Written by Lindy Lelij, Founder of Mpowerme Coaching Lindy Lelij is the founder of Mpowerme Coaching. With more than 30 years of leadership and international experience, she helps people navigate migration, cultural transitions, and identity to thrive personally and professionally. Moving countries is rarely just a logistical challenge. Sure, there are visas to sort, schools to research, and houses to find, but the hidden impact is far more personal. Your professional identity, the one that has defined your confidence, status, and sense of purpose, can suddenly feel invisible. Work experience that once spoke for itself may no longer be recognised, leaving even the most accomplished professionals questioning their value. This identity disruption is rarely acknowledged, yet it underlies many stalled careers, self-doubt, and frustrating transitions experienced by immigrants, returning citizens, and globally mobile professionals. The hidden challenge When choosing to immigrate, it is essential to recognise that cultural differences can significantly influence how your professional history is interpreted and valued. Work is one of the greatest sources of identity in modern life. We introduce ourselves through our roles. Our sense of capability, contribution, and status is wrapped up in what we do. And if English, even at a high professional level, is spoken with a foreign accent, this can further mean that, often unconsciously, many of us find ourselves struggling to be heard in meetings, second-guessing emails we would once have written effortlessly, or feeling strangely smaller than we ever felt before. This article looks at why that happens, how it affects both new immigrants and returning citizens, and, most importantly, how it is possible to rebuild a strong, future-focused professional identity after crossing borders. I will share my own experience, along with the story of an expat client I coached, with details changed, to illustrate both the emotional and practical sides of reclaiming one’s professional self. My experience Following a sabbatical in New Zealand in early 2003, HJ, my husband at the time, and I made a life-changing decision to immigrate from the Netherlands with our two young children. During our stay in Auckland, HJ met with several recruitment agencies, and the feedback was consistently positive. He was confidently assured that, given his senior leadership experience and solid career progression in the Netherlands, finding a similar role in New Zealand would not be too difficult. I, too, felt optimistic. I planned to pursue a career in residential real estate and, having previously traded with New Zealand as a wine importer, I believed I understood the local business landscape well enough to integrate and succeed without too much difficulty. What we did not yet understand were the subtle but important differences between the Dutch and New Zealand employment markets. While the smaller scale of business mattered, the bigger factor was the weight placed on local networks. Professional credibility was closely tied to who you knew, and at that stage, we were complete outsiders. Despite an intensive four-month search, HJ was unable to secure a senior leadership position that matched his background. Eventually, and not without some reluctance, he accepted a middle-management role. I vividly recall his initial disappointment. It seemed like a step backwards, being perceived as junior rather than experienced. His long-established career in the Netherlands suddenly carried very little weight. Without “New Zealand experience,” he had to prove himself all over again, starting from the middle of the hierarchy. He did, but it took time, and it took energy. My own professional journey had similar challenges. After two years in real estate, I stepped away feeling exhausted and disheartened. Despite my efforts, I struggled to gain momentum. I often misread situations, misunderstood unspoken expectations, and interpreted people’s intentions through a European lens that did not always translate well locally. I eventually shifted into a more independent role as a property developer, a move that proved far more successful. While there were still hard lessons along the way, I found myself sharpening essential skills, listening more deeply, reading non-verbal cues, and consciously checking assumptions rather than relying on instinct alone. Alongside this, I began volunteering and initiating community projects as a way to better understand the social fabric from the inside out. I cannot overstate the value of volunteering when adapting to a new culture. It offers a rare window into how a society really works, including how people communicate, what is said directly, and what is left unsaid. Over time, I found my place, both professionally and personally. What initially felt like loss and disorientation ultimately became a profound learning journey, shaping the work I do now as a Personal Performance Coach and the way I support others navigating complex transitions across cultures and careers. Understanding ‘professional identity’ Professional identity is strongly influenced by culture. It develops over time through the roles we have held and the way others have perceived us in those roles. It is shaped by the achievements we have accumulated, our personal and professional networks, the language we use to describe our work, and what we know our industry values. When we move countries, these familiar anchors can loosen, sometimes all at once, leaving even the most capable professionals questioning how, and where, they now fit. The new immigrant arriving may think, “I am the same capable professional I was yesterday.” But the new environment does not yet recognise them. This gap creates emotional discomfort, a sense of being “unseen,” “misunderstood,” or “not quite enough.” Qualifications may be interpreted differently. Communication norms shift. Local experience is suddenly a requirement. You may have smaller or non-existent networks. Recruiters may not understand previous organisations or job titles. Identity, not just jobs What many others and I experienced during an international career transition goes far beyond the practical task of finding a job. It often includes a loss of belonging, as familiar professional communities disappear, and a loss of confidence when expertise is no longer immediately recognised. Yet identity can be consciously rebuilt, strengthened, and expanded. The key lies in moving away from a title-based identity and towards a strength-based, impact-driven sense of professional self. The three steps to reclaim confidence after immigration 1. Recognise what’s still true about you Your strengths, values, and ways of thinking do not disappear just because your job title does not translate neatly. Ask yourself: What am I consistently good at? What energises me? What impact do I create for people? What feedback have I received throughout my career? Let these answers become the foundation for your new professional story. 2. Translate your story into local professional language Every country has its own way of describing jobs and success. This translation often involves: Reframing job titles so they make sense locally Describing achievements in terms of the new market values Understanding workplace norms around formality, communication, and hierarchy Using local language and keywords on CVs, LinkedIn, and in interviews This is not about losing your identity. It is about being understood. 3. Claim your unique value as a global professional International experience is a strength, not a weakness. Immigrants and expats often bring: Adaptability Cross-cultural intelligence Resilience Broader worldviews Multilingual strengths Creative problem-solving from diverse environments When clients begin seeing these as advantages rather than obstacles, their confidence returns, often stronger than before. Real stories, real lessons Not only immigrants struggle. Repatriates do too. James moved back to New Zealand after eight years in a senior operations role in England. He imagined transitioning easily. After all, he was “coming home.” Instead, he found the job market smaller, flatter, and far more relationship-driven than he remembered. His international experience impressed employers, but it also raised doubts about whether he would fit into the “Kiwi way” of working. He felt caught in between, no longer fully aligned with his UK work style, but not quite fitting back into the New Zealand system either. As he put it, “It feels like New Zealand sees me as too much and not enough at the same time.” Together, we worked on: Reconnecting with the strengths that supported his overseas success Deciding which parts of his UK professional identity he wanted to keep Translating his leadership style into language that resonated locally, relational, collaborative, and hands-on Rebuilding a sense of professional belonging He eventually stepped into a role that valued both his global experience and local understanding. His reflection said it all, “I finally feel like myself again, just with more range.” From loss to expansion What these journeys have in common, whether arriving or returning, is a period of disorientation followed by profound growth. People discover that: They are stronger than they realised. Their identity is bigger than one country. They can hold multiple cultural identities at once. Their professional story becomes richer, more layered, and more global. The discomfort of transition often leads to a deeper, more powerful sense of self. As James reflected after re-entering the New Zealand workforce, “Coming home didn’t shrink me. It expanded what home means.” The leadership edge Looking back, the greatest challenge of transition was not the change in role, status, or market. It was the largely invisible loss of professional identity, confidence, and familiar reference points. At MPowerMe Coaching, this understanding sits at the heart of my work. These losses are rarely named, yet they underpin many stalled careers, quiet frustrations, and self-doubt experienced by immigrants, returnees, and globally mobile professionals. In my coaching work, I have seen that sustainable success does not start with strategy alone. It starts with acknowledgement, making space to recognise what has been left behind before stepping fully into what comes next. This is where cultural intelligence becomes a core leadership capability rather than a “nice to have.” Leadership is not universal. It is contextual. The ability to read unspoken norms, adapt behaviour, and build trust across cultures determines whether experience becomes leverage or a limitation. So: Map your core strengths. They travel with you. Translate achievements into local professional language. Leverage international experience as a unique advantage. Build networks intentionally. Credibility grows through relationships. Volunteer to understand cultural nuance and integrate faster. When my clients approach transition with curiosity rather than certainty, and reflection rather than self-judgement, they do more than integrate successfully. They expand their leadership range for life. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Lindy Lelij Lindy Lelij, Founder of Mpowerme Coaching With Māori and European heritage, Lindy knows firsthand what it means to live between cultures. She spent over four decades abroad before returning “home” to Aotearoa New Zealand. Today, as founder of Mpowerme Coaching, Lindy helps people navigate migration, cultural transition, and identity. Through positive psychology, deep journaling, energetic tuning, and narrative reframing, Lindy offers clients practical tools for growth and resilience. Backed by more than 30 years of leadership, governance and business experience across Health, governance and international trade, she brings both professional expertise and lived wisdom to her work.

