Written by: Denise Drinkwalter, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
December and January can be extra stressful months in the year. It is the time when one full year is ending and we take a look back at what we have accomplished and where we have missed the mark. It is very common to see the glass half empty rather than half full. So, frequently we begin to make plans about what we will do differently for the new year to be more successful.
More reach outs, and requests from women and men alike, asking for strategies, ideas and recommendations, that are immediately implementable to help them reach their desired goals. The increasing intensity and rate of stress and strain on everyone over the past year and a half has done some incredible things to our well-being, mentally, physically and spiritually as well as helping us discover a new ability to understand our capacity to be resilient as humans.
When we think of our day to day living, even pre-pandemic, we can honestly say that we live in a very socially dynamic world. We have many modus operandi which we can call upon at any given moment or situation. We as humans present differently, based on the situations that we find ourselves in. We adapt to multiple environments, while at the same time questioning why we experience more anxiety, stress and negative energy building up inside of us. In order to be liked, accepted and feel connected with others we as humans have created some incredible coping mechanisms, so we are accepted, and we continuously adapt so we can be successful in all groups we engage in. Wouldn’t you agree that having to adapt to each and every environment to survive and thrive puts us at risk and further from being our truest version of ourselves?
When we are at work we know what is expected. We may agree or disagree with it and yet we behave in environmentally acceptable ways, all the ways that are expected and respected so we fit in and can be a part of the group. Some of the unwritten rules, and expectations may not be exactly how we want to be, but we manage. We fit into the environment and play nicely in the sandbox, in order to maintain an income, sometimes living for the weekends to get away from it all.
When we get together with friends, close friends who know us for who we are, we present more closely to our true selves, generally. However, when you take some time to be honest with yourself, you may experience a little niggling inside or that inner critic that raises its little head, telling us that we might be judged if we let it all out in “friend company”, so you may still be somewhat guarded.
Okay, here it comes, the one you have been waiting for…….yes, the one that can be the most stressful, inauthentic, and possibly the most surreal. When we get together with family, we may be super guarded, or completely stressed out because it can be an uncomfortable, judgemental and at times a disrespectful, even hurtful experience. You get together because it is expected, it is tradition, it is just what “we do”.
Well, there is one thing that we need to consider when we enter into any kind of interaction and or relationship be it in the workplace environment, friend gatherings, and/or family gatherings. There is one question that helps to make these connections work in your best interest. This question you can ask yourself at any time during gatherings, before and after. It will help you gain a deeper understanding of you in the scenario and what your needs are. This is where it can be uncomfortable, because you begin to engage as a truer version of yourself.
Wait, what? If you begin to look after what your needs are then aren’t you are being self-centered and disrespectful of everyone else. Isn’t that being ego-centric and darn right rude? Presentation at this point is key. If you are confident, without being altruistic you will be making sure you are okay and that your needs are being met. When you begin by safeguarding yourself and meeting your needs you are able to support others in conversations and interactions in ways that are not possible otherwise.
Ask yourself if you are being honest and respectful of your values and your boundaries which are rooted in your core values? Have you ever been uncomfortable in a group situation, be it at work, with friends and/or family? Why do you think you felt this way? It is because your core values were being disrespected, or challenged (intentionally or not), and it felt uncomfortable, maybe very uncomfortable. This is a good sign! Believe me because it shows that you have an internal compass and you are being signaled that you need to re-align with your inner compass.
Get to know your core values and understand what you are not willing to mitigate or change or alter no matter what anyone says or believes to be true. When you are clear on your core values you have a place to begin to present a more aligned presence with a new found internal strength. You will be confident in knowing your boundaries and how to safeguard your well-being and emotional security and inner peace. When you have a deeper understanding of, and consistent practice in engaging with others and not compromising your values, your experiences in all environments have the power to change for the better.
The closer you continue to align with your core beliefs and values the less stress, anxiety and strain you experience in group settings because you will be interacting as YOU. Being clear on your values and boundaries people will appreciate the YOUness that you bring into the environment and conversation.
May you have all that you wish for in 2022, set with intentions and a desire to live your life through your core values, loving and being able to share your truth and live everyday to its fullest whether it be at work, with friends, family or just when being with yourself.
Welcome to the new YOU, so proud that YOU are going to stand up in 2022!
Denise Drinkwalter, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Denise Drinkwalter is an Empowerment Life Coach fulfiling extraordinary work with women in their midlife years. She has an intuitive gift that affords her the ability to assist women in gaining clarity, perspective, and strength from within.
Denise’s specialty is supporting women experiencing the complexity, strain and stressors of the Empty Nester Syndrome. Denise’s expert guidance assists women to tap into aspects of themselves they have never explored. Women who work with Denise share that she has a unique gift, a genuine kindness, and the ability to help women release burdens, expectations and false beliefs that they have carried around for years. With her unique perspective and experiences she brilliantly institutes her powerful listening skills and intuitive gifts to hear, appreciate and connect with everyone she meets. She consistently employs her elite level coaching skills, leaving a trail of positivity, expansion and soul led growth with whomever she has the privilege to guide.
Denise has been featured on a variety of Podcasts sharing her expertise as a Certified Priestess Numerologist, a Parenting Coach for Empty Nesters, and maintains a full-time coaching role in the Clutter Boss Academy. Denise’s signature 8- week course Cut the Cord-Not the Ties is a complete game-changer for all Moms experiencing the Empty Nester Syndrome.
