Written by Hayden Flohr, Business & Energy Coach
Hayden has been dubbed by her clients and community as the "energy witch". Combining years of business success, neuroenergetics, EFT, human design, gene keys (& more), her unique coaching style challenges entrepreneurs to think bigger, create deeper & get more illogical results.
Have you ever swam in a lake and felt a fish touch your foot? Instant freak out. You go into fight or flight and before you know it, there’s an image planted in your brain about the hoard of flesh-eating monsters swimming around your feet. The worst part? It was never a fish that touched your foot. Just a piece of merry algae or a stick – no teeth or slimy scales to be found. This is what a spiral of hidden feeling becomes when it’s not processed.
The irony of control
You know what it’s like to wake up and feel “off”. It’s a very normal, very human experience. But much like the piece of algae, you have this unique ability to turn discomfort that you can’t see into an actual race for survival.
My job as a coach isn’t to help you cope with your emotions. You do just fine with that on your own. Coping looks something like this:
Label your feelings. “Oh this is my anxiety. I feel anxious.”
Go to your head to figure out why you feel that way. “X happened to me which makes total sense because Y”
Get stuck in your head for the rest of the day (or potentially longer)
Subconsciously avoid what caused you to feel anxious to begin with
My job, however, is to help you process these intangible discomforts in the moment, so that you can run your business at the highest level – in a way that feels the absolute best – like the super-feeling tycoon that you are.
99% of our unhappiness comes from trying to control things that we can’t control. I call it the irony of control. We love control, we work hard for control, but more often than not we spend our precious waking hours getting caught up in all we can’t control rather than what we can! Here’s a 5 step filter to help you get out of a spiral in the next 60 seconds:
What am I trying to control that I cannot possibly control? (e.g. I can’t control who buys or when. I can’t make people be ready for a big investment right this second just because it serves me.)
What can I actually control? (e.g. I can control showing up powerfully, closing loops, inviting people to my services no matter what, believing in myself non-circumstantially, living my life well in between payments)
Where does this feeling of unaligned control live in my body and what does it look like? (e.g. I feel a tightness in my diaphragm. It’s red and has a sharp texture that makes it hard to breathe.)
What is this feeling asking me for?
What can I do in the next 5 minutes to honor this request and get back into the power of my creative control? (e.g. To give myself some grace and to stop trying to control other people)
Recommit to your vows
Your vows are your greatest expressions of life and business. Maybe, in this season your vows are promises to honor what makes you special; maybe they’re shifts of an identity that you no longer wish to embody; maybe they’re problems that you’re no longer available to worry about; maybe they’re standards for your business that you’ve had a hard time honoring; maybe they’re coping strategies you’re working to outgrow; or maybe they’re commitments to who you want to be no matter what is going on around you.
A spiral is a breach in vows, so take this opportunity to recommit.
In the moments where you’re feeling sucker-punched by discomfort, or anxiety, or guilt, or fear of the future, a quick recommitment of your vows is the easiest way to return your visceral fear of a flesh-eating monster back into the insignificant piece of algae that it likely is.
Use your big-kid voice and state your vows out loud. Repeat over and over again until you feel the energy shift in your body.
If you feel your service-worker voice coming into play, pause. Clear your throat, sit/stand up straight, regain your authority, and begin committing again with all the power in your chest. Repeat over and over again until you feel the energy move.
Tears, goosebumps, and giggles mean you’re back on track.
Create unarguable certainty in seasons where you feel mostly uncertain & anxious
Your brain is hardwired to protect you from the unknown. But the catch 22 is that The Unknown is where all your juicy, illogical desires are located.
Reason and predictable preparation creates reasonable and predictable results, which is enough for a majority of the population. The problem for you is that those results only require 60% of your potential – leaving 40% to be desired no matter how hard you work or how much you achieve.
At the top of a spiral or a really big emotion, there’s usually an emphasis on predictable thinking because your brain would rather create a predictable result that is painful than go through the unknowingness of creating something you’ve never experienced before. You experience this as a strong addiction to focusing on what you lack, instead of what you have.
Let’s say your spiral this morning is due to the fact that you’re going through a huge brand pivot. The more you focus on what you lack (because that’s what your brain is familiar with), the more lack you will create. But, if you’re ruthless in focusing on what you do have, do know, & are certain about, then you will create more certainty in your process.
Closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be (timeline jumping or quantum jumping) is a matter of deeply focusing on what is certain, instead of what isn’t. Remember at the beginning of the article where I mentioned that we’re more inclined to try to control the things we can’t control, than the things we can.
I don’t wish to diminish your hardship, but I wish to offer you a new perspective of curiosity, wonder, gratitude and awe that will allow you to move faster.
The storm you're moving through or re-experiencing is your greatest purpose.
It’s the conduit for all the magic, money, intimacy, stability, and impact that you desire. What you’ve labeled as a problem is really just a very normal process for bearing fruits.
I believe the cool kids call it “ominous positivity”, but there’s a pronoia (definition: a state of mind that is the opposite of paranoia – the belief that the Universe is always conspiring in your favor) concept that everything always gets better because there’s literally no other choice. Just as the sun comes up, it always goes down. If your sun feels down, put your energy into the warm, fuzzy, exciting fact that the sun is so close to rising again because there’s literally no other choice.
You won’t be in this position for long should you choose to approach your spirals with this mindset. But, I also want you to acknowledge that this won’t be the last time you struggle. So, how do you want to be with it?
It is impossible to create magic when you hate the pieces of it and yourself that are necessary to create it. You can’t hate your struggle while longing to be happy. You can’t hate money, yet want more of it at the same time. You can’t crave intimacy with yourself while simultaneously pushing it away.
What do you gain when you honor this obstacle with gratitude? You might find it easier to get out of the spiral, to cut it off at the knees, and to flick that merry piece of algae off your foot like a booger.
Take some to feel into this caliber of energy shifting, and if it feels right, I have something to support you that is absolutely perfect for this moment. Feel free to check out my new workshop by clicking here. And if you’re not ready for that, then feel free to join my email mentorship fam-dam, The Snack Drawer. Bring your coffee – we’re aficionados over here.
Visit my website for more info!
Hayden Flohr, Business & Energy Coach
Hayden Flohr is the Red Bull that gives your business new wings. By combining her years of successful solo + agency entrepreneruship with EFT, neuroenergetics, quantum sales, human design, conventional manifestation & gene keys, she has a unique ability to lead clients at all income levels to illogical results by getting beyond their logical programming. She's devoted years to helping OSPs, coaches & entreprenerus become iconic leaders, run massive businesses that make them feel alive, & squeeze every ounce of juice from their brilliant brain.