Written by Lee Lin Cher, SEC (O Level) English Tutor Mr Lee Lin Cher, SEC (O Level) English Tutor and Exam Strategist. Mr Lee Lin Cher is a veteran teacher and tutor, coaching students on the subject of English language for the Singapore-Cambridge SEC (O Level) English exams. He has been teaching since 1993, and has authored (to date) a total of 16 books on the subject. Since the dawn of time, the three things that remain constant forever are, primarily, death, taxes, and change. Since we really cannot do much except manage the first two, we can at least pre-empt the last so that we are never really caught unawares. This holds true even in the field of education, where, seriously, the way teachers teach today can sometimes be guiltily identical to the times of Socrates. Impending change in the Singapore educational landscape Where the educational landscape is concerned, change is on the horizon in Singapore, and nothing is more evident than the scrapping of the Singapore-Cambridge General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level and Normal Level examinations, or the Singapore-Cambridge GCE O and N Levels for short. The new, revised Singapore-Cambridge Secondary Education Certificate (SEC) will take its place from 2027 onwards. Beyond just a nominal change, the new examinations mark a significant shift from the traditional Singapore-Cambridge GCE O and N Level exams to learning that is more focused on the abilities and interests of the students. Under this new system, students will take their examinations under one unified timetable, reflecting individual strengths rather than fixed streams, with joint assessment by the Ministry of Education (MOE) Singapore and Cambridge International Education. My approach and view of change Systemic changes regardless, there are elements of teaching, learning, and testing that remain fixed and immovable no matter how the wind blows. As an ethnic Chinese Singaporean grounded in Taoist theories and philosophy, I cannot help but notice the elements that remain stable in this sea wave of change. To complicate the paradox further, I teach English and used to teach English Literature, so at any one point in time, I see two worlds simultaneously. On the surface, these two worlds clash. Deep below the surface, however, they are complementary systems. This is what I adopt, a fusion, eclectic approach. What does not change In the assessment of a student’s proficiency in the English language, a few elements never really change. It is the test of his or her: writing ability; understanding ability; listening ability; and conversational ability. All four components combine to provide a comprehensive view of a student’s mastery of the English language, which, in a way, reflects the student’s ability to successfully navigate the world in that language. My bugbear with how the English language is learnt and taught in Singapore Having been teaching in one way or another since 1993, I detect a few glitches in the arena of English language learning and teaching. Here are some of them. The overemphasis on testing The first glitch is the overemphasis on testing. Teachers and parents unwittingly contribute to this glitch. By teachers Many English language teachers and tutors mistakenly believe that they are coaching and teaching, when they are in fact testing. In a typical English language lesson, teachers prescribe reading passages, writing assignments, and listening tasks, all without the prerequisite briefing and preparation. Thereafter, these tasks are graded and returned, with the correct answers provided, but with little to no explanation. The cycle then repeats itself until the student graduates from the school system. Perhaps it is the way all of us were taught. At one point in my teaching journey, I made the exact same mistake, without realising that it was a mistake all along. This is not teaching. This is grading. And the lack of significant progress says it all. By parents Parents perpetuate this vicious cycle, oblivious to the harm that the practice is perpetrating. In a desperate attempt to ensure the academic well-being of their offspring, parents demand deliverables. This translates into the demand for more homework from the schools. In a commercial setting, this translates into the demand for more worksheets. The more, the merrier. That is the belief. And more homework and worksheets equals more testing. While I totally understand the anxiety of these parents, and good parents worry about and desire the best for their children, we all need to remember that learning is an inside job. This is especially important for a subject like the English language, which is first a language before it becomes an examinable topic. Understanding comes before performance. Apathy on the student’s end The attitude of the students, in general, does not help either. Too many times, I have seen a desperate student poring over their Chemistry notes, Physics textbooks, and working out problem after problem in their Additional Mathematics questions. But when it comes to the subject of English, they do nothing about it, believing that there is nothing to study. While it is true that there is not a fixed curriculum for the English language, and it is hard to systemise any language, not just English, there are component elements that we need to train our eyes and ears on before we can become competent in its usage. 3 keys to success at the Singapore-Cambridge Secondary Education Certificate (SEC) English exams Before I launch into the three keys, allow me to correct any misconceptions. I am not against testing. Any system, and not just the educational system, is incomplete without robust assessment and evaluation criteria. Metrics reflect the strengths and inadequacies of a system, and in education, they reveal how much a student has learned. Whether it is the current Singapore-Cambridge GCE O Level English exams or the up and coming Singapore-Cambridge SEC English exams, the central tenet does not change. The exams serve as a feedback loop for students to know and understand their level of mastery of the language. Feedback is good. Learning without any form of feedback is a meaningless quest. So while I do have gripes against an obsession with testing, I do not have issues if students are properly taught before they are tested. The three keys that I will highlight here contribute towards optimal learning before testing. They address the four constant components I mentioned earlier, ensuring that the student is prepared to cope with any English language exams, no matter how the curriculum changes. They also ensure mastery, so that students will be able to navigate the challenges of real-life communication in the English language. Key 1: Vocabulary This is almost a no-brainer. The number of words that a student commands in his or her word bank determines that same student’s level of proficiency in the English language. Based on widely accepted educational research and language-teaching standards, we know that we need: 2000 to 3000 word families for basic conversational fluency; 5000 to 8000 word families for academic and exam success; and more than 10,000 words to achieve near-native proficiency. Because the numbers are so huge, it is nearly impossible for any English language teacher to cover the entire range of vocabulary during lesson time. The onus, then, is on the student to do this on a day-to-day basis until the numbers are reached. This also debunks the myth that there is nothing to learn for English. The start and end points Since most of the world are not native speakers of the English language, there is a need for a clear starting point when vocabulary mastery is concerned. Fortunately, for ESL and EFL learners, there are lists aplenty. A simple search on the internet will yield word lists of different types. My personal favourites are word lists catered to the American Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT). There is a reason for this. Although the Singapore curriculum is more aligned with the British exams, our historical heritage dictates it, the SAT boasts more and better resources. Approximately 2 million candidates take the SAT annually. Once again, the numbers matter. When there are more candidates taking the exam, more publishers and content creators will jump on the bandwagon to create resources catered to the exams. That alone ensures healthy competition, which actually means that the quality of the resources must be substantial enough to prevent elimination from the market. For students taking the current Singapore-Cambridge GCE O Level English exams, or the future Singapore-Cambridge SEC English exams, my suggestion is to start with one of these lists. They are free anyway. Which list is better Really, that is the wrong question. The key is in the starting, and in the persistence in learning the words in the list. My suggestion is to start small. Perhaps begin with a 1000-word list before moving on from there. If even that sounds too intimidating, start really small then. A 300-word list will suffice for the most part. The key lies in the starting, not the analysing. Where is the endpoint then? Too bad. There is no endpoint. Key 2: Grammar The second key to English language excellence lies in learning the rudiments of grammar. Like Mathematics, which comes with fixed rules, the English language has non-negotiables that cannot be violated in their execution. Of course, there is more leeway and flexibility in the English language. Mathematics hardly accords us any freedom, since rules are rules. The only irony I want to highlight here is that students obsess over Mathematics practice. They ensure that even the slightest and smallest of rules are adhered to, while in the practice of English, if they even engage in any practice at all, they simply, in their own words, cannot be bothered. A healthy respect for some rules will go a long way in the mastery of the English language. Grammar is a good place to begin the journey. Resources for grammar mastery The good news for students wishing to master English grammar is that there are many resources available. In fact, some of these resources have been in existence since the beginning of time and are considered the canons of English grammar. If a reader is interested in these resources, please drop me a note on my website. I do not find it appropriate here to promote any book or resource, lest there be suspicion that I have vested interests in the promotion of these books. Key 3: Expression Vocabulary breeds understanding, while grammar gives structure. The natural progression from the first two keys is expression, which is essentially the stringing together of vocabulary and grammar into a coherent whole. Expression manifests itself in two forms, namely speaking and writing. The perennial mistake that parents and educators make In a bid to improve their children’s and students’ spoken and written expression, many parents and educators commit the mistake of putting their young charges through tonnes of practice, believing in the old adage that practice makes perfect. While this maxim might hold true most of the time, one must remember that many of these charges are struggling with their expression in the first place, especially those who are not predisposed to the English language in their natural environment. In such cases, practice is counterproductive. Instead of helping them improve, these well-intentioned parents and educators perpetuate the mistakes their charges are committing. Under such circumstances, practice does not make perfect. Practice makes permanent. The better path to better expression The better path, so to speak, is counter-intuitive. The key to better speaking is listening, and the key to better writing is reading. Instead of trying to figure things out for themselves, why not simply see and hear how it is done? My evergreen favourite for listening is the BBC World Service. It is the BBC’s international radio station, and it is now available online. Students can hear English as spoken by native speakers, as well as English as spoken throughout the world. For reading, students have a smorgasbord of books to choose from. To me, at least, it is not about which books are more appropriate. It is the act of reading itself that makes all the difference. Maybe I am old school, but whatever genre or book the student might be reading, the preferred format is print rather than digital. Research backs my preference. In the printed format, the reader slows down to turn the page and, in the process, absorbs and assimilates the words on the page deeply and meaningfully. In the digital format, readers scroll and skim. While the scroller and skimmer might get the gist of the story, what he or she has done is miss the golden opportunity to appreciate the beauty and flow of the words and the language in the text. More haste, less speed. When the student rushes, the student absorbs little. Saying nothing would be an exaggeration. Recommended books for SEC (O Level) English mastery Many times, parents have requested recommendations for books they can acquire to boost their children’s English language abilities. While I am, in general, against didactic practices such as these, especially in reading, as I believe students should read topics they are interested in, I understand these parents’ need for answers. I have prescribed authors that I will always recommend whenever parents ask. Please refer to my website for details, as I have dedicated posts for these. Order amidst the chaos, form following intention Whether it is the Singapore-Cambridge GCE O Level, SEC, or IGCSE English exams, change is the norm and is to be expected. What does not really change are the three keys, and they apply to the English language as well as any other language that a student may wish to master. As educators, our intention is to get our young charges to master the language. Testing simply verifies how well they have learned through our coaching. As such, the form, or structure, of our lessons should reflect our priorities. My suggestion is a 3:1 principle. Three-quarters, or approximately 75 percent of lesson time, should be dedicated to coaching, while one-quarter, or 25 percent, should be set aside for testing. Getting students to practise reading passages, or getting them to write essay after essay, is not coaching. That is testing. Guiding them along, however, is coaching. If I get students to practise on a reading passage and demonstrate the thinking processes involved in deriving the answers, I am coaching. If I merely show them the answers, that is not coaching. I am not even sure if that qualifies as testing. In the same way, grading essays is testing. Demonstrating writing techniques and showing how to achieve flow in writing is coaching. In my world, the three keys are the building blocks of successful coaching in the English language. Without them, all attempts at any form of training, not to mention testing, would fail. As educators, we tend to teach the way our teachers taught us. It is therefore not impossible that we might still be teaching the same way Socrates taught his students. So perhaps some things never change. The trick lies in deciphering which changes are real and which are imagined. I believe that the three keys do not change, and this forms the crux of my teacher's sharing today. Thank you for reading my humble contribution. I welcome suggestions and any form of sharing. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Lee Lin Cher Lee Lin Cher, SEC (O Level) English Tutor Mr Lee Lin Cher, SEC (O Level) English Tutor and Exam Strategist. Mr Lee Lin Cher is a veteran teacher and tutor, coaching students on the subject of English language for the Singapore-Cambridge SEC (O Level) English exams. He has been teaching in one way or another since 1993, and has authored (to date) a total of 16 books on the subject. An unwilling educator, Mr Lee had been trying to escape from the education industry since forever. A life-changing experience in May 2025 convinced him that escape is not an option, and that it is in his destiny to continue teaching and transforming the lives of his young charges.

