Written by: Reem Borrows, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I used to be consumed by the gap between where I was and my goal, or where I wanted to be. While I was happy, grateful, and very positive, I was always aware of the gap and in a hurry to get to the goal. I also judged myself on the gap.
I was frustrated by the obstacles that came along the way. I didn’t like any “hiccups” or misunderstandings on my way to the goal. I had this view that once I achieved the goal, once I was there, I would feel so much better. This was in my career, in my personal life, as well for my financial and investment portfolios.
I remember being on a walk one day and thinking clearly, “when we finish paying off the mortgage remaining on our home, I will feel so much better, and life will be amazing.” It was just a thought and 17 years later I still vividly remember that thought.
We finished paying off the house when I started my maternity leave with our second child over 13 years ago now, and it was a beautiful feeling. But then quickly after, I noticed another prominent thought - “Won't it be great when I get the promotion I really want?” And so, another clear goal was created.
Along the way, I applied for promotions that I did not get. Because I was so emotionally involved with my goal, I took each rejection personally and it weighed on me. I allowed these experiences to impact my self-worth, confidence, and ultimately, my happiness.
I started to work even harder to try to prove myself. Eventually, I did get the promotion, and then another and another, but each time I achieved a goal, I would immediately be looking for the next big result.
I would feel the joy for a short while and then something else I thought I needed would pop into my head. I would get this feeling that when I achieve this next goal, I’ll be happy and feel fulfilled. I defined my happiness and success by the results. If something worked out, I was successful and if something did not, I was a failure and was hard on myself. At an unconscious level, my definition of success revolved around achieving the goal and anything else was frustrating and unwanted.
This pattern continued until one day I heard that voice in my head say “Stop”. I realized, there is always going to be a gap. It doesn’t matter how far we get; we still have so much further to go. It’s part of our human nature to always want more and this is governed by a simple law – “If you are not growing, you are dying”.
The growth does not come instantaneously. It takes a sustained effort over time and provides many opportunities to learn. There is no such thing as “getting there”. The goal post will always move. If you are looking for results to make you happy and trying to avoid failure, you will be constantly disappointed, and the pursuit of happiness will elude you.
So, I decided to reframe and redefine my belief and assumption behind “the gap” …
There are only two things we need to know to be successful. Where we are currently, and where we want to get to. Everything else in between (the gap) is the journey. My biggest learning was there is no “good” or “bad” on this journey. There was just learning and growth.
For me, it has become the beautiful journey and it’s what we call life. Life is the “Gap”.
I decided I will live in extreme gratitude for everything in my life including the roadblocks, things that don’t work, tears, and any pain associated with growth and learning. Steve Jobs said it best; “You can only connect the dots looking backwards.” Without the obstacles, rejections, and learnings, there is no growth and there is no appreciation.
Happiness cannot be our goal; it must be our state of being. We must find our joy and happiness right here, right now, exactly as it is. If we cannot be grateful and happy for what we have today, we will never be grateful and happy for what we achieve tomorrow.
Basing our happiness on the achievement of physical results will always be short-lived. While it’s in our nature to always want growth and we need to embrace this, we also must bring our thoughts back to the right here and now.
Today, I am so immensely grateful for it all and seek to find joy, happiness, and love exactly where I am regardless of the circumstances… I embrace it all and enjoy the contrast. I now realize the importance of contrast. I use it to help me learn, grow, and get really clear on what it is that I want. The more we know what we don’t want, the clearer we get on what we do want.
I accept it is not my business to know when and how the goal will be achieved. My business is to understand what I want, where I am today, take inspired action daily and be grateful for the ebb and flow of life.
That’s what makes life so beautiful.
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Reem Borrows, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Reem Borrows, the founder of Dreem Coaching and Consulting, facilitates change for meaningful growth. For over 20 years, Reem worked in Senior Leadership Roles, leading and developing effective teams and individuals across the areas of Sales, Marketing, and Training. Today, she uses her knowledge and expertise to help people realize their full potential in both business and personal goals. Reem’s authenticity as a leader, her business acumen, mindset development strategies, and her dedication to achieving results are the foundation of her work. She cultivates the principles, strategies, execution plans, and fundamentals of a winning mindset. She has a passion for helping people find their true calling so they can unleash their inner power. Reem focuses on helping her clients grow exponentially with Balance, Focus, and Flow. Her services are the helpful current that pushes clients in the right direction and provides them with the structure they need to make vital progress with results that stick.
