Written by Shreyaa Sumi, Mediapreneur Shreyaa Sumi is an International Model, Beauty Queen, and Entrepreneur. She is the Founder, CEO, and Director of SSVJ Model Media LLC, based in Hollywood, USA, which champions international representation in Fashion and Media. In today’s business landscape, one shaped by rapid change, global interconnection, and the rising value of emotional intelligence, leadership is no longer defined solely by traditional corporate pathways. Increasingly, the world is turning to creative industries for models of agility, resilience, and visionary thinking. Few leaders embody this shift as powerfully as Shreyaa Sumi, an international model turned global entrepreneur and founder of SSVJ Model Media. Her evolution from runway to boardroom is more than a career pivot. It is an example of how creative intelligence can fuel modern leadership excellence. Where creativity meets leadership Shreyaa’s journey challenges the long-held assumption that fashion and business exist in separate spheres. Instead, she demonstrates that the skills honed in creative environments, adaptability, presence, emotional awareness, and the ability to perform under pressure, are precisely the qualities today’s leaders need. From the earliest stages of her modeling career, Shreyaa understood that success required far more than aesthetics. Discipline, consistency, and high-performance execution became her professional identity. These same qualities now define her leadership philosophy as she guides teams, builds partnerships, and scales her global ventures with clarity and purpose. Her runway-proven presence has become a powerful leadership asset, a blend of confidence, intention, and poise that elevates her impact in investor meetings, team environments, and creative direction. It is a signature of her leadership style, proving that presence is far from superficial. Turning feedback into fuel The fashion world is known for its direct, unfiltered feedback. Instead of internalizing criticism, Shreyaa learned to use it as a catalyst for refinement. This mindset now shapes her approach as a founder and mentor. She encourages emerging talent to view critiques not as a threat, but as a tool for growth, a shift that builds resilience, emotional maturity, and long-term success. A creative visionary behind the camera Shreyaa’s recent fashion film, produced through SSVJ Model Media and filmed in Paris, exemplifies her evolution into a multidisciplinary leader. As director, producer, and lead talent, she orchestrated a complex creative production with precision and artistic clarity. The fashion film is more than a visual achievement. It showcases her ability to lead diverse teams, manage large-scale creative projects, and translate vision into reality, all while starring as the film’s lead talent. The project reflects her signature blend of elegance and empowerment, a combination that has become her leadership hallmark. Championing a new narrative for women in leadership Through SSVJ Model Media, Shreyaa showcases a powerful message: creative industries are not merely artistic spaces, they are incubators for exceptional female leadership. With adaptive thinking, a strong sense of presence, and a culturally attuned global perspective, leaders are better equipped to meet the demands of a world that values clarity and authentic connection. Shreyaa’s work positions her as a bridge between creativity and commerce, empowering women to lead with authenticity, confidence, and purpose. Her philosophy is captured in her own words: “Elegance is not the opposite of power. It is a form of it.” Mentorship as legacy As February marks Mentorship Month, Shreyaa’s commitment to developing emerging talent stands out as a defining aspect of her leadership. She actively mentors aspiring models and pageant title holders, offering guidance that blends industry insight with personal empowerment. Her approach helps aspiring talent build confidence, refine their craft, and navigate the pageantry and fashion industry with clarity, empowering them to step into their potential. For Shreyaa, mentorship is not transactional. It is transformational. The Hollywood Global Summit: Elevating international talent Expanding her global influence, Shreyaa is hosting the Hollywood Global Summit, an exclusive platform spotlighting international talent. As an official license holder for multiple international pageant titles, including her own, she has launched a new pageantry title designed to elevate emerging talent and expand opportunities. She plays a pivotal role in selecting, mentoring, and preparing representatives who compete on some of the world’s most prestigious stages. The summit reflects her forward-thinking vision, a unified ecosystem where creativity, talent, and impact intersect. It also welcomes sponsors seeking to partner with SSVJ Model Media as it champions the future of the global narrative through women-led leadership. A leader shaping the future of creative influence Through SSVJ Model Media, the Hollywood Global Summit, and her expanding mentorship initiatives, Shreyaa Sumi is shaping a new generation of women who lead with intention, elegance, and impact. Her story illustrates a broader movement: leadership rooted in authenticity, artistry, and emotional intelligence is not only relevant, it is redefining industries. Shreyaa’s voice resonates far beyond the runway or the boardroom. It reaches every woman who dares to step into her greatness, reminding us that leadership is not defined by where you begin, but by the legacy you choose to build. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Shreyaa Sumi Shreyaa Sumi, Mediapreneur Shreyaa Sumi is an International Model, Beauty Queen, and Entrepreneur. She is the Founder, CEO, and Director of SSVJ Model Media LLC, based in Hollywood, USA, which champions international representation in fashion and media. She has appeared on international runways, magazine covers, and billboards, while mentoring and empowering aspiring talents globally. Contact information: Link Hub: www.linkin.bio/ssvjmodelmedia Email: ssvjmodelmediausa@gmail.com Company: SSVJ Model Media LLC, Hollywood, USA

Written by Annika Sörensen, MD, Stress Strategist & Calm Creator At Ask Dr Annika, we empower executives and high-performing professionals to transform stress into strength. Led by Dr. Annika Sörensen, a seasoned physician and stress & business mentor, our approach fuses medical science, mindset mastery, and real-world strategy. Here, you’ll find tailored mentoring, leadership tools, and stress management practices to thrive without burnout. In high-performing leadership environments, stress is often treated as an unavoidable companion to responsibility. Tight schedules, constant decision-making, and sustained cognitive demands become normalized over time. Yet emerging science continues to reveal that stress does not remain confined to the mind. It has measurable effects throughout the body, particularly within the gut. The connection between stress and gut health is not a wellness trend. It is rooted in the gut-brain axis, a complex communication network linking the nervous system, immune system, and gut microbiota. For leaders aiming to sustain clarity, resilience, and long-term performance, understanding this relationship is increasingly essential. The gut-brain axis as a two-way communication system The gut and brain are in continuous dialogue through neural, hormonal, and immune pathways. This bidirectional communication system, known as the gut-brain axis, allows emotional and cognitive states to influence digestive function, while gut health simultaneously affects mood, stress regulation, and cognitive performance. The role of the gut microbiota Central to this system is the gut microbiota, trillions of microorganisms residing in the digestive tract that play a critical role in immune regulation, inflammation control, and neurotransmitter production. Research shows that disruptions in gut microbiota composition can influence stress reactivity and emotional regulation . How chronic stress alters gut function and microbial balance Acute stress responses are adaptive and protective. However, when stress becomes chronic, physiological systems shift into prolonged activation. Sustained cortisol release and sympathetic nervous system dominance can: Alter gut permeability Reduce microbial diversity Disrupt the balance between beneficial and harmful bacteria Studies demonstrate that chronic stress can lead to measurable changes in gut microbiota composition , increasing inflammation and impairing immune resilience. This disruption has been associated with digestive symptoms, heightened stress sensitivity, and broader immune dysregulation. For leaders operating under sustained pressure, these biological changes may quietly undermine physical health, energy regulation, and cognitive endurance. Why gut health matters for high-achieving leaders Leadership performance depends on biological foundations as much as cognitive skill. Emotional regulation, sustained attention, decision-making flexibility, and recovery capacity are all influenced by gut-brain signaling. When gut balance is compromised, leaders may experience: Persistent mental fatigue Reduced resilience to pressure Digestive discomfort Slower recovery after demanding periods These signals are often subtle and easily dismissed, yet they reflect underlying physiological strain that can accumulate over time. Nutrition as a foundation for stress resilience Diet plays a foundational role in maintaining gut health under stress. A nutrient-rich, balanced diet supports microbial diversity and strengthens the gut’s ability to adapt during periods of pressure. Diets rich in fiber, polyphenols, vitamins, and minerals have been shown to promote beneficial bacteria and reduce inflammation. Whole foods such as vegetables, legumes, fruits, and whole grains provide substrates that help gut microbiota maintain equilibrium during stress exposure. Probiotics and microbial support Probiotics, beneficial bacteria obtained through fermented foods or supplementation, have gained attention for their potential role in stress modulation. Research suggests that certain probiotic strains may influence cortisol levels, emotional regulation, and stress perception by supporting microbial balance and gut-brain signaling. While probiotics are not a standalone solution, they can be a supportive element within a broader, individualized stress management strategy. Lifestyle practices that support both gut and mind Stress resilience is most effectively built through an integrated approach. Practices that regulate the nervous system also support gut health by reducing inflammatory signaling and promoting microbial stability. Key practices include: Consistent sleep patterns that support hormonal regulation Regular physical activity to enhance gut motility and stress recovery Mindfulness or breathing practices that reduce sympathetic overactivation Research confirms that psychological stress management strategies can positively influence gut microbiota composition and gut-brain communication . Building leadership resilience from the inside out Sustainable leadership is not solely a mental skill. It is a biological one. Understanding the interaction between stress and gut health offers leaders a deeper framework for resilience, performance, and longevity. When leaders support their gut health through nutrition, recovery, and nervous system regulation, they strengthen the physiological foundation that allows clear thinking, emotional balance, and adaptive leadership to emerge under pressure. From science to leadership practice If you would like to explore evidence-based strategies to strengthen stress resilience and long-term performance, you can learn more about my leadership mentoring and resources here . Resilient leadership begins within. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , or visit my LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Annika Sörensen Annika Sörensen, MD, Stress Strategist & Calm Creator Dr. Annika Sörensen is a Medical Doctor, Stress Management Mentor, Author, and International Speaker on topics revolving around the successes brought by less stress, including financial and business success. She specializes in health and stress strategies and has a solid background in Swedish Public Health Care for 30 years. With profound personal, clinical, and scientific knowledge about the subject of stress, she made it twice to TEDx. She is officially certified by The Big Talk Academy. Today, Dr. Annika is helping stressed-out Business Leaders slow down, reflect, feel less stress, and then ramp up and get more done and create bigger success without having to work harder. She does it through speaking and workshops.

