Written by: Betsy White , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Something I learned years ago that has profoundly impacted my life is the difference between caretaking and caregiving. As I have been able to apply this idea, it has both freed and empowered me. Now I use this to help others the same way. I believe it can shift family dynamics and help create healthier, happier places for kids to grow up. I invite you to read and reflect on your role as a parent. If you don’t have children, I think there are many relationships in our lives where we can free ourselves and others by learning this! The best way to describe the difference between caretaking and caregiving is to quote Dr. Margaret Paul, the woman who taught me this powerful information. Here is her distinction: “Caretaking is doing something for others with an outcome in mind ‒ they will love you, approve of you, give you attention, give you money, and so on. It is giving to get something back, as opposed to giving for the joy of giving. Caretaking always has an agenda attached, as opposed to caregiving and true giving. Caregiving is taking care of someone who cannot take care of themselves, such as a child or an old or sick person whom you have agreed to take care of. True giving is giving from the heart with no expectation of getting anything back. It’s giving purely from love.” The hardest part of this is that most of us never learned the difference between what I refer to as our true selves and our ego. Therefore, based on what was modeled for us by our parents, we are often giving from our ego. Which then gets passed from generation to generation. Our ego tends to be manipulative, while our true self has no expectations. Our ego believes people owe us if we have done something for them. This is a type of covert control. I do this, so you do that. This could be doing a favor, offering a compliment, giving someone our time and attention, or gifts. In each of these examples, giving is done with the expectation that the other person should respond in a certain way. Think about your experiences as a child with your own parents or as a parent now with your child. How often is there an expectation of what a child should do based on something you did for them? A lot, correct? I hear these types of examples quite often. “I give you a roof over your head, and you treat me that way?” “After everything you got for Christmas, you still don’t think you should do your schoolwork?” “I cleaned your room for you; the least you could do is thank me.” “I drive you from place to place and give up my time, but you can’t even put your phone down and talk to me.” The underlying belief is that if a parent does everything they should for their child (or everything my parent did or did NOT do for me), then my child will make “good” choices. Then I feel like I raised a good kid, which makes me feel worthy. Some parents even feel more loved when their child behaves in ways they expect them to. Many parents feel approval in their peer circles when their child makes “good” choices. This is a cycle of codependency, though. Kids learn it quickly. And this often leads to many imbalances in family relationships. Remember Dr. Margaret Paul refers to caregiving as taking care of someone who can not do this for themselves, like children. So in families, we want to have more acts of caregiving than caretaking. If we want to learn and shift these patterns, we have to be able to look at how we are showing up, without judging ourselves! Self-judgment shuts us down instead of being able to stay open to learning. When we can observe without judgment, we can then make changes and transform our actions and relationships! Here are a few ideas of ways we may be caretaking instead of caregiving: Making our kids’ (friend’s or partner’s) needs and feelings more important than my own Giving in when I don’t really want to People pleasing Giving gifts with strings attached Not saying what I really think or feel Second-guessing myself and thinking I know what others need Being overly nice As parents, every day there are many ways you provide for your child’s health, safety, and well-being. When done by your true self, you give for the pleasure it gives you to provide for your child. There is no expectation of how they should respond. When giving from your heart, you don't leave an I owe you that must be repaid by your child. Love does not have an agenda. If you are open to learning more about parenting from your true self and ways to shift out of caretaking, please reach out to me. I’d love to work with you and your family to learn healthier ways to share love. I believe when kids do not feel the expectations of what they are supposed to do, they have the freedom to be who they were born to be! This is the journey I am most passionate about supporting kids and parents with! Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Betsy! Betsy White, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Betsy White is a Certified Holistic Life Coach and speaker supporting kids, parents and teachers to be empowered, confident and connected. Having navigated childhood trauma, low self-esteem, numerous health issues, and dysfunctional systems at home and school, Betsy has dedicated her life to supporting kids, and the adults in their lives, navigating stress, anxiety, overwhelm and lack of purpose. She draws on her expertise in psychology, human development, education, mindfulness and spirituality while using her extensive and diverse experience to guide clients to own their value, speak their truth, live their unique purpose, heal relational dynamics and create inner peace and resilience. In an ever-changing, technology and social media-focused world, she empowers people to turn inward to their true source of wisdom. Betsy is the founder of The Life Coach 4 Kids, offering intensive family, parent and teacher programs, presentations and group experiences. People are transformed through the connection, love, intuitive insights, experience and soul journey Betsy guides them to take.

Written by: Dr. Phillip Hearn, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Seller Financing is an attractive option for buyers looking to finance their purchase without the use of traditional lenders. This type of financing provides more flexibility, allowing sellers and buyers to come up with mutually beneficial terms that work best for them. Seller financing is a straightforward and beneficial loan agreement between buyer and seller. Rather than going through an intermediary, the parties address their finances directly using what's referred to in real estate as "owner financing" or “bond-for-title” ‒ thus simplifying the process for both involved. Reduced marketing In a slower real estate market, rather than reduce the price of the property to attract buyers, agents may consider offering financing instead. Buyers can potentially pay full price for properties and enjoy benefits such as avoiding expensive loan fees or spending points on origination costs. Increased inventory With owner financing, the seller enjoys a greater potential for sale due to an expanded inventory of purchasers. Currently in America, 40% of buyers can't obtain bank loans ‒ increasing the likelihood that they would consider more flexible terms from a private lender/seller. This is evident through increased interest after listing "Owner Will Finance" or "Easy Terms". Reduced closing times When you offer owner financing, the time to close a transaction is shortened significantly. As compared to conventional lenders who can take up to 6-8 weeks for closing procedures, using a reputable title company and seller finance will allow buyers and sellers alike to complete contracts in as little as 2-3 weeks. This timeline benefit comes with less paperwork ‒ perfect when speed matters most. Strategy for hard to finance properties Investing in hard-to-finance properties can be a great way of increasing returns, as these properties often require a lower initial cash outlay. Investors capitalize on this by purchasing the property at a reduced wholesale price and then selling for more with easier financing terms in place. This strategy is beneficial for any kind of complex real estate such as mixed use structures, land or mobile homes, non-conforming buildings or other low-value assets. Interest income Investing in real estate has the potential to build wealth and generate interest income over time. With owner financing, sellers can earn additional revenue ‒ beyond the sale price of their property ‒ without giving up ownership rights. For example, a $100,000 mortgage with a 9 percent APR paid back monthly will produce an extra $189k+ (over 30 years) in addition to what was initially loaned out. Bottom line Seller financing can be an attractive option for buyers and sellers, but consulting a professional to ensure the legal transaction is properly recorded is critical. Financial Center offers free consultations and is an excellent source to grow your business model. Additionally, discussing terms with note investors provides valuable insight into structuring techniques that will maximize pricing should you decide to convert payments into cash by assigning your note or contract. Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Dr. Philip! Dr. Phillip Hearn, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Phillip Hearn is a master in entrepreneurship, real estate investing, and motivational inspiration. Despite setbacks from a problematic childhood, Hearn learned the value of investing in himself and capitalizing on his strengths. He has since specialized in helping others discover their full potential, personally and professionally. He founded Mid American Capital Holdings, LLC, an acquisition focused company. Current subsidiaries include Phillip Speaks, specializing in public speaking and coaching; Financial Center, operating as a capital broker to help businesses grow their operations, and other subsidiaries which continues to expand. His mission: to collaborate as a problem solver to today’s challenges.

