Written by: Dr. Rachael Meir, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever wondered if your relationships are built on choice or conformity? Believe it or not, there are two approaches to a monogamous relationship: Compulsory vs Intentional. One is the societal default mode, and the other is a conscious and deliberate choice. Understanding the difference between the two empowers you to build relationships based on personal choice rather than society's expectations.
But before we dive in…
As an Ethical Non-Monogamy Relationship Coach, I want to emphasize that I’m not here to push any specific relationship style on you. What matters most is that you find what suits you best, aligns with your needs, and feels genuinely right for you (without any external pressure).
This brings us to why understanding the difference between Compulsory and Intentional Monogamy matters for you.
Compulsory monogamy
This form of monogamy is societal and often culturally expected. It's the default mode, where monogamy is the norm and is perceived as the only acceptable relationship structure. Anything that defies this expectation may be viewed as odd, challenging, or subject to discrimination and stigmatization.
Intentional monogamy
In contrast, Intentional Monogamy is a conscious, deliberate choice. It is about actively choosing monogamy because it aligns with your personal values, desires, and the mutual agreement of both partners. In other words, your decision to be monogamous was made with full awareness and was entirely on your own.
Exploring the differences
Compulsory Monogamy restricts you and expects you to adhere to societal norms, potentially fostering a sense of obligation rather than a genuine connection. On the other hand, Intentional Monogamy encourages openness and communication. Choosing this relationship means picking it because it truly fits what you want and value.
If you're in a monogamous relationship and want to be more intentional with your partner, here are a few expert tips:
Prioritize communication - Make sure you regularly have open, honest conversations about your needs and desires, and are revisiting your relationship agreements periodically.
Nurture individual growth - Support each other's personal growth and maintain individuality within the relationship. Have designated 'me time' where each of you engages in activities you love, without feeling suffocated within the relationship.
Embrace true quality time - Create intentional moments together, and make time for shared experiences that are outside of your usual routine.
For those of you who are feeling confined by Compulsory Monogamy and it doesn't resonate with your authentic desires, it might be time to reflect on what truly aligns with your values and what you would prefer instead.
Remember, this article aims to highlight that choosing monogamy is a meaningful and valid option. What matters most is that your relationship dynamic, whether monogamous or otherwise, stems from your genuine desires and personal alignment. It's about embracing what feels right for you and your partner, beyond societal expectations or the pressure to conform.
If you have any questions, want to chat, or simply want to share your journey with someone who understands, I’m here for you. Visit my website or book a call and I’ll be in touch soon!
Dr. Rachael Meir, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Rachael Meir is a Stanford-trained psychologist and Contemporary Relationship Clini-Coach® who specializes in ethical/consensual non-monogamy (including swinging, open relationships, polyamory, and other alternative lifestyles) and is sex-positive, LGBTQIA+ affirming, and BDSM/kink aware. As a bisexual woman in a polyamorous triad relationship herself, Dr. Meir is dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenges of opening their relationships and sustaining multiple sexual and romantic partnerships. With extensive experience working with a wide range of clients, she has a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by those living outside the bounds of heteronormative sexual orientations and monogamous relationship structures. She offers individual and group coaching to help clients learn the necessary skills to create secure and healthy relationships that work best for them.
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