Written by Wala Kasmi, CEO Wala Kasmi is a multi-awarded entrepreneur recognized for reimagining learning for the future of work. She is the CEO of ClassX, a global platform tapping into underutilized classrooms worldwide to build a new learning system aligned with the AI economy. After years of navigating startup ecosystems globally, I came to a simple conclusion, there are no rules in investment. I have seen founders with no revenue raise millions, and founders with real traction get stuck in endless conversations where whatever they are making is never enough. At first glance, this feels irrational. Over time, it becomes revealing. Across North Africa, the Middle East, the GCC, and the United States, I have watched entrepreneurs raise, stall, and fail not only based on what they were building, but on how they were perceived. I have also observed investors deploying their own capital and others deploying other people’s money, with strikingly different behaviors. All of this points to the same reality, investment is not a logical game first. It is an energetic one. What this article is about and what it is not This article is about startups, not SMEs, not traditional businesses, and not companies optimizing known models. When I say "startup," I mean companies with vision and founding teams building something entirely new while navigating uncertainty for years. Unknown business models, undefined ideal customer profiles, unstable or nonexistent cash flow, and long periods without validation, this is the terrain of exploration, not optimization. The same precision applies to investors. I am not referring to those who claim to invest at pre-seed while asking for revenue. I am speaking about visionary investors, those who see from far away, understand cycles, recognize inflection points early, and are willing to bet on a future that does not yet exist. These investors do not wait for certainty. They create waves by moving before consensus forms. This distinction matters because many fundraising failures are not failures at all, they are misalignments. When logic fails to explain outcomes One way to make sense of these outcomes is to think in terms of leagues. Just like in football, investment operates across different leagues, each with its own pace, risk tolerance, and way of seeing the game. Some investors are playing for short-term wins, others for endurance and long cycles. Some are optimized for defense, others for bold offense. Fundraising friction often has less to do with the quality of the startup and more to do with founders trying to play in a league that is not theirs, or seeking recognition from investors who are simply playing a different game. The same pitch can be rejected in one room and funded effortlessly in another. The same market can be labeled too early by one investor and inevitable by the next. This inconsistency is often attributed to timing or luck. In reality, it reflects something deeper. Investors do not perceive risk the same way because they do not see themselves the same way. Some investors operate with a global, risk-aware mindset. They understand how societies evolve and how technology reshapes behavior. They evaluate whether a vision can create a new game. Others deploy capital defensively, optimized for justification, safety, and pattern matching rather than transformation. Same tools. Same information. Completely different decisions. The psychology behind the yes At its core, investment is a psychological act. Every investor carries an internal map shaped by past wins and losses, personal beliefs about risk, and their sense of identity within the ecosystem. Two investors can look at the same startup and have opposite reactions, not because the company is different, but because their psychology is. As Bill Reichert explains in Getting to Wow with Investors Masterclass , a "yes" does not start in the brain. It starts in the heart, moves to the gut, and only then reaches the brain. The brain explains the decision, it rarely initiates it. This is why perfect decks and strong metrics can still fail to move a room. The real decision often happens before the spreadsheet appears. When Reichert transitioned from entrepreneur to investor, he expected to gain access to a secret operating system, a rational framework that would finally explain how investment decisions are made. Instead, he discovered there was none. What he had to rely on were what he calls his "hidden sensors." The heart detects resonance and authenticity. The gut evaluates coherence, risk, and survivability. The brain comes last, organizing and justifying what has already been felt and sensed. When I speak about intuition, this is what I mean. I use the word openly because I am spiritual, but not in a vague or mystical sense. I mean a form of perception built through lived experience, pattern recognition shaped by both failure and success, and an embodied ability to sense whether an opportunity can actually hold together under pressure. This is not guesswork. It is a form of intelligence that develops over time and cannot be shortcut by slides, metrics, or formulas. It is invisible, but it is not irrational. This is why founders can present flawless decks and still fail to move a room. By the time numbers are discussed, the deeper sensors have often already reached a conclusion. FOMO and the role of trends FOMO, the fear of missing out, is another invisible force shaping investment behavior. It rarely looks like excitement. More often, it appears as sudden urgency or renewed interest once external validation enters the picture. In those moments, nothing fundamental may have changed in the startup itself. What has changed is the perceived identity of the opportunity. Investors are no longer evaluating only the company, they are evaluating their own position in relation to it. This dynamic is particularly visible in places like Silicon Valley. In an ecosystem where capital is abundant and access is rarely the constraint, the real risk is reputational. Not being among the first to bet on what later becomes a defining company is not always well perceived. Being late can signal hesitation or misreading the moment. That pressure feeds FOMO. Trends amplify this effect, AI, climate, fintech, biotech. Trends act as psychological shortcuts. They reduce cognitive risk and provide narrative cover to move early. But trends do not create conviction. They amplify what already exists. Some investors chase trends, some resist them, and some define them. The difference is not intelligence or access, it is identity. Identity as the real signal for entrepreneurs and investors When everything else is stripped away, metrics, narratives, timing, one factor consistently remains, identity. Identity is usually the first thing that comes to mind when you think about an entrepreneur or an investor. Not numbers or slides, but a word, bold or cautious, coherent or scattered, disciplined or reactive, trailblazer or follower, vision-driven or fear-driven, opportunistic or grounded, street-smart or MBA-smart, or both. These impressions form instantly and often unconsciously, shaping perception long before logic enters the conversation. This is exactly what Tim Draper points to when he writes, “Investing by checklist means you have already lost. The most meaningful opportunities cannot fit into predefined boxes because they are doing something that has never been done before. There is no checklist for them yet.” When investors respond with “interesting, but,” that hesitation is often not about the idea itself. It is about identity. The founder does not fit an existing mental model. Draper reinforces this when he says, “I fund rebellions.” He backs founders who tear up the status quo, whose ideas may sound unreasonable today, yet are inevitably shaping the future. He describes it as funding a controlled explosion, a release of new energy that challenges industries and forces them to evolve. What he is doing in these moments is not evaluation, it is recognition. He is not asking whether the idea fits today’s framework. He is recognizing the entrepreneur behind it. The most meaningful founders are not building incremental companies, they are building category-defining companies long before the category itself is obvious or even named. This is why identity matters more than polish. Visionary investors are not asking whether a founder fits an existing box. They are asking whether the founder can create a new one, and whether their identity is strong enough to hold that position when no external validation exists yet. This is not about good or bad founders, or right or wrong investors. There is no moral hierarchy here. There is only alignment or misalignment. Categories of entrepreneurs and the question of alignment Not all entrepreneurs are building for the same reason, and that difference matters more than most founders realize. Soul-calling entrepreneurs build because something inside them will not let them stop. The company is not a project or a career move, it is an expression of who they are. Vision-driven builders are focused on systems, structure, and long-term transformation. Their identity is anchored in direction rather than immediacy. Opportunity-driven entrepreneurs are highly responsive to timing and momentum. Their strength lies in speed and execution, and their attachment to a specific idea may be more flexible. Validation-seeking entrepreneurs are partly motivated by external approval. They may over-index on pitch performance, prestigious investors, or public recognition, making their confidence more sensitive to shifting feedback. None of these identities are inherently good or bad. But they do not align with the same investors, and they do not sustain the same kind of journey. Much of the pain in fundraising comes from trying to convince instead of trying to align. Identity and depth: The missing layer There is another layer that quietly distinguishes founders over time, depth of character. This is a point often emphasized by investors like Doug Leone, who has consistently spoken about backing founders not just for their ideas, but for who they become under pressure. For long-cycle investors, identity alone is not enough. What matters is whether that identity has depth and whether it can withstand years of uncertainty without collapsing or hardening. The founder of NVIDIA, Jensen Huang, once spoke about how real character is forged through suffering, not through success alone, but through prolonged difficulty, pressure, and ambiguity. Vision can be articulated. Confidence can be performed. Identity can even be projected. But depth is revealed only over time, when momentum disappears, belief becomes lonely, and the outcome remains uncertain for years. Investors operating on long time horizons are not only reading identity. They are sensing whether that identity has been shaped by hardship in a way that strengthens rather than erodes the founder. Depth cannot be faked, and it cannot be rushed. It shows up precisely when the story stops working and the founder keeps going anyway. Why some investors can see it Some investors recognize identity and depth because they have been there before. They have lived through cycles, built companies, endured years of uncertainty, and experienced both conviction and doubt firsthand. Their ability to see beyond performance does not come from theory, it comes from memory. They recognize depth because they remember what it took to develop it in themselves or what it cost them when they did not. This is why certain investors can sense coherence and resilience long before results appear. They are recognizing familiar terrain. The identity signal that moves capital Early investment is not decided by metrics alone. It is decided by who can stand inside uncertainty with clarity and endurance. Identity shapes perception, and depth sustains it over time. When those two align between founder and investor, capital moves. When they do not, nothing else matters. For entrepreneurs, the work starts before the pitch. It starts with knowing who you are, why you are building this, and what kind of journey you are choosing to enter. I took a long time as an entrepreneur sitting in many rooms, across many ecosystems, meeting hundreds of investors in different contexts and moments. Over time, something became very clear to me. My heart beats for those who are global in their thinking, bold in their vision, grounded in what they bring to the table, clear on their identity, and genuinely excited to play big games. When you understand who you are, fundraising stops being about convincing everyone. It becomes about recognizing your match and choosing the rooms you truly belong in. Follow me on LinkedIn  and visit my website  for more info! Read more from  Wala Kasmi Wala Kasmi, CEO Wala Kasmi is a multi-awarded entrepreneur recognized for reimagining learning for the future of work. She is the CEO of ClassX, a global platform tapping into underutilized classrooms worldwide to build a new learning system aligned with the AI economy. Her work challenges learning models inherited from the industrial revolution, systems built to replicate old economies, linear careers, and standardized outcomes, and replaces them with human centered, experiential, and network driven learning rails designed for a world of constant change. With over 15 years navigating startup ecosystems across multiple regions, she brings a systemic perspective to learning, entrepreneurship, and investment.