As the founder of Diamonds by Sadé, Sadé Schuurman transforms her lifelong love for diamonds into a mission of accessibility and elegance. She leads a brand renowned for its customizable and affordable jewellery, empowering clients to celebrate their unique stories with timeless, high-quality creations. Sadé Schuurman, Visionary Entrepreneur Who is Sadé Schuurman?   I’m Sadé Schuurman, the founder of Diamonds by Sadé, a jewellery brand built on meaning, storytelling, and modern elegance. I was born in Zimbabwe, where I grew up surrounded by rich cultural symbolism. In my community, jewellery represented identity, family, and celebration, shaping my belief that adornment is deeply personal, not merely decorative. At home, I cherish spending quality time with my husband and our two children, while remaining actively involved with a charity close to my heart, The Houston Peel Foundation, which keeps my work grounded in purpose and community. In business, I blend creativity with intention, designing pieces that move with the wearer and tell a story. I approach each collection like a script, every piece has a role, emotion, and meaning within a larger narrative. An interesting fact about me is that I once appeared on the radio show Two Strangers and a Wedding, where I married a stranger live on air in New Zealand, an experience that reflects my belief in intuition, courage, and embracing the unexpected, and one that led me to my loving husband today. What inspired me to create Diamonds by Sadé, and what makes the brand stand out? I created Diamonds by Sadé because I wanted to challenge an industry that has long felt exclusive and intimidating. For too long, fine jewellery, especially diamonds, has been positioned as something reserved for the wealthy or for rare, milestone moments only. I never believed in that. Luxury should be about how something makes you feel, not how unattainable it is. What truly sets Diamonds by Sadé apart is that every piece is designed with intention. My background in storytelling means each design carries emotion, symbolism, and purpose, it’s not just jewellery, it’s a reflection of identity. I focus on creating timeless, elegant pieces at an incredible price point, proving that affordable luxury isn’t a contradiction, it’s the future of the industry. How do you help clients choose the perfect diamond or piece that reflects their unique story? I love to get to know your story first. Is it a gift? Tell me about the occasion, the person's life, passions, and personality. Show me a photo of them. Let me feel like I know them personally- Only then will I begin to even suggest the perfect diamond, gemstone, and piece of jewellery. Is it an engagement ring? I want to know the love story- how you met, where, how the relationship progressed, and how long you’ve been together. Do you live together? Any family involvement, and children? Then we can put the whole story into the perfect rings. Every piece of jewellery tells a story, and it is my honour to take that story and craft it into jewellery.  What do you believe sets a truly exceptional diamond apart from an ordinary one? Every diamond is beautiful. Every diamond tells a story. An exceptional diamond would be flawless or internally flawless. It would be D colour, the most icy white a diamond can be. It would have been cut to excellence. This rare and exceptional diamond would be an investor's dream to obtain.  Can you describe the process behind designing a custom piece with you, from idea to creation? We begin with a consultation, and I get to know the story behind the person receiving the piece. I will discuss with the client a range of information on the stones and the metals. If it's diamonds, we discuss the 4Cs, lab or natural. Gemstones, we look for stones with strong hues and vibrant colours. Educate on alternate gemstones that would be more cost-effective over the Big 3.  I then find similar designs online and show the customer a comparison between the current traditional retail market and my price point. Once I receive the go-ahead, I begin. I start by securing the stones, then the metals, and curate the one-of-a-kind piece of jewellery.  What core values drive your brand and your relationship with your clients? Honesty, Quality, Integrity, Creativity, Transparency. Most importantly, I value building and maintaining genuine relationships. I don’t see clients as transactions, but as part of the Diamonds by Sadé community. Many return not just for jewellery, but because they feel seen, supported, and understood. That trust and connection are what truly define the brand. How do you balance artistry, quality, and sustainability in your collections? By selecting high-quality, sustainable materials that align with the artistic vision, while minimising waste and promoting a durable, long-lasting product . Sustainability, for me, is also about longevity, creating pieces that are worn and cherished for decades, not replaced with trends. What are the biggest misconceptions people have about buying diamonds or custom jewellery? Common misconceptions include thinking that bigger diamonds are always better, that custom jewellery is always more expensive, and that all diamonds are created equal or that lab-grown diamonds are inferior. Many people also wrongly assume that all diamonds have high markups, or that a diamond without a certificate is just as reliable as one that has one.  How do you ensure a personalised, trustworthy experience for every client you work with? I feel it is essential to combine active listening with transparent and consistent communication. This involves using customer stories to understand their needs, actively asking for and acting on feedback, and personalising every interaction by using their name and addressing their specific concerns, so clients always feel informed, confident, and genuinely cared for. What trends or innovations are you most excited about in the world of fine jewellery? I’m excited to see bold and colourful statements, lots of gemstone and diamond combinations, and the use of sustainability and technology. This includes everything from oversized and chunky pieces to modern, often avant-garde, interpretations of classic designs like pearls and vintage styles. Consumers are also interested in unique pieces that tell a story through customisation or the use of innovative materials like lab-grown diamonds and recycled metals.  What advice would you give to someone purchasing their first diamond or engagement ring? For a first-time diamond or engagement ring purchase, understand the "4Cs" (Cut, Clarity, Colour, Carat Weight) to prioritise and set a budget beforehand. Research different diamond shapes and settings to see what fits your personal style. Try on as many options as you can over as much time as you can. Don’t rush the process. This is the engagement ring that you will wear for the rest of your life! Make sure you are happy with it. Personalise it and add your story to it.  Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Sadé Schuurman

Written by Dr. Kapil and Rupali Apshankar, Award-Winning Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotists | Board-Certified Coaches Dr. Kapil and Rupali Apshankar are international bestselling authors and globally respected mentors in business, life, and relationship success. As the founders of Blissvana, a premier personal development and success studio, they have dedicated their lives to empowering others. Their proven coaching methodologies have consistently delivered exceptional results across all areas of life, from personal growth to professional achievement. If you have ever promised yourself that “tomorrow will be different,” only to repeat the same pattern again, you are not alone. Almost everyone who comes to us at Blissvana already knows the change they want: “I need to stop people-pleasing.” “I want to finally put my needs first.” “I want to lose weight, sleep better, meditate consistently.” “I want to stop reacting and start responding.” “I want my life to feel different than it does now.” And yet, when the moment comes to act, something inside freezes, negotiates, resists, or collapses. For most people, this becomes a story of personal failure: “I’m lazy.” “I’m not disciplined.” “I should be doing better by now.” But that story is not accurate. What looks like a lack of motivation is, in most cases, a nervous system that does not yet feel safe changing. Your mind wants the future. Your body is still protecting the past. Understanding this one distinction is the doorway into real transformation. Why awareness alone doesn’t change behavior Insight is powerful. Therapy, journaling, reflection, and coaching all build awareness. But awareness lives in the conscious mind. Patterns live in the subconscious and nervous system. Your body learned how to stay safe before you learned how to speak. It remembers experiences long after the mind moves on. You can understand your wounds intellectually and still: Shut down in conflict Become anxious even when nothing is wrong Stay silent when you want to speak Choose comfort over change Stay in relationships, jobs, or identities that no longer fit Awareness is step one. Transformation is what happens after the nervous system learns a new way of being. A new lens: Change as a safety problem, not a discipline problem Your body asks only one question before allowing change, “Is this safe?” Safe rarely means good, healthy, joyful, or growth-oriented. Safe means: familiar predictable controllable If becoming your next-level self requires: being seen disappointing others claiming space feeling emotions differently setting boundaries stepping into visibility Your body may perceive that as threat, even while your mind knows it is needed. This is why change often feels like pushing against an invisible wall. Your body is not fighting your goals. It is protecting your identity. Transformation requires three layers to shift Real change is not a mindset upgrade. It is a system-wide retraining process. These three layers must shift, in this order: Safety – “My body is allowed to do this.” Before change, the nervous system must stop bracing against danger. Rehearsal – “I can imagine myself doing this and feel steady.” The body needs practice before real-life demands performance. Identity – “I am the kind of person who does this.” The new pattern must become integrated, not something you “try.” If you skip layer one or two, discipline becomes the only tool you have. Discipline eventually fails. Embodiment does not. A practical step-by-step path (how to make change real) Below is a repeatable 5-step process we use inside Blissvana. You can begin using this today. Each step includes a real instruction to apply right now. Step 1: Begin by creating internal safety Before forcing yourself to “do,” ask: What does my body feel right now? Is there tightness? Pressure? Collapse? Does the idea of change feel energizing or threatening? Then say slowly, out loud if possible, “I do not have to change right now. I am safe in this moment.” This removes urgency, and urgency is the nervous system’s cue to resist. Try this now: Place your palm at your sternum. Breathe in through your nose for four counts and exhale slowly for six. Repeat three times. Feel how the system already softens. Step 2: Let your body experience the future before life requires it This is where hypnosis and guided imagery work. The body cannot step into a life it has not rehearsed. Visualization is not wishful thinking. It is a neurological rehearsal. Practical daily exercise (3 minutes): Close your eyes. Picture yourself doing one action that your future self does. Calmly and without pressure. Feel your breath slow as you imagine it. Example: If future-you speaks with confidence, visualize one sentence being spoken calmly. If the future you wakes early, imagine your feet touching the floor, body relaxed, not fighting. The point is not “motivation.” The point is familiarity. Step 3: Take one micro-action Do the smallest possible step that: proves safety creates evidence interrupts the old pattern Examples: If you struggle to say no: Send one 6-word text, “Thank you, I won’t be able to.” If you want to meditate: Sit for 2 breaths, not 20 minutes. If you want to stop emotional eating, drink 1 glass of water before deciding. If you want to write: Open a page and write one sentence. Micro-action rule: If it requires willpower, it is too big. Micro-action teaches the system, “We survived. It was safe.” That is how identity begins to shift. Step 4: Track the moment of discomfort (this is where change actually lives) Most people track outcomes. Transformation requires tracking activation. Your change lives in the 1-3 seconds between the impulse to act and the old behavior firing Real practice, the next time you feel avoidance or overwhelm rising, pause and whisper, “This is the moment.” Feel your body’s reaction neutrally, without judgment. Every time you do this, you widen the space between trigger and response. That space is where freedom grows. Step 5: Build integration into your evenings Change does not become real through action. It becomes real through reflection. End-of-day integration practice (2 minutes). Before bed, ask yourself: “Where today did I choose differently, even slightly?” “Where did my body resist, and what was protecting me?” “What one moment am I proud of?” Identity is formed through self-witnessing. Without reflection, the nervous system forgets it grew. How hypnosis helps where talking alone cannot Hypnosis is not magic. It is a structured way of helping the mind and body get into the same room long enough for new wiring to occur. In session, people finally experience: calm while remembering something that used to activate them safety while imagining their future self emotional energy moving through without overwhelm the ability to stay present instead of shutting down When your system experiences this repeatedly, it begins to learn, “Change is survivable.” That is the doorway into lasting transformation. What makes transformation last A high-achieving entrepreneur came to us exhausted. Not because she didn’t know what to do, she knew exactly. Her struggle was this: Every time she tried to rest, guilt flooded her body. Her nervous system had learned that work = safety and rest = danger. We did not “motivate” her to rest. We didn’t give her productivity hacks. We helped her body rehearse rest, safely, and slowly through hypnosis. First 60 seconds. Then 3 minutes. Then restful mornings. Her life changed not because her mind shifted, but because her body learned a new definition of safety. Change becomes effortless only when: The nervous system feels safe with the new identity The future self is rehearsed in the body Micro-actions create evidence Evenings anchor identity through reflection The body is not forced, it is witnessed Transformation is not a breakthrough. It is the quiet accumulation of lived proof. If you feel stuck, you are not broken. You are likely on the edge of a new self once your body has not yet learned how to hold. That is a place of beginning, not failure. You do not have to walk this kind of change alone. At Blissvana, we help people make change real: in the nervous system in identity in daily behavior Our approach blends spiritual hypnosis, subconscious conditioning, and emotional regulation, so growth becomes sustainable, not exhausting. If you feel ready for change that actually lasts, we invite you to begin a conversation with us. Connect with Kapil and Rupali If this approach feels different than how you have tried to change in the past, it may be worth exploring what support could look like for you. Change becomes sustainable when the body is included, not overridden. For gentle daily reinforcement, many of our clients also use our Color and Affirm book series . These books pair calming illustrations with simple affirmations that help the nervous system soften and return to safety, one page at a time. At Blissvana, we believe every person is an artist of their own life. Our programs and sessions are designed to help you shape your inner world with intention, clarity, and love. If you feel called to explore this work more deeply, we invite you to join us for a gentle, no-pressure conversation where we can explore what your next step may be . Say yes to where you are going. Say yes to who you are becoming. Say yes to living your bliss. Follow us on LinkedIn , Instagram , Facebook , and visit our website for more info! Read more from Dr. Kapil and Rupali Apshankar Dr. Kapil and Rupali Apshankar, Award-Winning Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotists | Board-Certified Coaches Dr. Kapil and Rupali Apshankar are international bestselling authors and globally respected mentors in business, life, and relationship success. As the founders of Blissvana, a premier personal development and success studio, they have dedicated their lives to empowering others. Their proven coaching methodologies have consistently delivered exceptional results across all areas of life, from personal growth to professional achievement. With a unique blend of clinical hypnosis, coaching, and holistic personal development, Kapil and Rupali have transformed the lives of thousands worldwide. Their signature programs are designed to help individuals unlock their fullest potential, overcome limiting beliefs, and achieve sustainable success in every facet of life. Through Blissvana, they offer workshops, retreats, and one-on-one coaching that provide their clients with the tools and strategies to thrive in today’s complex, fast-paced world.

