Written by: Preeti Mistry, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You’re at home preparing your dinner and reminiscing about an awesome date you and your significant other had the other day and can’t help but smile. You both were laughing, conversations were fun, he put his arm around you and the two of you snuggled close together gazing at the stars. In your mind, it went beautifully, and you can’t help but look forward to what the future may hold. All of sudden, you get a call that interrupts your daydream and its him. Joyfully you answer the phone, and when it’s his turn to respond, there is some silence. He then slowly starts to speak in a more serious tone and says, “I’ve been doing some thinking and I don’t want to pursue this any further.”
Maybe this version of the story seems familiar to you, or perhaps you didn’t even get a phone call. Maybe you got ghosted. Or maybe you found out your partner was cheating. And there are so many possible other endings, but one thing for sure is that the relationship is over. It may have hit you hard out of the blue and perhaps you were not expecting it. Or maybe you knew the relationship was on the rocks and now it has finally been called off. Whatever the scenario may have been for you, the impact of a breakup can affect us profoundly and may take us a while before we feel we are able to finally move on from it.
How to go about our journey of healing?
1. Grieving
Although it is true that time will help heal wounds, time alone is not enough if you do not know how to handle the situation properly. Initially we may be in denial, lash out at others due to our anger, or even try to replay the story in our minds several times in attempt to see how we may have fixed or saved the relationship. We may continue to feel the pain physically in our body and feel depressed as well. However, during this time it is important not to suppress the feelings or attempt some sort of quick fix thereby completely ignoring what is going on within you. If not dealt with appropriately, these unaddressed feelings may come back later on and disrupt how you manage yourself in existing relationships, and based on various studies, may even affect your health negatively. When tough feelings emerge, according to David Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., in his book Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender, a technique that works is to simply monitor the feelings as they emerge as an objective bystander until the energy of the feeling dissipates. You don’t want to think about the feelings or judge them, but rather just let them pass. Whenever the feelings come up again, do the process over. As someone who has tried this myself, it indeed is very effective and you feel a bit lighter after doing it.
In addition, during the grieving process, you want to make sure you allow yourself some space and distance from your ex and reminders of him/her so that you can focus on you. Continuing to stalk your ex on social media or keeping reminders about the past relationship will only keep it alive within you and prevent you from dealing with the actuality of the situation. So as tempting as it may be, it won’t solve anything.
2. Acceptance and Letting Go
At this point in the process, you are beginning to accept what is and are allowing it to just be. You may still feel sad or even miss someone a bit, but you are past the rock bottom stage. You realize that if something was meant to be, it would have been. And the fact that it didn’t means it wasn’t. You are at a point where you are not replaying scenarios with “what if’s” in your head anymore about how you could have done things differently because you also realize that the contribution behind the demise of the relationship involves two people, not just you. You alone couldn’t have made it work. At this stage of the game, it may even be easier for you to remove old photos of your ex and any other remnants of the past because “you are so done” with the heaviness that has been weighing you down.
3. Recalibration and Rediscovery
In this stage of the journey, you are likely to be in the process of reflecting on your positive learnings from the breakup. What have you learned about yourself? And is there any relationship skill you need to improve upon such as communicating better for example? What are some early red flag signs you can look out for that you ignored the first time around? As you reflect, you will come up with lessons you learned to take forward with you into future relationships.
Also, during this stage, take the time to rediscover yourself and enjoy being in your own company. You may choose to reconnect with those you really love being around and those who may not have had your time and energy when you were in the relationship. You may get back to a hobby or activity you had stopped doing or forgotten about, or even discover new ones. This phase is important to reconnect with the self and regain a sense of self-independent of anyone else. As a suggestion, meditation is a great way to go within and know yourself better.
4. Moving on
By now you have grounded yourself and feel recentered. You may feel more like your true self again and are ready to get back out there and date. It is important to arrive to this stage as the relationship you now involve yourself in will not be a rebound relationship, which is what happens when one jumps into a new relationship right away without taking the time to process. And this can have adverse effects on the other person and yourself as well. Now, however, when you enter a new relationship, you will be coming from a healthier place and open to seeing the other person for who they are and accepting someone new into your life. In addition, since you did the inner work, you will be vibrating at a higher frequency and will more likely attract someone who is also on that vibrational level.
Final Words
Knowing how to deal with the aftermath of a breakup is important for your mental health and wellbeing. Many of us are never taught how to deal with such circumstances and in default mode, we unknowingly carry on doing things in an unhealthy way that delay the progress we could be making. Although it does take time to move past a heartbreak, it should not be taking you years and years. We are here for a limited amount of time on this planet and to spend precious moments mulling over the past is robbing us of the time we are meant to spend in joy. This is why I have created a special 1:1 coaching program to help those who are struggling to move past a breakup. If this is you, the first step would be to simply book a complimentary call here to see how we can work together. May 2022 be your breakthrough year!
Want to learn more from Preeti? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin or visit her website.
Preeti Mistry, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Preeti Mistry is a Jay Shetty Certified Coach who focuses on single, young professionals and entrepreneurs who want to be in a healthy, meaningful, and lasting relationship. Through her 1:1 coaching service, she helps them uncover and overcome their hidden inner resistance to finding love so that they feel empowered to put their best self forward and can dare to create the love life they desire. Her chosen niche as a relationship mindset transformation coach was inspired by her own struggles in this area and by noticing that this was a common problem that plagued many she knew as well. After her own transformational journey of overcoming limiting beliefs and aligning better with her true authentic self, Preeti is on a mission to help and empower those that truly want to be in a relationship break out of a rut, and unleash their best self in love. Preeti has had the opportunity and privilege of participating on a panel hosted by the American India Foundation SF as a relationship mindset transformation coach with the crew of the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. She has also appeared as a guest on various podcasts talking about topics related to mindset, dating, relationships, spirituality and manifestation. In addition, she is the founder of the Relationship Mindset club on Clubhouse which offers tremendous value and is continuing to grow. Preeti is also a general dentist, and loves to paint, travel, dance, and spend time in nature. Preeti’s purpose and vision is to help create a world where we focus more on our possibilities instead of our impossibilities so that we are more in tune with creating a life that is aligned with our deepest desires and can experience the joy and fulfillment we are meant to in this life.
