Written by: Tom Paine, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Why can't you speak in public? It's because I keep telling myself so! Over the years, I held a firm belief that I couldn’t speak in front of an audience. If there were more than 2 people around, I would fumble my words, turn red, and generally make a mess of what I was trying to say. Every time this would happen, every time I would mess up. And after each episode, I would reaffirm to myself: ’you can’t speak in public, so don’t even bother next time!’ Was this story true? Was my ‘belief’ based on fact? The answer was quite simply ’no ,’ and here’s why… I realized that beliefs are not based on evidence. They were merely the result of experiences in my life. I also learned that thoughts create your beliefs. Therefore I was ‘thinking myself’ into this negative belief about public speaking. After realizing that this was the case, I started to challenge myself to get better at it. I started to practice more in the run-up to presentations, and I would prepare what I wanted to say ahead of the event. I also prepared a few pre-rehearsed anecdotes before social events, just in case the spotlight was on me to tell a story. I would visualize the conversation going well, with me at the heart of it. The result of this new belief that I could improve, was a better outcome. Not perfect, but a step in the right direction. I realized that if I changed my attitude by not telling myself the same old story of ‘you can’t speak in Public,’ I had half a chance. Over the years to come, I was promoted to a position that involved hosting office meetings. My job depended on public speaking, so I had to start performing. I mastered Sales Meetings, sometimes in front of 50 + staff. Next up was my wedding speech, keeping 100+ guests entertained (and even making a few family members cry!). My confidence was growing. I even saw it as a new challenge to push myself to get better results. I wanted to continue to prove myself wrong! Disproving my limiting belief culminated when I delivered my Grandad’s Eulogy to friends and family at his funeral. A truly emotional day, but one of great pride as I conquered that limiting belief by delivering a speech my Grandad would have been proud of. So, the question needs to be asked: are your beliefs working for you? There are so many stories that we tell ourselves, thoughts, and beliefs that work against us. They stop us from living a life of true potential. I always enjoy giving this example to my clients as they look to overcome their limiting beliefs. It gives me a sense of pride. It gives my clients a methodology in how to prevent the beliefs that are holding back their lives. Try starting today. Recognize those doubts and thoughts that are keeping you from fulfilling your true potential. And start living! Follow me on LinkedIn , Twitter and visit my website for more info! Read more from Tom! Tom Paine, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Tom Paine is a Certified Life Coach, offering expertise in resilience, confidence growth, and relationship management. Professionally, Tom spent ten years working in the Recruitment sector. He built an excellent reputation as a specialist IT Consultant, eventually becoming a Business Manager, leading sales teams responsible for £8m annual turnover for global and SME organizations, relocating to London and Manchester. Tom’s sales team operated at 18 staff at its peak, ranging from Junior Consultants to Principals, Managers, and Team Leaders. Tom coaches people based on their needs, supporting them to overcome restrictions in their life. Tom's clients experience a renewed sense of confidence, well-being, and energy, enabling them to take control of their lives to start living with happiness and fulfillment. He blends corporate experience, spirituality, and goal setting to fantastic effect.

Written by: Amanda Cottrell, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you think that you have no idea how you are going to make it through. Then a few days, months, or years later you look back and you are amazed at how the struggle you went through actually made you stronger. You may even look back at times that you struggled and still wonder how you ever made it through. Right now each and everyone of us has gone through a year and a half of unique struggles either personally, relationally, professionally or a combination of all three, as the world navigated the pandemic. When I look back on this year I am amazed at how truly strong and resilient people are. Even our smallest members of society have shown a tremendous amount of resilience. Businesses had to quickly learn how to continue to do thrive while their employees worked from home. Parents and teachers had to promptly step up and learn to teach and learn online along with the students. Children had to learn in a very different way then ever before in history. Doctors and nurses had to navigate unknown territory and many small businesses had to pivot the direction of their business in order to survive the downturn the pandemic brought on. Yet we all made it through and are truly stronger in some way. Maybe you learned a new skill. Maybe you learned how to enjoy the simpler things in life. Maybe you had a relationship fail and now you are learning to rebuild your life. No matter what you went through or are going through as we begin to emerge from the lockdowns and isolation each and everyone of us is stronger in some way from that experience. I look back on many aspects of my life and realize that I am way stronger than I give myself credit for. If you look back on your life I am sure there are aspects that you will find that you can, with 100 percent certainty, know that you are stronger for that experience. For example, when my daughter was two, I went through a divorce while teaching full-time and completing a master's degree. When I look back now I have no clue how I made it through that time, but I know that I did. I am also very grateful for that experience because I know that it made me stronger. Now, whenever I am struggling with something, I make a joke saying, “I survived completing my masters while working full time with a toddler in the middle of a divorce… I can achieve anything I put my mind to.” Even with surviving and thriving through that, I still find that life has its ebbs and flows. There are times when I am very motivated to achieve my goals and take the next steps towards what I want to achieve and there are times when I feel at a loss and really unproductive and don’t know which way to go next. When these situations arise it is important to be gentle with yourself. I know for me, that the pandemic really took a toll on my mental health and my drive to achieve my goals around my writing and illustrating books. It almost felt like a time of nesting and rest was needed and I feel as though my goals sat on the back burner. Now as we emerge from what felt like a time in limbo, there seems to be a new sense of drive and hope. If you also felt like the last year and a half was like living in a groundhog day and life was not really flowing the way you had hoped, know that you made it through and you truly are stronger than you think. With this newfound strength maybe it is time to step up and start taking action towards whatever goal you have personal, relational or professional. Strength comes from within. You always have a choice in any situation. If you are feeling stuck find that inner strength to take the first step. Don’t let fear of the unknown hold you back. Trust in your strength and begin to daily take steps towards what you want to achieve and believe me in five years you will look back in awe at how far you have come. Follow Amanda on Facebook, Instagram, and visit her website for more info! Read more from Amanda! Amanda Cottrell, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Believe! Create! Inspire! Amanda Marie Cottrell is a woman who wears many hats with a BA in Political Science, B.Ed in elementary education, M.Ed specializing in creativity and technology, Reiki master, yoga for young children instructor, artist, mom, author, illustrator, and teacher. She also runs an arts-based business teaching art and mindfulness workshops. As an educator of young children for over 14 years, Amanda’s passion is education and creativity. She believes that everyone has creative capacities. Her mission is to empower people by tapping into their unique creative gifts through connection and mindfulness. Namaste!

