit harsh at times. I want to increase my client base by 70% and launch a course on time management on Skillshare. Attainable? For sure. Hard enough? I don’t know. It makes me happy. So I aim not to follow whatever standard comes from the outside, but to go within for that vision. Who inspires you to be the best that you can be? I have all types of mentors and inspirational people in my life. Through them I get inspired and get to work on my own life. One of my biggest inspirations is Mahatma Gandhi. What he achieved through a nonviolent approach is beyond my understanding. Reading his autobiography, I realised that he had challenges to work through that I didn’t have, but also challenges that I also had to overcome. He faced all types of experiences related to his culture, but also to his personality. Shy and desireful of knowledge, he started on a path of experimenting with the Truth. And so I did. He walked everywhere, kept track of his spending, studied spirituality and believed in something bigger. It is great to see how such a strong personality achieved such great changes in the world. One walk at the time, one pure intention at a time. I live by the motto “Be the change that you want to see in the world,” and I aim to stay away from topics that I have no control over. I focus on what needs to be done on a daily basis and surrender to a Higher Power the outcome. The uncontrollable is none of my business. It gives me great freedom. If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be and why? I would change the harshness of it. At times coaches appear to be too hard on their clients. Phrases like “You have to do it now”; “Do it”, “If not now then when?”. I prefer a much softer approach and I know that each of us gives ourselves a really hard time already and we don’t need someone else to do the same. Although I am not a therapist, I did a lot of work myself in the area and have a certificate in mindfulness counselling. I know that each of us responds in different ways to inputs. And although at times, tough love really works, a bit of compassion goes a very long way. Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that brought you to where you are today. Leaving my job in 2018. I was at the top of my career. I achieved the goals I wanted. I was happy with how things were going. I had a perspective on what I could achieve moving forward, but I knew deep down I wanted to do something of my own. The more I was staying in that job that was a safety blanket for me, the more I was feeling like dying inside. Something had to change. Since I left the job it hasn’t been an easy ride. I wanted to stay there as much as I wanted to leave and do my own thing. Change is scary, especially when it involves taking a leap of faith that implies an unstable income. Because being an entrepreneur is not simple. I did my due diligence and put money aside, so I wasn’t stretched by any measurement, and still it felt quite a bit. I left at a point where I was already burnt out. So instead of adventuring into opening my own business I had to rest. I had a long overdue rest, which turned out to be longer than I thought. For a year all I did was rest, meditate, take care of my health, eat well and meet up with friends. I would go out for walks, enjoy London at a slow pace and transform the life I was living from the inside. I knew I had to find a place for myself but I didn’t know exactly how and when. Slowly I started to reach out to people again and started establishing my own practice. I studied, I got certificates, had a website and started practising with clients. The joy I get from working with clients is beyond description. It is hard to describe the feeling I have inside on a daily basis. A weekend is not an escape from work but a continuation of my own life. Because life unfolds in a beautiful way whether I work or not. And this is the miracle of my life. Not dreading Sundays and singing and flying high on Friday is my true liberation in life. And for that I am grateful. A last question to close this interview. What is your work inspired by? A desire to explore my own limits and those of other people. A curiosity that goes beyond the normal. A desire to know what we are all capable of, really. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Elena!

Written by: Hannah Brents, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Have you ever seen someone with an Emotional Support Animal (ESA)? Chances are you have. In this article, I break down what classifies as an ESA and the pros and cons of registering an animal. It may seem like a great idea, but will it serve you where you need it? Emotional Support Animals Emotional Support Animals (ESA) and psychiatric service dogs could be the best thing that could happen in your life. Having an aminal who is certified to be happy, supportive, and provide affection may seem like a plus; however, when encountering mental issues, trauma, PTSD, or other personal psychological issues, some pros and cons need to be discussed with your psychotherapist. What is an ESA (Emotional Support Animal)? What was once called Emotional Support Animals are now called assistance animals, and for airlines, they are called psychiatric service dogs (PSD). In the United States, the laws have changed for airlines for psychiatric service dogs, so ESAs are no longer allowed on flights. Regardless of the title name, an ESA is an accommodation made by the Department of Housing and Urban Development under the Fair Housing Act. Essentially, this certification states that if somebody has a functional limitation to their day-to-day life, they can have the accommodation of a support animal and an ESA. Now, not every animal can be an ESA. The law doesn't specify this, but you will struggle to find a clinician or a doctor willing to write a prescription or certification for an ESA for your pet peacock or snake. Many people also choose not to disclose their diagnosis in the application for certification as it is not a federal requirement for an ESA; however, doing this may allow the more predisposed to refuse your request for an ESA. What is a PSD (Psychiatric Service Dog)? A PSD is specifically for dogs who undergo specific training that airlines require for a dog to pass what's called the public access standard; a list of behaviors that they need to be able to perform in a public and crowded space and to perform a task specific to helping a person manage their psychological symptoms. Pros to registering an ESA or PSD The best advantage that no one can deny is that they are helping with your psychological impairment. These