Sassi Ochoa, a CIJ clarity catalyst and transformational trainer, embraces her purpose of service-driven living. Through various roles as a blogger, coach, runner and wanderlust enthusiast, she embodies diverse forms of leadership, inspiring others to explore their own paths of empowerment.
When I ask clients or friends what they consider essential for a successful romantic relationship, 90% of the time, their answer after mentioning passion or another ingredient for the winner formula is: "good communication." I used to have the same belief, and my result after 14 years of marriage was that I got divorced.
“We can only learn to love by loving” – Rumi.
I am a professional communicator, the daughter of a language and literature teacher, and a sociologist. I've learned how to express ideas clearly. I’ve read books, speak two languages, and understand the nuances of communication. Yet, I can confidently say that the thought of "good communication" as the key to a successful relationship is a complete utopia, not only a romantic relationship.
What truly matters, and what I can say with certainty, is connection. Connection is the real foundation for meaningful relationships. It goes beyond just talking or communicating, and it’s about deeply relating to others on a human level.
The deep human connection itself can be a miracle, and in this article, I want to acknowledge the healing power of connected relationships.
My first steps to experience connection
It’s both interesting and ironic that, as human beings, we are naturally endowed with the ability to connect, yet we often struggle the most to do so. We know how to function in society but not necessarily how to truly connect.
The first time I realized this was several years ago, during a transformational training I participated in. After the facilitator introduced us and explained a few key concepts, we jumped right into the exercises. One of the most impactful exercises centered around "trust." We had to look a partner in the eye and tell them whether or not we trusted them—without explaining or justifying our answer—before moving on to the next person, repeating the process until the trainer signaled us to stop.
At first, eye contact was difficult. But after a few exchanges, I stopped looking away and started observing. It became more natural, yet more uncomfortable. Suddenly, the eyes I looked into felt like a mirror, reflecting myself at me. It wasn’t long before the intensity of the connection brought tears to my eyes.
For the first time, I transitioned from understanding connection as a concept to experiencing it firsthand. I quickly grasped the difference between merely communicating and truly connecting. At that moment, I realized the difference between the descriptive language of trust and the experience of “trust.” It was incredible to experience what it’s like to live in trust among strangers. I swear I never saw those people before that day.
After completing a four-month training program, I understood connection as a way of being. I'm still training myself to realize when I’m connected with people or having a superficial conversation.
The simplicity and complexity of the connection
Connection is our capacity to create emotional intimacy between us. It implies being courageous to show ourselves without masks, our necessity to pretend, to be vulnerable, and finally accept who we are.
But what happens when we’re not able to drop the masks? I mean, we’re not conscious about them. However, we want a deep connection with someone because, in the end, our deepest desire is to be loved. I think this is when compassion and empathy occur in the life scenario.
Compassion and empathy are sisters and daughters of unconditional love.
According to Dr. Brian Weiss, empathy originates in the intellect, in the understanding of the facts, and compassion comes from the heart. You don't need to understand anything to be compassionate for someone, as he explains in his book "Same Soul, Many Bodies."
So, we only need a compassionate heart and empathetic mind to connect. Simple, not easy. The good news is you don’t need training in compassion; you’re naturally gifted to be compassionate, but you need to perfect your listening to be empathetic.
"May your left hand not know what your right hand is doing” – Proverb
Two months ago, on an unexpected day, I got a message on WhatsApp with the image of this article, telling me: “Never forget that person who came to you with a torch in the darkness, thanks, Sassi.”
I met Ana in 2021, and although I was her coach for only a short time, I still vividly remember our first vulnerable conversation. She bared her soul, and so did I. That moment sealed a pact between us—our connection and mutual compassion elevated the relationship beyond a typical coaching session, creating a bond that transcended time.
Recent research shows that compassion is much more than a kind reaction to the suffering of others; sometimes, it doesn’t even involve the suffering of others. It is an essential skill for connecting with another human being.
For me, compassion—like connection—is a way of being that resonates deeply. It has allowed me to be present and fully engaged with what’s happening without the need to fix things or absorb the pain of others. It’s about resisting the urge to rush in with solutions that aren’t my responsibility. Instead, it’s about simply being a safe space for others to be themselves.
In my ongoing practice of being a safe space for others, I’ve witnessed small miracles of self-forgiveness, self-liberation, and self-realization, theirs and mine.
Thupten Jinpa, the author of ‘Fearless Heart,’ explains that when we genuinely help or care for someone, our levels of endorphins—linked to euphoria—increase in the brain. This warm feeling from our compassion also releases oxytocin, which fosters connection with others and even reduces inflammation in the cardiovascular system. Practicing compassion slows your heart rate and breathing, putting you in a calm, ideal physiological state for decision-making.
Developing the heart’s capacity to feel and support is a choice available to everyone.
The ultimate level: Unconditional love
Brené Brown says in one of her most famous TED talks with almost 7K views: “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.” Brené Brown: The Call to Courage | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflix
Being true to who we are can be scary, yet it’s the only path to unconditional love and fulfillment.
Let’s review the belief I initially shared about "good communication" and where it has led me. Discovering that connection is not the same as communication opened the door to exploring empathy and compassion and allowed me to dive into the deep waters of vulnerability and authenticity. In doing so, I finally reached a place where I could fully see and experience love in its fullness.
Love, one of the highest vibrations, preceded only by peace and enlightenment, is accessible to everyone, and because of that, so are miracles. Miracles occur only at the frequency of love, where our perception of life becomes perfect, whole, and meaningful.
And here is my conclusion: If you can love yourself and others unconditionally, you are already witnessing a miracle. You’re healed.
If you are ready to connect with yourself first and then with those who matter most to you, schedule an appointment with me, Soul, tea & coffee.
Read more from Sassi Ochoa
Sassi Ochoa, Mindfulness & Transformational Coach
Sassi Ochoa combines 15 years of successful experience in the insurance sales industry with 5 years of holistic leadership experience, spanning both professional and personal domains.
Committed to providing Latin people with the same transformative educational opportunities she has experienced translated Stanford University's prestigious CIJ Clarity Catalyst program into Spanish during the 2020 pandemic, facilitating it in her community's mother language since then. Additionally, she created the virtual workshop "Leadership is written with H", designed to connect managers and collaborators with their commitment, emotional competences, and the significance of teamwork.