When change is no longer optional but necessary, the way forward requires more than mindset alone. It calls for embodiment, presence, and a safe space where transformation can unfold at its own pace. Rasha AlShaar, ICF-accredited PCC and trauma-informed Mind-Body practitioner, is now opening limited enrollment for her exclusive 6-Month 1:1 Mindset & Somatic Coaching Program. With only two new seats available starting February 2026, this deeply personalized journey invites clients to reconnect with their truth, release long-standing patterns, and create sustainable change from the inside out. ICF-accredited PCC, trauma-informed Mind-Body practitioner, and Somatic Conscious Movement Teacher, Rasha AlShaar, is now opening two additional seats for her signature 6-Month Mind-Body Coaching & Mentorship Program, starting February 2026. This high-touch, personalized 1:1 virtual program is designed to guide clients through obstacles, achieve meaningful goals, and create lasting transformation through embodied experience, insightful dialogue, and tangible action. Rooted in an inside-out philosophy and a head-to-toe methodology, Rasha’s coaching practice offers an integrative approach that blends subconscious, emotional, somatic, behavioral, and energetic modalities. With over 700 hours of 1:1 coaching experience, she creates a safe and supportive space for you to be fully seen, heard, and held accountable. This program serves as a container for deep exploration, release, and creation, guiding you to reconnect with your truth, reclaim your power, and expand into your fullest potential. This program includes: Free consultation call: A 20-minute consultation to connect, explore where you are, answer any questions, and discuss how this program may support you specifically. 12 bi-weekly 1:1 coaching sessions: Each 60-minute online session is tailored to your needs and designed for tangible transformation over six months. Action steps & integration: Every session ends with actionable steps to deepen your learning and accelerate your growth. Session summaries & resources: Follow-up emails include session notes, tools, and resources for ongoing support during and after the program. High-touch support: Connection via WhatsApp and email between sessions for accountability, feedback, and guidance. Personalized modalities: Sessions incorporate techniques from Rasha’s professional training, somatic practices, conscious movement, mindset tools, and personal self-development insights. This program is for: Individuals are ready to release long-standing patterns that no longer serve them Those seeking to deepen emotional intelligence and self-awareness Anyone wanting to strengthen their relationship with themselves and others People eager to lead a life with confidence, resilience, and purpose Participants have experienced profound transformations, including increased self-trust, emotional freedom, and measurable progress in both personal and professional life. Some words clients have shared: “I’m rediscovering myself. I stopped worrying about things I don’t have control over. There was a lot of resistance, and now there’s ease and comfort. My self-worth is not linked to what I do and accomplish anymore. I’ve made very quick progress, and I have evidence from real-life scenarios in just a few months. I’m proud of myself.” – Ebtihal AlWadi | Bahrain “That summer, I was able to let go and free myself from years of being stuck in a place I didn’t want to be and step into the unknown that I used to fear the most. I learned that sometimes the smallest changes you make can subconsciously have you take the biggest steps of your life. What really differentiates you from other coaches is your ability to make me feel comfortable enough to share things I hadn’t told anyone else, and even things I once couldn’t say to myself.” – Lulu B. | Kuwait Book a free 20-minute consultation to explore whether this program is the right fit for you and how it may specifically support your journey of healing and self-development, or follow Rasha on Instagram to stay updated on future offerings.

Written by Ewa J. Kleczyk, PhD, Bestseller Author Dr. Ewa J. Kleczyk is a nationally recognized, award-winning healthcare research executive, author of Empowered Leadership: Breaking Barriers, Building Impact, and Leaving a Legacy, and Editor-in-Chief of UJWEL. She is a frequent speaker, board leader, and advocate for healthcare innovation and community empowerment. We often overestimate how much executive presence is about what we know and underestimate how much it is about how we show up. In reality, executive presence is roughly 20% knowledge and 80% presence, energy, clarity, confidence, and the way we carry ourselves into a room, a conversation, or a moment that matters. Knowledge is essential. Expertise creates credibility. Preparation matters. But knowledge alone rarely moves people. Presence does. Executive presence is not perfection Executive presence is not about having all the answers. It is not about flawless delivery or never feeling doubt. It is about being grounded enough to show up fully, even when things are imperfect. You build that presence through practice and learning. You sharpen your skills, deepen your understanding, and prepare thoughtfully. But there comes a point where preparation must give way to trust. Practice. Learn. And then trust yourself. Trust that you have done the work. Trust that your experience will carry you. Trust that you are capable, even if you do not feel 100% ready. Rest is part of readiness One of the most overlooked elements of executive presence is rest. Clarity does not come from exhaustion. Confidence does not come from burnout. When we are depleted, we second-guess ourselves, rush our words, and disconnect from our own instincts. Rest is not a reward after the work is done. It is part of the work. When you allow yourself space to pause, reset, and breathe, you show up clearer, steadier, and more intentional. That clarity translates directly into how others experience you. Get clear, then go do the show Before stepping into any high-stakes moment, whether it is a boardroom, a keynote, a difficult conversation, or a new role, get clear: What is my intention? What truly matters here? What do I want people to feel, not just hear? Once you have clarity, go do the show. Not as a performance, but as an expression of who you are. Presence is not about pretending. It is about alignment. When your values, message, and energy are aligned, people feel it. Be kind to yourself in the process Perhaps the most important, and hardest, part of showing up powerfully is self-kindness. We are often far more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves. We offer grace, patience, and encouragement outward, while holding ourselves to unrealistic standards internally. Executive presence grows when we extend the same kindness inward. If you stumble, allow it. If you feel nervous, acknowledge it. If a moment does not go as planned, learn from it, but do not let it define you. The leaders who show up most powerfully are not the ones who never struggle. They are the ones who keep showing up, with self-respect and self-trust intact. Showing up is a practice Executive presence is not a fixed trait. It is a practice. Each time you show up with intention, clarity, and kindness toward yourself, you strengthen it. Each time you rest when needed, trust your preparation, and lead with authenticity, you reinforce it. Remember: 20% is what you know 80% is how you show up And how you show up begins with how you treat yourself. Be prepared. Be present. Be kind. And show up anyway. A final reflection and an invitation If this resonates, these ideas are explored more deeply in my book, Empowered Leadership. The book is rooted in this same belief: leadership is not about perfection or position, but about presence, clarity, and the courage to show up as yourself, especially when it matters most. Empowered Leadership is for leaders who are ready to trust their voice, lead with intention, and build confidence from the inside out. Learn more and get your copy here .   Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Ewa J. Kleczyk, PhD Ewa J. Kleczyk, PhD, Bestseller Author Dr. Ewa J. Kleczyk is a leader in healthcare research, leadership, and community impact. With over two decades of experience, she has transformed healthcare innovation and data-driven strategies while championing education and equity. She has dedicated her career to empowering leaders, advancing women in healthcare, and helping organizations create lasting impact. She is the author of Empowered Leadership: Breaking Barriers, Building Impact, and Leaving a Legacy and Editor-in-Chief of UJWEL. Her mission, break barriers, build impact, leave a legacy.

Written by Sarah C. Aderibigbe, Founder & CEO, Motherwell Spring Global Sarah C. Aderibigbe is the founder and CEO of Motherwell Spring, a global platform focused on female identity, healing, and leadership. She is the author of The Soaring Single and Dine Like You Belong, and writes on internal coherence, purpose-led leadership, and the inner foundations of sustainable influence. Many people describe feeling lost despite success, directionless even while doing everything right. This article explains why identity displacement is increasing in modern society, how the loss of identity formation affects education, leadership, and wellbeing, and why this decade is exposing a deeper structural failure beneath many current crises. What is identity displacement and why is it increasing? Why do so many capable people feel lost even though they are doing everything they were told would work? They studied. They worked hard. They stayed informed. They made sensible choices. And yet the same quiet question keeps returning, “Why doesn’t any of this feel solid?” This is not confusion. It is not weakness. And it is not a personal failure. It is the defining failure of this decade, one that education systems, labour markets, and leadership pipelines are already reacting to without fully understanding. We are living through the Displacement Decade. This is the era where people are given choice faster than identity, opportunity faster than formation, and visibility faster than direction, and then blamed when they struggle to carry the weight. People today are more educated, more connected, and more exposed than any generation in history. Yet many feel internally unsettled, capable but unsure, busy but unanchored, visible but not formed. Labels arrive early, potential, talent, ahead, behind, successful, often long before anyone helps answer the more important question beneath them, "What kind of person are you developing into? What is your life actually forming in you?" Many describe this experience as an identity crisis in modern society, or as feeling directionless despite success. What often gets missed is that these are not isolated struggles, but symptoms of a deeper structural issue. Why the problem keeps being misdiagnosed This decade’s crisis is usually framed as: a confidence problem a motivation issue a mental health emergency Those explanations treat symptoms in isolation. The deeper condition linking disengagement, burnout, imposter syndrome, leadership fragility, and rising NEET statistics is identity displacement. Identity displacement occurs when people are required to choose, perform, and progress before they have been helped to form a stable internal centre. They are compared before they are anchored. They are accelerated before they are ordered. They are exposed before they are ready. This is not abstract theory. It is visible in the data. In the UK, almost one in eight young people aged 16 to 24 are not in education, employment, or training, a statistic published by the UK Office for National Statistics and echoed across OECD countries. This reflects not only economic pressure, but a deeper breakdown in direction and formation. Internally, the same fracture shows up another way. Research consistently shows that a majority of women and over a third of men report persistent imposter feelings despite objective competence, pointing not to a lack of ability, but to instability in how value and identity are formed. The systemic pressure few name clearly The quiet culprit is not individuals. It is not parents. It is not young people. It is systems designed to optimise speed without forming stability. Education systems that accelerate assessment faster than identity. Platforms that reward visibility without grounding. Labour markets that demand early certainty without early formation. None of these systems is malicious. But together, they create a civilisation that moves fast and forms late. What this looked like in real life This pattern is not unique to one country or one community. It appears that wherever people are accelerated faster than they are formed. Growing up in a council estate in South London, in Brixton, it was impossible not to notice the same quiet divergence happening again and again. Bright boys who were sharp, quick-witted, and alert, but never helped to see themselves as anything beyond survival. Girls who were capable, responsible, and perceptive, but burdened early with roles that taught them to cope, not to form. By their teens, many were already moving fast. Making decisions early. Carrying adult weight too soon. Being trusted with responsibility, but never given language for identity. Some were labelled “trouble.” Some were labelled “strong.” Some were labelled “wasted potential.” But underneath the labels was the same absence. No one had slowed the process down long enough to help them answer the most important question, "What am I actually building my life from?" They were accelerated into choices without being formed for direction. They were given responsibility without a stable sense of self. They were expected to perform without ever being anchored. Years later, the outcomes looked different on the surface, some struggled openly, others appeared outwardly successful, but the instability underneath was often the same. Motion without coherence. Capability without clarity. Responsibility without roots. That was not a failure of talent. It was a failure of formation. The locations change. The accents change. The systems differ. But the pattern remains the same. The valuation-identity law Beneath identity displacement sits a governing principle: Every identity is organised around a valuation. What is not internally valued cannot be lived with strength. This is the Valuation-Identity Law. When valuation is unclear, identity fragments. When valuation is externalised, identity becomes performative. When valuation is delayed, identity remains provisional. This is why: leadership collapses into performance ambition turns into anxiety freedom turns into drift Identity is not the reward at the end of success. It is the root that determines what success can hold. Roots do not grow quickly. They grow in sequence. The formation ladder, a framework for identity formation Identity formation follows an order. When the order is disrupted, displacement follows. Valuation to Identity to Responsibility to Direction. This framework, the Formation Ladder, explains why many interventions aimed at improving confidence, productivity, or engagement underperform when identity formation is missing. Five questions that restore stability Each rung of the ladder carries a governing question. These questions are not motivational prompts. They are structural. Before asking, “What can you do?” the question must be: What is important enough that you would keep doing it, even when it costs you something? Before increasing exposure, comparison, or leadership pressure, the question must be: Who is this person becoming in private, before anyone is watching or judging them? Before multiplying choices, the question must be: Why does this choice matter for the life this person wants to build? Before assigning responsibility, systems must ask: Is this responsibility helping the person grow, or asking them to carry something too heavy, too soon? Before teaching people how to manage the world, the final question must be: When things are hard or uncertain, what happens inside this person, and who is in charge? Together, these questions form a formation spine that can be applied in education, leadership development, and long-term workforce design. Why this matters at a societal level A society that accelerates people without forming them will always mistake motion for progress. We did not raise a confused generation. We accelerated a generation we never formed. Modern systems increasingly ask people to decide their future while quietly removing the conditions required to know who they are. The results are visible: rising disengagement burnout despite opportunity leadership pipelines that look full but remain fragile These are not personal shortcomings. They are design failures. Just as roads carry traffic and schools carry knowledge, identity carries responsibility. When identity is weak, everything built on top strains. What this decade is actually for This is not a lost decade. It is a reordering decade. Borrowed identities are collapsing because they cannot hold the complexity now being asked of people. That collapse feels like uncertainty. But it is not regression. It is preparation. When valuation is restored, identity stabilises. When identity stabilises, responsibility can be carried. When responsibility is carried well, direction emerges. What feels like being lost today may later be recognised as: The necessary formation phase before a generation, and the systems that govern it, can carry what comes next. This framework is not meant to be admired. It is meant to be used. Name it where you are. In classrooms. In leadership rooms. In policy conversations. In homes. In the way people are formed before they are assessed, accelerated, or exposed. If this language gives clarity to something you have felt but could not articulate, repeat it. Teach it. Build with it. Let it travel without permission. Because ideas that restore formation do not spread by promotion. They spread by recognition. This identity work is the most crucial work required of this generation, and it will define the next. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Sarah C. Aderibigbe Sarah C. Aderibigbe, Founder & CEO, Motherwell Spring Global Sarah Aderibigbe is an author, certified coach, and the founder and CEO of Motherwell Spring, a global platform focused on female identity, healing, and leadership. Raised in London, U.K., her work is shaped by a personal journey from inner fragmentation to internal coherence and clarity. Through both lived experience and professional training, Sarah explores how unresolved inner division quietly limits leadership, decision-making, and long-term influence. She is the author of The Soaring Single and Dine Like You Belong. Her writing invites women to move beyond performance and lead from a place of wholeness and inner authority. Sources & Data References: Below are sources that substantiate the specific statistics and claims used in the article: UK NEET statistics (16-24 year olds): UK Office for National Statistics (ONS): Y oung people not in education, employment or training (NEET), UK . OECD: Comparative data on NEET rates across developed countries . Imposter phenomenon/imposter syndrome (women & men): KPMG (2020):  The Confidence GapReports that 75% of female executives have experienced imposter syndrome during their careers . International Journal of Behavioral Science (Clance & Imes; later meta-analyses): Found imposter phenomenon prevalent across genders, with women reporting higher rates and significant prevalence among men . Asana / Harvard Business Review: Coverage on imposter syndrome in the workplace (men and women) . Education, acceleration, and disengagement (systemic context): OECD:  Students’ sense of belonging at school . World Economic Forum:  Future of jobs and skills mismatch .

Written by V anessa Rose Chykerda, Hairstylist Educator Vanessa Rose Chykerda is a rising hairstylist whose passion for hair and educating fellow industry professionals is propelling her career to new heights. In January 2025, she accepted a job where she shares her expertise in product knowledge for Matrix and Biolage. Hair doesn’t fail without reason. When hair becomes dry, oily, brittle, thin, or suddenly unmanageable, most people assume they need a new product. Stronger formulas. Faster results. Immediate correction. But hair doesn’t work that way. Hair operates in cycles, responds in patterns, and communicates through signs and symptoms, and those symptoms often have multiple possible causes. Without understanding the difference, people end up treating the wrong problem. And that’s why it feels like you’re spending money constantly without a proper fix. On the other side of the spectrum, you may buy a product that works, but a few months down the road, your hair stops responding well to it. Hair lives in a narrow window of balance, and it constantly moves in and out of balance. I desire to create better understanding for my clients and people everywhere. This misunderstanding is exactly why The Language of Hair book and educational platform were written and created. Signs, symptoms, and the cost of guessing A symptom is what you see or feel. A sign is what the hair is telling you underneath. Dryness, shedding, oil imbalance, breakage, and scalp irritation are not diagnoses. They are signals that require interpretation. When people treat symptoms as conclusions, they often end up correcting the wrong problem. The same symptom can come from environmental exposure, such as weather, water quality, or seasonal change. Hair is highly responsive to its surroundings, and shifts in climate or routine can alter how it behaves long before damage is visible. That same symptom may also be caused by product buildup or overuse. Layers of residue can block moisture, disrupt the scalp environment, and create the illusion that hair needs more when it actually needs less. Overcorrecting in these moments often worsens the issue rather than resolving it. In other cases, symptoms reflect nervous system stress, hormonal shifts, nutritional depletion, or lifestyle inconsistency. These internal influences change how hair grows, sheds, retains moisture, and responds to care. Treating every issue as a surface level problem leads to frustration and wasted money. The Language of Hair teaches readers how to slow down and identify why something is happening before trying to correct it. External hair problems vs. internal hair problems One of the most important distinctions people are never taught is this, if your hair problems are caused by your internal state, no product can change or fix them. Products work on the outside of the hair, not the systems that support hair growth and regulation from within. External hair issues, such as buildup, residue, mechanical damage, or improper cleansing, can often be supported through routine changes and thoughtful product choice. These problems respond well when the external environment is corrected with intention and restraint. Internal hair issues do not respond the same way. Hair is a biological output. When the internal system is under stress, depleted, or dysregulated, no topical solution can override that state. In these cases, products can only mask symptoms temporarily. When the root cause is internal, topical solutions may hide the problem, overuse of products can worsen the imbalance, and frustration increases while results stall. The Language of Hair explains how to recognize when hair is reflecting something deeper and why the solution requires support, not correction. Hair cycles, patterns, and time Hair does not respond instantly. It reflects past conditions, not just present actions. This is why people often feel confused. They change products, routines, or habits, yet the hair seems unchanged or worse. Hair operates in cycles and delayed response patterns. What you see today is often the result of what was happening weeks or months earlier. Without understanding this timeline, people expect immediate results from changes that require consistency and recovery. The Language of Hair introduces readers to the concept of hair cycles and time based feedback. Once people understand how time, consistency, and internal recovery affect hair, they stop expecting overnight fixes and start making decisions that actually work. Why this book comes first This Amazon release is the entry point. The book gives readers a framework to understand hair behavior, the ability to identify patterns over time, clarity around signs versus symptoms, and the confidence to stop guessing. It creates awareness, not dependence. Readers learn how to think about hair instead of being told what to buy. The upcoming Podia platform will expand on this foundation, offering deeper education into personal hair cycles, pattern tracking, internal support, and long term strategy. But without the book, people lack the language needed to apply that knowledge correctly. From reaction to regulation Most hair damage doesn’t come from neglect. It comes from urgency. Quick fixes feel productive, but they often interrupt the body’s ability to rebalance itself. Understanding the language of hair shifts people from reaction to regulation. Decisions become calmer, product use becomes intentional, expectations become realistic, and internal health is respected. Hair improves when the system improves. Education changes outcomes This book isn’t about telling people what to buy. It’s about teaching people how to think. Once someone understands whether their hair issue is internal or external, short term or cyclical, reactive or adaptive, the right decisions become obvious. And that understanding lasts far longer than any product ever will. What comes next The Language of Hair is now available on Amazon as a foundational guide. It can be downloaded on Kindle or purchased as a paperback or hardcover. The Podia platform will follow, offering deeper, structured learning for those ready to explore their personal hair patterns, cycles, and internal and external connections in greater detail. But it starts here. Because hair doesn’t need fixing. It needs understanding. Follow me on Facebook , and visit my Instagram for more info! Read more from Vanessa Rose Chykerda Vanessa Rose Chykerda, Hairstylist Educator Vanessa Rose Chykerda was born with a passion for beauty, education, and helping others. Inspired by her father’s words – “Pick a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life” – she’s built her career on purpose and passion. Her mission is to bring out the beauty in every client while empowering fellow professionals through education, mentorship, and meaningful connection. Vanessa believes everyone deserves to feel their best, look their best, and achieve their best, both in the salon and in life.