animals comfort you and have the skill to answer when you are vulnerable. They help you through your troublesome stretches and into your extraordinary times. And assuming you have an ESA or PSD, they understand social dynamics are difficult for you and aid in helping you create social buffers in certain situations. These animals are trained to sense anxiety and stress and can be trained to apply pressure to lower hyperarousal symptoms to distract you from panic symptoms. With that, they create a sense of all-around safety, giving you the relief you need now. But with every extraordinary thing, you should be aware of at least a couple of stresses too. Cons to registering an ESA or PSD Registering your animal as an ESA and PSD can be controversial. Within the United States, many tenants and landlords are not often accommodating to having an animal on their property. There have been times when tenants have come into legal disagreements with landlords, and it may be more beneficial financially to agree with the landlord and break the lease rather than take legal action. If you are looking for a place to rent and have ongoing providers, a therapist or a primary care doctor may write you a letter so you can have your ESA or PSD stay with you. Still, in my experience, it is very unlikely due to liability reasons. With that, doctors will only sometimes write a certification or refuse to due to lack of education or liability reasons because the criteria for an ESA is that it must have a functional limitation to your day-to-day life. This criteria is easy to meet because it is so generic, you must demonstrate more than simply a bond with your animal, and the ESA or PSD must aid in reducing psychological symptoms. If you have a PSD, they require training where the dog must be focused on you, no vocalizing, no pulling on a leash, and can't engage with any other person or animal. It must perform tasks to manage your symptoms. This training does not have to be done professionally, however; legally, this would limit access to this accommodation. Who Should Consider an ESA or PSD? Emotional support animals and psychiatric service dogs are ideal for anyone who feels socially isolated or suffers from trauma, PTSD, or mental illnesses. Seniors, kids with mental health issues, and anyone struggling with anxiety or depression are some of the common candidates for ESAs. If you feel left out of society or have problems navigating it alone, consider an ESA. If you or someone you love would benefit from an assistance animal, an ESA or PSD, you may want to speak to someone about your options. Follow me on Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Hannah! Hannah Brents, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Hannah Brents is a LICSW with a virtual therapy practice in Massachusetts. Many of Hannah’s adult clients come to her to address anxiety, trauma, life transitions, existential questioning, and relational difficulties. As Theology Therapist, Hannah serves as a resource for anyone looking to connect ‒ to yourselves, to others, to the divine and the natural world). She holds an extensive background in Theological Studies, allowing her to combine meditation, yoga, and clinical expertise to encourage deeper connectedness of the whole person as a means of healing and coping with suffering.

Written by: Izabela Puchala, Senior Level Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. January is a great time to reflect on our intentions for 2023. The mindset we bring into pursuing our dreams can be the most important factor leading to fulfillment or misery. When we create goals from an ego perspective, often unconsciously, we're likely to end up in a hamster wheel chasing fleeting moments of satisfaction but never fully experiencing it. This short article explains how to recognize and convert ego-based goals into visions more aligned with our values, leading to greater fulfillment. We will use the Enneagram framework to help identify pitfalls in our approach to the goal-setting process and implement strategies transcending the ego. What's your relationship with goals? Early experiences influence our beliefs about goals. Fresh out of uni, I was blissfully pleased with my work accomplishments until my manager said, "we should always want more." I started to doubt my aspirations and developed a belief that feeling satisfied means low standards. Since then, surpassing ambitious goals and striving for more became my way of chasing self-worth. In the Enneagram framework, this pattern of thinking correlates to Type 3, Competitive Achiever. While there's nothing wrong with embracing continuous improvement, when done in a mindset of never being good enough, it instills criticism, frustration, and competitiveness in the pursuit of our goals. On the other end of the scale, some of us resist and avoid setting goals. The word "goal" brings up anxiety, apathy, or even anger reminding us of negative experiences. For example, receiving unrealistic targets, working super hard for goals we had no passion for, or not getting a promotion despite achieving objectives set by our manager. Other times, we played a more active role in creating an unhealthy relationship with goals. Looking at the past, how often did you bully yourself into a diet, exercise, or work hard? The body keeps the score, and now it tenses up when the word "goal" is mentioned. Without our own north stars, we're like kites in the wind ‒ usually helping others achieve their visions and missing out on creating a beautiful life for ourselves. Often, Enneagram Type 9s resonate with this description. Below are examples, tips, and pitfalls to avoid when setting goals for all Enneagram Types. If unsure what your type is, you can take a free test here or skip to the next paragraph. Type 1: Goals are here to make me, others, and the world better. I will pursue them with precision if they're right. Watch out for perfectionism and getting caught up in the details. Type 2: Goals are here to alleviate suffering. I will pursue them with empathy and consideration if they help others. Watch out for suppressing your own needs. Type 3: Goals are here to show my value. I will pursue them with efficiency if I believe I can excel at them. Watch out for burning out due to a heavy workload. Type 4: Goals are here to show my unique contribution. I will pursue them with an innovative mindset if they resonate with me. Watch out for resisting the execution stage. Type 5: Goals are here to solve problems. I will pursue them with my deep expertise if they make logical sense. Watch out for staying in