Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is a psychotherapist dedicated to transforming workplace mental health. As a distinguished Human Givens Ambassador, she specialises in helping individuals conquer depression and guiding couples through relationship challenges.
"Raise your hand if you believe that the stressors you experience in life are purely due to workplace factors.’’
The silence that follows this question in my mental health workshops speaks volumes. It's a question that, when posed aloud, reveals its absurdity. Yet, many workplace mental health initiatives continue to focus solely on on-the-job stressors, and it is an approach that needs to change.
We cannot compartmentalize our lives; it’s impossible. By thinking we can, we are indicating that we have an on-off button in our brain once we leave home. Personal challenges such as family dynamics, relationship issues, financial troubles, or the emotional demands of parenting can all significantly amplify workplace stress, hindering our overall ability to manage. These aren't abstract concepts; they are the realities of daily life for most. The lines between home and work life have, for some, become increasingly blurred, especially with the rise of remote work. This has created a unique set of challenges where issues at home can significantly impact work and vice versa.
Reactive "stress management" tips simply don't suffice anymore and the statistics prove it. The cost of poor mental well-being to UK employers is staggering: £42-45 billion annually, lost to presenteeism, absenteeism, and turnover. (MentalHealth.org.uk) A third of managers feel ill-equipped to support their teams' mental health. (MHFA England) Stress, depression, and anxiety account for 51% of long-term sick leave. (MHFA England) Furthermore, women bear 71% of the family's mental load. 71%! And you can argue that this would be a significant contributor to overall stress, challenge career aspirations, and the work-life balance that many of us seek. (Neuroscience News)
As a therapist, I've witnessed firsthand that mental health is indiscriminate. It has the ability to impact everyone, and each individual's experience is unique. To truly support wellbeing, we must empower individuals with the knowledge and skills to understand their own mental health in the context of their own life so they are equipped to identify where change needs to come from. We need to move away from surface-level approaches and get to the root of what is driving people's behaviours. This isn’t about just ‘managing my mental health’; this is about ‘understanding what enables me to thrive’. To do that, we need to be proactive in how we approach our mental health in the workplace and beyond.
The key to unlocking human potential
The key lies in understanding the fundamental drivers of all human behavior, and it is this knowledge that underpins that framework of the Human Givens therapeutic modality. Every human on this planet is driven by nine core emotional needs, alongside our physical needs.
These needs shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, influence our psychological resources such as our rational mind, dreaming brain, and long-term memory, and how they are met also impacts our cognitive processes and thinking styles.
When these needs are met in balanced & healthy ways in our lives, they act as the strong foundation of who we are and make us better equipped to navigate life's inevitable uncertainties and challenges. It is when these needs are not met in balanced or healthy ways that conditions such as chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and other difficulties can arise.
The realities of life
Drawing upon my 15 years in enterprise sales and being a mummy to 2, I understand the inherent stressors of the corporate world and finding a work/life balance. Quarterly targets, shareholder pressure, juggling the school run- these kinds of realities aren't going away.
Consider the modern experience: constant connectivity, relentless information flow, and demanding schedules. We juggle morning routines, life admin, work admin, meetings, and accessible negative news 24/7, often with little time for reflection or emotional processing. If we don’t seek out these moments of Privacy, a key need, to really process our thoughts, to stop, be present, reflect, then this constant stimulation can lead to overwhelm, where even minor setbacks or the smallest things can just start tipping you over the edge.
The impact? When our emotions are elevated, our emotional brain takes over, and the rational brain, which is responsible for things such as problem-solving, logical thought, critical thinking, and reasoning, takes a back seat. Can you imagine the impact when work or life decisions are being made from a place of emotion?
But over time, when we exist in a place of being overwhelmed, this can begin to impact the attention we are able to give others. Positive human connection is a key emotional need; it is vital for our well-being, and there is a link between the onset of long-term stress and the amount of positive connection in your life.
Positive connections
Positive attention is a form of nutrition. How good does it feel when you have a hug with your children or you're socializing and having fun with your friends or people are being kind towards you or you feel truly listened and respected in a work meeting? It’s a boost; it adds to our confidence and our self-esteem, and it provides that validation that we matter and people care.
