Written by: Leticia DeSuze, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
"People are where they are because that is exactly where they really want to be – whether they will admit that or not." – Earl Nightingale.
Although this is one of my favorite quotes, this is one of the hardest truths for people to grasp. If we acknowledge that we are where we are because it’s what we’ve chosen — by default, we acknowledge we have the power to choose differently. However, this requires taking 100% responsibility for every facet of our lives, and many people aren’t willing to do that.
It’s easier to blame and deflect and point to situations and sources outside of ourselves for our current reality. Have things happened to all of us that were outside of our control? Absolutely. We, however, get to choose how we allow our experiences to shape us. When we absolve ourselves of responsibility, we take on the posture of victims - where life is happening ‘to’ us instead of ‘through us. It’s disempowering and lends itself to repetitive patterns and cycles.
Why would someone knowingly choose a life they don't want? Why would someone knowingly choose to repeat unhealthy patterns? Most times, they don’t. It is subconsciously done, and people are unaware that they have deeply ingrained beliefs running the show and informing their choices. A belief is simply a thought we make real or accept as true. This happens to everyone, and no one is exempt. Could it be then that we are living by beliefs that are not true which have disconnected us from our deepest desires?
Our beliefs are formed when we're very young and impressionable. For example, before I stopped drinking coffee, I would keep the spoon in my coffee long after my creamer was stirred. Why? It felt natural and like it was supposed to be there. It was only when someone brought to my attention that the spoon was repeatedly hitting me in the forehead that I became consciously aware of and slightly embarrassed by it.
Some months later, I was having breakfast (and coffee) with my mother. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw my mother drinking her coffee with the spoon hitting her in the forehead in exactly the same way — as if it were normal. My mother never said, “Leticia, this is how you drink coffee.” Through my observation of her drinking coffee over the years, this was the way to do it. When I started drinking coffee as a young adult, I was on autopilot. It took someone outside of myself to bring conscious awareness to something that may not have been in my best interest.
Here’s another example. When my daughter was about three years old, I noticed she took an unusually long time in the restroom. I asked what she was doing. “Nothing, mama.” Well, knowing the curious child she was, I opened the door, and to my surprise, she was standing on the bathroom counter and looking very closely in the mirror while attempting to arch her eyebrows. She actually had my razor. Thank God she wasn’t hurt, but she was only modeling what she’d seen me do.
While these were fairly light examples, how many more beliefs and patterns have we absorbed in our childhood environments that continue to govern our choices in a more detrimental way? The effects of which show up in our careers, relationships, businesses, finances, and health? We live on autopilot by these beliefs and are deeply resistant to changing them because we don’t recognize them.
If we find ourselves living lives we tolerate but not lives we've intentionally created - we've got work to do. The question we must ask ourselves is, “Whose beliefs am I living by?” I personally have had to ask myself questions like, “Whose relationship beliefs have me afraid of vulnerability? Whose money beliefs have me thinking I will never have enough? Whose health beliefs have me normalizing not taking care of myself and being sick and on medication? Whose fears have me afraid to step boldly into my dreams?”
I had to dig deep with each of these questions and so many more until I found their origin, only to discover they were generational. I didn’t create the beliefs, but I took full responsibility for how they showed up in my life. Sometimes when you discover something, it’s because the work is yours to do. Although it took me years to change my beliefs to align with my desires - I did it. And so can you.
It doesn’t have to take you so long. I didn't do this work alone, and neither should you. I had the help of coaches and mentors. The beauty is when we see our beliefs, we can shift them. Without help, we only have the level of thinking and mental conditioning that has produced them, and we will continue to repeat patterns because it's the only thing we know to do.
If you are serious about changing your life, by far the most important advice I would give you is to invest your time, energy, attention, and money into your mindset and never stop. Your mindset is the foundation upon which you build everything else, and there are mental challenges at every new level of life. This is the ultimate key to creating sustainable success.
Leticia DeSuze, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Leticia DeSuze is a holistic mindset coach and business strategist who works with C-level executives and established entrepreneurs who desire to break the 7-figure barrier. Having coached more than 1200 senior leaders and entrepreneurs across multiple industries, Leticia believes that every problem is a mindset problem and that mindset matters most. Leticia has developed a 'laser-like' ability to pierce the facades and identify the deeply engrained thought patterns that have limited her clients' potential and identify opportunities for accelerated growth. She helps them clearly define what they want and designs the roadmap to get there - while holding them accountable. The end result is a life and business they've intentionally created vs. one they've settled for.