Written by: Jarod Anderson, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Have you ever reached the point where you just wanted to leave your 9-to-5? Maybe it is to escape a toxic work environment, make more money, free up more time, or engage in something more purposeful and fulfilling. Whatever the motivation, it is a big decision and one you should not take lightly. I should know because I am smack dab in the middle of such a transition right now as I write this. Choosing to leave my 9-to-5 was a matter of regaining control of my time and money, and pursuing financial independence from my 9-to-5. Don't get me wrong, the pay was good, but I knew it would never provide true freedom where my time and money were concerned. Hence, I had a decision to make. I could play it safe and remain on the same level, or I could take a calculated plunge into the unknown in search of something greater. I chose the latter. Are you considering taking a similar plunge but don't know where to start? If so, this article is just for you. Here are 7 "reality checks" that can help you "think through" such a transition and give you the confidence to do what feels right for you. Ready? Let's begin 1. The Reality of Present Circumstances One of the main things that helped me decide to leave my 9-to-5 was my acknowledgment of my frustrations with the present. I was tired of getting paid once a month and trying to limit my entire life to the confines of a fixed salary. How do you feel about the current conditions around your work, time, and money? If they stayed the same for the next ten years, would you be okay with that? Are you in a toxic work environment? Do you feel fulfilled in what you are doing? Do you dread getting up on Monday morning? Whatever the answer, be honest with yourself regarding any frustrations about the present. Make a list of these items, and then write 1 -2 small action steps you can take to bring about a small yet impactful change. It could be something as small as making a decision or shifting your perspective. The important thing is to be honest, and commit to taking action to move the needle forward. 2. The Reality of the Fear of the Unknown "What happens if things don't work out?" The fear of the unknown is one of the biggest obstacles to leaving a job. I know this was the case for me. I was consumed with the thought that things may not work out as planned and I would look like a fool. Let's be honest--that's a scary thought. But what you must realize is that this is your faulty projection of the future based on fear. Just as sure as you can imagine things not working out, you can imagine them working out. All I know is that we tend to get out of life what we believe, not what we want. If that thought is your dominating belief, stay put because you may attract that very outcome. The key is to create a picture of things working out and then develop a plan. See things working out in your favor. Rather than worry about tomorrow, focus on what you can do to make a positive change today. I want you to get a journal and take the time to script out your new ideal future. Don't worry about how; just create the picture and write it out. 3. The Reality of Failing One of my favorite quotes by Michael Jordan is: "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Understand that failure is not final. It is only feedback to be used to tell you what you can do better next time. Where leaving my job was concerned, I made peace within my telling myself that my biggest disappointment would not come from failure, but instead never having tried. I am sure you have failed at something before, and guess what? You lived! Embrace the truth that failing by no means makes you a failure. It just simply means there is likely a better way you have yet to discover. What I found is that what looks like failure can simply be a lack of planning. Make a list of what you would consider failure where transitioning from your 9-to-5 is concerned, and then create a plan of things you can do today to minimize those things from happing. Not as scary anymore, is it? 4. The Reality of the Fuel of Finances Out of the seven realities, the need for money is probably the one that runs deepest. Many of our frustrations with the present and fears about the future could be alleviated if we had more income. Let's be honest; we need finances to function in almost every aspect of our lives. The problem is, we depend on one stream of income (our jobs), which makes us dependent on this source. So even if your 9-to-5 is in a toxic work environment, doesn't pay enough, or adversely impacts your health, it's hard to leave because that's your only source of income. That's why I always encourage my clients to establish multiple income streams. Your life expands too greatly and frequently to be maintained by one source of income. Think of it like this, the bigger your vehicle, the more fuel it needs to function. The bigger your life, the more finances you will need. Once I realized my paycheck would never provide enough fuel for the size of the lifestyle I desired, I knew I had to find a better way. This strikes at the core of the struggle many face regarding their work, time, and money. Make a list of things you can do to generate some extra streams of income. 5. The Reality of Believing for a Brighter Future You often hear people say, "If I knew then what I know now, I would do things a lot differently." Well, then is long gone, and now is here to stay. So what are you going to do with what you know now? What if you could recreate your future to reflect the inner desires of your heart? The beautiful thing is that YOU CAN! All it requires from you is a shift in perspective, a willingness to change some faulty beliefs, and the courage to make some different choices in life. You have been given the unique ability to choose, create, and change. But, you must first believe. What's possible for you is determined by how you think. Furthermore, your life tends to move in the direction of your dominant thoughts. As Napoleon Hill said, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." What do you believe about yourself and the potential of your future? 6. The Reality of Having to Take a Leap of Faith It's human nature to want to have all of the steps and answers mapped out before moving forward, but that's not how life works. Often, you have to "step out on faith" without fully knowing "how: everything will work out, but knowing they will. I'm not saying to skip planning and preparing, but sometimes you have to advance based on an inner belief and conviction with no outward evidence. As you ponder over your next move, ask yourself, "Is this decision being motivated by fear or faith?" 7. The Reality of Experiencing True Freedom in Life Finally, I want to talk about what this entire article is all about--freedom. Being free from debt, student loans, living paycheck-to-paycheck, exchanging time for money, and from having to work on a job that you can't stand. Imagine what life would be like if you had the time, money, and freedom to live independent of your 9-to-5? Is such an existence possible with your full-time job? Only you can decide that. But whatever you do, promise me you will pursue whatever is in your heart and not settle for less than you desire or deserve. Follow Jarod on his Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit his website to learn more. Jarod Anderson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jarod Anderson, also known as "The 9-to-5 Exit $trategist" is a mindset coach and author who challenges and empowers working professionals to live financially independent of their 9-to-5. After getting laid off from his first job, Jarod knew he had couldn't put all his trust in one source of income and would have to script out a different path for his l. Hence, he committed to changing his mindset about work, time, and money so he could break so he would one day be in a position to live life on his own terms. Through his books and course, Jarod empowers others to live more independently of their 9-to-5 by changing their thinking and creating multiple streams of income. Jarod is the author of the book" Five Star Mentality: The MIndset of the Super Achievers," and has recently created his blockbuster course, The Psychology of the Employee Mind: How to Elevate Your Mind, Money, and Finances Beyond the Limitations of Your 9-to-5. To learn more about Jarod, visit his website at www.empoweredwithjarod.com.