However, when you are overwhelmed, you may be less patient, irritable, and quick to respond, and you may snap at your partner and the kids and then feel guilty for snapping at the kids. Imagine, at that moment, you had to get on a work call. Would you be calm? Would it be productive?
Or imagine you are at work struggling with being overwhelmed; you may have difficulty concentrating, you may be more dismissive of work colleagues, you may get more easily frustrated, or your communication style may be more abrupt. Sound familiar? So, not only are you impacting yourself but also those around you.
And when we are overwhelmed, the attention we receive is also vitally important. If we take work as an example, too much attention from your line manager and you may feel like you are being scrutinised, your competency is being questioned, or you are not being trusted to do your job. Too little attention, such as not being able to secure meetings or those 1-2-1’s you seek, and you may start to feel undervalued and invisible, leading to feelings of dejection and frustration.
Perception trap
These feelings can all be further amplified if you feel you are not in a place where you are performing to the level you expect of yourself or you perceive others expect of you. This is when your Need for Status at work may be impacted.
Our Emotional need for Status drives a huge amount of behaviours in the workplace. Status is feeling valued and respected for a role you perceive to be of importance in your life. This can be your role as a parent, a partner, a mentor, a friend, and the feeling of being valued and respected is a powerful motivator in all areas of life.
When we feel valued, we are more engaged, motivated, and collaborative; we give more, we work harder, and we have more meaning in what we do. But imagine if this is being impacted at work then you go home and your doing 71% of that mental load with little thanks or recognition or you go home and due to you working long hours, the kids are unresponsive or disengaged from you or it’s creating tension with your partner whilst you are both juggling the infamous balance, then you would feel like you are going from the frying pan to the fire when it comes to this 1 emotional need alone.
This is where our perception of ourselves and the world around us becomes fluid. Consider the workplace: a manager's post-deal review, phrased as 'let's discuss what could have been done differently', can be interpreted through two vastly different lenses. If you feel undervalued, it morphs into a critique, a spotlight on your shortcomings. However, if you feel valued, it's seen as a collaborative effort to improve. The same principle applies at home, where children's silence can be misconstrued as parental failure or dislike, leading to frustration and isolation.
All of a sudden, the meaning behind the words we hear has the potential to change when our emotional needs are impacted.
A balance of control and wellbeing
It's a common experience: the lines between home and work start to fade, and suddenly, we feel like we're losing our footing, and it’s understandable. Our need for control, for the ability to make our own choices and guide our own path, is deeply ingrained in all of us. At home, this might look like juggling shifting schedules or facing unexpected financial worries, and at work, it could be the feeling of constant oversight or the worry of job uncertainty in a shifting market. These experiences can understandably take a toll, and when that feeling of control slips away, we naturally can feel the pressure.
When this occurs, it's natural for our judgment to become clouded and our emotions to run high, making it difficult to stay calm and see things clearly. We might find ourselves focusing only on our own perspective, forgetting that other viewpoints exist. If this feeling of losing control extends to multiple areas of our lives, it can become a significant source of stress, affecting our overall well-being. But remember, control isn't all or nothing. There are always small things we can change or do differently, and even a shift in how we see things can make a big difference.
Know your needs
Although there are many obvious nuances to these snapshot examples, by understanding the core human needs that drive human behaviour, people can become empowered with the knowledge and skills so they can make changes that work for them, in the context of their own life, within their own personal circumstance. This will bring an awareness to enable you to create a life that works better for you and help you to thrive in both your personal and professional life.
Read more from Jessica Chesterman
Jessica Chesterman, Psychotherapist HG, Dip.P
As a Human Givens Ambassador with 15+ years in corporate enterprise sales, Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is passionate about empowering individuals to manage their mental health. Her therapeutic approach, grounded in the latest psychological and neurobiological research, is focused on understanding how emotional needs are met across all aspects of life. By addressing these needs, she aims to help as many people as possible thrive in the workplace and beyond