Written by: Deborah McPhilemy, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Everyone seems to be talking about the importance of Self-Empowerment these days, which I myself am a very big advocate for. I believe that everyone should be empowered with the knowledge and skills to be able to be in charge of their own lives and destiny. What is even more exciting to me than being Self-Empowered, is when you have incredible Personal Power. And, when you combine the two, you become a powerhouse who’s in charge of their own life, someone who can effortlessly direct their path, fast track their goals and magically manifest their dreams. Your Personal Power is All About Your Energy Having incredible Personal Power comes down to one thing – energy! Your energy! Energy can be defined as the fuel that your body uses to do things; ‒ to move, eat, work, exercise, think, have sex, have fun, etc. But just having energy does not give you power. What gives you power is having the ability to take charge of yourself and your life without being blown off course by your feelings, urges and circumstances. When you can stand steady in the wake of any storm and not let it affect you, and still forge forward with your life, your plans, your intentions and your goals without throwing everything overboard, this is true personal power. Emotional Intelligence is key to owning Your Personal Power Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you need to become an emotionless, numb bot that feels nothing! What I am saying is, that when you allow your emotions to be in charge of you, to let them throw you into a deep depression, to make you give up, quit or lie around all day blaming the government and everyone else and his dog for what is going on in your life, then you are rendering yourself completely powerless! Emotions are Energy Too When it comes to emotions, I’m a big fan! Emotions are energy! Emotions are incredibly unbelievably powerful, but only if you understand them and use them to your advantage! To me, my emotions are my personalised GPS system, my very own unique language that tells me when I’m off course with my life or whether I’m unsafe in a place, or with a person. But… when you don’t understand your emotions or don’t speak their language, they have the power to literally bring you to your knees, to steal your joy, your goals and your dreams! So how do you ‘get’ incredible Personal Power? The answer is actually quite simple, by being yourself. Being You Unlocks Your Personal Power So many of us don’t really know who we are as we’ve all been moulded, programmed and influenced by the people who raised us, the education system, the people we hang around with and the community at large. It’s only when we take that first step to becoming self-aware and start questioning our thoughts, actions and behaviours, that we realise we may not be who we think we always were, who everyone else thought we were. Discovering who you really are and getting rid of all the bits of you that you don’t like while revealing the bits of you you do like is when you start stepping into your Personal Power. The more comfortable you get with who you are, embracing every aspect, nook and cranny that makes up the unique individual you are, is when you become personally powerful. And nothing is more magnificent, attractive or magnetic than someone who knows, likes and loves who they are! Deborah McPhilemy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Deborah McPhilemy is the Founder of Selfie School, a Self-Empowerment Academy that empowers and educates women and children holistically, so they can become completely comfortable being themselves. After coming from a disempowered background of being bullied and abused, she completely ‘lost’ herself. After spending years healing and rediscovering who she was, she returned to being herself and her life was transformed beyond recognition. She now spends her life helping others to do the same, as well as helping them in a preventative context.

Written by: Kristi Peck, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. What do a car crashing, a glass boat, and a green dragon tickling me have in common? These have ALL been images that came to me through my personal dreams. Just the other day a client was sharing her dream about a dog and an eagle in conversation, stars spinning and something biting her arm creating an ulcer. All dreams are filled with associations released from the library within the unconscious mind so that you – the dreamer – can fulfill a holographic experience. We are all experiencing the wholeness of our souls. Just like dreams offering us snippets of scenes like a play on a stage, your everyday life actually follows that same lead. We are living in a hologram of consciousness. In our everyday life, we experience every person and interaction as if it is a real one. The hologram – the symbolism of what you perceive – is meant to do that for us. Our soul has chosen this earthly experience to have the real experience of emotions, feelings, understanding, thoughts, etc. The phrase, “You are exactly where you are meant to be.” Supports the holographic experience of this lifetime of consciousness for your soul. I bet this sounds a bit heavy-duty. I completely get it. Let’s think of it another way. Would you like to bring your dreams to life? I am not speaking to those wishes and goals you desire to achieve. I am speaking to the pulse that lives within the very heartbeat of the nightly dream world. It is an adventure all on its own. There is magic that comes with the experience of bringing what we dream about into our everyday life experiences. There are 3 ways to bring dreams to life: Let Go Dreams are made up of symbolism, the dynamics of myths, and metaphors. Even though they seem real because the characters are people you know, things you recognize, and even feel like real moments and conversations, they are not. The first way to bring that dream into your life is to let go of what you think and believe about the dream itself. Everything has a symbolic essence to it and holds significant value as a representation of you. Ask questions like, “Who is here? What do you need? What do you want me to know? What am I not seeing? What does this mean for me?” Let go and allow the response, the wisdom, and the insight to be revealed to you. It will be shown to you. This is a powerful guidance tool for your personal life journey and especially during moments of transition and transformation. Be Adventurous There is not only one meaning to each dream. Imagine you are playing craps at a casino, rolling all the different options as to the multiple meanings the dream holds. Leap into creativity and get very colorful about all the possibilities, even the funny, hilarious, far-reaching meanings. Include them. Connect From all the interpretations you allowed from the dream, what resonates? This is the part where you align with your external everyday life experiences and see what makes sense. Your brain has the strength in making sense of and contemplating evidence for reasoning, so use its foundational mechanism to interpret what the dream means for you in the very moment of your life. This is how we use our dreams as a personal GPS. Please do not get frustrated if interpretations do not flow in immediately. We have not been conditioned to use our intuition or instinct in this way. We, as a human species, have been programmed to look externally for interpretation. This very inverted method requires faith in the faculties of your own existence. Dreamwork is an existential association from dream life to waking life. Check out my dream group coaching program at www.kristipeck.com for deeper meaning with your dreams. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kristi! Kristi Peck, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Kristi Peck creates a legacy of love. As an Intuitive Life Coach, a Spiritual Mentor, and an author, she works with adult children to heal the ancestral shadow and liberate the lineage of dysfunction. From conflict to connection, Kristi helps estranged daughters find a higher purpose and establish a new partnership paradigm in the family system. Kristi has been trained as a Master Life Coach in Jungian Psychology, Eastern Philosophy, and Social Neuroscience, as well as mediumship, energy, and channeling of the angelic realm. She has additional certification as a Jungian Relationship and Dreamwork Specialist through the ICF Accredited Creative Mind University. For over 30 years as an educator and coach, Kristi has helped people reclaim their sense of self and the power to make purpose-impacted choices. Kristi believes we are whole and our greatest superpower is believing in our own agency of strength and courage. She loves sharing stories that captivate and inspire people to take adventurous leaps of faith beyond old conditions and outdated influences. Kristi is the author of Coming Home – A Love Story, and the podcast host of Living the Liminal: Braving the Edge. She has a wealth of transformational life experiences and her warmth and vulnerability have been described as a “soft-toughness”. Kristi is fierce in her compassion to learn, opens her heart to courageous choice-making, and deeply understands the human dynamic. Her passion for living life consciously is a game-changer.