Written by Manuel Aragon, Tax Consultant & Advisory Planner Manuel Aragon is an entrepreneur out of Colorado with a deep background in business, Tax Prep, advisory, and planning. Has served as a CFO, Operations Manager, Finance Director, and Consultant. The world views addiction as a simple list of bad choices, a headline about a crisis. But when you grow up inside of it, the story changes. It becomes a deeply felt, intimate theory about the human heart: a desperate, flawed, but ultimately universal search for peace and a place to belong. The abandonment thesis: When your anchor goes missing I believe the earliest pain becomes the strongest force driving our life decisions, good and bad. For the child of an addict, the core experience is not just lack, but abandonment, the powerful, sinking realization that a substance holds more importance than your own upbringing. My lost childhood memories aren't about scraped knees and birthday parties, they are about that overwhelming need to be strong, to be the rescuer. Cuddling a loved one to sleep was an act of profound loneliness and intense connection. In those moments, I wasn't a child. I was a caregiver, hoping the warmth of my small body could somehow outweigh the cold emptiness the drugs left behind. In the world of high-performance and business, we often call this "resilience," but in the nursery of addiction, it is a survival adaptation that rewires a child’s brain to prioritize others' stability over their own needs. That early experience of having to save the person who was supposed to be my safety net is the first brick in my wall of abandonment. You realize a substance, a craving, is always more important than you. That core wound whispers into every relationship, "They will leave. They always do." Something I feel in every relationship to this day. The economic sympathy: A temporary cure for systemic pain We cannot talk about this crisis without understanding the massive system that keeps it going. My theory is that the multi-billion-dollar drug trade is successful because it sells the most demanded commodity in America: numbness. When nearly 50 million Americans struggle with substance use, it tells us the problem isn't just with the person, it's with society. We live in a world that demands constant effort and offers little emotional support. Our biology is wired for connection, yet our economy is built on isolation and performance. The staggering amounts of money flowing into this crisis are funding a massive, inefficient, and often fatal way for people to cope with pain. This "treatment" is self-prescribed, chemically quick, and tragically, always available. What are we chasing? The deep desire for wholeness and peace If addiction is self-prescribed medicine, what is the illness? I believe it is a chronic lack of wholeness and connection. When we look at the universal desire to "party" or seek altered states, we are observing a collective hunger for the pause button, a temporary relief from anxiety, loneliness, and, most of all, the relentless voice of self-judgment. We are all, on some level, searching for that feeling of complete peace and being totally present. The substances are just a chemical shortcut. They promise the feeling of connection and the temporary breaking down of our worries, a brief vacation from being painfully "me." For the person running from deep-seated abandonment, this chemical vacation becomes a necessity, a desperate attempt to feel whole, even if only for an hour. The brain doesn't care if the peace is a lie, it only cares that the pain has stopped. From survivor to advocate: A new theory of healing My survival and healing have given me a unique, painful kind of wisdom. My theory of healing is this: The antidote to the fear of abandonment is radical empathy. The turning point in my own journey was realizing that I didn't have to keep being the anchor for everyone else’s storm. Healing didn't mean forgetting how to be strong, it meant finally dropping that anchor in my own harbor, learning to provide for myself the safety I tried so desperately to give to others. The strength found in those moments of tears and reflection is the ability to feel deeply, a human capacity that the addict spent their life trying to dull. This drive I feel now this fierce desire to make a change in someone’s life is the positive energy that was locked away in my lost childhood. I honor the people I lost not by hiding the truth, but by using the painful lessons from the drug house to guide others toward true connection. When we speak from a place of recovered strength, we are offering the genuine medicine, honesty, support, and the powerful truth that pain, when shared and processed, can be turned into purpose. We can choose to carry the weight of our past, or we can use that strength to lift the world, proving that the most profound human need is not to run from the self, but to finally come home to it. Looking forward I am committed to turning these theories into action. In 2026, I will be joining the "Be The Better You" tour, where I will be speaking more in-depth on personal topics. My mission is to provide a roadmap for those who are currently struggling to numb past traumas with short-term vices, helping them trade the "chemical shortcut" for lasting, authentic wholeness. I can't help others without being the best me. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram ,   LinkedI n, and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Manuel Aragon Manuel Aragon, Tax Consultant & Advisory Planner Manuel Aragon has elite expertise in tax preparation, accounting, finance, cash planning, and tax strategy. Manuel has delivered modern, innovative financial solutions, driving growth and efficiency to multiple companies in Colorado. His leadership and approach have solidified a reputation for excellence, onboarding, and overall client satisfaction. Continues to serve in multiple roles across the front range as a Tax Preparer, CFO, Operations Manager, Finance Director, and Consultant.

Written by Barbara Suigo, Senior HR Consultant, Author, Charisma Expert Barbara Suigo is a charisma expert, HR consultant, and author. Specializing in the development of soft skills, she has published the "Charisma Trilogy" and offers personalized training and coaching programs for leaders and professionals. Picture a meeting where a promotion is on the table. Two people present the same project. The first speaks with confidence, rhythm, a polished smile, and seems to have an answer for everything. The second is more cautious, goes into the details, asks questions, and admits what is not fully clear yet. Who looks like the better choice? In many workplaces, this scene plays out every day. And behind it sits a powerful psychological mechanism: impression management, the attempt to shape the image others form of us. Research describes it as the process through which people try to influence how they are perceived, and it highlights two key drivers, how much we care about the impression we make and which strategies we choose to build it. The point is not to demonize it. A certain amount of “image care” is normal: adapting to context, communicating well, and highlighting real achievements. It becomes a problem when it creates a stable gap between how I appear and how I actually perform, and even more so when it blends with relational patterns aimed at control and exploitation. Why we all do it (often without noticing) Work is a high-evaluation environment. We are constantly read, interpreted, compared. Wanting to signal reliability and competence is natural, especially when we feel watched or judged. That is why impression management tends to intensify when the stakes rise: interviews, performance reviews, presentations, negotiations, conflict, moments of crisis. Some people are also simply better at reading social cues and adapting quickly. There is nothing mystical about it. It is sensitivity to context, practice, experience, and sometimes a genuine talent for professional “performance.” Up to this point, it is entirely normal. The blind spot: Mistaking confidence for competence Here we hit the most common trap, confusing confidence (overconfidence) with competence. Confidence is a powerful signal because, in many situations, our brain reads it as a marker of ability. Speaking with conviction can boost credibility and make someone look more solid than they really are, especially when listeners do not have the time or the tools to verify things deeply. But real competence has a different nature. It is a long-term signal. It is not only today’s performance, but consistency over time: repeatable results, sound decisions, the ability to learn, to adjust, to handle complexity and pressure without pushing hidden costs onto everyone else. That long-term dimension is exactly what many decision-makers fail to evaluate. We also know there is a classic bias, people who are less skilled in a domain can overestimate themselves because they lack the very tools needed to evaluate their own performance accurately. This does not mean that anyone who speaks well is incompetent. It simply means that, as observers, we can be seduced by behavior that resembles competence without actually being competence. And that is where impression management becomes an accelerator: if you know how to build a strong image, you can earn trust before you have truly earned it. The most common strategies Research groups impression-management behaviors into a few recurring “families.” In everyday workplace language, they often look like this: Being likable: friendliness, easy agreement, compliments, closeness to influential people Looking competent: speaking first, using technical language, spotlighting achievements Looking beyond reproach: visible devotion, morality on display, “sacrifice” that quietly pressures everyone else Intimidating: constant urgency, sharp tone, hints of consequences, subtle threats Seeking protection: using vulnerability as leverage, pushing for exceptions, “without me this falls apart” narratives. The difference is not the strategy itself. The difference is intention and impact, am I communicating better, or am I creating dependence? Am I making work clearer, or am I shifting attention from reality to perception? When it turns “dark”: No longer communication, but control The darker side begins when impression management is used to gain power without accountability. In these cases, the goal is not to collaborate or clarify, but to: control the narrative neutralize criticism and feedback build social immunity (“he/she is too brilliant to question”) split people into allies and enemies make fear look like respect. This is where the framework known as the Dark Triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy) can be useful. It is often used in research to describe socially aversive personality traits that can appear outside clinical settings. Without diagnosing anyone, which is not the purpose here, we can say this: when a person is strongly oriented toward status, personal gain, and strategic manipulation, impression management tends to become more calculated and, in some cases, more deceptive. The perfect stage for the mask: Hiring and interviews If there is one arena where impression management becomes central, it is hiring. Interviews and selection processes are often fast, high-pressure, and built on weak signals. Research commonly distinguishes between honest impression management (presenting yourself at your best while staying within the facts) and deceptive impression management (often called faking), where reality is intentionally distorted to seem more suitable. Studies discuss both as frequent phenomena in interviews, and they explore why some people do it more and with what consequences. One point matters especially for HR: process structure makes a difference. Findings suggest that traditional, “gut-feel” interviews are