Written by: Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Do these all sound like foreign terms? There is lots to be explored in this space to have adult fun, play, create memories and develop a strong bond. Heard of Aphrodite? She was known as the Greek Goddess of love, beauty & sexuality. Aphrodisiacs has its roots in Ancient Greece and comes from the name of Aphrodite. Aphrodisiacs can be termed as a love potion. Usually, it is a source that is used to bring on sexual desire in people in the form of food, alcohol, or drugs. There is no scientifically proven evidence that any food can stimulate human sex organs. Food and sex are known to be two of the greatest pleasures to mankind. I am not surprised that food and the act of eating can stimulate a desire within the body. Five senses that can be used to lure sexual interest Sight, touch, sound, scent & taste are the five senses that can be used to lure sexual interest in an individual with an expected physiological response on the genitals to follow. Visually erotic food can stimulate our most erotic organ, our brain. Foods that resemble certain erogenous zones are referred to as phallic and yonic-shaped foods. Some of these phallic foods are eel, carrots, cucumber, licorice, bananas, etc. Some Yonic food examples are oysters, mango, fig, peaches, kiwi, clams, passion fruit, etc. I am sure you were told ‘'not to play with your food when you were younger'’. This is the opposite of that childhood lesson. You can play a variety of food games from starters to dessert taking you through the stage of desire, foreplay to orgasm. Aphrodisiacs can boost your sex drive and spice up your sex life. This is a list of some of the foods that are aphrodisiacs: Exotic Fruits Pomegranate, Fig, Pineapple, Dates, Quince and Papaya Common Foods Mushrooms, Honey, Potatoes, Onions, Goji Berries, Garlic, Oysters, Liquorice, Fresh Figs, Apples, Asparagus, Carrots, Chocolate, Green and Black Olives, Chilli Peppers, Baby Tomatoes, Bananas, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie or Seeds, Aloe Vera leaves, Cayenne Pepper, Ginger and Coriander. Pheromones are chemicals secreted by the body that act like hormones outside of the body to trigger a response of the other individual. This is a primal form of communication. Hormones work internally and have a direct influence on the behaviour of the individual that responds to the one secreting them. Pheromones in humans maybe present in bodily secretions such as urine, semen, breast milk or vaginal fluids. Potentially saliva, breath, and axillary (armpit) sweat. Some aphrodisiacs have been identified in the form of a scent. Both aroma and scents have a pleasant smell. Aroma refers to herbs, spices & food whilst scent is related to a fragrance. Sexy aromas for men: Cinnamon, popcorn, pumpkin pie & doughnuts Sexy aromas for women: Melon, chocolate, oranges & bread Sexy scents for men: Vanilla, lavender & jasmine Sexy scents for women: Musk, orange blossom & sandalwood Additional scents that have been noted for their aphrodisiacal effects: Saffron, musk, sandalwood and patchouli. Androstadienone is the term for a woman’s natural scent. Men can apparently identify a woman’s horniness or when she is not feeling it through a distinct scent. Androstenone, secreted only by males increases a women’s libido, especially if she is close to the time of ovulation. There is so much to know and find out on this topic and I have shared a ridiculously small area that you can use to heat things up. Loveology University has a full course on Aphrodisiacs that you can take. Start your exploration with food and what works for you, you will never know unless you try. What an incredible adventure to embark on cooking with passion & creativity, creating games to sizzle your relationship. Attitude in anything you do is the important ingredient and can spice up even the smallest effort. A cube of ice can produce sensual and erotic feelings. The ice can be rubbed up and down your partner's spine, behind the ears, down the neck and around the breasts, on the inside of the thighs, and so on. Fresh cream can also be effectively used on different areas of the body and licked off. Hide a dab of honey on your body and allow your lover to find it. Can you come up with a menu suggestion, now that you have some of the foods that are aphrodisiacs? Make it interesting with finger foods that can be easily fed to your partner. In all that you do, just make sure its fun! For more information, follow me on Facebook, Instagram and visit my website! Read more from Viloshni! Viloshni Moodley, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Viloshni Moodley is an accredited Master Sexpert, Relationship & Love Coach practicing as an Online Intimacy Coach. She is the founder and owner of Ultimacy Online, since leaving her over 25 years of management experience within Corporate South Africa. Her passion for empowering individuals with positive sex education and breaking the cycle of negative conditioning has influenced her decision on establishing Ultimacy Online. She believes relationships are the most important factor to overall well-being and thus passionate about making a change to ensure people have more fulfilling relationships. Having a happy, healthy relationship provides balance in individuals and couples. Individuals equipped with sex-positive information diminish the misnomers and shame associated with sex. It provides a basis to make informed decisions for the persons sexual health and promotes safe behaviour. This can contribute to making a difference in the horrific stats we are faced with daily on gender-based violence and sexual health issues. Ultimacy Online was a 2020 Brainz Magazine 500 Honouree. Viloshni has been a recipient of the Great Indian Women Award in the category of an Indian Women Making an Impact for 2021. TEDx Speaker on “The Importance of Intimacy."

Written by: Perri Chase, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Before we begin, I want you to take a moment to notice what your mind did when you saw this headline? Did your mind get excited? Did your mind think that it was gross? What did it feel like in your body? Did you think you don’t have power? Did you demonize power? What do you think about power? Do you think you have less power because someone has more? Or do you have this idea that someone has to give you power? Or maybe you think you need to take power away from someone? Or maybe you think you are too powerful? Let me take a moment to redefine power and change the way you look at this forever. As a culture, we have assigned the term Power to mean “power over,” “domination,” and “force.” But power, at its root, is an energetic resource. It is correct that money is a form of power, because money is an energetic resource. But understanding and mastering energy is every human’s birthright and you don’t need money to do that. How do you do that, then? Here are 9 ways you can reclaim & cultivate power: 1. Have excellent boundaries Ah, boundaries. Those pesky things. We live in a codependent society full of entitlement to people’s time, energy, and attention to such a degree that people who exercise good boundaries are sometimes considered mean or even narcissistic. But don’t let that be a deterrent for lovingly looking out for yourself. Many people violate their boundaries for the sake of looking "nice" or "likable". Boundaries are a set of self-guidelines that assist in keeping us outside the range of regret, resentment, or self abandonment. All boundaries need consequences if they are violated, or they aren’t boundaries. Boundaries do not include controlling other people. They are about exercising sovereignty and self-control. Try these full sentences on for size: "No." "I’m sorry I not available for that." "Thank you but I’m not interested in having this conversation." You will gain so much power from just this one thing you will be shocked. 2. Stop comparing yourself to other people Oof! What a way to spend energy! Your attention is your most powerful asset. Why would you give it away to other people via comparison? When you compare yourself to others it can have a paralyzing effect leaving you stuck in your mind and not moving from the truth of where you are now. Pro tip: Turn that attention back on what you want to create and watch it grow. 3. Stop seeking external validation The world is not your Daddy. You don’t need permission from anyone or anything to do or be anything. That is just your desire to fit in and maintain this idea that you are good and going to belong. This is your Ego trying to make sure it is doing a good job for everyone but the Truth inside you. Shift this internally. What do you feel about something? Is it true for you? Why are you seeking permission? What is the underlying fear? What is the worst thing that would happen if other's didn't approve? If you can release the grip on the need for approval this one you will free up a ton of power. 4. Let go of your goals Give up my goals?? But how will I ever be happy or achieve anything or have that thing I think I want? Goals are always Egoic. What that means is they are validating your identity. Meaning if I do X it will mean Y about me. It is why they are only temporarily satisfying. The Ego gets hungry for a new one right away. Your identity is then propped up by the achievement of the goal and then you need to find another goal in order to keep this cycle going. This is very similar to running on a hamster wheel. Many times we use the force of will to go against the truth of where energy is flowing to hit goals. Think of salmon swimming up river. This takes an enormous amount of energy. Try asking yourself "where is the energy flowing?" Following a deeper current often means taking steps on a staircase where you can only see the next step. You may not always understand it or find it fits your preferences, but if you learn to surf the wave without an agenda you will find yourself with a ton more power. 5. Be grateful Gratitude is an expansion practice. It opens up your container to be able to receive more. Think of it like this, if you are bitter and closed then you are like a closed fist. Even if something arrived you would not be available to take it. When we practice gratitude we extend an open palm signaling we are available to receive. Try a public practice of posting on social media for 30 days something you are grateful for daily and watch more come your way. 6. Cultivate Sexual Fire Yes. This involves your genitals. Sexual practices, like my modality SXBMB™️, a guided solo pussy stroking practice, cultivates power. This – and semen retention practices for those with a cock – is an excellent way to expand your nervous system, excavate buried trauma, and expand one’s container. If you do not have a relationship with your genitals or your body, you will have a hard time acquiring power. When we have our sexual energy repressed or off we will be stuck in our mind. Zero power exists in the mind. 7. Stop using alcohol, drugs, food, porn, video games, scrolling, personal drama or outrage to off-gas or numb Sorry for taking away all your toys and entertainment but numbing and off-gassing is a way we misspend power. Off gassing is when we have extra energy we don’t know what to do with and find it uncomfortable to keep in our bodies so we spend it on poor choices. Numbing is an attempt to push the sensations down into the body to quash them. Both of these are a response to not wanting to feel. The ability to hold sensation and feel it without numbing or dumping is the key to true power. It may take time for you to stop these. And that is ok. Noticing this pattern is the first step. 8. Heal your wounds Easier said than done, I know. However, when we are deeply wounded we create pockets inside of us that need protecting. That kind of protection requires a full time armed guard. Translation? A very expensive employee. Or think of it like powering an electric fence 24/7. The bill will be high! When you heal your wounds, meaning that you go in and FEEL what has been buried, you are able to open and more energy can flow in. This is the same thing as the closed fist/open palm example. Again, this takes time and working with skilled alchemists who know how to guide you at the pace your body can heal without re-traumatization. 9. Focus your energy on creation Putting your attention on pure creation, (one that’s of service to something more than self validation), is the number one way to acquire power. When you serve power, life force, and creation, you are given more. Resources show up so you can continue to serve. In every moment ask yourself: What is this in service to? Something bigger? Or my ego? I understand that this is incredibly simplified and it is something I spend years with students on in my memberships DEVOTION & HOLDER, but you can make changes today just from this small list that will impact your life. Energetic Mastery is a worthy practice as it aligns you with the Universal Law and doors and windows start opening all over the place. It is the foundation to everything I teach. If this calls you to learn more, please visit HouseofFire.com or follow me on Instagram and Facebook. Perri Chase, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Perri is a Mama, Wife, Woman, Channel, Teacher, and Practitioner of deep devotion to the Feminine. She lives a life in service to the deepest truth, as an energy, in all things and beings. She believes that our total and truest full expression is our soul’s purpose. She teaches pathways in life, relationships, expression, sacred medicine and business that all center the frequency of Feminine Truth, including her Foundations in Energetic Mastery path, DEVOTION. She created the sexual embodiment modality SXBMB™️ and the unique business pathway Magic Led Business™️.