Written by: Jennie Persson, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Most people know the power of getting in front of their ideal customers, sharing interesting and valuable content, and thus building their brand online. Being visible on social platforms is standard these days. Many people also realize that you need to do it continuously. It isn't enough to post content just a couple of times per week since you are in this social game for the long term. But the gap between valuable content to attracting leads can be huge. Not to mention selling. Many clients come to me with one question: "Why isn't anyone buying from me?" They post strategically every day, but sales fail. For those of you who are struggling, here are 5 essential tips. How to go from delivering value to creating demand. 1. Replace the word Information with Transformation. Information is one-way communication. You tell us something, and we listen. That plot ends there. On the other hand, a transformation involves a movement from one mode to another. It can still be you telling us something, but the difference is adding one more step; an action and a shift. Your content makes us feel or do something, and a connection is made. 2. Create a safe space through your personal brand. You need to become the person your customer needs right now. The person who visualizes trust and with whom the follower resonates well. We need to know that you are still on the platform, even after six months, and we need to know that what you talk about today will also be your focus then. We need to recognize you in the feed and know that you keep our invisible agreement between followers and the brand. 3. Create a community instead of gathering followers. Having many followers may look good, but it doesn't automatically generate sales. Instead, focus on building relationships with the right followers, listening to what they say, and creating strong bonds with them. Help them progress from follower to community to dream client and then to ambassador of your brand. 4. Be yourself, but braver. If you want to stand out from the rest, you must do what others won't do. Us humans tend to do things like everyone else, even if we know and say the opposite. On social media and as an entrepreneur, this is crucial. What are your colleagues doing in your industry? How about going the extra mile and doing it a little more or differently? Do you need to show up more in the feed? Do you need to go Live every week? What do you need to do to stand out from the rest? Being an entrepreneur, especially on social media, is not for the faint of heart. But it is perfect for you. 5. Tell us about your journey. There is one word that carries weight in all storytelling and branding: Vulnerability. We want to reason with your decisions, setbacks, and solutions. And to do that, we need to see you vulnerable. Your journey from point A to point B wasn't exactly straight, and it presumably had ups and downs, but you got through it. And that is irresistible to your followers; How did you do that? How did it feel, and what were you thinking? Your journey is storytelling at its best. Use that power in your messages. Try some of these ideas in your content, and feel free to tag me if you want. Best of luck! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jennie! Jennie Persson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jennie Persson is an Instagram expert, business educator and a cheerleader for your business, based in Stockholm, Sweden. She’s passionate about helping entrepreneurs in building the business of their dreams by learning how to brand their business online.

Written by: Amelia Mathee, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. We've all been there, it's like the gift that keeps on giving. You make the decision to leave and the next moment, you find yourself wrapped up in the same drama- and it's like a broken record...it just goes on in the same manner it always did. You can't seem to escape this madness, and you are drawn to the same chaos. If you are reading this and can relate, chances are good that you are in a toxic relationship and you seem to be stuck. I am here today to tell you there is hope, and there is freedom if you step outside this situation and see it for what it is. There is a scientific explanation as to why we seem to stay in these relationships and fail to move on, even if it's killing us. Toxic relationships tend to feel addictive The highs are high, the lows are low and we are sitting on the fence somewhere between desire and rejection. When dopamine is released in the brain and that reward circuit of the brain is triggered, your brain fires a message letting you know that this is an experience you have to have. This is called the dopamine reward circuit and not only occurs in toxic relationships but also in drug addiction. At first, this is a normal cycle of wanting, craving and validation but as the relationship continues, we crave more and need more validation to get the same high ‒ just like in drug use. In toxic relationships – we will also feel withdrawal. The unpredictable nature of the relationship, feeling disconnected, and ignoring red flags are all signs that the relationship is unraveling and just like drug addiction, you will do whatever you need to do to get the next high, the next validation, the next ‒ I Love you. Until we are pushed away again just to feel the rejection... and so the cycle will continue. There is only one way to step out of this abusive cycle and that is to go the other way. That ultimately means- you will need to make a 180-degree turn in your thinking pattern. I'll walk you through it. Build a support network Breakups are hard, and that's why they are called breakups- It's broken. You will go through every single emotion, but you need to know that it's normal. You will feel sad, depressed, conflicted, angry and the list goes on. Who are those friends or relatives you can call at 2 am if needed? Make sure that they know what you are going through and lean on them. Stay firm with your decision to leave This was probably not a decision you made overnight, so here you need to be strong and have the end in mind. There will be times when you will find yourself missing this person, and it's here I want you to remind yourself why you came to this decision in the first place. Make a list and keep it close I'll challenge you to make a list of everything this person has done to you in your time together. Keep it close to you and when you feel vulnerable and conflicted... take the list out and read it. This way, you start making sense of the situation and will be better equipped in handling it when this person 'pops' into your mind. For example: made me depressed gave me anxiety stole my joy made me feel like I was walking on eggshells every day Important rule: No Contact It's crucial to cut all contact with your ex, as it will only open the door to getting together again. Toxic people are manipulative at their core and will use any tool to get you back. Don't follow them on social media, don't reply to their texts, just stop. This will send a clear understanding that you are done and you won't be lured into the drama. One thing I have seen over years as a CBT practitioner is that you will never get closure from a toxic person. You just need to accept this as truth and know that it's not your burden anymore. There seems to be a big black hole in the middle of our existence as humans, and we can try to fill it with anything from this world. It just does not work. This hole is painful and it bothers us, but know that the Creator is standing inside that deep dark hole, holding us together when we can not cope with life. Amelia Mathee, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Amelia Mathee has dealt with thousands of people thirsting for answers. Her counseling approach incorporates both her knowledge in the fields of psychology and neuroscience as well as her biblical understanding. Even though you may be wired one way, you can begin the journey to rewire your brain and find that oasis after all. Science proves that over 80% of sickness and disease starts in the brain, and by neuroplasticity we are able to not only change our thinking, but also our physical health. Amelia has been able to help many people that could not be helped by any other form of medical intervention. If you are lost in your desert, she might just be the one to show you where your oasis is.