more exposed to the effects of impression management than more structured formats. In plain terms, the more selection is driven by instinct and vague impressions, the more the best “performers” tend to benefit. Overconfidence vs. Competence: Why the one who “owns the room” often wins In many organizations, brilliant communication gets mistaken for real capability. Here, overconfidence works twice: It convinces others. It protects the person expressing it, because it becomes harder to challenge the narrative. Overconfidence can also become dangerous when combined with decision-making power. Researchers have discussed how excessive confidence can lead to poorer choices, underestimating risk, and rejecting meaningful pushback. It is not only a personal trait. It becomes an organizational risk. And this is where a key sentence shifts the focus from individual performance to the quality of the system, "Real competence is a long-term signal, and it includes the way a person treats people." This is not romanticism. It is operational reality. Anyone who is responsible for a team over time must know how to handle trust, motivation, conflict, psychological safety, and clarity. In roles with real responsibility, competence is not only “doing.” It is enabling others to do - without quietly exhausting them. The decisive shift: When toxic and abusive figures enter the organization When selection and evaluation rely too heavily on what makes an immediate impact, eloquence, confidence, stage presence, the ability to “own the room” a gap opens. People can enter (or be rewarded) who are extremely strong at building reputation, but much weaker at sustaining day-to-day reality: clarity, consistency, conflict management, respect for boundaries, and relational quality. And the risk is not theoretical. Workplace psychology has a term for a very concrete situation, when a person in authority, day after day, uses a style made of belittling, coldness, humiliation, or aggression (sometimes just through tone or looks), without physical violence. Researchers often refer to this pattern as abusive supervision to describe hostile behaviors repeated over time. When this becomes “normal,” it leaves clear marks: people work under tension, censor themselves, make more mistakes, withdraw, lose energy, and motivation. Over time, stress and emotional fatigue rise, involvement drops, and the desire to leave grows. Not because people are “weak,” but because living in that climate is draining. Put simply, when an organization rewards immediate impact, aggression disguised as decisiveness, performance talk, and surface loyalty, while neglecting relational quality, it ends up creating the perfect ground for manipulative or abusive profiles. You do not even need a label. The effects are visible: teams that go quiet, fear of speaking up, turnover, bright people becoming hesitant or cynical. And here your key point returns, in the most human way: competence is a long-term signal. You cannot truly measure it in a single meeting or a brilliant interview. You see it in consistency. And it grows, above all, from the ability to treat people with care and respect because that is where real solidity shows, in results that hold over time, and in people who do not get consumed in the process. What HR can do There is no need to turn a company into a laboratory. A few common-sense choices help: Reduce decisions based on vague “overall impression,” and increase decisions based on evidence: concrete examples, verifiable results, real cases, cross-checked feedback Use more structured processes when selecting roles with responsibility, because they are less vulnerable to pure performance Watch for consistency over time: not only how a person presents themselves, but how they handle people, conflict, and accountability. Closing: The mask loses power when we return to reality As we have seen, impression management is part of social life and workplace life. The problem begins when image matters more than reality, and when confidence gets mistaken for ability. At that point, the organization stops rewarding competence and starts rewarding performance. If there is one simple message to leave behind, it is this: Look at what a person produces over time, and what they leave behind in the people around them. This is the most important point, and it cannot be measured immediately. It takes time. Competence is not only “doing well today.” It is growing results and growing people. And when HR and organizations learn to evaluate this with real attention, dark charisma has far less space to thrive. A call to share your story This subject will be explored in greater depth in my book-in-progress, Charismatic Psychopaths: The Dark Side of Charisma, which examines how, in some workplace settings, charm can be turned into a tool for manipulation and control. If you have experienced or witnessed abusive behavior from a manipulative manager, I would welcome your story. Sharing these experiences helps bring clarity to what often stays hidden, and opening up this conversation is an important step toward recognition, healing, and change. Please avoid including names or identifying details. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Barbara Suigo Barbara Suigo, Senior HR Consultant, Author, Charisma Expert Born in Italy and naturalized as a French citizen, Barbara Suigo is an HR consultant, author, coach, and trainer specializing in the art of charisma. With solid experience in corporate communication and extensive training in NLP, persuasion, and storytelling techniques, she supports professionals and companies by offering personalized coaching, training programs, and in-depth content. Barbara is the author of the Charisma Trilogy, a work that deeply explores how to develop and harness personal influence and leadership presence. She has also published other books focused on personal and professional growth, solidifying her role as a leader in the field of soft skills development.

Written by Wayne Elsey, Founder and CEO Wayne Elsey is the founder and CEO of Elsey Enterprises. Among his independent brands, he is also the founder and CEO of Funds2Orgs. Have you ever considered that sustainability is about dollars and cents? How so, you ask? Sustainability efforts reduce waste, but they also save you money, not to mention the jobs created in the industry. Skipping the landfill with your unwanted stuff doesn’t have to be hard, and it can serve as a climate emergency response . It’s just a matter of making simple shifts in our everyday lives. Let’s dig into 10 ways to do better for your community (and wallet!). 1. Do good instead of dumping If you have a pile of sneakers, that’s worth money. Don’t throw athletic shoes in the trash. For instance, you can participate in the mail-in-reuse program to reduce sneaker waste. In the process, you can help a good cause and support sustainability. If you’re a nonprofit supporter, you can also consider a shoe drive fundraiser ! So, go ahead and clean out your closets and storage area and do good instead of trashing. 2. Repair, don’t replace and waste If you have scuffed shoes, jeans that don't have intentional tears, or electronics that need repair, ask yourself a question. Can you fix it? Increasingly, what's old is new again. There are cobblers, tailors, and electronic repair shops in your community. Of course, you can also do a DIY YouTube tutorial to help extend the life of your items. In short, repairing is cheaper and is a vote against throwaway culture . 3. Embrace the art of the swap Before you open your phone's wallet and splurge on new electronics, clothes, or household goods, consider hosting a swap party! There are several ways to do this. For one, you could have a fun BBQ party and trade items. However, if you want to get more people involved, consider doing a swap party  with a local community center. Either way, you'll get some excellent stuff and shop without spending a dime. 4. Choose reuse When you choose reuse, it's a no-brainer. For example, why use single-use plastics, such as water bottles, shopping bags, and coffee cups? These days, you can buy yourself a fantastic coffee thermos or covered mug that keeps your coffee warm throughout your trip to work. As we know, many people love coffee, but with the average cup of coffee being over $3, you can save the money, make it at home, and still take it "to go." 5. Turn used sneakers into trees If you own or work at a gym, school, or are a small retailer, become a sneaker collection location with an added plus. To reduce waste and practice sustainability, consider collecting sneakers by partnering with Green Sneakers . Green Sneakers is working with Veritree to fight climate change and support reforestation. Bonus: it’s free and easy to make an impact. 6. Upcycle your old stuff Do you want to glow up your old things? If so, you can upcycle stuff in your home and keep them out of landfills. For instance, you can turn old sneakers into planters. You can take old T-shirts and make them cleaning rags. You can also convert glass jars into cool candle holders or containers. Get creative and think about how upcycling your stuff can save money and be spot-on creative. 7. Shop smart to reduce waste Okay, this one is tough, but do you love fast fashion? Fast fashion  makes it easy to buy, buy, buy, but the clothing goes in and out of style quickly, and generally, it's not made to last. There's a better path to shopping, which is also good for your wallet. In short, shop with intention. Look at high-quality vintage stores, shop at artisan shops, and go thrifting. When you buy with purpose, you reduce waste and support jobs! 8. Get your tech repaired when possible to reduce waste We know that mobile phones, tablets, and computers have planned obsolescence built in. Most of these companies want us to spend more money. Still, look for certified e-waste programs in your area if there’s no hope for your tech. But also look into take-back programs and, of course, repair shops  near you. Electronics in landfills aren’t good because they leak harmful chemicals, so avoid it at all times. 9. Host a community waste clean-up A fun way to skip landfills is to get your community involved. Organize a community-wide clean-up day . Get a committee together to plan the event. Partner with local community centers, stores, and other partners. Then, get gloves, bags, and enough collection boxes to collect different types of things for proper disposal. Make it a point to include a swap area so people can shop and swap while doing good! 10. Support circular economy initiatives When choosing brands where you want to shop, select ones that embrace the circular economy and sustainability efforts. For example, you can patronize B Corps and other sustainable companies . In other words, spend your money on durable brands that are not cheap or disposable. These items will last longer, save money, and do better for the planet and its people. Why reducing waste matters Landfills are full of trash. We've all seen the videos and pictures. We produce over 292 million tons of trash  in the USA every year. That's a lot of garbage and waste. But the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. If you care as much as we do about reducing waste, saving money, and being sustainable, join us in taking the steps. In other words, join the reuse movement!   © 2025 Wayne Elsey . All Rights Reserved. Follow me on Facebook,   Instagram , LinkedIn,   and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Wayne Elsey Wayne Elsey, Founder and CEO Wayne Elsey is the founder and CEO of Elsey Enterprises. Among his independent brands, he is also the founder and CEO of Funds2Orgs. This social enterprise helps nonprofits, schools, churches, civic groups, individuals, and others raise funds while helping to support micro-enterprise (small business) opportunities in developing nations and the environment.