Written by: Prue Sulicich, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. This is for all the mums and wives who want it all. You can take the woman out of the home, but you can’t take the homemaker out of the woman. I am a wife, mum and have a house to run. Therefore, I am a homemaker. Yes, that is an old-fashioned term, but one that I have decided to look at from a different perspective. And why can’t I embrace it? What is so bad about wanting to be a homemaker as well as an entrepreneur? Why do we have to choose? As a child, I was always maternal and nurturing. I dreamed about having children, creating a loving home, and looking after them with home-cooked meals, quality time, and old-fashioned values. As I grew and this became a reality, I wanted more. I wanted to be in business. And I have decided it does not need to be an either/or situation. We can have it all! We can be a loving wife, mother and be amazing, successful business women. I plan to do just that, and also help other women do the same. Starting a business was what I imagined as the perfect balance between wife, mum and success. Juggling time and energy came with the role, yet I loved it. But, for some reason guilt kept surfacing. As did doubt and imposter syndrome. So what kept me from fully embracing my choices? Because it was my choice. My choice to have kids. My choice to stay home and take on the homemaker role, my choice to start a business. MY CHOICE. Then why did guilt and doubt keep surfacing? It’s simple. Outdated beliefs. Yep, those pesky thoughts we believe to be true, but are actually not! It’s because they have been so well-practiced, they come easily and readily! You can always count on them to slide in when you are about to do something hard, or new, or when things are falling apart in the moment. Here are the Top 3 beliefs that keep us feeling we are failing at it all, when really, what is happening is we are living our dreams! ONE: Being a homemaker is unworthy. You may think you are not contributing financially, therefore are not equal. You may think others do not see the value in your work. Plus, you hear the term housewife and we imagine the 1950’s. No choice but to be a housewife. No equality. Undervalued. No say. This, my friends, is now not true. The path laid by our forewomen has given us our independence. To be truly equal in my eyes is to have the choice to do what we want as individuals. We are there. We have the choice. I don’t spend my days in an apron and headscarf jumping to every whim or need of my family; what I do is keep the place going to a standard I am happy with, that keeps me in a place of mentally being satisfied. I am fulfilling my role to my own standard and doing what makes me happy in my own life. TWO: We can’t have it all. We can’t be a good Mum and a good business woman. This thought is very common. But so is the scenario of women having it all. It was not long ago in our history that women did not have a choice. Of course, we are going to think this. But it also stems from expectation. We hold ourselves to such high expectations that we are bound to fail. THREE: You can’t outearn your husband/partner if they work a job and have a career. WOW! This is my own personal favourite. Of course I am going to stay small and play safe if I believe this. This thought is just a flow-on from the first two and no wonder, right? But it is simply not true! Of course, it is possible to outearn our spouses. So now what? We have discovered it’s our beliefs holding us back; what do we do with them? This is my favourite part. Awareness - write down everything that you think that is keeping you feeling terrible. Then stay in awareness by doing this exercise daily. Decide - to not think the old thought anymore. I love saying out loud, “I see you old thoughts, thanks for popping in, but I am not thinking of you anymore.” Call it out! Tweak it. Find a new sentence that you can counter the old thought with in the moment. For example; Being a homemaker is unworthy. To tweak it say; “I am being and doing what I want to please me and my family.” Then rinse and repeat. The road to this realization and perspective was long and bumpy. It has taken me years to realize that it is OK to choose the role of homemaker and entrepreneur and validate myself. I don't need anyone else to validate my worthiness. I know this is true for many women who are entrepreneurs but also mothers and wives. Don’t dull down your aspirations to be the best housewife, mum, or wife ever just because you want to be an awesome business woman. Do it all! Be it all! It is possible. Want to know more from Prue? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website. Prue Sulicich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Prue Sulicich is passionate about offering women the opportunity to know themselves so well, nothing can stand in their way to reach their dreams. Prue identified as a dreamer, but was held back by the belief that women are mothers and wives first. Prue was nervous, shy and someone who never liked to be in the spotlight. Over the last decade, Prue started successful businesses but never took them beyond being a "hobby" because of this belief, even though deep down, aspired for more. After coming out the other side of a major family crisis, Prue was able to hold strong and took her own self-development to the next level. Completing a Life Coaching certification honed her newly found passion to a skill, Prue then founded her business, Head Coach, and is now offering help to women similar to herself, achieve their dreams, be it, weight loss, self-love or anything in between. Prue has big goals in this space and is determined to use her own transformation as an example to other women struggling with self-belief or lost identity by taking small steps to make big changes.