Written by: David Campbell, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. I want you to think about potential versus performance. There Is a saying that the quality of your current results is directly related to the quality of your current thinking. I was inspired when I first read this quote: ‘2% of people think, 3% of people think they think and 95% of people would rather die than think.’ George Bernard Shaw It is so true for our third key. Focus on potential not performance. Are you in the 2% that focus on potential? Performance is a review of history. For a long time, I’ve been really mulling this over ‒ potential versus performance. We do a review of our business performance every month, every quarter, every six months, every year. We look at Business Activity Statements; we look at tax returns, cash flow and more. All this is about performance. And the interesting thing about performance is, you can only see it by looking backwards. As you run your business, it’s interesting to think about it from the point of view of a sailing ship. From the perspective of a ship, to look at performance is to always watch the wake. You can never properly see what’s ahead. You can’t plan for what’s coming next. What is your business doing as you move forward? The way you move forward in your business, just as with the ship, depends on the way you view performance and potential. As you may choose a particular passage, your business will leave a wake behind. You will easily see the path you have taken. In looking back, you can easily see where you’ve been. It can be either a wake-up call – you’ve been all over the place with your journey, or it can be of great assurance – a really constructive confirmation of your successful manoeuvring forwards. So, focus that is totally absorbed in the performance can affect the potential direction and progress. Equally, a total focus on potential ignores the reality of the performance. As a mariner or a business owner, understand the difference between potential and performance. Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from David! David Campbell, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine David is an exceptionally experienced executive coach. He is an exceptional public speaker who challenges the way organisations and individuals think in relation to business and life. has led reform within a number of organisations and brings a unique understanding of the pressures in both the public and private sectors. He understands the changing requirements and time frames within the business environment and has considerable experience in leading, managing and coaching geographically dispersed (remote) teams. David brings a new insight into the way we think into our success in business to realise exceptional results.

Written by: Alec Jiggins, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. I grew up in the UK in the 70s and 80s. Toxic masculinity ruled. Male role models such as actors and sports personalities didn’t show emotions (remember, it’s Britain – all stiff upper lip and no high fives). Popular television shows such as The Benny Hill Show had middle-aged men chasing younger women around, slapping their behinds, peering down their cleavage; the best-selling daily tabloid newspapers featured topless women on page 3! I should know – my father brought it home with him every night, as did over 5 million other people. It was inescapable, it permeated every aspect of my childhood. Growing up surrounded by emotionally insecure and immature men, including my father, reinforced toxic masculinity with phrases such as “man up” when I cried. I remember being physically bullied at school by three older boys, and when I reported it to the deputy headteacher in charge of discipline, he told me to go back and hit them. Such role models had a significant impact on my relationships with male figures in positions of authority, such as my teachers at school. A blend of respect and fear kept my behaviour in check. I didn’t spot this pattern in my professional life until it led to conflict with my male bosses, time and time again. So, what was it? Growing up in this environment, where I couldn’t express my emotions to any male role model, constantly being told to “man up”, affected my ability to trust and communicate effectively with male supervisors. I started working in London as a journalist when I was 18 – talk about a target-rich environment for toxic masculinity stereotypes. It was either play along or get left behind. I tried to become someone I am not, to fit in, but it ground me down. Aged 21, I started counselling. My counsellor, Mike, was the first man that I could speak to about my feelings – and he had to wait several months listening to banal banter before I could even do that. I am so grateful for his patience. My father, while not neglectful or abusive, who loves me dearly (and I him), struggled with expressing his emotions and being responsive to my attempts to communicate mine. This created an environment in which I often felt unsupported and unsure of how to navigate conflicts or problems. As a result, I developed a tendency to avoid confrontation and struggle to assert myself in situations where I felt unsupported. Combine that with the respect/fear of authority figures, and I became emotionally isolated. These patterns carried over into my professional life, where I found myself struggling to form healthy relationships with male bosses. My first editor reminded me of my dad, as did the second, the third… I would look for similarities they shared, and that was it. Looking back, it is surprising that my career flourished. I got promoted, one boss even nominated me for an award. But, despite their evident support and belief in my abilities (and that includes my dad), I would slowly sabotage the relationship and my career. After a whirlwind of 6 years as a journalist, I was the features editor on my favourite magazine (one I still buy today). But the clock on my emotional time bomb was fast approaching 0 and, predictably, I went “boom”. I quit. I felt driven to change careers. I chose to become a teacher, so that I could become a role model and inspiration for others. In my new career, I rose rapidly. Promoted in my first year to middle leadership, in my fifth year to senior level, and after 10 years to the executive level. But, all the way, my relationships with male bosses were difficult. I would find myself holding back from sharing my thoughts and ideas, and I was quick to second-guess myself in situations where I feel unsupported. My childhood experiences of toxic masculinity made it difficult for me to trust male authority figures. I was wary of their intentions and struggled to believe that they had my best interests at heart. This made it difficult to build strong working relationships. One boss, who is still a mentor to this day, recommended I hire a coach. The first month of working together with Mario was transformational, like having a blindfold removed and seeing myself clearly for the first time. The effects of growing up and feeling that you cannot express your feelings can become deep-rooted and wired into your behaviours, making them challenging to overcome. It is important to recognize the impact they have on our relationships and to actively work on building trust and effective communication. Aside from coaching, there are several strategies that can help. Self-reflection: Reflecting on your childhood experiences and how they may be impacting your current relationships can be an important step in understanding and overcoming the problems associated with growing up with an emotionally immature father. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend or family member can be helpful in this process. Developing trust: Building trust in male authority figures can be difficult if you grew up with an emotionally immature father, but it is important for career progression. Actively seek out positive role models, build relationships with co-workers, and learn to communicate effectively with supervisors. Assertiveness training: Assertiveness training can help you learn how to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and advocate for yourself in the workplace. This can be done through workshops, classes, or individual coaching. I help my clients with this. Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques such as meditation, yoga, or journaling can help you develop emotional regulation, focus and perspective. My practice was transformed after a 10-day silent meditation retreat – it was harder than I expected, but totally worth it. In conclusion, it is important to recognize the impact of your childhood experiences on your adult relationships and to actively work on building trust and effective communication. Call me if you’d like help with that. Connect with me on LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and visit my website. Read more from Alec! Alec Jiggins, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Alec Jiggins is an award-winning executive and leadership coach, a global associate with Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centred Coaching and the Global Coach Group. Alec's mission is to change the world, one leader at a time. His motto is "Love, Live, Lead" and he works with executives on leading authentically, confidently, from the heart. Alec has lived and worked in 7 countries and three continents in a range of industries and roles, taking one startup to $6 million in turnover and breakeven within 18 months.