This article lists the 10 most listened-to podcast episodes globally in 2025 within mindset and personal development, based on Apple Podcasts’ global Top Episodes and Year-End Charts. 1. “The Body Reset: How Women Should Eat & Exercise for Health, Fat Loss & Energy” Podcast:   The Mel Robbins Podcast Host:  Mel Robbins Episode overview This episode breaks down how women can align nutrition, movement, and daily habits with their biology to improve energy, focus, and long-term health using research-backed guidance. Why it resonated globally In 2025, audiences increasingly sought sustainable self-optimization rather than extreme wellness trends. The episode stood out for its clarity, practicality, and immediate applicability. 2. “Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life-Changing Mindset Shift)” Podcast:   On Purpose Host:  Jay Shetty Featured guest:  Mel Robbins Episode overview Jay Shetty interviews Mel Robbins on her “Let Them Theory,” a mindset framework designed to reduce emotional friction, release control, and refocus energy on what is actually within one’s influence. Why it resonated globally The concept gave language to a widespread emotional challenge among leaders and professionals: over-responsibility for others’ reactions. Its simplicity made it highly shareable and easy to adopt. 3. “How to Build Unshakeable Self-Belief” Podcast:   The School of Greatness Host:  Lewis Howes Episode overview A deep exploration of self-trust, identity, and emotional resilience, with a focus on how internal belief systems shape long-term success. Why it resonated globally As economic and professional uncertainty continued in 2025, content centered on inner stability and confidence saw significantly higher engagement. 4. “The Science of Motivation: What Actually Works” Podcast:   WorkLife Host:  Adam Grant Episode overview Adam Grant unpacks decades of behavioral research to explain what genuinely motivates people, while debunking common myths around performance and productivity. Why it resonated globally Business leaders increasingly favor evidence-based insights over inspirational rhetoric. This episode delivered actionable clarity grounded in data. 5. “How to Rewire Your Brain for Focus, Stress & Emotional Balance” Podcast:   Huberman Lab Host:  Andrew Huberman Episode overview A practical neuroscience guide covering focus, dopamine regulation, stress response, and emotional balance. Why it resonated globally The rise of cognitive optimization and biohacking culture made this episode particularly relevant to high-performing professionals. 6. “Why Happiness Is Not What You Think” Podcast:   The Happiness Lab Host:  Laurie Santos Episode overview This episode challenges common assumptions about happiness, explaining why humans systematically misunderstand what actually leads to fulfillment. Why it resonated globally In a year marked by burnout and reassessment of priorities, research-driven perspectives on happiness gained renewed attention. 7. “How to Stop Overthinking (Without Meditating for Hours)” Podcast:   Ten Percent Happier Host:  Dan Harris Episode overview A practical conversation on calming an overactive mind using realistic, accessible mental strategies. Why it resonated globally Overthinking and cognitive overload were among the most discussed mental challenges of 2025, making the episode highly relatable. 8. “Finding Purpose When Life Changes” Podcast:   The Rich Roll Podcast Host:  Rich Roll Episode overview A reflective, long-form discussion on identity, reinvention, and navigating major life transitions. Why it resonated globally Listeners gravitated toward deeper conversations about meaning beyond traditional success metrics. 9. “Mental Toughness for an Uncertain World” Podcast:   The Tony Robbins Podcast Host:  Tony Robbins Episode overview Strategies for building emotional resilience, clarity, and leadership capacity during periods of instability. Why it resonated globally Global uncertainty consistently drives demand for resilience-focused mindset content, an area Robbins continues to dominate. 10. “Designing a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From” Podcast:   The Tim Ferriss Show Host:  Tim Ferriss Episode overview A conversation centered on intentional living, long-term thinking, and sustainable definitions of success. Why it resonated globally 2025 marked a cultural shift away from hustle culture toward conscious life and career design.

Written by Latasha Nicole Phillips, Life Purpose Coach SoulFlwr LLC is a sacred service-oriented business with a focus on assisting those who come in contact with personal development progression with a focus on the self. Vulnerability is arguably one of the most unpopular aspects of a relationship. This is because negative connotations surrounding it can make us perceive it as too great a risk. Many of us fear being judged or rejected by someone we deeply care about, or that our raw emotions will be used against us. In either case, clarity about who to be vulnerable with and how to do so often falls through the cracks. Many avoid it altogether, deeming it unnecessary and inappropriate. But how can we build a foundation of trust and integrity to grow our relationships without it? In fact, how can we even grow personally without practicing some form of it ourselves? In this article, we will outline seven clear green flags of authentic vulnerability, so that we can practice this vital interpersonal skill appropriately. What is vulnerability? Some of the most revolutionary thoughts on this topic come from the social worker and thought leader Brené Brown. She defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. While these three things can be intimidating, Brown helps us reconcile vulnerability with courage because it takes courage to practice something that makes us feel so out of control. It also challenges us to practice what we preach. Our desperate need for control, especially in our relationships, makes it difficult to even consider, let alone implement, true vulnerability. But take heart. We have identified seven green flags that distinguish appropriate vulnerability from what is not. Context and timing A time and place for everything is especially true when it comes to vulnerability. In my experience, the best time to be vulnerable is when conflict arises between me and my closest loved ones, my spouse, a sibling, a relative, my parents, or a trusted friend. Conflict is the best catalyst for growth in relationships, offering an opportunity to become even closer. My strongest intention is to express deep love and for them to know that I do not intentionally do or say anything to hurt them. This helps them see clearly that they are worth the uncertainty, emotional exposure, and risk that vulnerability requires. Most of all, I want them to know they can trust me. This means being brave enough to put everything on the table so I can take responsibility for my part of the conflict. Years ago, I feared that my vulnerability would be ridiculed, as it was in my childhood. Growing up in a big family in a small town, my past is filled with incidents where my vulnerability was used against me. I was always willing to be open, but unfortunately, this was rarely reciprocated healthily. As a result, I was manipulated by family and friends alike. My experience with being vulnerable with strangers was a completely different story. They held a sacred space for me and showed me compassion that I did not even know I needed. We must, however, use discernment to know who to be vulnerable with. Another misconception I had was believing that someone who overshared their life experiences and issues was genuinely interested in a relationship. I learned the hard way that this is a fast track to being gaslit, manipulated, used, and flat-out abused. Be aware of those who want to attach to you without taking the time to get to know you. Emotional availability and reciprocity An emotionally available person is in touch with their own feelings, communicates them truthfully, and encourages others to express their true feelings. This demonstrates a willingness to take emotional risks for the healing and growth of the relationship. This equal exchange of energy helps create a safe space for practicing vulnerability. Knowing that it takes great courage for someone to reveal their true emotions, I make it my strongest intention to listen attentively. I remain mindful and observant when someone is nervous, uncomfortable, or hesitant while sharing something difficult. This allows me to give genuine feedback that includes my own emotional investment. Now, for me, vulnerability is simply not just sharing emotions. For instance, there may be an adjustment necessary in order to resolve a conflict. This includes walking the walk that I talked about. This intention shows that I am keeping my end of the bargain to protect the emotional security of my relationships. I expect my beloved to do the same. No hidden motives In all of my closest relationships, I have one golden rule, even though mistakes will be made, we must not intentionally hurt, manipulate, or be emotionally unavailable to each other. This ensures that we are genuinely growing together and fosters a deep intimacy rooted in emotional security. By communicating with integrity, there is a greater chance that we will grow closer, creating a sacred space that encourages mutual vulnerability. Shows maturity by taking responsibility Vulnerability is a profound demonstration of maturity. It possesses several emotionally mature traits. Some of the traits are self-awareness, personal responsibility, and especially courage. Choosing to be vulnerable means you are secure enough to be seen as imperfect and brave enough to face the risk of judgment or rejection. That is a boss move, not a weakness. Be aware of those who see it as a weakness and adjust accordingly. Learned to respect boundaries Everything begins with the self. Therefore, our priority is to become comfortable with our own vulnerability, which, in turn, helps us recognize it in others. By making vulnerability a personal practice, we also learn to appreciate the importance of trust, honesty, and clear boundaries in all relationships. Vulnerability is most successful when we respect others' boundaries, and we can do this by developing our own empathy and understanding the importance of protecting our own emotional space. Consistent In my own life, I have practiced vulnerability while making amends for my past mistakes. It was incredibly difficult, and I felt humiliated and awkward, to say the least. It is not the most comfortable practice for those of us who seek to control the outcome. But I knew that I could not do that because the ball was not in my court, so to speak. I knew that in my relationships, I lacked integrity. This, along with my codependent behaviors, caused much interpersonal conflict. I know now that I was possessed by my addiction to self-betrayal. Being exposed for that was highly embarrassing. However, I do believe that my relationships were restored through the intentional and consistent practice of mindfulness and vulnerability. I continued this practice regardless of how others responded. Eventually, despite the pain and suffering I had caused myself and my loved ones, I was able to forgive, be forgiven, and salvage the relationships that had been damaged. Be brave Embracing vulnerability is an intentional, lifelong practice. There is no end goal. It is a continuous act of choosing connection over conflict, authenticity over self-betrayal, and courage over fear. And while the path may hold moments of discomfort and uncertainty, it also has the potential to create profound joy, healing, and growth. Again, we are not weak for taking emotional risks for the relationships we value. Despite popular belief, it is a testament to our maturity and strength. Now, with a deeper understanding of the courage it takes, take your first brave step. Soulflwr would love to cheer you on as you grow. Please contact us here  for coaching. We also have an episode on vulnerability on our SoulGarden podcast on YouTube. We post episodes regularly on Sunday nights. Follow me on Facebook , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Latasha Nicole Phillips Latasha Nicole Phillips, Life Purpose Coach Latasha Phillips & Shawn Cross are African American female leaders in mastery learning and meditation fields who assist others in personal development and self-improvement endeavours. They have two decades of experience with various tools and resources that they currently use to live lives of inner peace and fulfillment. They created Soulflwr LLC as a sacred service to all who are ready to heal their past and themselves.

