Written by: Marilda Cutrone, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Above all, are we sure that work-life balance is the key to happiness?
First of all, let us define what is generally meant by Work-Life Balance. Typically, we separate these two entities, “life-time” and “work-time” and then look for a balance between them.
If this is the meaning, then I don't believe in Work-Life Balance at all.
The reason why I say this is pretty straightforward; however, I realized it after 20 years of agonizing on juggling career and family.
In my opinion, we make a mistake when we divide our lives into two different times: work and everything else as if work was “non-lifetime” and everything else was “lifetime.”
In this state, finding a balance becomes exhausting and impossible. That's why we easily fall into burnout, which affects women so severely.
Take, for example, a typical day of a working mother.
Wake up very early in the morning, around 5.30 or 6.00 am, to have at least 5 minutes to drink a coffee before waking up the children and starting the school run.
Then you go to work and often do your make-up in the office bathroom. The shower? No time, maybe tonight.
You work until 5.00 pm (in some countries, even until 6 or 7 pm) and then you rush home. Children, in the meantime, were "carried" from school to babysitter or grandmother or aunt, etc.
As soon as you get home, there's this big chaos to sort out, dinner to fix, laundry etc., and then the bedtime story and cuddle; and if you survive all that, you manage to take a shower before bed or fall asleep on the sofa watching Netflix.
Sounds familiar? Most probably yes. And every day, it's the same story. There's no time for the “unexpected.” Not to mention visits to the dentist or other appointments that you can't avoid, or without saying the fact that the kids often get sick. And then you usually spend the weekend doing all those things you didn't manage to do during the week. And on Monday, this cycle starts again.
The question is, does this make sense? We have divided the day into working hours and hours for other duties. But it seems to me that something is missing. And above all, I don't see any fun in this routine, maybe only during special occasions, weekends, or holidays. The rest of the time, and most of the year, it feels like a struggle for survival. Or am I wrong?
And the miraculous thing is that we go through all this: modern Wonder Woman performing miracles every day.
The truth is that being a parent and working is complicated in our society (as we think it should be).
My experience as a professional and mother of twins has taught me that balancing work and life leads to exhaustion and even failure because life is not easy. However, I believe that there is an alternative to this dichotomy; a work-life "fusion" that we can achieve.
The more we seek this "fusion" and align it with our values, the happier and more successful we will feel.
I have spent most of my life trying to plan the exact next step through a carefully crafted and perfectly executed plan, trying to control every outcome. But I have learned that it is impossible to achieve this mythical balance. It does not exist. Or it comes at a high price: nervous breakdown. Or unhappiness. Depression. Anxiety.
Ultimately, is it better to seek Balance or Fusion?
If we could only manage to merge these two separate entities, work and life, and exploit the synergies, we would discover many opportunities that we cannot even imagine.
There is no reason why the time spent at work should be less enjoyable than time spent elsewhere. Yet, we tend to see work as a trade: I sell my time for a salary. We still fail to see work as a solid opportunity to give meaning to our existence, even in the context of parenthood.
Perhaps we remain anchored to an old way of thinking inherited from our old society. And we do not realize that many things have changed, and quickly too! Only a few millennials are aware of this; all the others who understood this are mainly young people, who have no social conditioning, a legacy of the past, and have immediately embraced the new lifestyle.
I am referring to digital technologies and automation, which today disintegrate traditional work patterns and constraints. And they create new opportunities.
New forms of organization, new ways of exchanging knowledge/money, and new opportunities to live and work more harmoniously, without the time and geographical limits, are emerging.
These new forms of work are tangible and increasingly widespread. Today we have the opportunity to express our talents; we can dedicate ourselves to something we are passionate about, taking care of ourselves and creating value and benefit for others at the same time.
However, to enter a new way of thinking, working, and ultimately of living, you need to move from an old way of thinking to a new one. Towards a new mindset.