Written by: Oddný Edwards, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. In business, we always refer to worth, net profit, sales price, return on investment, and so the list goes on. A business would not thrive without these terms and mindset. Trust me, I have learnt that the hard way. I would conjure up recipes and ideas because I knew they were delicious but then for them to sell I couldn’t charge what I needed! I learnt the hard way and still learn now about the constant battle in business – passion vs. money. However, saying that, lately I have been looking at worth in a whole new light. It occurred to me the other day that the same as in business as in life we are all far richer than we realise. Every lesson, every new project, and every new battle in the workplace or out of it is an opportunity to learn. To grow. It gives us the opportunity to connect with friends and family. Ask for advice, bounce off ideas and where possible learn to say no when not within our remit. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30’s and I hated it for years. I tried everything but acceptance, but the moment I owned it and learnt the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty I got a lot calmer and better at asking for advice. When you work in an office with ADHD you can feel very isolated as you physically don’t have the ability to sit still and focus on the screen or topic for 8-10 hours! Meetings are a genuine battle zone of confinement. Hence, they say that most creative people have ADHD. As creativity means movement, something constantly moving, whether it be physical or in the brain. In my past life I would over exercise or over a drink after work to knacker myself. I would sit and panic about not being the same. About the urge that was in my body to talk or move! I would go home and beat myself up some chronic. For being weird! Now I tell people straight up and then create my own random place of space where I can get creative – swivel my chair, walk for 5min, and then return producing 2 hours of work in 30min. Anyone that shares ADHD will know exactly what I mean. Before I felt so much shame. The comments never really stop about how different you are, how weird you are, on edge etc, and that is what they teach you in CB Therapy is how to deal with the comments as we are different, but it dawned on me the other day that all conditions, all personalities and all experiences are worth a lot more than we give them credit for. In both my jobs I am surrounded by people with different skill levels, different personalities and different conditions. Without them I would not do as well, and whether they like to admit it or not they would not do as well without people like me. The same with friends and family. We all bring our own seasoning to the party. We are all different species of the same jungle floor and it helps us make this whole journey worth it. Learning when to cut off the dead branch, nurture the one that still has life in it and dance with the leaves that love swaying with the wind and sun. A mixture of passion, worth, profit, vision and persistence alongside the want to adapt will keep the finance and personal growth growing. Hence, I would say next time when you need to make more money, are stuck for ideas, feel overwhelmed or not feeling your worth – look at what talent pool might be in your team, family and friends that can help. That perhaps you dismissed before. Whilst always trusting your gut feeling. See the real worth of not giving up! No matter how big or small the opportunity or obstacle is! And – try and have fun with it like we Icelanders get taught on any occasion – Or as we would say Þetta Reddast! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Oddný! Oddný Edwards, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Oddný Edwards is an award-winning Chef and Creator. Born in Iceland where she was taught to respect and learn from nature. When she was sixteen, Oddny moved to Hawaii, immersing herself in an organic flower and herb farm. Here she learned even more how to live off the land, and about the diverse trees and their ability to feed and medicate us. Armed with this knowledge Oddný set out to save trees. Starting with the ash tree. She opended a restaurant and cafe with focus on edible trees and has launched her own products infused with ash trees in hope to rescue them. Turns out the ash tree is full of medicinal properties.

Written by: Jason Polk , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. No one is born inherently better than or less than anyone else. We all have inherent worth that fundamentally can’t be added to or taken away from. If we have inflated or deflated self-esteem, it’s a product of our environment. There are cultural factors that lead to inflated self-esteem, and our families live in that culture. More specifically though, we’ll explore 3 familial factors that can lead to inflated self-esteem in adults. First, what is inflated self-esteem? Inflated self-esteem is feeling better than others. It’s forgetting that we’re all imperfect human beings trying our best. It’s literally and figuratively having your nose up in the air looking down on others. In the Pia Mellody and Terry Real schools of thought, it’s also referred to as being “1-up” or in grandiosity, which is the opposite of being “1-down” or in toxic shame. What is brilliant about their schools of thought is the understanding that the energy behind both inflated self-esteem and deflated self-esteem, is contempt. If we’re in toxic shame, the contempt is going towards us (“I’m an idiot.)” If we’re in grandiosity the contempt is going towards others (“You’re an idiot.)” We’re going to look at where this grandiosity and inflated self-esteem can come from. 1. It was modeled. One parent may have often operated in the 1-up position with judgement and contempt towards their spouse (your parent or stepparent). They often devalued their spouse’s thoughts, feelings, or interests and they may have behaved overly selfishly putting their needs above the relationship and the family. The message that gets communicated to the child and young adult is: when you get older, this is how you get to act… 2. You were raised as if you could do no wrong. Children need to experience the consequences of their actions in a healthy way. Children raised as if they can do no wrong often received the message that someone else was to blame for their shortcomings. For example, the poor grades they received were not their fault, but were the fault of the teachers, the school, or the system because they’re inadequate. This sort of parenting disconnects children from the consequences of their actions, and they may begin to operate as if “above the law,” and take this belief into adulthood. 3. You were falsely empowered as a child. Sometimes children can be elevated to a spoken or unspoken role in the family of something like, “You’re our star athlete or student, and you’ll make us look good as parents…” If a child is elevated to that role, like being raised as if you could do no wrong, they have special status and they begin to believe in this status. The problems with this are not only inflated self-esteem, but the message of performance-based esteem which is, “I have value based on what I do, not who I am…” Knowing where inflated self-esteem comes from can provide insight and motivation to change. If you think you have inflated self-esteem, or most likely, it has been pointed out to you by someone else, it’s important to start practicing “same as.” This means remembering no one is fundamentally better or less than anyone else. Basically, it means not being quick to cast judgements of your partner or others because we’re all fundamentally trying our best. I’ll share a quick practice that helps me come down to same as. Say I come home and the kids are upset. Instead of immediately blaming and judging my wife for this, I ask myself the question: “What’s my part in this?” That usually does the trick because: I could have gotten home earlier, I could of have dinner prepared, I could have spent more time individually with my kids today, etc., etc. Good news is that usually works. If it doesn’t, I’ll then remember all the positive qualities of my wife. I mean, after all, I did marry her… Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jason! Jason Polk, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jason Polk has been a couples therapist in Denver, CO for over nine years. He helps couples move away from disconnection and disharmony to harmony, connection and passion. He's been effective in helping clients experience and maintain results. Jason has been divorced and that's why he became a relationship therapist. Now he's been happily married for seven years and has two young kids. His mission: help you have harmony & passion!