Written by   Sam Mishra, The Medical Massage Lady Sam Mishra (The Medical Massage Lady) is a multi-award-winning massage therapist, aromatherapist, accredited course tutor, oncology and lymphatic practitioner, trauma practitioner, breathwork facilitator, reiki and intuitive energy healer, transformational and spiritual coach, and hypnotherapist. The loss of a child represents one of the most profound traumas a human being can endure. Whether that loss comes through death or through parental alienation when a child is psychologically manipulated to reject a parent, the grief can feel insurmountable. The pain doesn't follow a predictable timeline, and there's no single roadmap for survival. Yet countless parents have walked this unbearable path before you and found ways not just to survive, but eventually to rebuild meaning in their lives. This article offers guidance for navigating these darkest of waters. Understanding your grief The first truth you must accept is that your grief is valid, profound, and deserving of compassion from yourself and others. There is no hierarchy of loss. Whether your child died or has been alienated from you, you are experiencing a fundamental rupture in one of life's most sacred bonds. The parent-child relationship is wired into our biology and psychology at the deepest levels, and its loss activates primal systems of distress. When a child dies, society generally recognizes the magnitude of your loss, though even then, people may struggle to know how to support you. When a child is alienated from you, the grief can be even more isolating because others may not understand that you're grieving someone who is still alive. You may face judgment, disbelief, or dismissal. Some may blame you or suggest you must have done something to deserve this estrangement. This compounds your suffering immeasurably. Grief from child loss, whether through death or alienation, doesn't follow the neat five stages often described in popular culture. Your grief will more likely feel chaotic, cyclical, and unpredictable. You may experience intense waves of emotion that seem to come from nowhere. You might feel numb one moment and overwhelmed the next. You may oscillate between acceptance and denial, hope and despair. All of this is normal. The early days: Survival mode In the immediate aftermath of losing your child, your only job is to survive. This might sound dramatic, but it's true. The early period following such a loss can be so destabilizing that basic functioning becomes a challenge. Many bereaved and alienated parents report feeling like they're moving through water, like the world has become surreal, or like they're watching their life from outside their body. During this period, focus on the most basic necessities. Are you eating something each day, even if it's just toast or soup? Are you drinking water? Are you sleeping at all, even if poorly? Are you getting through each day without harming yourself? These are your only benchmarks for success right now. Reach out for immediate support. This might be a trusted friend or family member who can sit with you, help with practical tasks, or simply be present. It might be a crisis helpline if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts. It might be your doctor who can assess whether you need medication to help with sleep, anxiety, or depression during this acute phase. There is no shame in needing pharmaceutical support to get through the worst of it. If you have other children, they need you, but they also need you to get help. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Seeking support isn't selfish, it's necessary for everyone's well-being. Building your support system Grief of this magnitude cannot be carried alone. Yet finding the right support can be challenging. Not everyone will understand your loss, and some people who love you will nevertheless say unhelpful things out of their own discomfort. Consider seeking out specialized support groups. For parents who have lost children to death, organizations like The Compassionate Friends offer both in-person and online communities of people who truly understand your experience. For parents experiencing alienation, there are support groups specifically for alienated parents where you won't have to explain or justify your grief. A therapist who specializes in grief, trauma, or parental alienation can be invaluable. Not all therapists are equally skilled in these areas, so don't hesitate to interview potential therapists about their experience and approach. You need someone who understands the magnitude of what you're experiencing and won't rush you toward "closure" or "moving on." Some parents find solace in spiritual communities, while others find organized religion painful after such a loss. Honour whatever feels right for you without judgment. Your relationship with faith, meaning, and existential questions will likely shift repeatedly through this process. Be selective about who you confide in during your most vulnerable moments. Some people will be able to hold space for your pain without trying to fix it, minimize it, or compare it to their own losses. These are your people. Others, no matter how well-intentioned, may not be equipped to support you right now. It's okay to step back from relationships that feel invalidating, even temporarily. Navigating practical realities Beyond the emotional devastation, you'll face practical challenges that can feel overwhelming when you're already barely functioning. If your child died, you may need to make decisions about services, belongings, and estate matters when you can barely think straight. Lean on your support system to help with these tasks. Ask someone to take notes during important meetings or to help research options. There's no rush for most of these decisions, despite what you might feel. If you're experiencing parental alienation, you may be navigating legal systems, court dates, therapy appointments, and documentation. This work is exhausting and can feel futile when results are slow or disappointing. Find an attorney who understands parental alienation if you can afford one, and consider working with a family therapist who specializes in reunification. Document everything, but also recognize that you cannot make this your entire life. Financial strain often accompanies these losses, from funeral costs and medical bills to legal fees and lost work time. If you're struggling financially, reach out to social services, charitable organizations, or your community. Many people want to help but don't know how. Accepting practical help with bills, meals, or childcare isn't a weakness. The long path: Learning to carry your grief After the initial crisis passes, you enter a longer, less acute but perhaps more isolating phase. This is when many people around you expect you to be "better" or "back to normal." But there is no going back, only forward into a life that has been irrevocably changed. This is when you begin the slow work of integrating your loss into your identity. You don't "get over" losing a child. You learn to carry it. The weight may never become lighter, but you gradually grow stronger at bearing it. Create rituals that honour your child and your relationship. If your child died, this might mean visiting their grave, celebrating their birthday, or incorporating their memory into family traditions. If your child is alienated from you, you might write them letters you don't send, maintain a journal for them, or celebrate their milestones privately. These rituals keep the bond alive while acknowledging the painful reality of their physical absence. Many parents find meaning in advocacy or helping others going through similar losses. This might look like volunteering with bereaved parent organizations, advocating for legal reforms around parental alienation, raising awareness, or simply being present for another parent in crisis. This work should only be undertaken when and if you feel ready, it's not required for healing, but some find it helpful. Be patient with your own timeline. Grief has no expiration date. You may find that certain triggers—holidays, anniversaries, songs, places, seeing other families hit you with fresh waves of pain years down the line. This doesn't mean you're failing at grieving or that something is wrong with you. It means you loved deeply, and that love persists. Rebuilding meaning and identity Losing a child shatters your sense of identity, especially if being a parent was central to how you understood yourself. If you have other children, you remain a parent, but even then, your identity has shifted. If your child was your only child, you face questions about whether you're still a parent, questions that can feel both philosophical and painfully practical. Part of surviving is slowly, painstakingly rebuilding a sense of self and purpose. This doesn't mean forgetting your child or the relationship you had. It means finding ways to live a life that honours both their memory and your own continued existence. This might involve rediscovering old interests or developing new ones. It might mean changing careers, moving to a new place, or staying exactly where you are but viewing it differently. Some parents throw themselves into creative pursuits, writing, art, and music, as a way to process and express their grief. Others find solace in nature, in physical activity, or in quiet contemplation. You may also need to grieve the future you imagined, the graduations, weddings, grandchildren, or simply the daily presence of your child in your life. These losses of imagined futures can be as painful as the primary loss. Special considerations for parental alienation If your child is alive but alienated from you, you face unique challenges. You're grieving someone who still exists, which can create a complicated emotional landscape. You may oscillate between hope for reconciliation and despair over the present rejection. You may feel anger at the person you perceive as having alienated your child, anger at systems that failed to protect your relationship, or even anger at your child for believing falsehoods about you. Know that parental alienation is recognized by mental health professionals as a real and damaging phenomenon. Your child is in pain too, even if they're directing that pain toward you. They are being harmed by the manipulation they're experiencing, even if they don't currently recognize it as such. Maintain hope without letting it consume you. Many alienated children do eventually reconnect with their rejected parent, often in young adulthood when they gain independence and perspective. Continue to make yourself available without pressuring them. Send birthday and holiday messages even if you get no response. Keep your contact information current. Let them know the door is always open. At the same time, you must find ways to live your life now, in the present absence, rather than putting everything on hold while you wait for reunion. This balance is extraordinarily difficult. Taking care of your physical health Grief takes a tremendous toll on physical health. Research shows that bereaved parents have higher rates of virtually every illness, from heart disease to cancer to autoimmune conditions. The stress hormones flooding your system during prolonged grief have real physiological effects. As much as possible, attend to basic physical care. Try to eat nutritious food, even if you have no appetite. Move your body, even if it's just a walk around the block. Sleep is often severely disrupted after child loss, so practice good sleep hygiene and don't hesitate to seek medical help for insomnia. Some parents find that physical activity becomes a crucial outlet for their grief. Running, swimming, yoga, or other exercise can help discharge some of the intense physical energy that grief creates. Others find that their body feels too heavy, too exhausted. Be gentle with yourself wherever you are. Avoid using alcohol or drugs to numb your pain. While the temptation is understandable, substance use ultimately compounds your suffering and interferes with the grief process. If you're struggling with substance use, please reach out for specialized help. Finding hope without denying pain Perhaps the most difficult balance to strike is between honouring your pain and remaining open to moments of lightness, joy, or hope. Some parents feel guilty when they catch themselves laughing or enjoying something, as if happiness betrays their child's memory. But your child, whether they have died or are alienated, would not want you to suffer endlessly without relief. You can hold both truths simultaneously: you are devastated by your loss, and you are still alive with moments worth experiencing. These aren't contradictory. Over time, most bereaved parents find that moments of peace or even happiness gradually become more frequent, though the pain never fully disappears. These lighter moments don't mean you're "over it" or that you loved your child any less. They mean you're human, and the human spirit has remarkable resilience even in the face of unbearable loss. A message of survival If you're reading this in the depths of fresh grief, you may not believe that survival is possible. You may not even want to survive. But countless parents have stood where you stand and found their way forward. Not because they were stronger or better than you, but simply because they put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. You will never be the person you were before this loss. That version of you is gone. But you can become someone new, someone who carries this grief alongside other aspects of life, someone who honours your child's memory through your continued living, someone who finds purpose even within the pain. Reach out. Get help. Be gentle with yourself. Take it one moment at a time when a day feels too long. And know that you're not alone in this unbearable club no one wants to join. Other parents understand, and they're holding space for your pain even if you've never met them. Your survival matters. Your life matters. And your love for your child persists, unbreakable, regardless of physical presence or absence. Follow me on  Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Sam Mishra Sam Mishra, The Medical Massage Lady Sam Mishra (The Medical Massage Lady), is a multi-award winning massage therapist, aromatherapist, accredited course tutor, oncology and lymphatic practitioner, trauma practitioner, breathwork facilitator, reiki and intuitive energy healer, transformational and spiritual coach and hypnotherapist. Her medical background as a nurse and a midwife, combined with her own experiences of childhood disability and abuse, have resulted in a diverse and specialised service, but she is mostly known for her trauma work. She is motivated by the adversity she has faced, using it as a driving force in her charity work and in offering the vulnerable a means of support. Her aim is to educate about medical conditions using easily understood language, to avoid inappropriate treatments being carried out, and for health promotion purposes in the general public. She is also becoming known for challenging the stigmas in our society and pushing through the boundaries that have been set by such stigmas within the massage industry.