your comfort zone to protect your competence. Type 6: Goals are here to keep us on track. I will pursue them with dedication and responsibility if they're realistic. Watch out for analysis paralysis. Type 7: Goals are here to dream big. I will pursue them with enthusiasm if the vision inspires me. Watch out for the lack of follow-throughs after the ideation stage. Type 8: Goals are here to challenge the status quo/provide a clear vision. I will pursue them with passion if they're pragmatic and bold. Watch out for too much focus on the outcome. Type 9: Goals are here to help us work towards a common purpose. I will pursue them with a collaborative mindset if everyone else is on board. Watch out for procrastinating with the goal-setting process. How to recognize ego-based goals? Focus on image The easiest way to recognize ego-based goals is by their focus on improving our image/status/reputation, be it through the acquisition of skills, titles, money, looks, or possessions. Our ego is in the driver's seat if our intention is to win, be better than someone, or prove something to others. Often underpinning it is a scarcity mindset propagating a belief that there isn't enough for everyone. We might even be doing something beneficial for others, but if our motivation comes from taking pride in being seen as helpful, the ego is behind it ‒ Enneagram Type 2s, this might be for you. Compromised authenticity Striving to be perceived a certain way means compromising our authenticity. We suppress what is truly meaningful to us to meet external standards from society, family, or a group. One day, we wake up and realize that we have lost a connection with who we are. Think how many "successful" people go through a midlife crisis questioning why they are doing what they are doing, why this family, who am I, what do I like? Why am I not happy despite having everything I thought I wanted? This place often resonates with Enneagram Type 3, who are very good at reading what the audience wants and prioritizing that over their needs. Outcome versus process Since ego-based goals are focused on outcomes, we lose track of who we are becoming in the process of pursuing them. "The end goal justifies the means" ‒ sums it up nicely. It often happens in the non-profit sector, where organizations are so determined to achieve their mission that they are willing to compromise their integrity. For example, a non-profit fighting for woman's rights fires pregnant women to save costs. It's also a familiar place for Enneagram Type 1s, who, driven to improve the world, can become self-righteous. Or think of dictators who started with positive intentions. Amongst them are quite a few Enneagram Type 8s, believing their way is the only right way to make good things happen. Conditional happiness By believing "I will be satisfied/happy if I have this house/job/partner/etc." our ego tricked us into thinking that we can't be content until a specific condition is met. We search for happiness outside of ourselves and become dependent on external events to feel good. This pattern is familiar for Enneagram Type 7s, binging on new experiences in the hope of finally finding inner peace. By glamorizing the future, they miss out on available nourishment from the present activity, meal, or connection with someone. It's also a common space for Enneagram Type 4s, whose pattern is to see life for what is missing in it and disregard the abundance they have access to. How to uplevel ego-based goals? Identify emotional need In his bestselling book "Letting Go," David Hawkins explains how to transcend our ego by up-leveling our goals from the lowest tier, which is about "having things," to the midtier of "doing things" and finally reaching the state of being. For example: Level 1 Goal (Having): I want to have a house in the woods. Uplevel: Once I have it, what will I be able to do? Level 2 Goal (Doing): I’ll be able to relax on the terrace and look at nature. Uplevel: How will I be able to be when I do it? Level 3 Goal (Emotional Need): Calm, re-charged, and patient. By following this simple process, we identified the emotional need currently lacking in our life. This information is vital as emotions are behind every single goal. We hope, often unconsciously, that achieving our objective will give us access to an emotional state that feels out of reach. Knowing our emotional needs gives us more flexibility in how we can go about meeting them versus relying on one strategy. In the example above, instead of being obsessed with owning a house in the woods, we might decide that a career change, taking a vacation, relocating to a quieter residential area, or picking up an outdoor hobby might invite more calmness and patience into our life. Impact on others Even if our goal is about doing something or having a specific amount of money, we can transcend our ego by focusing on how achieving it will help us serve others. For example: Goal: To give a Ted Talk about goal-setting for greater fulfillment Impact on others: To empower others through sharing my knowledge to set goals for fulfillment Pull instead of push Rarely do we get lasting results by bullying ourselves into something. Psychologically, playing the top dog ("I should") and underdog ("I don't want") game creates an unhealthy dynamic within us. The uncanny underdog always wins, sabotaging "shoulds" we were never motivated for. Instead, we need to create a goal that excites us and honors our values. For example: Don't: "I should/ought to whip my butt into shape." (push) Do: "I want/choose to become a healthier parent for my kids." (pull) When we create goals from a place of consciously choosing who we want to become in the process of pursuing them, respecting our authenticity, and considering our impact on others, going after them will bring us as much enjoyment as the achievement. Inner peace and a sense of contentment will replace frustration and desire for more. We will live more in the present moment rather than glamorize the future. Follow Izabela on her Instagram, Linkedin, and visit her website for more info. Read more from Izabela Izabela Puchala, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Izabela Puchala is an expert in leadership and organizational development. She has an MSc in Economics and a Postgraduate degree in Gestalt Psychotherapeutic Counseling. As a Certified Enneagram Coach, Izabela helps international and dispersed teams go from transactional and artificially harmonious culture to trust, cohesion, and fun. Her clients include the BBC, Salesforce, Planet Labs, and YPO (Young Presidents’ Organization).