Written by: Denise Stowe, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. As a trauma therapist, I have had the privilege of extensive experience working with survivors of sexual violence, and the bravery they show to engage in support to begin to make sense of their trauma is truly inspirational. Each and every person’s healing journey and experience of Sexual Violence is completely individual. However, after several years of holding people’s hope, a few common themes are shared around the blocks to disclosing their experience of sexual violence to either the police or their support network. I wanted to understand the difficulties that survivors experience in disclosing to the police or the support network around them. I want to explore this further by understanding the current picture of the justice system and gaining insight from my client’s points of view by asking direct questions about their experiences. I have gained their permission to use answers within this article and will keep their identities anonymous to further protect them. Reporting the crime to the police can be a very traumatic experience often resulting in a long drawn-out process that unfortunately does not often lead to a conviction or a fitting sentence given to the perpetrator. The process of reporting includes sharing every detail of rape, sexual assault, child sexual exploitation, or child abuse they have experienced this can be re-traumatizing for the survivor. Over the last ten years in the UK has seen a dramatic increase in the number of sexual violence crimes, Rape Crisis reports “The number of rape offenses in the year ending June 2021 was 61,158. The charity ‘Rape Crisis’ has reported 1 in 4 women being raped or sexually assaulted as an adult and the highest number of rape cases reported to the police in march 2022 was 70,330.” Despite more rapes and sexual offenses being committed and reported than ever before the statistics for successful convictions are at an all-time low. Criminologist Dr. Katrin Hohl from the University of London, reported last year that under 1% of reported rapes lead to a successful conviction. I feel this further blocks the decision to report to the police. Knowing that the process will be invasive and may leave the Survivor feeling like they aren’t believed married with the unlikely chance of a successful conviction doesn’t encourage survivors to report the horrendous crimes they have experienced. I asked three clients a series of questions to further understand their experiences with disclosing, they have bravely agreed for me to share their experience. I will protect their identity, but they have agreed to share their gender, age, and community identity as it is important to give context to their responses. I have outlined the demographic and shared the questions and the client’s responses below. Client A: 24 years old, British Sikh, heterosexual, female. Client B: 37 years old, white British, heterosexual, female. Client C: 25-year-old, White British, Lesbian, Female Did you report your Sexual Violence to the police? If yes/or no why/why not? Client A: “No, I did not report. It took me 3 years to be able to come to terms with what happened myself, let alone tell my own family. I could never think about going to the police with it, not when it was so raw when I would have to relive it not even wanting to believe it happened to me. I didn’t at the time, have the mental and emotional capacity to go to the police with it, knowing how much I would be questioned about every detail, some of which are a total blur. went back and forth from coming forward about it, but in the end decided against it because if it landed in court, and I had to become a witness, I don’t think I could’ve handled my entire life, conversations, choice of clothing and anything else being under a microscope. “ This highlights the current rape culture where survivors are often judged by society for not coming forward at the time of the trauma they experienced. I think the idea of laying your life and choices bare when you have experienced a violation is almost too much. Client B: “I didn’t report my experience to the police, I was so scared I wouldn’t be believed and that my family would find out what had happened to me. I was worried that I would be blamed for not being able to stop what happened to me. The idea of being questioned and describing my trauma was overwhelming.” The fear of not being believed and having to describe in graphic detail the survivor’s experience can be retraumatizing for them. Trauma memories are often non-linear and often not fully present. Client B has shared that they dissociated a number of times throughout their experience. Not being able to recall a detailed timeline of events can add to the fear of not being believed. Client C:” I did not report my experiences to the police. Unfortunately, my experiences were not a one-off issue but instead a series of events over the course of a year and a half. Due to this, I believe it was a case of not understanding in myself that what I had experienced was something that should be reported. I think it’s often a common misconception that sexual violence is something that can only happen to girls who are drunk, wearing crop tops, and being approached by strangers. In reality of course, sexual violence can happen to anyone wearing anything and being in any state of mind. It can happen with the person you love whilst you’re wearing your pyjamas in your home. Whilst I truly believe the above to be correct, this is not the dogma of society today; particularly of those in a position of power who could actually do something to influence change. Whilst I was scared of the perpetrator, I feel I was more scared by the idea that I would disclose information that would change others’ perceptions of me. I believed at the time and still do, that disclosing my experiences to the police would have led to further questions that I either could not answer or was not in a fit state to answer. By not adhering to the same ideals, I believed that I would have been made to feel ashamed of those events; as if I had done something that caused a chain reaction so that the only logical outcome would have been sexual violence. Growing up in a rural environment, I was often witness to conversations such as “well she obviously did something to annoy him” or “well what did she expect when she talked back like that?”. Aside from the obvious victim blaming, there is a sense that this is an inevitable sequence of events that had to happen in order for the woman in this situation to understand her place. All in all, the main reason I did not report my experiences was because I was conditioned to believe 2 important things 1. This is a normal thing that happens 2. I had obviously provoked such behavior In disclosing to the police, I became part of the problem; another example of a woman trying to ruin a man’s life with stories of her own failings.” The client is able to bravely share the impact of the subconscious messages they received from their environment growing up and how that shaped their own experiences of prolonged sexual and domestic violence. I think it’s so powerful to see how their world “conditioned” them into holding damaging beliefs about women and how they see the world through a different lens now. Q: “Did the fear of not being believed prevent you from disclosing? If so how?” Client A: “In all honesty, this thought never really came into my head. I wasn’t actually worried about not being believed, but more so worried about being blamed. As a woman, we get a huge amount of the blame for SA committed against us, but as a woman of colour, our communities are a whole lot tougher to get through.” Client B: “Yes, I truly thought I would be perceived as if I was making it up. I thought the police might think that sexual violence happens to attractive women who are in dangerous situations. I was also worried my family wouldn’t believe me or blame me. “ Client C: “Personally, I felt that not being believed was almost a given. It is common knowledge that sexual violence cases are not often convicted and I was reluctant to be another name on the list of people who had disclosed information, only to be tossed aside as a liar. I don’t think that the case would have been that it was believed I was lying about the violence, I think the situation would have been that I wasn’t believed that I did not deserve it. By admitting to the police that this had happened, I was in essence admitting that I had done something bad enough to warrant the violence as a reaction. My fear was that disclosure would lead to questions such as “if you hadn’t done this then maybe it wouldn’t have happened”. As a victim of sexual violence, you go through so many thought processes and how someone reacts to your story can influence which process dominates. If not being believed by the police had occurred, like in the case of so many others, I believe it would have led me further down a path of believing that I had done something to deserve my experiences.” All of the clients felt as if they would be somehow blamed for the sexual violence they had experienced. Whilst the lack of convictions also seems to play a part in the reasons why women don’t disclose, I feel that rape culture and societal messaging also feed into a culture where women feel unheard, judged, and dismissed and disclosing their experiences would means they don’t receive the justice they deserve. Q: If you disclosed to family or friends were you believed? Client A: “For three years, I battled this by myself, but I made the decision to tell my mother first, and later my father and brother and best friend. All of whom believed me without a second thought.” Client B: “ I have never disclosed to any of my family and probably never will I hold so much shame still around what happened to me but don’t feel like they will ever understand it or believe me. I have disclosed to one friend and my husband both of whom believed me but it still feels really hard to talk about.” Client C:” I have been relatively fortunate in my experiences of being believed by those I have disclosed my story too. However, I also have