Written by: Cheryl Gray Hines, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Integrity is congruency and consistency between your words and your actions. It is honoring your agreements and the values you profess to hold true. It is having conversations to address issues and completing what you have committed to do. It is not letting your values be become tainted out of fear of rejection, potential conflict, or short-term gain. Having integrity means taking responsibility not just for the good things but when you screw up as well. It is recognizing that where you have fallen short of what you have committed to with yourself, in your interactions with others as well as professional responsibilities and pursuits in the past, present and making it right going forward. It means acknowledging that the direction, actions, or commitments you believed were the best that may not have been. Whether you are the CEO, executive, D&I or HR leader or a rising star in middle management, an attribute of an effective and respected leader is being honest and leading others with integrity. In the Leadership Challenge, 6th edition by James Kouzes and Barry Posner data was collected from over 100,000 over 30 years and 87% identified honesty as one of the most admired characteristics of a leader. People across all types of industries and organizations want leaders who they can trust because of their integrity. Integrity is about more than glaring examples of personal or professional misconduct and large organization catastrophes. Everyday integrity matters in how you show up, interact with others and how we manage the systems/processes within our organizations or social structure. It is your everyday actions that support what you say and either demonstrate or diminish your integrity. Everyone has times when they fall short in integrity like not following up as promised, setting a personal or professional goal and not doing all you can to reach it, or committing to something you don’t have the capacity or resources to accomplish. One thing to recognize about integrity is that you will never have 100% integrity. There will undoubtedly be promises broken, commitments made that were not fully considered that you cannot keep, areas where you do not follow through, false statements made in the name of expediency or without sufficient understanding or information which compromise your integrity. That is when you must go into restoration mode to restore your integrity. Restoration mode may be in the form of an apology or acknowledgement that you were wrong, which can be a blow to the ego you are safeguarding. It may require listening to or even seeking out other perspectives because your approach quite frankly is self-serving and is not contributing to what you said you wanted to accomplish. It may require a reassessment of what you have the capability or capacity to do. Restoration of your integrity may be acknowledging that you cannot handle everything on your own and need the assistance of others. The good news is you can restore your integrity!!! To restore integrity, you must communicate it to the appropriate person(s), as soon as you realize you’ve blown it with a commitment, when know you are not going to do what you said or recognize you are unable to do what others expect of you. It means communicating without getting into reasons or excuses, acknowledging the impact of not keeping your word, and making a new promise, which you then keep. Let’s look at an example of in the workplace that diminishes your integrity and then steps to restore your integrity. There is a new project that you have been procrastinating on doing. You have had it on your priority list for weeks to complete the first phase. You have set time aside to focus on it, yet it keeps slipping off your schedule because you can do it tomorrow and there are more pressing items that take its place. Some of areas of preparation could be delegated but that will take time to explain you say you don’t have. You have let yourself become distracted whenever you get started telling yourself you don’t have enough information to start, you need to get more perspectives, you need more time to really go in depth, you just have too much on your plate and continually push it off your schedule. Tomorrow you have a meeting where you are supposed to talk about project however you are not prepared and have to reschedule the discussion. The delay will now impact other people being able to make decisions and act. So you affected your workability and created feelings of inadequacy. So how do you restore your integrity now? Here are five steps to restore your integrity: 1. Give up the story. Story is the fabrication that you create in your mind because of an absence of information or to create a scenario that better serves you. Story is all excuses you made up like: you can do it tomorrow, it will take time to explain if you delegate, not enough information to get started, need more time to start. Story operates in the past to address the reasons why. So now when you are restoring your integrity you are in the present, where there is nothing. Just being aware that the story is in the past and now there is nothing. By creating a clear, still space, you can look and see what is there, look at the stress in the story that you made of the past. You can look at what is in front of you, without the filters of fear or regret, of resentment, blame, or shame, or guilt from the past, or fear, anxiety or worry about the future. This will complete the first step towards restoring integrity. 2. Acknowledge your broken promise/word. Next, you have to acknowledge that you have broken the promise which you made. In this case the promise of completing the first phase of a project and that impacts the work of others. You have to accept the fact, responsibility for your actions and apologize. 3. Clean up the consequences of the break. This is the most important step. You have to clean up the consequences by acknowledging the impact of breaking your word. In this case your impact on the ability of others to make decisions and act on work connected with the project. 4. Make a new promise. Make a new promise and ensure that you keep the promise and restore your integrity by ensuring that you are prepared for the next meeting and subsequent meetings in the future. 5. Ensuring that you keep the promise next time. To enable that, you need to put a structure in place by analyzing what went wrong. In this case, allocating time that you dedicate to doing what you can, getting assistance where needed and thinking of the consequences or impact of breaking my promise. Drop the excuses and instead think of the benefits which will give you power to focus and finish as well as access to workability. Remember, "Integrity means workability!" Integrity in the workplace requires individuals at all levels to establish and maintain a culture of honesty, transparency, equity, respect, trust, accountability and adjusting based on the situation and impact on the people it serves internally and externally. Integrity is the foundation of a successful organization because it preserves the reputation and respectability of the leaders and the company. Follow Cheryl on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin and visit her website. Cheryl Gray Hines, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Cheryl Gray Hines is an accomplished entrepreneur, executive coach, and mentor with a mission to support women to live authentically and be their best. Her deep expertise in leadership, organizational development, and business strategy has equipped her to coach executives and leaders through the most challenging transitions. As founder of C. Gray & Associates, she teaches Fortune 100 corporations, federal agencies, and high-net-worth entrepreneurs that leadership integrity is the foundation of stellar business performance.

Written by: Kelly Hater, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. What is “Mom Guilt?” Mom guilt is the nagging feeling that we as moms are not fulfilling the expectations of motherhood projected upon us by modern society. Mom guilt, like other types of guilt, is an emotional feeling that requires self-reflection about something we did, or think we did, that was wrong or harmful. Feeling guilty when we did something wrong or hurt someone is normal. Oftentimes though, moms feel guilt that is out of proportion to our actual situation, and it can linger, causing harm to our parenting foundation, our mindset and overall feeling of value and self-worth. This false, excessive guilt is invasive and whether we know it, guilt is making decisions in our life that sabotage our ability to achieve self-actualization as a mother. “Modern women are burdened with more expectations than any generation has ever had, brought on by the greatest breakthrough of opportunities any generation has ever experienced. Guilt is not going away. It’s getting stronger than ever before.” – Valerie Burton “Let Go of the Guilt Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your Joy:” Mom guilt rears its ugly face when we: Compare ourselves to other moms, parents and caregivers Ruminate over our decisions (past, present, future) Say yes when we should say no Lack of self-confidence Let people encroach our boundaries Get guilt tripped into doing things we don’t want to do Engage in toxic relationships that cause stress, resentment, and recurrent disappointment Our well-being is out of proportion Feel like we could have done more or have not done enough all the time Do not celebrate our success to accommodate other people's feelings Do not voice our personal