Written by Amy Haydak, Parent Coach and Trauma Therapist Amy Haydak is a licensed clinical social worker, trauma therapist, parent coach, and mother of two who empowers women to break unhealthy generational patterns, reclaim their identity, and become emotionally regulated mothers. With over 12 years of trauma-informed clinical experience, her work centers on confidence, self-worth, and family healing. Explore four emotional survival patterns shaped by childhood emotional handling, how they influence adult behavior and parenting, and science‑backed tools to support regulation and healing. Most adults don’t realize they’re still responding to the emotional rules of their childhood because those rules feel familiar and once kept them safe. What we often label as personality, coping style, or parenting instinct is frequently a survival pattern shaped by how our emotions were responded to early in life. Unless these patterns are brought into awareness, they don’t just influence us, they shape the next generation. Cycle breaking doesn’t begin with behavior change. It begins with understanding what you learned to do to stay emotionally and/or physically safe. How emotional handling shapes survival Children don’t need perfect emotional attunement, they need responsive caregivers, ones who listen, offer comfort, and help them make sense of what they feel. When emotions are rushed past, minimized, left unsupported, or tightly controlled as a child, nervous systems adapt. These adaptations become implicit survival patterns that shape adult emotional life and parenting instincts. Research increasingly shows that patterns formed in early emotional environments influence later behavior, stress responsivity, and relational styles. There is strong support for the idea that early emotional experiences influence long‑term emotional regulation and behavior. The 4 childhood emotional survival patterns 1. The fixer/over‑functioner When emotional needs were met with problem‑solving or distraction, children learned that feelings are best handled through action. Adult Pattern: Over‑responsibility Difficulty resting without guilt Minimizing personal emotions to stay functional Parenting impact: Children may learn that care and connection come through doing, not being held.   2. The peacekeeper When emotional expression led to conflict or tension, children learned that calm equals safety. Adult Pattern: Conflict avoidance Emotional suppression Over‑attunement to others Parenting impact: Children may hesitate to express anger or strong emotions openly.   3. The hyper‑independent one When emotional support was inconsistent or unavailable, children learned to rely on themselves. Adult pattern: Difficulty asking for help Emotional withdrawal Pushing through exhaustion   Parenting impact: Children may learn that vulnerability is unsafe and inner strength means going it alone.   4. The controller/planner When unpredictability felt unsafe, children learned that control brought relief.   Adult pattern: Need for structure Anxiety with change Emotional containment Parenting impact: Children may feel pressure to “get things right” before they’re safe.   Why awareness changes the cycle Cycle breaking doesn’t require eliminating these patterns. It requires noticing them. When you pause instead of fix, allow emotion instead of rushing past it, ask for support instead of pushing through, or tolerate uncertainty rather than tightening control, something fundamental can shift - not just for you, but for your children as they internalize a different model of emotion and connection.   Science-backed tools for regulation & healing (real life edition) These approaches are supported by research, but more importantly, they can be woven into real life, between school drop-offs, work, dishes, and emotional overload. 1. Strengthening internal emotional awareness Research shows that increasing a parent’s ability to recognize and understand their own emotional states improves regulation, stress tolerance, and resilience. This is foundational work that happens internally, often before anything changes in parenting behavior. In real life, this might look like: Noticing emotional shifts before they spill over Naming internal states without judgment Recognizing patterns tied to stress, hormones, or exhaustion This isn’t about controlling emotions. It’s about increasing awareness so you have more choice in how you respond. 2. Body-based (somatic) support Trauma lives in the body, not just in thoughts. Somatic approaches support nervous system safety by gently increasing awareness of physical sensations and stress responses. For many mothers, this starts small: Noticing tension in your shoulders, jaw, or breath Slowing your body before responding Using grounding practices when activation rises Research supports these methods because they regulate the nervous system directly, rather than relying solely on cognitive strategies during moments of overwhelm. 3. Emotionally intelligent parenting Emotionally intelligent parenting focuses on how parents respond to their child’s emotions in ways that promote safety, learning, and connection. Research shows that children develop stronger emotional regulation when caregivers offer empathy, structure, and guidance rather than dismissal or punishment. In practice, this can look like: Acknowledging feelings without rushing to fix or stop them Holding boundaries while staying emotionally present Using moments of dysregulation as teaching opportunities, not sources of shame Returning to repair after rupture because relationship builds regulation This approach supports both generations. As parents respond to their children with clarity and compassion, they often experience healing in the places where support was once missing. Emotionally intelligent parenting supports both generations at once. As parents learn to respond to their children’s emotions with understanding and structure, they often find themselves developing the same skills they were never taught.   You didn’t choose your survival pattern. It formed around what you needed to stay safe. And now, you get to decide what stays and what changes. Cycle breaking isn’t about fixing the past, it’s about responding differently in the present.   Ready to take the next step? If this resonated, you don’t have to navigate healing alone. You can begin with a free personalized resource designed to meet you exactly where you are. Get Your Personalized Plan to Break the Cycle and Leave a Lasting Legacy . This free guide helps you identify your unique triggers, nervous system patterns, and next supportive steps so you can move forward with clarity, compassion, and confidence. For those wanting guidance and community, you can also join my free group Parenting with Purpose: Heal, Grow, and Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids , where you’ll find support, practical resources, and workshops that walk you through these areas in a grounded, approachable way. Learn more and join Amy’s Cycle Breaker program here . Follow me on Facebook  for more info! Read more from Amy Haydak Amy Haydak , Parent Coach and Trauma Therapist Amy Haydak is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), trauma therapist, parent coach, and mother of two who empowers women to break free from unhealthy generational patterns. With over 12 years of trauma-informed clinical experience, she helps mothers understand emotional triggers, regulate their nervous systems, and rebuild self-trust. Amy’s work supports women in reclaiming their identity, strengthening self-worth, and stepping into unshakable confidence. Through education, coaching, and lived experience, she guides mothers toward becoming the emotionally regulated presence that creates lasting change for their families.

Written by CHt Radost Rasheva RTTT, Rapid Transformational & Certified Hypnotherapist CHt Radost Rasheva RTTT is a certified hypnotherapist (CHt) and a Rapid Transformational Therapy Therapist (RTTT) who specialises in supporting people uproot limiting beliefs and foster personal growth. She founded Root and Rise Hypnotherapy, offering sessions that address low self-esteem, procrastination, people pleasing, and imposter syndrome. The father-daughter relationship quietly shapes our inner landscape in ways we often don't recognise until adulthood. While society has begun acknowledging the mother wound, the father wound remains largely invisible, yet its impact reverberates through every relationship, career decision, and moment of self-doubt you experience. As a certified hypnotherapist specialising in Rapid Transformational Therapy, I have guided clients to uncover how their father's presence or absence created deep inner child wounds that manifest as repeated patterns of behaviour in their adult lives. These patterns often manifest as difficulty trusting, a fear of visibility, seeking validation from unattainable people, or sabotaging success just before achieving it. The transformative news is that your subconscious mind can be rewired, and negative beliefs can be permanently shifted. Understanding the father wound in your subconscious Your subconscious mind absorbed your father's messages about your worth, capabilities, and place in the world during your most impressionable years. Between birth and age seven, your brain operates primarily in theta brainwave states, which are highly suggestible and receptive, the same state accessed during hypnotherapy sessions. During these crucial years, you internalised not just your father's words but his emotional availability, his reactions to your needs, and his modelling of how the world works. Perhaps your father was physically absent, leaving a void that whispered, "You're not worth staying for." Perhaps he was present, but emotionally distant, teaching you that love means proximity without genuine connection. He might have been critical, dismissive, or so consumed by work and stress that he couldn't see you. Or perhaps he was loving but unable to express it in ways your developing nervous system could receive. These experiences didn't just create memories, they formed neural pathways and belief systems that continue directing your choices today. The father wound often manifests differently than maternal wounds, typically affecting how you present yourself in the external world, your relationship with authority, your comfort with ambition and success, your ability to trust your own strength, and your expectations in romantic partnerships. The father wound creates specific repeated patterns of behaviour that many don't recognise as connected to their early paternal relationship. You might find yourself constantly seeking approval from bosses or partners who can never quite give it. You may struggle with imposter syndrome despite your achievements, or conversely, you might avoid success altogether because visibility feels unfamiliar and might activate your 'fight or flight ' nervous system response. Many women with unhealed father wounds either become overachievers, desperately trying to earn the recognition they never received or underachievers, unconsciously proving right the belief that they are not capable or worthy. Some replay the unavailable father dynamic by repeatedly choosing emotionally distant partners. Others become hyper-vigilant people-pleasers, terrified of disappointing authority figures or triggering masculine anger. These patterns of behaviour are not character flaws or bad choices, they are protective strategies your subconscious mind developed to keep you safe in your original family environment. If your father withdrew when you expressed needs, you learned to suppress your needs. If he only showed interest when you achieved, you learned your worth was performance-based. If his anger was unpredictable, you learned to scan for danger and shrink yourself. As a certified hypnotherapist trained in Rapid Transformational Therapy, CHt Radost Rasheva RTTT understands that these patterns are subconscious programming, not conscious decisions. You cannot simply think your way out of them because they live below the level of conscious awareness, embedded in your nervous system and automatic responses. How rapid transformational therapy accesses the root cause The therapist works directly with your subconscious mind, where these inner child wounds and negative beliefs actually reside. Unlike traditional talk therapy that engages your analytical mind, with Rapid Transformational Therapy we bypass conscious defences to access the scenes and moments where your beliefs about yourself, men, success and worthiness were originally formed. During a session with me, you enter a state of focused relaxation where your subconscious becomes accessible. You are guided to revisit pivotal moments with your father, not to relive trauma but to review it from your adult perspective. You might return to the day he forgot your school play, the way he dismissed your emotions or the chronic absence that taught you 'You did not matter enough'. What makes Root and Rise Hypnotherapy so effective is that it helps you understand the meaning you gave those experiences. Perhaps you decided "I'm not important," "I have to be perfect to be loved", "Men can't be trusted", or "Success isn't safe for me." These subconscious beliefs have been running your life, creating the very patterns of behaviour that no longer serve you. Once identified, these beliefs can be challenged and transformed. The certified hypnotherapist helps you see that your father's limitations weren't about your worth, they were about his own wounds, capacity and circumstances. This reframing, combined with specific techniques to install new empowering beliefs, begins rewiring your subconscious mind immediately. Rewiring your subconscious: Creating new neural pathways The brain's neuroplasticity means you can create new neural pathways at any age. Rapid Transformational Therapy leverages this by working at the subconscious level, where change happens most efficiently. Rather than spending years in traditional therapy trying to think differently, you can access and transform the root cause in as few as one to three intensive sessions. Your certified hypnotherapist creates a personalised transformation recording for you, which you listen to for 21 days following your session. This repetition is crucial, it reinforces the new beliefs and patterns, allowing them to become your default programming. Your