This transition should not, in my opinion, be traumatic or forced. You can undertake it in small steps: while keeping the old job, you can get ready to learn new skills and knowledge.
And I know very well that time is short, considering the usual routine, but I also know that you can start with a little courage and a small act of willpower. The hardest part is always the beginning; then, as you progress, the path becomes smoother.
Three tips for shifting into a new mindset and starting building your knowledge.
They are three intrinsically linked and complementary pieces of advice. One flows into the other. So, to make progress, you have to consider them almost as a whole. Or concauses.
First step: abandoning old beliefs and limiting thoughts
It essentially means to stop counting working hours and to stop considering work as a time/money trade. My advice is to focus on how to dedicate at least an hour or two a day to first getting informed and then learning the new economy's innovative skills.
Automations and programs help us to acquire skills quickly, and you don't need to be tech-savvy. But you do need to know what to do and when.
Second step: overcome fears and stop procrastinating
"I don't have time," that's what we always say. And it's true, in a way. But if we analyze things better, we can come to realize that we "believe" we don't have time; and if we start to think that "not having time" is just a belief and not a reality, then we can find that famous hour to start moving in another direction.
We often procrastinate out of tiredness or laziness or because we "believe" that we don't have time and can't do things differently. It is complicated to explain and 'see' this situation, but I have seen so many people start to change when they realize this point. When they understand that not having time is just a belief and not reality, they face their fear and begin to take action.
Third step: embrace change and stop controlling everything all the time
Embracing change means being willing to change perspective; it means admitting failure, accepting a challenge, and stepping out of our comfort zone to build a new version of ourselves. This new version of oneself has to be visualized at living and working in tune with one's values, intentions, aspirations, and desires.
To accomplish this new version of oneself, one must also admit that we are not in control and cannot pursue "control" at all costs. It is only an illusion. Abandoning the idea of controlling everything leads us to unhinge an old way of thinking and enter a new way of thinking. Then many new options, opportunities, and ultimately a new vision will become more evident to us.
We need to make this shift not only because we are in the midst of a health and economic crisis but also because the very idea of looking at work as a way to get money (in exchange for time) is too limiting. And it will never lead us to happiness, even if we manage to find that mythical balance.
To be happy, we have to follow our innate talents and aspirations and find ways to earn money (because we all need money to live, even a lot of money sometimes) by doing what we like and above all by putting at the center what we believe is the most important thing: our family, ourselves, our time, our energy.
In conclusion, for all the working mums out there, I say to each of you:
Don't be hard on yourself.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Know that you are enough.
Maintain a support network.
Take time for yourself and your education.
Never lose sight of the things that are most important to you.
Every day, I make choices and compromises based on my needs, family needs, and business needs. This is a constant balancing act that I choose every day intentionally and serenely, knowing that this 'fusion' changes in appearance and duration every day.
So, let's not strive for work-life balance but focus on the deliberate and intentional management of our time; let's open our minds to the options the digital economy presents us.
Let's stay flexible to get the results we want.
I am sure that in this way you will finally be more balanced and happier.
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Marilda Cutrone, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marilda walked away from a successful 20-year career as Senior Project Manager. For many years, she felt unfulfilled: she was continuously struggling to juggle career and family. And eventually found herself drained and depressed. Marilda massively changed her life in 2019 when she realized that developing a new set of skills in the current economy is a must. And here is why: over $2.5 trillion per year is being spent on retail purchases online and, over the last few months, there's been a 25% increase in online sales. By leveraging the digital skills, Marilda created her own business - Living My Digital Life - and reached a whole new work-life balance level. This shift would not have been possible for Marilda if she had not discovered the power of affiliate marketing. She is now the owner of her time and can build her career around the family (not a life arranged around the job as it used to be). Her mission is to empower other women to stand up for themselves and make the same shift. Hence Marilda offers a program that walks you through specific steps to learn the skills you need to create a profitable online business from scratch.