values and beliefs even when we want to What Does Mom Guilt Look Like and Why Does it Happen? Mom guilt can come in many forms, as many forms as there are ways to parent our children. However, a common form of mom guilt does not look like anything...it is an internal feeling of failure. We have all been there. Scrolling through our social media platform of choice and noticing that it seems as though all our friends are leading their best lives and doing everything way better than we are. If we are even doing anything at all. The mom guilt sets in quickly and it cuts deep. We look up from our phone and see our children sitting in front of the tv, because it is raining outside and there is no end in sight. We look back at our phone and see that the post that got to us is not even current, it is from the past, and someone just threw it up there. Most likely because they and their children are doing the same exact thing we are doing. But it does not matter. The mom guilt is already there and it does not shake that easily. Now we will carry this guilt around with us for the rest of the day and it will influence the rest of our parenting decisions. Am I a bad mom? Lazy? Are my kids going to grow up disadvantaged? Am I a good enough role model? When we ask ourselves these questions, where does the mind go? Mom guilt or non-guilt? Non-Guilty Mindset: The questions are merely a mental check-in to make sure we and our kids are on the path we have set out on and that we are completing the tasks we want to get done to live a fulfilling life. Guilty Mindset: These questions seem to mean more. They would make us feel as if we are “failing” as a mom. Bring tears to our eyes. Why? Are our children really going to suffer life-long consequences from watching a movie? Most likely not...but our mind begins to race. We start to panic that we are not living up to the “mom life” expectations we have ingrained in our minds. At this moment we must go deep within, not wide. As we need to regroup our well-being and lifestyle. What are the effects of mom guilt? Moms can spend an enormous amount of emotional energy feeling guilty. It sends us into a downward spiral of negativity and unhappiness. Living in a negative state of mind about ourselves, eating away at mental and physical well-being. Career Sacrifices Moms who work outside the home often feel guilt, some refer to as “working mom guilt” because it is experienced by a group of women who go to work by choice or by necessity; therefore, spend less time at home raising their children. Working moms feel guilty because they feel like the amount of time, they spend with their children is equivalent to the amount of love they feel towards the child. My dear friend told me, “I’ll never forget the feelings of guilt at daycare drop off every morning. I used to make my husband go completely out of his way to drop off our kids at their daycare just so I would not cry that day. I felt like leaving my kids in the care of another adult somehow meant that I was incapable of caring for them myself and that they were in some way being harmed by me and my disconcert for their health and well-being. Looking back on it my thoughts were totally irrational, but they never ever went away until eventually I quit my job.” Working moms can also feel guilt from preferring to be at work and not at home with their child. In this case the inner voice berates and nags at us all throughout the workday by saying “What kind of mom does not want to be with their kids every day? An unloving, uncaring mom. You obviously don’t care about your kids because you enjoy working and the intellectual stimulation.” Stay-at-home-mom Guilt Stay-at-home-moms feel guilty as well. As most stay-at-home-moms are not making an income; therefore, relying on their spouse financially can cause guilt, shame, or even embarrassment. As our responsibilities are in the home we are focusing on cleaning, organizing, meals, etc. The homestead duties are never ending. Even as we are home with our children, we still spend little undivided time with them. A common whirlwind of mom guilt. Anxiety and Depression Whenever the feelings of mom guilt are excessive and begin to interfere with the mom’s life and relationships it could be a symptom of other more serious mental health conditions such as anxiety disorders, postpartum depression, and compromised immune systems. If mom guilt is excessive, it is suggested to seek professional help from a medical healthcare provider for a diagnosis. Solution to the Gap When a mom is stable with a mental health condition and/or cleared from any conditions. Now what? Because we are still struggling with the complexities of motherhood. This is where The Mom Coach™ “on demand” comes into play. As a survivor of postpartum depression, losing my dad to suicide, a wellness coach and personal trainer for over 15 years. There was a gap before this program was created that needed to educate and challenge moms to build confidence in the complexities of motherhood from season to season. Way too many of us put band-aids on issues that need to be addressed on a deeper level. We need to stop trying to fill the void and get to the bottom where the actual issue sits. When we feel that issue screaming at us. We need to stop turning our backs. When we feel that grumbling inside, stand up and look straight at it with open eyes, open arms, and an open heart. How To “Deal” With Mom Guilt First off, stop “dealing” with the guilt and go deep. We need to go deep with our awareness: Overcoming mom guilt is possible with shifting to a positive mindset. Positive self-talk turning “can’t” into “can” and the “should” into “must” Clarify life purpose reflecting on values, talents, passion, and skills Learn and apply how wellness affects everything in our lives Review the circle of control, circle of influence, and circle of concern Set forth into the growth zone Assert our dream into a stretch goal Use several SMART goals to support the vision You can be everything you are! Thriving Mom Even though our mom's guilt seems to only affect us, it permeates every decision we make. Mom guilt can be a useful tool to inspire us to try new things and flex our mom muscles to get things done. When mom guilt becomes excessive and suffocating though, we need to seek help from others around us who will cheer us on in motherhood. Join the proven course subscription filled with support, education, journal worksheets, and challenges designed exclusively for moms everywhere. Children do not need a perfect mom, they need their confident, patient, and loving mom. It is important to not let mom guilt determine our worth as mothers. Mom guilt is just a feeling and feelings, although intense at times, are temporary. Moms have the ability to manage feelings in a positive way that builds emotional resilience. Realizing that we cannot be everything to everyone all the time will release us from our fears and catapult up into self-growth. Despite our shortcomings, we will be a hero in our children’s eyes as they blossom into adulthood. If we know our own limits and can enforce our limits, we will have the opportunity to embrace happiness that unfolds because of letting go of our mom guilt. Follow Kelly on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Pinterest and visit her website. Read more from Kelly! Kelly Hater, Executive Contributor, Brainz Magazine Kelly Hater, the owner of Mama Bear Domain, has over 15 years of coaching experience and a B.S. in Health Promotion specialized in Exercise Science. She specializes in helping clients overcome mom burnout, providing a clear, decisive plan that leads her clients on a path of success. Her clients no longer let mom guilt steal their identity and goals. Moms deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. She personally has overcome overwhelming struggles herself. Get the accountability needed to take action. As a mom of two, she gets it.

Written by: Jaclyn Milford, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Have a laugh, don’t be so serious . Tone and language are immensely important when connecting with your brand audience. Try to steer clear of robotic automated responses and instead use language that is more relatable, playful and even slightly humorous when possible. Be sincere as a brand . Be careful not to sound like you’re over selling consumers on your ‘goodness’ and instead be the educate them so that they feel the power is in their hands. Respond directly when possible. Whether you are sending a hand-written letter or answering to comments or direct messages on your social media; interacting with your audience will make them feel special and included as part of a community. Feature your viewers. Talk about the amazing things your clients or community are doing and give them a platform. Make sure your audience knows you see them and support them, just as they see and support you. Be gracious. Kindness always reveals the more human side to a brand that people can get behind long-term. Want to learn more from Jaclyn? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website. Jaclyn Milford, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jaclyn Milford is a leader in branding and strategic development, with a specialized focus in human connection and community building. In her career, Jaclyn has learned to apply her understanding of human behavior and buyer psychology to build brand experiences in the form of market crossovers, brand or product launches.. Jaclyn is the President of Women of Wall Street, an executive society for women based in New York and Florida, and is launching her Branding Masterclass this fall.