subconscious mind begins accepting new truths, "I am worthy exactly as I am," "I can trust myself," "Success is safe for me," "I deserve healthy, available love." As these new beliefs take root, your automatic responses shift. You stop seeking validation from people who are unable to offer it. You pursue opportunities without the paralysing fear of failure or success. You choose partners based on their emotional availability rather than unconsciously recreating your father's dynamic. You set boundaries with authority figures without the old terror or defiance. Healing inner child wounds: Giving yourself what he couldn't Healing the father wound doesn't require your father to change, apologise or even be alive. This healing happens within you, in the relationship between your adult self and your inner child. It's about finally giving yourself what he couldn't provide, validation, protection, encouragement and unconditional acceptance. In Rapid Transformational Therapy sessions, I often guide clients to visualise their younger selves and provide exactly what was missing. Sometimes this means your adult self is standing between your inner child and your father's criticism. Other times, it means holding your younger self and acknowledging the pain of his absence or emotional unavailability. This process is profound and often brings tears, not just of grief but of relief and recognition. You might discover that your father was doing his best with his own unhealed wounds. This understanding doesn't excuse the impact, but it can release you from the belief that his limitations were your fault. Many fathers grew up in generations where emotional expression was forbidden, where masculine identity meant stoicism and provision rather than connection. His inability to show up emotionally wasn't about you being unlovable, it was about his own inner child wounds and the patterns of behaviour he inherited. This compassionate understanding, held alongside validation of your pain, creates space for genuine healing. You can acknowledge "he did the best he could" while also honouring "it wasn't what I needed, and it hurt." Both truths can coexist. The ripple effect: How healing transforms everything When you rewire your subconscious beliefs about your father and yourself, the changes ripple through every area of your life. Your nervous system begins to regulate differently. The hypervigilance or shutdown response that has been your default for decades starts to ease. You discover you can trust yourself to handle both success and disappointment. Your relationships transform. You stop choosing partners who replicate your father's unavailability. If you're already in a relationship, you might find you can finally receive love without suspicion or allow your partner to be imperfect without it confirming your worst beliefs. You communicate your needs clearly without expecting others to intuit them or suppressing them entirely. Your professional life shifts, too. You take on challenges that previously felt too risky. You speak up in meetings. You negotiate for your worth. Or conversely, if you've been using work to prove your value, you might finally allow yourself to rest without feeling your worth is threatened. Perhaps most importantly, you interrupt the generational transmission of these wounds. If you have children, you're no longer unconsciously passing on the patterns of behaviour and negative beliefs you inherited. You model healthy boundaries, emotional expression, and self-worth. The father wound may have shaped your past, but it stops with you. Your transformation is possible If these patterns resonate with you, if you recognise how your relationship with your father continues to influence your choices, relationships, and self-perception, know that profound change is accessible. Root and Rise Hypnotherapy provides a clear path to healing your inner child wounds and transforming the subconscious patterns that have shaped your life. Working in this approach, you can identify the root cause of your struggles, understand the meaning you gave to early experiences, and install new beliefs that reflect your authentic worth and capability. The repeated patterns of behaviour that have felt impossible to break can shift permanently. The wounds that have ached for decades can finally heal. Your father's presence or absence, his words or silence, his approval or criticism, these shaped your beginning, but they don't have to determine your future. You have the power to rewrite the story your subconscious has been telling, to release negative beliefs that no longer serve you, and to create a life built on genuine self-worth, healthy relationships, and inner peace. The journey begins with recognising that the little girl inside you deserved more than she received, and that you, as the adult, can finally provide it. From there, Root and Rise Hypnotherapy can guide you toward complete transformation and freedom from the father wound's grip on your life. Self-help practices to begin healing at home While working with a certified hypnotherapist provides the most profound and lasting transformation, you can begin your healing journey at home with these practices: Daily inner child connection: Spend five minutes each morning visualising your younger self. Place your hand on your heart and speak directly to her, "I see you. You are worthy. You are enough. I'm here now, and I won't abandon you." This simple practice begins rewiring your subconscious through repetition and self-compassion. Reframe your father story: Write down the negative beliefs you formed about yourself based on your father's behaviour. Next to each one, write an alternative truth, "His absence meant he couldn't be present" rather than "I wasn't worth staying for." Read these reframes aloud daily, allowing your subconscious to absorb new meanings. Mirror work: Stand before a mirror, look into your own eyes, and say, "I approve of you. I'm proud of you. You don't need to prove your worth, you already have it." This practice might feel uncomfortable at first, but with repetition, it becomes a powerful tool for rewiring patterns of behaviour around seeking external validation. Body-based release: The father wound lives in your nervous system. Practice gentle somatic exercises such as placing both hands on your chest while taking slow, deep breaths or shaking your body for two minutes to release stored tension. These practices help your body release what your mind is processing. Remember, these home practices support your healing but aren't substitutes for professional guidance. When you're ready for deeper transformation, seek a certified hypnotherapist who can help you access and heal the root cause of your inner child wounds through Root and Rise Hypnotherapy. Follow me on Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Radost Rasheva CHt Radost Rasheva RTTT , Rapid Transformational & Certified Hypnotherapist CHt Radost Rasheva specialises in Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT®), an award‑winning, results‑driven therapy developed by world‑renowned therapist Marisa Peer that blends hypnotherapy, NLP, psychotherapy, and СВТ to create fast, lasting change at the subconscious level. Drawing on her years of experience in education, she offers gentle yet powerful sessions online via Google Meet worldwide and in person between London and Sicily. She guides and facilitates the path to her clients to uncover the root of self-doubt, anxiety, and "never enough" patterns and to rewire their minds for self-worth, confidence, and inner peace. Her mission is to heal you from the root, rewire your thoughts, and support you in embracing your inner transformation.

Written by Pauline van Borrendam, Haptotherapist As a haptotherapist with 30 years of experience, Pauline van Borrendam has a deep understanding of how feelings show up in your body. She knows how feelings get blocked, how to unlock them, and how to regulate overwhelming feelings.  Do you long for a deeper connection with yourself? Do you crave more peace and balance, more meaning and fulfillment? Are you living too much in your head, stuck in constant busyness, too restless to pause and connect with deeper layers within yourself? Are you experiencing physical symptoms that won't go away? Maybe everything you've tried so far has brought temporary relief, but the problems keep coming back. If so, this might interest you, a different approach that works bottom-up. Instead of starting with your mind, focus, or willpower, you start from simply feeling the feelings in your body. It's simple, yet it's not, because we're not used to it. Let me guide you through an approach that helps you trust the feeling process as it unfolds. Once you understand how it works, you can practice on your own. What is so good about bottom-up? Most coaching, therapy, and self-help approaches work top-down. This means you either start by talking, analyzing, and gaining insight, which then allows feelings to arise and be processed, or you use willpower to achieve results, ‘I want to be relaxed, so I'll do exercises, meditation, or positive affirmations.’ Top-down approaches often use techniques, to-do lists, or specific tools. They rely on insight and willpower to achieve change. This can be effective. Sometimes it's enough, and you do feel better. But if you want something deeper, start from the other end, begin by feeling your feelings, and keep feeling them without interrupting, steering, blocking, fighting, fleeing, interpreting, or criticizing them. When you don't interfere with the feeling process, you enter a part of yourself you don't consciously know. By starting with the feelings in your body, you tap into a tremendous library of unconscious knowledge stored there. You simply need to give it more space, allowing that knowledge to unfold. How did this knowledge get there? It's the imprint of everything you've experienced in your life, good or bad. In your body, you'll find confidence, peace, trust, firmness, and vitality from positive experiences. And you may also find tension, emptiness, restlessness, or pain from difficult or traumatic experiences. Simply repressing your tension, emptiness, restlessness, or pain, or relying on quick fixes, won't bring about real change. But moving through the feelings and listening to the information they provide will lead to lasting change. It may lead to discoveries you never expected or sought, things you never knew you were carrying. Let your bodily feelings lead the way. Following this path brings you into the unconscious world of who you are at a deeper level. You can never enter that world when you're trying to reach goals from your head, steering everything consciously from the start. Example of a bottom-up process Here's an example of how this might work. Say you're a busy entrepreneur with a successful business, working your butt off, but still feeling unsatisfied and restless. You begin to feel your feelings and stay with them. You welcome the restlessness and the sense that something isn't quite right. Each time you get distracted or want to analyze, you bring yourself back to feeling what's present in the moment. Then you start feeling tired. Your mind quickly analyzes, ‘Oh, that must be from working so hard. I need more rest. I didn't realize I was actually this tired.’ (This is very common when you're usually in an active mode, the tiredness only becomes apparent when you slow down for a while.) But that analysis might be too quick, and therefore superficial. You could stop here, you've discovered something you weren't aware of. But you could also continue. If you do, it might unfold like this. As you give in to the tiredness, feel where it shows up in your body, and surrender to it. This might trigger thoughts like, ‘Oh no, if I really give in to this, I might not finish what I planned for today.’ You welcome that concern too. Then you start feeling sadness. You don't know why, but it's rising up. Welcome the sadness as well. You begin to cry, wondering what this is about. The sadness subsides. Now you feel much more connected to yourself in your body. And the strange thing is, your tiredness is gone, along with the restlessness and dissatisfaction. You feel a renewed sense of peace and fulfillment. You never realized you'd been carrying sadness inside, probably unconsciously running from it by staying busy all the time, leaving no room for deeper feelings. Sometimes understanding what the sadness is about emerges during the process, sometimes later, and sometimes not at all. As you engage with this process more regularly, you'll likely begin to understand your sadness along the way. Wisdom of feelings Feelings move on their own. We all know this, when a toddler falls and hurts himself, we pick him up, hold him on our lap, and comfort him. He cries, maybe talks about what happened, and then he starts to calm down by himself. It happens naturally, that is to say, when we don't interfere. This is one of the purposes of feelings, to process painful experiences. When we're scared, shaken, and in pain, crying while being lovingly cared for helps us calm down and regain our balance. But perhaps our parents did interfere, they told us that big boys don't cry, or they distracted us to make us feel better quickly, skipping the time needed to process the feelings. Or they gave us a lollipop to stop us from feeling bad. Chances are, we didn't learn to let feelings run their course in their own time and way. In childhood, we're too young to process these feelings on our own. We have to push them away and rely on survival mechanisms. Those suppressed feelings never really disappear, they remain hidden in the tense or numb parts of our bodies. They wait for a new opportunity to be processed later. Suppressed feelings lead to physical and/or emotional symptoms that signal there's still something waiting to be acknowledged and completed. How clever this system is, it happens unconsciously. It only requires our adult selves to recognize that we all carry feelings that couldn't be processed earlier, for whatever reason, but can be processed now. Practice: How to feel your way through Now let's practice. Simply sit down, no special posture needed, and no need to relax. You can close your eyes or leave them open, just feel what works best for you. Open yourself to whatever wants to emerge. When feelings are given room to move through you, they arise and subside