been particular about who I have disclosed to in the first place. When telling my friends, I was met with support and acceptance as I was not in an environment in which the dogma of victim blaming was predominant. In comparison, however, in telling a trusted elderly relative, I was told that it was a completely normal experience and that it would help me learn what not to do. I think being believed entirely depends on the individual person you are retelling to and their own stigmatised viewpoint of sexual violence and victim blaming.” Reading the above response it’s easy to see that the survivor of sexual violence is still left with the decision of who to disclose to and what length of time to leave it. It’s hard to imagine carrying the impact of sexual violence in isolation whilst trying to work out who will believe you and who will support you. Client C’s response from an older relative highlights the damage long-term exposure to rape and myths can have. As a therapist I believe wholeheartedly this can lead to intergenerational trauma – the oppressive effect of their own traumatic experiences. Q: Did you worry about the impact on your community? Client A: “Personally, no one else aside from those mentioned and a few other friends and my now partner know about the violence I survived. That being said, as a whole, I think it is hugely important to talk about sexual assault and violence more, especially in the Asian community. It is imperative to break the stigma about survivors being at fault. This will only happen with more open conversations and education. In the future, if I ever feel ready to, I would like to be a part of this conversation and share my story and how my family supported my healing journey. I think people in the community seeing how a supportive family works and how to nurture and help someone who has endured such horrors and is still able to laugh and be happy would be a huge wake up call not to label the survivors as the problem. The accountability has to be shifted, and not just in Asian communities, but within every community. The survivors never asked for this pain, I never asked to go through what I went through. I never asked to be stripped of my sense of self, safety, dignity and mental stability.” Client B: “ I never thought about the community in the sense that I didn’t feel I belonged or my life would impact the community as a whole.” Client C: “This wasn’t a particular concern for me as I never had a consideration to share the information. The community that I grew up in believed that sexual and physical violence was a method in which men taught women how to behave. By telling those in the community, it would have only shed light on my own behaviour as opposed to the perpetrator. I think more than anything, it would have influenced the community’s view of me and that was something that I did not want to risk.” I feel the responses to this question speaks for themselves. There are however, a wide range of differences between each one. This helps to put into perspective how the communities we belong to shape how we see ourselves, and perceive women and sexual violence as a whole. I was hugely saddened by the responses; from not feeling like the their experience mattered, to the client’s behaviour being questioned. But, I have admiration for the hope and potential change in the community in client A’s response. Q: Has this impacted on your healing journey at all? Client A: “It took me almost 5 years to reach out to my therapist and get help. I wanted to talk about it from the start of my therapy journey, but I wasn’t ready to dive into it and properly heal from it. The assaults impacted my life for years, they impacted my friendships, relationships with my family and my relationship with myself, for years I couldn’t look in the mirror without feeling shame and disgust. I was only 18 when this happened to me, and I was 23 when enough was enough and I sought help. The conversation around sexual violence is not nearly as loud or as big enough as it should be. There has to be this huge overhaul on how we look at this, not just for out future generation, but for those out there like me, who survived, lived on and learnt to feel safe again. Once I started my healing journey in therapy, it took me about 6 or 7 months to be able to talk about the assault. Only then, was I fully ready to finally heal and move past this. I’ve read accounts of other survivors who did go to the police, who ended up in court, only to have their whole life shredded to pieces and their attacker go free. This has to change. The stigma around sexual violence and how shunned upon it is to speak about it online, within your community, even in your own home to an extent had a huge impact on my healing timeline. Had the topic been more available for discussion, it wouldn’t have felt like such a huge weight pushing me into the ground for 5 years before I sought help, in fact, I wouldn’t have waited that long. I wouldn’t have hidden it from my family and friends for 3 years, I wouldn’t have silently suffered and ended up going down the darkest of paths at 18 years old. I never asked for that pain, I never wanted that pain – until it happened to me, from someone I trusted too, it was always something I heard about but never thought it could happen to me. When we, as women, say ‘All men…’, we know it isn’t all men, we just don’t know which men it is. I never thought someone I trusted could hurt me, let alone push me to a point of almost no return. It is high time for the conversation to open up and for the stigma around sexual violence survivors to disappear. We’re not the ones who caused ourselves this pain and fear, but we damn sure are the ones who survived it and lived on in spite of it. “ Client B: “ It took a long time for me to find a therapist, and when I eventually did I really struggled, in the beginning, to name what had happened to me. I thought they might blame me or assume that I deserved the experience as I had been so naïve not to see it. My therapist helped me see how it had a ripple effect on all my relationships and made me fear all men and feel as if I would never trust anyone. I think the who experience of sexual violence has damaged me long term, but my therapist has given me so much hope that I can take the power away from my perpetrator, by healing and recognising a 13-year-old is not responsible for what happened to her.” Client C: “I think being believed is the biggest thing that has contributed to my healing journey. It is often said that the first part in healing is acceptance but I do not believe this is to be true in the slightest. It was only after I had shared my experience and been believed, that I began to allow myself to come to terms with the idea that I had experienced something that should not have happened. Someone believing you allows you to believe in yourself. Often with those who suffer any type of violence, there may be gaps in memory or times in which your memory is muddled. Whilst this may give ammunition to those who’s view rests solely on the idea that ‘victims’ make up lies to ruin men’s lives, it is also the way in which a victim can protect themselves. By having someone believe me, I have been able to open those memories and fully understand them as a crime rather than a just punishment. Overall, those three words “I believe you” hold more power than that of the perpetrator and allow victims like myself to fully embrace their healing journey and allow us to understand our experiences. Whilst those who do not believe me paint me as a broken individual, it is those who do believe me that are helping me become whole.” Before conducting this research, I wanted to clearly understand the barriers that stop women from disclosing their experiences of sexual violence to either the police or their support networks. I think it’s clear to see from the statistics and the response from my clients that there are a wide variety of issues preventing women from sharing their traumatic experiences. The combination of low conviction rates, how the police interview victims of sexual violence, and the societal messaging around current rape culture are obvious obstacles to women being able to share their experiences. There is much more work to be done with the police and the way sexual violence victims are treated so that they can understand how traumatizing the process is. I think in the UK there is a current national outcry for the low conviction rates and sentences being given as this just isn’t good enough and certainly, it doesn’t help provide any deterrent. The problem has been further exacerbated by the recent case of a British policeman being found guilty of multiple rapes and crimes of sexual violence whilst serving. It feels as if the trust in the justice system by victims of sexual violence is understandably low. I would like to explore further the impact that societal culture has on victims of sexual violence being heard and believed in a future article that I can dedicate more time and research to. I believe that we are very quick to dismiss the impact of messages we receive from the press, society as a whole, and celebrity culture about sexual violence. I would like to take this time to thank my inspiration, brave, strong, and amazing clients for being able to share their experiences. Follow me on Facebook, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Denise! Denise Stowe, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Experiencing complex trauma throughout her childhood, Denise has dedicated her life to make a difference. She completed her own healing journey and trained to be a therapist. She found her calling during her placement at a local Rape Crisis Centre working with Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD/CPTSD and complex trauma. This enabled her to use a variety of methods and interventions to offer her clients a bespoke therapeutic approach. She endeavours to empower and give hope to as many trauma survivors as possible. Denise is aware that she can’t take away the trauma that has been experienced, but she strives to support her clients to navigate a way forward and to overcome its lasting impacts.