Written by: Tricia Brouk, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Working with thought leaders on shaping their speaker platform is an incredible privilege. In this exclusive interview with Empathy Educator Dr. Kristen Donnelly of Abbey Research, she shares her thoughts on shame and vulnerability, gets into why we struggle with the hard questions, and how “doing” empathy is a group effort. What has brought you to this moment in time? The answer is both simple and complicated, so bear with me if you will. The simple answer is that I was raised to serve everyone around me as often as possible. Our family mission statement is to ‘impact lives and create wealth,’ and we’ve always taken that to mean holistic wealth; economic, spiritual, emotional, psychological, relational, etc. Therefore, every major decision I’ve made — where to go to school, what degrees to pursue, what jobs to interview for —has been in the spirit of service to others. I don’t think it’s any secret that 2020 demanded some internal investigation for most of us about our calling, purpose, and priorities, and I was no different. For me and my company, that meant leaning into the dream I’d always had to be a speaker and serve large audiences through my words and ideas. As a team, we decided to pursue a specific path that would increase my service capacity — and it has! The complicated piece of this answer is my own self and what I had to do to get ready to serve in that capacity. Just because you dream something doesn’t mean you believe you deserve it — or at least it didn’t work for me. Leaning on trusted coaches, colleagues, and family members, I began to deconstruct all the lies I believed about myself and the world. I still believe a fair few, but I know they’re lies now, and that makes all the difference. I’ve always known that where I am right now is where I want to be, and I made consistent professional decisions to be here. However, the secret sauce is deciding to trust myself and those around me that the big dream is the one I’m on this planet to fulfill. As an empathy educator, who do you want to serve and why? When you look around the world, many folks know this whole ‘being human’ thing is hard and that maybe we don’t all have it figured out. There’s something itchy in their souls — they know they can be better, deeper, fuller humans in some way, but they don’t know quite how. That’s where The Good Doctors of Abbey Research come in. We believe that the only true way to be human is to do it together, in mutual service of each other, as we work to make this place better than it was when we got here. I love the questions that make other people uncomfortable - “Why can’t we say ‘spirit animal’ anymore?” “What is colorism, and why is it a problem?” “Why are pronouns such a big deal?” I love them because someone asking them is ready, even if for just a frustrating moment, to change and grow. I can’t teach folks that it’s important to care about other people, but I can help them figure out how to care about other people in fresh ways. How are your workshops and YouTube episodes supporting a global community? By creating environments where we normalize changing our minds and unlearning things about how the world works, our participants and viewers are freed to learn without shame. We have conversations about colonization and its aftermath, intersectionality and its necessity, popular culture, and it's a way of teaching us about people we’ll never meet. We’ve discovered that one of the biggest barriers to change for quite a few folks is that they feel they should have known better already. They’re embarrassed, ashamed, and overwhelmed. By starting the conversation from the place of “the person who walked in here was doing the best they could, but let’s talk about how to be a bit better moving forward,” we gift our participants/viewers with the knowledge that they’re not alone in not quite knowing how to human. We’re all working it out together, and feeling ashamed of who you were three years ago or three minutes ago isn’t productive. See what was wrong, fix it, and move on. What’s your big goal? In the last several years, Dr. Brene Brown has explained vulnerability and its importance to millions and millions of people around the world. It’s allowed so many to understand the power of radical honesty with self and others, and I’m so grateful for her work. I want to build on it and help people understand the true power of empathy. Empathy needs to be a disciplined posture of how we move about the world because empathy isn’t a simple word that appears on greeting cards or Instagram memes. Empathy is committing to understand others and react to their pain or experiences like theirs and not comparisons to our own. We don’t commit to agreeing with them or approving their choices, and we simply commit to seeking understanding. It’s hard work and requires a lot of self-reflection and emotional intelligence, not to mention a heaping dose of curiosity and a working relationship with vulnerability. However, I believe it’s mandatory to bring this deeper version of humans we all crave, and I want to do everything I can to help us get there. Kristen Donnelly (MSW, M.Div, Ph.D.) is a TEDx Speaker, empathy educator, speaker, and researcher with two decades of experience helping people understand the beauty in difference and the power of inclusivity. She is one of The Good Doctors of Abbey Research, where she and Dr. Erin Hinson seek to foster empathy and creativity to empower inclusive communities through cultural analysis and training. Their podcast, The culturecast, is on iTunes. Kristen is also co-owner and COO of their parent company and an unapologetic nerd for stories of joy, hope, and change. Kristen lives outside of Philadelphia with her husband, surrounded by piles of books and several video game consoles. For more info, follow Tricia on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and visit my website! Read more from Tricia! Tricia Brouk, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Tricia Brouk is an internationally award-winning director. She has worked in theater, film, and television for three decades. Tricia founded The Big Talk Academy, where she certifies speakers in the art of public speaking. She was the executive producer of Speakers Who Dare and TEDxLincolnSquare, and now The Big Talk Live. She is currently being featured in a new documentary called Big Stages, which highlights the transformation of her speakers. Tricia’s commitment and devotion to inclusion are priorities as all of her shows, events, and communities are diverse. She curates and hosts the Speaker Salon in NYC, The Big Talk, an award-winning podcast on iTunes and YouTube. The Influential Voice: Saying What You Mean for Lasting Legacy was a 1 New Release on Amazon in December 2020. She was awarded Top Director of 2019 by the International Association of Top Professionals and Top Ten Speaker Coaches in Yahoo Finance in 2021. Her documentaries have received critical acclaim— winning Best Documentary Short at The Olympus Film Festival and Los Angeles Movie Awards. Tricia has spoken at Forbes, Pride Global, New York Public Library, I Heart My Life Live and The National Organization for Rare Disorders.

Written by: Maria R. Malec, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. What if we didn't have a term for "depression" "anxiety" "sadness" "anger" "fear" or any of those other negative feeling descriptives? How else would we describe what we are feeling? Are labels and diagnoses necessary because they validate what we are feeling; that what we are feeling is real? Would it be accurate to say that these labels suggest how we are feeling by the mere definition of the word? How about entertaining the concept that what we are feeling is simply out of alignment with our idea of or expectation of what it means to be happy and at peace? Is happiness your goal or just to not repeatedly experience events of the past in the now? If you didn't feel the effects of that "label", what would you feel like instead? What would you replace those self-defeating experiences/emotions with? Have you ever thought about it in this way? What if you could just flip the script? I'm here to tell you that with the proper tools and consistent, simple practices it can be achieved. You no longer need to be a prisoner of your mind and can effectively find relief. How great is that? The 3 requirements for flipping the script: Belief that healing can be achieved The desire and willingness to be healed Active participation in the healing process Thoughts are the vocabulary of our minds. Everything we tell ourselves, our mind believes. It goes without saying that if we don't believe healing is possible... we are right, it probably won't happen. As improbable as it sounds, many people really don't want to be healed. The common thought process here is that the label defines us. If we don't have the diagnosis/label, then who are we? We must first come to terms that we are not our diagnosis/label. Many people are paralyzed with the idea of having a void where the label once was. As a result, these people are resistant to the door of change. One of my favorite quotes for change to happen is, "Our desire to change needs to be greater than our desire to stay the same." That's when the magic happens. Ultimately, the power of change resides in the belief, willingness, and act of doing. What we focus on expands, whether it's good or bad, which is why we need to pay close attention to our words/thoughts. Our minds work best with pictures, which is why those tormenting emotions are that much more painful. Our minds don't actually know the difference if an event happened a year ago or if it is currently happening. If you are picturing an event over and over again, as I call brain looping, your brain and body are responding as if it is currently happening. Your body is creating the chemistry that manifests in those unsavory emotions. Emotions are the vocabulary of our bodies. Sadly, these bodily signals are the things that someone who is suffering is desperate to turn off. Yet, it is our emotions that signal us as to what needs attention. Turning them off with pharmaceuticals, alcohol, excessive