on their own. The process works in layers, starting at the surface and going deeper over time. When you let feelings lead, they find their own new balance. No steering is necessary, it actually works better when you don't interfere. Let your mind notice and follow, not steer. Our heads don't know what's necessary in the moment, our feelings do. So, when you're tense, don't try to relax. Instead, welcome the tension. No scanning, no focusing. This alone can be challenging for people who are used to being in control and meeting expectations. If this is difficult for you, notice that it makes you uncomfortable, and welcome that feeling. How does it show up in your body? Is your breathing or heart rate speeding up? Does your chest feel tight? Welcome those feelings. Another challenge might be not feeling anything at all. Does it feel like your mind is running the show? How does that feel? Does your head feel full, heavy, or busy? Does that feel good, or not so good? How does your body feel? Does it feel distant, hard as a rock, or empty? All these are possible when you "don't feel anything," yet they're all different experiences. So stay in a feeling position. Don't interfere, don't try to get out of your head and into your body, and don't try anything. Because when you start trying, you lose contact with what you're actually feeling. If you stay in a feeling position, the feelings will deepen. It doesn't matter how "bad" your starting point is, staying in a feeling position will improve things. It's fine to start with physical sensations like tension, restlessness, discomfort, or pain. You don't have to be at an emotional level to begin. Sometimes, when we invite and welcome these physical sensations, they subside easily. Accustomed to being suppressed and fought against, once they're given space simply to exist, they move through us quite easily. This surprises people, but it's like the example of the toddler on your lap. When the adult is comfortable with the toddler's feelings, the toddler's tension quickly fades. We can go even deeper. Feelings can also intensify when given space, especially if they've been suppressed for a long time. You might start by feeling tension in your neck and shoulders, and when you make room for it, the tension intensifies. It starts to really hurt. (Don't try to make it go away by stretching your neck! That's just symptom management.) Ask yourself, "How does it affect me when the tension worsens and starts to hurt?" If it scares you, welcome the fear. If it frustrates you, welcome the frustration. Here we're entering a deeper level, the level of how you're affected, the emotional experience. When you suppress feelings, there's a cost, tension in your body, pain, or parts of your body feeling empty and disconnected. When you're well connected to your feelings and your body, it shows in balanced tension, vitality, and relaxation. When you've unconsciously suppressed feelings, that's where symptoms begin. But here's the good news, these symptoms lead you right back to the suppressed feelings. We can use that as our entry point. If the symptom leads you to fear, anger, or sadness (or any subset of those broader feelings), accept and welcome it. Stop suppressing. Let the feelings run their course. If you start trembling, let it happen. If you start crying, allow it. If you feel the urge to make noise, go ahead. Let feelings express themselves however they need to. They'll subside once they're given room. This way, you move through unpleasant sensations and feelings toward a deeper connection and renewed balance. Once you reach a new level of peace and feel better, you can complete the process by taking time to reconnect with the outside world. What doesn't help (but what we tend to do) Here are some examples of what might happen during the process that can hinder your progress. If you recognize these patterns as they happen, you can return to simply feeling your feelings, nothing else. Don't try to understand why you're having these feelings during the process. This will pull you into your head, into thinking, and you'll lose contact with the present moment. This blocks the process of moving through your feelings. Let the feelings lead. Once you reach a new level of balance, you can certainly look back and see if you understand what just happened. If images or thoughts arose during the process, you can explore them more deeply afterward. Don't focus on unpleasant feelings. Focusing means your mind takes control, which disrupts the process. Focusing also amplifies unpleasant feelings, which can lead to overwhelm. We're not aiming for that, it doesn't help you move through. When you focus on unpleasant feelings, you also miss what could support you, not everything in your body feels bad at the same time. The parts that feel okay will guide you through. So, when difficult feelings arise, stay connected to them, but don't focus on or dive into them. On the other end of the spectrum, we also don't want you staying at a safe distance from your feelings. Then they won't move either. When we don't let ourselves be touched or moved by what we feel, feelings can't serve their purpose. We can't process feelings without truly connecting to them. Connection is a fine line between not staying too distant and not losing ourselves by diving in too deep. Don't steer toward what you perceive as the desired direction. Feelings have their own logic, deeply rooted in our being. Discover how they work within you. If you don't feel safe with how the process unfolds, you can always step back and stop. Try to identify what's blocking the process and what you might need to continue. You can always seek help from a therapist. How to navigate problems that arise If you struggle with interruptions to the feeling process and find yourself repeatedly doing things that aren't recommended, there are ways to work through this while staying connected to your feelings. If you can't stop analyzing, explore what's happening in your body, "What feeling is hidden beneath this behavior? Does not knowing where these feelings come from make you restless?" If so, welcome that restlessness. When you stay away from truly experiencing what you feel, what are you keeping your distance from? Make a kind of U-turn. Start by noticing that you unconsciously steered away from truly experiencing the feelings that are present. Then reverse direction, steer back, and ask yourself, "What feeling was I steering away from? And can I stay with that feeling now?" In my experience, the process encounters many disruptions like those I've mentioned, but if you accept them too (they're not your fault, they just happen), the process will continue to deepen. Ask yourself what the disruptions feel like and how they affect you. Are you getting irritated? Welcome it. Welcome the sense of being blocked, welcome the resistance, and feel it in your body. Does everything you just felt suddenly get ‘erased’? Welcome that. It's a way of unconsciously protecting yourself. Simply accept it and surrender to it. If it makes you sad, allow that. The feelings will return. Don't try to recapture what you just felt, feel what arises now. The more disruptions you accept and move through, the deeper you'll go, and the greater the improvement you'll ultimately experience. In conclusion Working bottom-up is a rewarding journey, you never know how the process will unfold. It builds trust as you discover that your feelings find their own new balance, one that's better than before, without your interference. Over time, it becomes easier to surrender to the process, even when it sometimes feels difficult in the moment. Of course, there's more to it, more options and possibilities. This is just the beginning. I plan to write about six more articles like this based on haptotherapy, followed by four articles that go even deeper into working with child parts stemming from childhood trauma. This will cover TIST (Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment), founded by Janina Fisher. These articles will be helpful when your struggles run deeper due to more severe childhood trauma. Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Pauline van Borrendam Pauline van Borrendam, Haptotherapist Pauline van Borrendam has worked with affective touch for 30 years. She specializes in healing childhood trauma, beginning with the body. Since April 2025, she has also been a certified TIST therapist (Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment). The core approach of both haptotherapy and TIST involves felt connection in the body, deep acceptance, and empathy as the primary forces that lead to healing. Haptotherapy and TIST avoid rational or will-driven attention and help you find an inner state where you experience a deep sense of acceptance, safety, surrender, and love. The healing that comes from this entry point is unmistakably clear and palpable in your body, and it lasts. Tips to read more about the body-mind connection: Prof. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma Gabor Maté: When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

Written by Kass James, Healthcare Business and Disability Specialist Kass James is an assistive technology specialist with a master’s in management of information systems from the University of Houston’s Bauer College of Business. Fully licensed in ADA compliance and environmental access, he’s a partner at The Spoonie Advocate Associates. There are many misconceptions about accessible parking in the USA, and, for some reason, businesses seem willing to risk code violations and legal action by remaining willfully ignorant. This should be included in your regular sensitivity training, and if your business has public parking, you need to know the rules. You can find all the necessary legal references at ADA.gov . Who must have handicapped parking? If you own a business parking lot, you must provide designated handicapped parking with proper signage. The minimum number of parking spaces depends on the total number of spaces. This is a complex calculation that you can find the answer to in ADA table 208.2. If you want a full review of your parking to ensure compliance, please get in touch with a certified environmental access consultant, a licensed landscape architect, or a civil engineer to have your lot evaluated for ADA compliance. What about those weird, stripped sections between spaces? They’re called an “Access Aisle”, and they’re for loading and unloading wheelchairs. You must have one for every space, but two spaces may share a single access aisle. They are not to be used for storage, overflow parking, delivery drivers, motorcycle parking, temporary law enforcement parking, or as a place to pile snow conveniently. Both individuals and businesses that block these spaces can incur steep fines. Typically, the fine is applied from both adjacent handicapped spots for each hour the space remains blocked. It’s why some designers recommend they be slightly smaller than a parking space, as long as they stay larger than the 5ft minimum. You can find the full diagram in ADA figure 502.5. Your spaces must be accessible for your business It seems self-explanatory, but the spaces must actually connect to your business with accessible curbs and sidewalks. Having stairs or tall curbs around your business defeats the purpose. Curb cuts and zero curbs benefit everyone, from delivery drivers to people with strollers, making them good examples of universal design. Who gets to park there? Here’s where things get tricky. First: Are they allowed in the parking lot? The rules of your parking lot apply to ALL spaces. If it’s a private lot, then those handicapped spaces are also private. If the lot is open to the public, then those handicapped spaces are also open to the public. If your lot is metered, then those spaces are also metered at a rate no more than any other space (though many lots allow for additional time for handicapped spaces). If they have a disability license plate Disability plates are issued to vehicles that have been modified for accessibility. They can always park in handicapped spaces as long as the owner is with the vehicle or is waiting to be picked up by the vehicle. If they have a disabled veteran plate Certain cities and states may allow for disabled veteran plates to park in ADA-compliant spaces, but overall, no, these are not automatic handicapped parking access. This is on a state and municipal basis and is not protected under ADA. If they have a parking placard They can absolutely use the pace if: The owner of the placard is with the vehicle The owner of the placard is in the business where the vehicle is parked The owner of the placard will be at the business shortly to be picked up (like at an airport) These must be displayed in the front windshield of the vehicle with the expiration date clearly visible. Some states issue photos with the placard so that they are difficult to steal ADA-compliant public transit Vehicles specifically designed for the public transportation of disabled individuals absolutely can park in these spaces if: The vehicle is licensed to transport individuals with disabilities. The vehicle is transporting someone with a disability. The vehicle is waiting for a disabled passenger in the business. If they just really want to park there No? We often see law enforcement, armored cash-transport vehicles, delivery drivers, and food trucks regularly parking in these spaces. While this can result in a fine for the driver, the business can also be fined if they knowingly allow it. And that’s it. If they are allowed to be there and have the proper plates or placard, then they’re allowed to park there. If they don’t, then they’re not. Follow me on LinkedIn  and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Kass James Kass James, Healthcare Business and Disability Specialist Kass James is a forerunner in the field of disability rights, corporate responsibility, and healthcare business. Having been physically disabled for most of his life, Kass was acutely aware of the lack of accessibility in the workplace. His work focuses on restructuring healthcare to increase profitability while benefiting patients, as well as doing patient assessment for ADA compliance and assistive technology. He’s a partner with the Spoonie Advocate Associates, an organization pushing for increasing value and patient outcomes through common sense and responsible change.