Written by: Carla Barber, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Memories. Memories are original, one-of-a-kind experiences that unite us all. And we share our stories. Those that are amusing. Ones that are heartbreaking. Ones that make us feel good. Those that are inspiring. The list of how they make us and the people we tell to feel is infinite. But the treasure isn't in the feeling or interpretation; the treasure is in the content itself!
Every tale we tell, no matter how detailed, will be interpreted differently by each person who hears it. A unique set of images, feelings, and thoughts which creates another version of our story usually without realisation.
So, what's the point of writing your own life story? Wouldn't it just be a massive compilation of all the stuff we've gone through? Well… Yes! That is precisely the point. Be honest, how frequently do you take the time to reflect on and learn from your own experiences... particularly those that don't make you feel good? And I don't mean how you've been treated by others; I mean how you've allowed that treatment to manifest since.
This was something that was recommended during my CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) for my, at the time, out-of-control depression and anxiety. Despite my questions and reactance, my Therapist didn’t tell me the reason behind the suggestion to write my own story, although I discovered it rapidly during. My resistance and hesitation were because I was terrified of facing the not-so-nice entries I thought I'd "let go" of - I say "let go" because I hadn't, I'd locked them up in a room in my head, guarded by all the Elves in Middle Earth.
Of course, unless we have a lot of spare time, we won't be able to write our own stories in a few weeks or months, it takes as long as it takes. I wrote down a past tense and current tense version of each memory, one memory at a time ensuring to include all feelings, thoughts, and emotions I could recall.
Within a year, I had written down almost all of my memories, good, bad, and ugly. Then I sat down and read it, and it gave me so much! Answers to my own questions regarding who I am and why I act the way I do sometimes. I got answers to questions I didn't even realise I had. And, questions to ask others in search of answers to fill in any curious blanks.
As someone who was adopted by my biological mother's adoptive parents, I used to struggle with confusion and closure. Like a detective in my own crime drama, I'd become obsessed with finding answers and wouldn't stop until I found them. During this activity I learned, however, that by creating my own partial biography and learning and reflecting on it, I had all of my answers. I didn't need to be having these unpleasant conversations or intense arguments with people. All I had to do was be present in the moment, process what my thoughts and feelings are signaling to me, and figure out what changes I need to make to become the person I want to be… because the stereotyped hot-headed, red-headed, Leo wasn’t it.
Therefore, I encourage you to begin doing the same and not to overthink it. Begin wherever and however feels right. I strongly encourage writing by hand because when we remove technology, the process is generally slower, allowing the brain to think while writing and enabling us to write more. Write down the first memory that comes to mind in a very detailed version, then progress to others in no particular order and arrange them chronologically as you go.
Getting the memories out will trigger you at points, this is good. When we’re triggered its because it provides an awakening experience bringing our awareness to any feelings we have buried away. While the idea of this itself might feel triggering right now, that’s good, take a deep breath and transform these feelings into power. Power to face your skeletons and no longer allow them to be in control.
Honest, open-minded, reflection is the key to this activity. Don’t gaslighting yourself, go in looking for answers and inspiration to find who you want to become from your memories and in what way you want them to shape you so you can become powerful.
Our written stories can be entirely our own and kept private or shared and who knows, sometimes we can be our own inspiration.
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Carla Barber, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Carla Barber is a mindfulness expert who specializes in emotional intelligence, cognitive behaviors, and analytical thinking. After years of feeling restrained by anxiety, depression, and stress, Carla discovered what happens when we create a tool-belt of techniques, ideas, and activities that can help us to become more resilient to what affects us on a personal level. She devotes her time to help people discover how to create their own tool-belts and identify what's been preventing them from stepping into the life they want. Carla's mission is to inspire more kindness, awareness, and acceptance in the world.