exercise, or other addictions is like driving your car without signal lights. Here is a 3 step process that you can start with and develop over time to flip the script from P.T.S.D. to C.A.L.M. Flipping the script is the ability to look at your issues through new lenses and working through the trauma without turning off your emotions. Despite what you currently believe, the power is within you to shift in the way you think and feel. This process is powerful and effective if you incorporate it into your daily life. Don't let the simplicity of this law of attention fool you. When properly executed, amazing things happen. Step 1: Concise choice of words Choose a specific set of affirming words in the present tense. The brain likes consistency and responds well to repetition. This is how we reprogram our thinking... flip the script! Examples: I am whole I am in the process of healing I am Safe I am at peace My body reflects radiance and vitality Each day I am creating a meaningful life I am opening my heart and learning to trust again I believe in myself. Step 2: Clear Visualization Create a picture in your mind to envision while you repeat your affirming statement. Only use one statement at a time. After all, you can only focus on one image at a time. You can get as detailed as you desire. The more detail, the greater the connection to the pleasurable emotion. Ideas: Think of something you enjoy, a specific person, food, or activity. BE SPECIFIC! Family member's name Best friend's name A red delicious apple Butter pecan ice cream Pepperoni pizza running on a trail dirt biking on a track reading a book in a hammock Favorite vacation spot Your pet Step 3: Corresponding feeling with Visualization During this infuse your image (from the visualization in Step 2) with a good feeling. How does your image bring you joy? Fully FEEL what you see. This is the most important component of this exercise. Memories (pictures/visuals) are always attached to an emotion. As you repeat an affirming statement with a visual that is attached to a positive feeling, you will start to feel the new effects of the reprogramming process. When you give your mind new images to focus on you effectively begin to heal from the damage of a self-sabotaging mindset. You can only think one thought at a time. If you are consistently putting your attention on self-affirming statements coupled with an enjoyable visual and positive corresponding feeling, you will begin to see your life transform. Do it as much as you can. Do it daily for a minimum of 21 days. And 66 consecutive days if you want it to become automated, a.k.a. a habit. A pretty darn good habit to have by the way. While this process above may seem like a silly exercise, you will soon find out that your determination will give you positive results. You get what you put into it and the benefits will speak for themselves. Flipping the script is merely a starting point to ignite your healing from sabotaging thoughts of things that you are no longer experiencing except for in your mind. If you change the way you look at things the things you look at have no choice except to change. Start with believing that relief is possible. Be open to possibilities and take an active role in the process. The mind is a complex machine that requires specific, yet, simple methods to control how you feel. The control is absolutely within your reach. Trust that all you do serves your highest good. About Maria For the past 2 decades, Maria has been a wellness advocate for informed self-care and ‘Chemical Free’ living. As a result of countless hours of training and personal development, she thrives on teaching others how to design unique blueprints for vitality by implementing a “live above the wellness line” mindset. Her enthusiasm stems from helping others make informed decisions and becoming responsible for how they care for themselves and their families. She's "#justamom" on a mission with a heart for sharing what works to make the world a better place for all. Her Mission Teach self-reliance and self-care skills to busy moms who need help to overcome health & wellness hurdles so that they may confidently experience self-care success living elevated with everyday wellness. Want to learn more from Maria? Visit her website. Maria R. Malec, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine As a Human Experience Coach, Maria reminds folks that living is an art. Using various tools found in nature, she creates experiential retreats that ignite one's inner healer. She brings people to the awareness that their level of wellness is directly related to their peace of mind. Through heart/brain coherence, it is her mission to inspire others to paint a beautiful living by daring to declare their innermost desires, bringing peace to chaotic hearts, and helping them to restore themselves to their original blueprint of design. Her methods teach others how to find their flow and live fully with all their senses.

Written by: Suzie Ayonna Suttles, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Loving yourself isn't selfish. It's critical for your health, self-esteem, self-confidence, and success. When you love yourself, you will make yourself a priority, and you'll take care of yourself because you realize you deserve nothing less. Learning to cultivate self-love is a necessary tool for inner and outer growth and healthy relationships with others. Here are a few tips to enhance your self-love: Learn to silence your inner critic and start viewing yourself in a positive light more often and highlight your accomplishments more than you spotlight the things that didn't go as planned. Whenever the inner critic surfaces, reminding you of the many times you've failed, remember your triumphs! Try this practice for 30-days and see what happens. You got this! Spend time helping others in your community by volunteering as a way to boost your self-esteem. When you focus on serving others, you take a mental break from the stress of life and provides a lesson in gratitude. Volunteering also has the power to boost your opinion of yourself because you get to help someone in their time of need. It allows you to remove the attention from yourself and serve another human, and it's a reminder that to see good in the world, you must create the change you desire to see. Learn to love your neighbor as you love yourself by being a good friend because it makes you feel good about yourself. There are times when we aren't being a good friend to others because we struggle with being a good friend to ourselves. When you are a good friend, everyone wins, and you build stronger and solid relationships with others. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past because, let's face it, we've all done things we aren't so proud about. The time has come for you to forgive yourself for those missteps and give yourself a break from doing what you thought was best at that time. Would you forgive someone you cared about? Well, learn to do it for yourself as well, no one is perfect, and we're all learning as we grow. Learn to pursue the things you need in your life and not what you want. When you've taken care of your needs, you'll be in a better position to receive what you want. Your needs come first, and when you tend to satisfy those needs, you exemplify true self-love. Pursing your wants leaves you feeling empty and drained because you feel like something is missing. When you focus on fulfilling your needs, your manifestations will begin to flow effortlessly your way. Relax and focus on true fulfillment, which is self-love. Spend time taking care of your body and finding an exercise tailored to your sense of joy and excitement. Exercising should be seen as a fun and healthy way of caring for yourself and not a chore. Self-harm is the opposite of self-love, and poor diet and lack of exercise leave you feeling drained and aren't a good example of self-love. When you make eating a healthy diet and exercising your body, you're showing yourself self-love and self-care. Making this your daily habit and watch how your energetic vibration raises in self-love. Learn to appreciate your uniqueness because the most valuable parts about yourself are those that are different from everyone else. You have a different set of qualities, skills, and abilities that are all unique to you, and it's time for you to stop being embarrassed about them and learn to appreciate them. They are the unique qualities and gifts that make you the beautiful you, and learning to appreciate them cultivate more self-love. Learning to practice gratitude for everything and everyone in your life builds self-esteem and self-love. You begin to realize your life is better than you think, and you are better than you think you are. Gratitude is truly a life changer! Learn to be kind to yourself and learn to respect yourself the same way you do others. You are responsible for looking out for yourself, and you shouldn't place that burden on anyone else. Would be to anyone else. There is nothing wrong with being kind to others, but when you're kinder to others than yourself, you show up with a self-love deficit. Self-love is the key to inner happiness and success and is a skill that can be developed with the proper training and assistance. Without self-love, you face an obstacle with self-development. Join our FREE private Facebook mental health support community today by subscribing to our monthly self-care newsletter, and start cultivating healthy self-love. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , or visit my website for more info! Suzie Ayonna Suttles, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Suzie is a Certified Intuitive Guide, Healer, and Reader, who is a survivor of childhood psychological abuse, and domestic violence abuse. She is a thriver of PTSD, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and an Intuitive Guidance Coach fostering the heart of men beyond the abuse of their past. Empowering men to move from the mindset of the victim to the mindset of the victor. She is a published author of 6 books, and her work was featured on HubPages, HealDove, and The GTCC Titan Review. Suzie is a proud member of the Phi Theta Kappa National Honors Society.