Written by: Victoria Rader, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Your subconscious mind is a tricky thing. Quietly and powerfully, it runs your life, in the background of your awareness, beating your heart, pumping your blood, breathing your lungs… witnessing millions of cells dying and being born. Running the programs of your survival. Wait. Pause. That is just it. It is running the programs of your survival! Creating a deep subconscious program that you BELONG in survival! Any risk, any inexperienced growth is considered to be a threat. If you have not done something before, there is no subconscious record of the evidence that it won’t harm your survival. And so you set your goals, you dream your dreams, you get ready, you get set, you go… and you hit a cement wall of your self-sabotage! Sounds familiar? Your willpower takes you only so far if it is a continued push against your self-sabotage, based on your will force. If you are forcing your way towards achievement, sooner or later you experience burnout and exhaustion in the process. The achievements lose their appeal, draining the sense of fulfillment and joy. Welcome to Being Human 101! What if we stopped fighting the process? What if we stopped overcoming who we are? What if we actually accepted ourselves so fully and completely that the pattern will give way to a new paradigm of growth? Acceptance is not a process of agreeing or condoning. Acceptance is stepping out of denial and into awareness! A lot of us refuse to accept life for what it is because we think that by accepting the circumstances, we support them. In reality, accepting empowers us to release and not build up resentment or regret. If you have been weighed down by feeling Rejected or patterns of harmful Resentment and Regret or triggered into unwanted Reaction, there is simply a glitch with Acceptance. Once we shift our conscious awareness of what acceptance is, our subconscious no longer needs to be glitching us back into sheer survival through patterns of continued self-sabotage. 1. We Accept to RELEASE When we don’t know how to Accept in order to Release, we will feel damaging inner resentments and regrets! I often use this visual: imagine that someone is giving you a bag full of junk and they are very insistent on pushing it onto you. If you continue to resist it, you will be in a stuck standoff, continually being drained of your energy! Yet, if you accept the bag, you then reclaim your full power to do whatever you choose with its contents! Hence, the well-known “what we resist, persists”! By accepting a negative situation, we simply no longer resist it, we give ourselves the power to shift it by accepting it so we can release it! What are you ready to accept today in order to release it? 2. We Accept to RECEIVE When we don’t know how to Accept in order to Receive, we will not only feel rejected, we will also reject any good advice or opportunity, being stuck in the process of sabotage through self-rejection! We often feel like we don’t belong … Or we might be reluctant to receive the good that others have to offer us. Some of us have not developed a healthy pattern of receiving because we don’t have the mental capacity or practice to belong with good things. Yep, not a typo. Most of us think of belonging as to someone. “This belongs to me”. This pattern triggers a survival cry for freedom! We would much rather feel free than listen to good advice that we feel is limiting our freedom! You know you have done it … so have I… But a much more powerful shift is knowing that you are worthy to belong with what is good for you. To belong with abundance. To belong with wholeness. To belong with prosperity. We get stuck in the actual longing for something, creating more lack of it in our life! We long for good relationships, vacations, and careers. We are at a level of “be longing” for what we want instead of “belonging” with it! Our subconscious deciphers that it is not safe for us to receive and belong with our desires and keeps us in survival longing for them! What are you ready to accept today in order to receive it? 3. We Accept to RESPOND When we don’t know how to Accept in order to Respond, we will be triggered into Reacting instead of Responding! Acceptance is a process that allows for clarity of mind without the necessity of immediate action. So many of us have become action figures! Accepting and pausing gives us a chance to respond. Sometimes we need to accept an idea in order to decide further whether we are going to release it or receive it, without internalizing it! What are you ready to accept today in order to respond to? What if you indeed belong with peace, purpose and prosperity? What if you indeed belong with infinite possibilities? To keep your inner self-saboteur lovingly in check, please accept my Free gift of Manifest Miracles Masterclass … because I say YES to a question, “What if you indeed were a miracle and belonged with a life full of miracles?” For more info, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website! Read more from Victoria! Victoria Rader, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Victoria Rader, Ph.D. in Metaphysics, is a Possibility Coach and founder of YU2SHINE. Through thousands of client sessions and seminars, Victoria has witnessed that the cap to one's fulfillment is defined by their subconscious programming. As a result, she created products and services with a unique success formula of healing one’s heart, freeing one’s mind, and expanding one’s skills to see, create and live a life of limitless possibilities. The host of All About the Voice podcast, internationally best-selling author of Until You Win, Until You Shine, and Manifest mE journal, creator of mE apps, and founder of the Quantum Freedom movement, Victoria is excited to launch her newest book Prosper mE: 35 Universal Laws to Make Money Work for You. Her mission is to both awaken and empower you to your life of limitless possibilities.