Written by: John Scott, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Our human capital is all we really have. So, what are we going to do with it? A friend asked me about the meaning of human capital. Here's an example. When I was 15, I spent that summer in India coaching swimming at St. Joseph's School North Point in Darjeeling, India, at the invitation of my mother's cousin Bill, a Jesuit Priest who taught there. The school's motto is Sursum Corda, "Lift Up Your Hearts." Bill made an appointment for me to meet Tensing Norgay at his office at the Darjeeling Mountaineering Institute. I entered his office, he sat at his desk, and I took the chair facing him. Quiet confidence and understated nature. We spoke for a while, but I remember his quiet confidence and understated nature more than what he said. He was a short man but had a powerful presence like it would be easy to believe he had climbed Mount Everest. Subsequently, I met Edmund Hillary on two occasions in Toronto. Norgay and Hillary would never speak of which of them first reached the summit of Mount Everest on May 29th, 1953. Hillary wrote some great books, a few I have; one is called "Nothing Venture, Nothing Win." Two men fully optimized their skill, intuition, and physical and mental strength to do something no person had done before: bringing "it" all up the mountain and using all they had to stand on the summit together. Growth is natural and expansive. We each have collective resources: qualities, characteristics, strengths, perspectives, experiences, and aspirations. While it's good to know of our resources, it's best to use them or express them at the highest possible level. Like the ordinary meaning of capital, money, it's good to have it, but being held under a pillow doesn't do much good; fully utilizing it for growth is expansive. And like leveraging money for higher gains, we can leverage our resources through cooperation and collaboration for more good. Human capital is our collective resources and expressing them at the highest possible level and the ongoing introspection and learning that allows us to expand and optimize them for the good of all. But sometimes, there is resistance or self-imposed thought barriers to realizing our full personal power. We owe it to our future selves to explore anything keeping us from higher levels on our mountain. Lean into the wind, navigate skilfully around danger or crevasses and push on. Roger Banister once said, "I knew I had sub-four minutes in me somewhere." We all know the voice, the calling, to be more of our best selves. To be clear, it's a relative game. I'm not suggesting we have to climb a real mountain or run faster than anyone. Instead, we can optimize what we bring to the journey, then more learning, insight, and expansion: from wherever we are to better is best. Like Jake doing backflips down the aisle in the Blues Brothers, fully embracing the "mission from God." We should accept that mission. I love this quote from Mary Oliver, an American Poet that fits here, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver - Short Beautiful Poems May your unique human capital be fully expressed at the highest possible level. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from John! John Scott, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine John worked in sales and leadership in the financial industry for 30 years. For part of that time, he experienced a great deal of stress and didn't know the way back. As a result, John's health and well-being suffered. Becoming burnt out was the stimulus to wake up with a determination to do his life differently. John began a private journey to understand and overcome the negative stress he was experiencing. He found a formula for sustainable performance he now shares to help people move through common challenges to experience more great and less grind. John has completed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR, U. of Massachusetts), Foundations of Applied Mindfulness Meditation (U. of Toronto), and the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP, Flourishing Center, NY). John's adventures include: Climbing Mount Kenya and Mount Kilimanjaro. Two dog sledding trips to the Canadian Arctic. Two record-breaking swim crossings Lake Ontario (51km) The first to swim from Christian Island to Collingwood, in Georgian Bay (32km). John brings his experience in life, learning, and adventure to help people do life and work well through writing, speaking, and coaching.