Written by Kylie Gallaher, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Strategic Psychotherapist Blending innovation with compassion, Kylie Gallaher brings cutting-edge expertise in clinical hypnotherapy to empower lasting change. Grounded in evidence-based practice, her professional journey is dedicated to helping clients overcome challenges and thrive with confidence. For years, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) has lived in the shadows of the eating disorder landscape. It is often described as “picky eating,” dismissed as a childhood phase, or misunderstood as a behavioural choice. Yet ARFID is none of these things. It is a complex, trauma informed, anxiety driven, neurologically rooted experience. And the consequences ripple across mental health, physical health, and social wellbeing. Despite its impact, ARFID remains one of the least understood and least adequately treated eating disorders. And the people living with it deserve much more. What ARFID really is, hint, it is not what people think it is ARFID involves a deeply ingrained relationship between anxiety, post traumatic stress responses, phobic reactions, and sensory sensitivities focused on food and eating. These processes combine to create a lived experience far beyond “limited eating.” In fact, a person with ARFID may experience extreme fear, sensory overload, or physiological distress around the thought, smell, taste, or texture of certain foods. Their experience is that eating is not something that may be pleasurable, eagerly anticipated, or even neutral. It is interpreted by the nervous system as threatening and something to be endured. Social situations involving food often amplify this response, layering self consciousness, anxiety, and avoidance onto an already overwhelmed system. Over time, these repeated mealtime experiences make visible a consistent and unmistakable pattern of fear without choice and avoidance without defiance. This can feel difficult, or even impossible, to articulate for the person living it, and deeply frustrating and hard to make sense of for those witnessing or sharing it. What this gradual revealing exposes is a cavernous gap between how ARFID is lived and how it is commonly described, interpreted, and responded to in clinical and social contexts. While the individual is navigating a neurological survival response organised around safety, the external world often views the same behaviours through a behavioural, motivational, or compliance based lens. This misalignment does more than misunderstand ARFID. It actively shapes how support is offered, often prioritising behavioural change over nervous system safety. When treatment approaches fail to recognise this neurological reality, they do not simply miss the mark. They can inadvertently intensify the very survival responses they are attempting to extinguish. This exposes a further and often uncomfortable reality, that well intentioned, behaviour first interventions may unintentionally reinforce fear, anxiety, and overwhelm rather than relieve them. It was in response to this gap that the seeds of my ARFID treatment framework were planted. Long before I had formal language for what I was observing, I was trying to make sense of my own son’s experience. The patterns of fear, overwhelm, and the absence of choice beneath the behaviour became increasingly evident. That early, intuitive understanding became the foundation for years of study, clinical training, and applied work, evolving into a dynamic, trauma informed approach within my practice at Newcastle Clinical Hypnotherapy. It integrates neuroscience, cognitive pattern work, sensory processing insight, and clinical hypnosis. At its core is a simple, non negotiable principle, meaningful change can only occur when the nervous system feels safe. Throughout my experience, I have watched this shift towards safety offer opportunities to reshape not only relationships with food and eating, but family relationships and, most hearteningly, self trust and confidence. Understanding ARFID through this lens changes how we interpret avoidance, resistance, and distress around food, social relationships, and sense of self. Because this isn’t fussiness. This is a survival response. A neurological survival response, not a choice ARFID is fundamentally a safety seeking disorder. The body and brain learn that food is dangerous, unpredictable, or overwhelming through a range of experiences, sometimes sudden and intense, such as an illness, and sometimes more subtle and cumulative, shaped by ongoing stress and discomfort. Importantly, these experiences do not need to be objectively or overtly traumatic to have a lasting impact on the nervous system. Regardless of how this learning begins, it is reinforced through repeated daily experiences, giving rise to patterns of: avoidance rigid rules extreme discomfort hypervigilance panic responses dependency on “safe” foods breakdown of social participation It is not about the presence or absence of any single pattern, but how relentlessly they reinforce one another. And because eating happens multiple times daily, the nervous system remains caught in a repeated cycle of activation and overwhelm. This explains why traditional “just try it” approaches, pressure based feeding, exposure therapy, or behaviour first interventions often fail. They collide directly with a nervous system organised around survival and, in doing so, can inadvertently strengthen the very response they are attempting to override. My experience has guided me to create a dynamic treatment model that prioritises establishing a neurologically safe environment before any exploration of new foods can begin. Safety first. Progress second. Force never. In practice, this is an evolving exploratory exercise grounded in restoring safety in ways that people might not expect. Families often find this approach relieves pressure they felt but did not even recognise, and reframes years of struggle in an entirely new light. Why ARFID is misunderstood Three core issues drive the widespread misunderstanding of ARFID. 1. It does not look like other eating disorders There are no body image concerns, no dieting behaviours, and no weight preoccupations. Because ARFID does not fit the stereotypical picture of an eating disorder, professionals and families often misinterpret it as fussiness, stubbornness, or a developmental phase, rather than recognising it as a nervous system driven safety response. This makes it easy for ARFID to be missed entirely. 2. It overlaps with anxiety, sensory processing, and may be interpreted as behavioural People with ARFID often present with anxiety disorders, complex medical histories, sensory processing differences, neurodivergence, and gastrointestinal issues. Because many of the outward signs involve avoidance, distress, and resistance around food, these responses are frequently interpreted as behavioural rather than neurological. When symptoms span so many domains, ARFID often “falls through the cracks” or is addressed through behaviour focused frameworks, with the assumption that the person will eventually grow out of it. 3. It is hidden in plain sight Many people with ARFID appear “stable” because they can maintain routine around their safe foods. This surface level stability can mask deeper impacts and delay appropriate recognition or support. Beneath that routine lie significant and often cumulative risks, including: Nutritional deficiency Cognitive impacts Digestive dysfunction Impaired immune function Social withdrawal, isolation, or dysfunction Emotional dysregulation Over time, the effects of ARFID extend far beyond immediate nutrition or eating behaviour. Chronic stress around food can influence neurological development, learning, and emotional regulation, shape self concept and identity, strain relationships, and limit social participation and life opportunities. These impacts are particularly significant during childhood and adolescence, but continue to shape wellbeing across the lifespan. What is often missed is that these effects do not occur in isolation. They interact, reinforce, and compound one another over time. Nutritional deficiency affects neurological development and cognitive function. Cognitive strain increases psychological stress. Chronic stress disrupts gut function, sleep, and immune function. These physiological impacts, in turn, intensify anxiety, avoidance, and social withdrawal. ARFID is not a single problem with multiple consequences. It is a dynamic, interconnected system that shapes how a person develops, relates, and functions in the world. ARFID does not simply affect what someone eats. It affects how they live. Often in ways that remain unseen until the costs are significant. The cognitive patterns behind ARFID At the heart of ARFID is not simply avoidance of food, but a pattern of learned predictions organised around safety and threat. Over time, repeated experiences of distress around eating shape how the mind anticipates, interprets, and responds to food related situations. These cognitive patterns are not chosen. They are adaptive responses developed in service of survival. Through my lived experience and clinical work, the dynamic treatment framework I have developed recognises recurring cognitive patterns such as: a negative orientation, with an expectation that outcomes will be unpleasant or unsafe a future focused fear or anxiety orientation, anticipating that something will go wrong internal prediction errors, such as “what if I don’t like it” or “I know this will be bad” low tolerance for discomfort and uncertainty heightened vigilance to bodily sensations and perceived threat cues globalisation, where all foods outside a narrow safe range are perceived as dangerous stable attributions, such as “I can’t change” or “this is just how I am” learned helplessness or hopelessness following repeated failed attempts These patterns do not exist in isolation. They reinforce one another and are continually strengthened by a nervous system that has learned to prioritise safety above all else. As a result, change can feel not just difficult, but actively threatening, even when the desire to change is present. This is why behavioural change alone is rarely sustainable. Unless these cognitive patterns shift alongside nervous system regulation, attempts to push through eating difficulties often deepen fear, reinforce avoidance, and confirm the belief that change itself is unsafe or impossible. Why ARFID deserves better treatment options Ten years after ARFID was formally recognised in the DSM 5, the treatment landscape still falls short of what individuals and families genuinely need. A 2023 review by Fisher, Zimmerman, Bucher, and Yadlosky highlights that while awareness has increased, clinical pathways remain inconsistent, fragmented, and poorly aligned with ARFID’s complex presentation. ARFID is not simply a variation of other eating disorders, nor does it reliably respond to exposure based feeding programs, cognitive only interventions, or behavioural models developed for anorexia or anxiety disorders. It exists at the intersection of safety driven survival responses, sensory processing differences, neurodivergence, gastrointestinal stress, and deeply ingrained threat based predictions around food. No single discipline or symptom focused model can adequately address that complexity. The stakes are high. Without appropriate support, individuals may experience nutritional compromise, cognitive and emotional strain, chronic digestive and immune disruption, social withdrawal, and entrenched avoidance that quietly shapes development, relationships, identity, and quality of life over time. ARFID deserves better because it demands better. Effective treatment must begin with nervous system safety, integrate contemporary understanding of trauma and sensory processing, and work with the cognitive patterns shaped by survival learning. Traditional approaches were never designed for this level of nuance, and expecting them to succeed without adaptation places an unfair burden on those seeking help. Treatment for ARFID must evolve. Contributing to that evolution is not about replacing existing models, but about expanding our understanding of what ARFID truly requires. The role of family and relational systems ARFID does not exist in isolation. Whether it affects a child, adolescent, or adult, it inevitably shapes the relational systems around it, including parents, partners, children, and shared households. Mealtimes, routines, social events, travel, stress levels, and emotional wellbeing are all influenced by the ongoing presence of food related threat and avoidance. For families of children with ARFID, parents are often navigating intense pressure, conflicting advice, and repeated experiences of feeling blamed or misunderstood. For adults living with ARFID, partners and family members may struggle to understand the invisible stress beneath eating patterns, while adults themselves may carry deep exhaustion or shame after years of managing food within relationships. It is essential to state clearly that families and partners are not the cause of ARFID. They are affected by it, and they are part of the context in which change becomes possible. Effective support must recognise the importance of relational systems, co regulation, and reducing pressure around food. When those closest to the individual understand the nervous system dynamics at play, the focus can shift away from control and compliance and toward safety, trust, and connection. These conditions are what allow meaningful and sustainable change to occur. A compassionate, holistic, trauma informed approach is not optional ARFID treatment must honour the role of the nervous system, the subconscious patterns that maintain fear, and the cognitive frameworks shaping perception and expectation. It must be collaborative, paced, and grounded in safety rather than force. For someone with ARFID, food is not simply food. It is perceived as threat. Until that survival logic changes, no amount of pressure, reasoning, or exposure will create lasting freedom. When safety is restored, the world expands. New foods become possible. Social connection becomes less fraught. Confidence and autonomy grow. This is not about doing more. It is about doing differently. ARFID is not picky eating, not a behavioural choice, and not something resolved through pressure. It is a deeply human, neurological, and emotional experience that responds to safety, understanding, and care. And for people living with ARFID, that difference matters. Because this is where freedom begins. A thoughtful next step If this article has helped you recognise ARFID in a new way, consider sharing it with a partner, family member, or clinician who is supporting you. Over the holiday season, reducing pressure around food and prioritising safety and connection can make a meaningful difference. If you are living with ARFID or supporting someone who is, seek out practitioners who understand nervous system safety, sensory sensitivity, and survival based avoidance, not just behaviour change. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website  for more info! Read more from Kylie Gallaher Kylie Gallaher, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Strategic Psychotherapist Kylie Gallaher leads Newcastle Clinical Hypnotherapy, the region’s only specialised hypnotherapy team, offering comprehensive support in all areas where hypnotherapy is beneficial. With advanced qualifications and a focus on evidence-based methods, she has established herself as a leader in the field. Kylie specialises in ARFID, eating disorders, trauma, anxiety, and related conditions including gastrointestinal disorders, and is committed to reshaping treatment approaches in Australia. Her professional journey reflects a dedication to blending science with compassion, delivering measurable results and raising the standard of clinical hypnotherapy nationwide.

Written by Stephen Cole, Lead Coach and Founder Stephen Cole is the founder of TeamWeave, supporting teams to build trust, connection and performance through the simple, human-centred practice of team check-ins. His work draws on over two decades of leadership and facilitation experience, with a practical focus on developing human skills and culture as it is lived in everyday work. Trust is often framed in terms of integrity. However, integrity alone does not create trust. Trust is also shaped by relationships and the culture people experience day to day. When work becomes overly transactional and leaves little room for humanity, trust is weaker. For teams willing to allow openness and some vulnerability at work, a simple, regular team practice focused on people rather than tasks can help trust grow. What we already know, integrity and trustworthiness Trust in the workplace begins with integrity and trustworthiness. People need to know that others will do what they say they will do, act ethically, and behave consistently over time. This is particularly important in leadership. Without this foundation, trust cannot develop, no matter what other practices are put in place. Most organisations already recognise this. Values statements, codes of conduct, and leadership expectations commonly emphasise honesty, reliability, and accountability. Many leaders work hard to hold themselves to these standards. And yet, integrity alone is not enough to build trust. Many leaders have experienced situations where they have acted with integrity, worked hard to be trustworthy, and still found trust within the team to be low. This can be exhausting, requiring significant effort while still resulting in low engagement, strained relationships, reduced performance, and a lack of fulfilment. If this resonates, it raises an important question. What else might have been missing? And conversely, when trust has been strong, is it possible that the next two elements explored in this article, moving beyond transactional relationships and allowing humanity, were already present? Move beyond transactional Transactions are an essential part of working life. People agree to work for a certain amount of time in exchange for pay, and there are clear expectations about roles, responsibilities, and outcomes. This is not inherently wrong. Work does need to get done, and clear agreements matter. When I ran my own engineering company, if pay was ever a day late, people quite reasonably asked, “Where is it?” That clarity and fairness is part of a healthy working arrangement. The challenge is when transactional thinking becomes the dominant way people relate to one another. When this happens, trust is limited. Conversations narrow to the minimum of what is required, people become more cautious about what they share, and tensions may go unspoken, yet still shape how people relate and work together. This can create distance between colleagues, even when relationships remain polite and professional. People focus more on managing impressions than on what is actually happening and how to work together effectively. Allow humanity Trust grows in relational spaces rather than transactional ones. It develops when people experience one another as human beings, not just as roles or job titles. This does not mean lowering standards or losing focus. It means recognising that trust is built not only through what people deliver, but through the quality of connection that surrounds the work. When humanity is allowed at work, people no longer have to leave important parts of themselves at the door. Small acknowledgements, of stress, uncertainty, enthusiasm, or challenge, help teams build connection and develop ‘human skills’. Allowing humanity also changes how mistakes and difficulties are handled. Instead of blame, withdrawal, or defensiveness, teams are more likely to respond with curiosity and support. Over time, this creates psychological safety, where people feel able to speak up, ask for help, and raise concerns early. These are signs of trust in action. Trust does not grow because people are perfect. It grows because people can rely on one another to act with integrity, feel safe to name when integrity has fallen short, and stay connected while addressing it. This capacity to stay connected under pressure is one of the clearest expressions of trust. These themes are also reflected in other Brainz articles exploring the role of humanity and safety in workplace culture, including Culture Is What Happens When You’re Not in the Room  and Safety – The Foundation of Every High-Performing Workplace Leadership and trust Leadership plays a significant role in how trust is experienced within a team. This is not because leaders control trust, but because people pay close attention to what leaders make safe or unsafe through how they show up. How leaders listen, respond to uncertainty, and participate in everyday interactions strongly influences how open, honest, and connected others feel able to be. I saw this clearly when I was leading my own engineering consultancy. Whenever I felt guarded and chose to share less of myself, there was a noticeable flow on effect in the team. People tended to follow my lead. Conversations became more cautious, and tensions were more likely to build without being addressed. This pattern was interrupted when someone, myself or another team member, showed their humanity by being open or appropriately vulnerable. When that happened, connection and trust returned. Where the team had enough shared experience of openness not being used against people, it became easier for people to step forward and contribute, even when tensions arose. When leaders are open, present, and willing to allow some humanity to be visible, it creates permission for others to do the same. This not only supports trust, but also creates space for leadership to be shared more naturally. People are more likely to step in, speak up, and take responsibility when they see a benefit for the team to do so, rather than be constrained by hierarchy or a sense that it is “not their place”. How to make it happen An effective way to build trust in a team, grounded in integrity and humanity, is through regular team check ins. Team check ins are a simple, structured practice where people share how they are and what’s happening for them. They are about people, not tasks or project updates, unless work is personally affecting someone. Done well, regular check ins help teams develop the culture and human skills that trust depends on, listening, speaking authentically, collaboration, empathy, and leadership. For most teams, around 30 minutes a week is enough. Over time, these qualities can flow into everyday work, shaping how people communicate, collaborate, and respond to tension. Check ins require a willingness to be open. This does not mean sharing everything, but opening up enough to build connection and trust while staying within appropriate and safe boundaries. They are best suited to teams, particularly leaders, who are ready for this level of openness. Where trust is very low, or people feel unable to speak honestly, additional support such as professional facilitation or conflict resolution may be needed first. However, where leaders are unwilling to be open in this way, it can be best not to do check ins at all. When I led an engineering consultancy where weekly check ins were part of how we worked, there was often a quiet, contented hum in the office. People collaborated easily, focused well, and tensions were less likely to go unresolved, which was particularly noticeable in the hours following a team check in. At TeamWeave, we support teams to make regular check ins part of their work, building trust and the benefits that flow from it. To help teams get started and make this practice more accessible, we offer a free Guide to Team Check-ins . Follow me on  Facebook , and visit my LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Stephen Cole Stephen Cole, Lead Coach and Founder Stephen Cole is the founder of TeamWeave, where he supports teams to build trust, connection and performance through simple, human-centred ways of working. With a background in engineering and more than two decades of leadership and facilitation experience, he brings a grounded, practical approach to workplace culture and the development of human skills. Teams working with Stephen begin with the simple, practical practice of regular team check-ins. Stephen has taken part in more than 600 check-ins and led over 180, witnessing first-hand how openness and humanity can transform how teams work together.

Written by Aleksandra Tsenkova, Psychotherapist, Author, Speaker Blending Person-Centred therapy with coaching and DBT, Aleksandra Tsenkova helps people worldwide heal trauma, unpack emotional wounds, and step into confidence. Authenticity is presented as something empowering, a personal choice, a mindset, even a skill we can practise. We are repeatedly told to “be ourselves,” speak our truth, and stop hiding who we really are. Yet for many people, attempting to be authentic does not feel freeing at all. It feels exposing. Risky. Uncomfortable. Instead of clarity, there is anxiety. Instead of relief, there is a quiet sense of being emotionally unprotected. Then, if authenticity is meant to be natural, why does it feel so difficult to access? Why do so many people feel disconnected from themselves precisely when they try hardest to be “real”? Perhaps the problem is not a lack of courage or self-knowledge, but the way authenticity is often misunderstood, including within therapy itself. Authenticity is often framed as something we must decide to do, an act of confidence, insight, or self-expression. Popular psychology suggests that if we think clearly enough or push past discomfort, our “true self” will naturally appear. Even therapy can sometimes echo this message, subtly valuing openness and insight before emotional safety has fully formed. From a person-centred perspective, this overlooks a crucial truth, authenticity cannot be forced. It emerges only when a person feels deeply enough accepted to stop protecting themselves. The problem with “just be yourself” culture The idea of “just being yourself” is often offered as simple, empowering advice, yet it rarely acknowledges the complexity of being human. It assumes that the self is fully formed, easily accessible, and safe to express, regardless of context. In reality, most people learn early on which parts of themselves are welcomed and which are not. When authenticity is reduced to a slogan, it ignores the emotional risks involved in self-expression and subtly places responsibility back onto the individual. If being yourself feels hard, you must not be trying hard enough. Rather than creating freedom, this message can deepen self-doubt, reinforcing the belief that something is wrong with us for struggling to show up as we truly are. Why authenticity often feels unsafe For many people, authenticity is not met with relief, but with a sense of threat. This is not because they are avoidant or disconnected from themselves, but because self-expression has historically come with consequences. From previous relationships with friends, partners, family members, mentors, and society onward, we learn, often implicitly, that acceptance can be conditional. Certain emotions, needs, or ways of being are rewarded, while others are corrected, dismissed, or misunderstood. Over time, we adapt by shaping ourselves to fit what feels safe, even when it creates an inner distance. When we are later encouraged to “be authentic,” the nervous system does not hear freedom. It hears risk. Without emotional safety, authenticity does not feel natural. It feels like exposure. When therapy accidentally reinforces performance Even within therapy, authenticity can sometimes become something to demonstrate rather than something to discover. Clients may feel an unspoken pressure to be insightful, emotionally articulate, or emotionally “open” before they feel fully met where they are. When understanding is prioritised over experience, depth can become confused with intensity, and progress with performance. In these moments, therapy risks mirroring previous relational patterns, where acceptance depends on showing up in the “right” way. From a more person-centred view, authenticity does not arise from being analysed or guided into insight, but from being consistently received with empathy, without judgement or correction. When that safety is present, the need to perform begins to fall away, and something more real can emerge. A person-centred understanding of authenticity In person-centred psychotherapy, authenticity is not about revealing more, trying harder, or becoming emotionally braver. It refers to a sense of inner alignment, the moment when a person’s lived experience, awareness, and expression begin to match. When this alignment is disrupted, people may appear confident or capable on the outside while feeling disconnected or uncertain within. Authenticity, then, is not something to achieve but a natural movement toward coherence. It unfolds gradually as individuals feel safer to acknowledge their internal experience, rather than shaping themselves to meet external expectations. In this way, authenticity is less an act of self-expression and more a process of self-permission. The role of emotional safety in becoming real Authenticity rarely emerges in isolation. It thrives in the presence of emotional safety. Feeling truly seen and accepted without judgment allows people to lower their guard, explore their inner experience, and gradually show up more fully. When someone is met with empathy, patience, and genuine understanding, the fear of rejection or evaluation begins to dissolve. In these spaces, people discover that being themselves is not risky. It is natural. Emotional safety does not create authenticity on demand, but it creates the conditions for it to emerge spontaneously, quietly, and in its own time. This is why real change often feels effortless. It is not forced. It is invited. Authenticity is not a goal, it’s a by-product Authenticity cannot be manufactured or willed into existence. It is a by-product of conditions, not a target to hit. When we focus too intently on “being real,” we risk turning it into another performance, another standard we must meet. Instead, authenticity grows quietly, emerging when people feel accepted, understood, and safe enough to let go of pretence. It arises in moments of genuine connection, self-compassion, and trust, rather than through effort or insight alone. In other words, the truest version of ourselves is rarely found by chasing it. It is revealed when we stop chasing and allow ourselves to simply exist, fully, imperfectly, and without apology. What this means for everyday life (not just therapy) Authenticity is not reserved for therapy rooms. It plays out in relationships, workplaces, and daily interactions. The principles remain the same, when people feel seen, heard, and accepted without judgment, they are more likely to show up fully, whether at home, with friends, or at work. Emotional safety, patience, and empathy are not just therapeutic tools. They are everyday practices that cultivate genuine connection. By shifting the focus from “trying to be real” to creating environments where people feel safe enough to be themselves, we invite authenticity to emerge naturally. In doing so, we discover that being authentic is less about performance and more about presence, a quiet, profound freedom available to everyone. Conclusion Authenticity is not something to chase. It is something to nurture, notice, and allow. When we stop forcing, stop performing, and start creating the spaces where real connection can grow, the self reveals itself naturally. Follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , and LinkedIn  for more info! Read more from Aleksandra Tsenkova Aleksandra Tsenkova, Psychotherapist, Author, Speaker Aleksandra Tsenkova supports individuals on their healing journey by integrating Person-Centred therapy, coaching, and DBT. She helps people process emotional pain, recover from trauma, and rebuild inner trust to step into their confidence. With a deep belief in each person’s capacity for growth, she creates space for powerful self-discovery and lasting transformation. Her work is grounded in a passion for empowering others to reclaim their voice and unlock their potential. Through her writing, Aleksandra invites readers into meaningful conversations about healing, resilience, and personal freedom.