I’m Chiara Esposito, Master of Science in Psychology & Management, coach, and systemic-relational therapy trainee. I help women reconnect with themselves and build fulfilling relationships by addressing emotional patterns that lead to stress and unhealthy choices.
Have you ever been treated with kindness, love, and sincere attention, and instead of feeling grateful, you felt a wave of anxiety or even the urge to run away? Why does genuine care sometimes make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe? You’re not alone. This surprising reaction is more common than you think, and it’s often rooted in deeper psychological patterns. In this article, we’ll dive into the hidden reasons behind why you might pull away from someone who truly cares, and how to break free from this cycle.
Fear of intimacy
When you've been hurt in the past, the idea of opening up emotionally can feel terrifying. Intimacy demands vulnerability, and for many, it triggers the fear of being hurt again. Instead of embracing love, your instinct may be to protect yourself by creating distance from those who offer genuine affection.
Fragile self-esteem and the fear it’s "Too good to be true"
If deep down you don’t believe you deserve love, receiving it can feel like a trap. You may feel that someone’s kindness is "too good to be true," triggering self-sabotage. You want to believe in it, but part of you fears that it won’t last, so you push the person away to protect yourself from the pain of potential disappointment.
You’re used to instability
If you’ve experienced toxic or unstable relationships before, a calm and loving partnership can feel strange or boring. Drama and unpredictability may have conditioned you to think they’re normal, making it difficult to accept a healthy and stable relationship when it comes your way.
Fear of losing control
Opening up to someone means letting go of control, and that can be incredibly intimidating, especially if you’ve always relied solely on yourself. You may fear that lowering your defenses will leave you vulnerable, leading you to withdraw from someone who wants to offer you security and love.
Unresolved past experiences
Often, the reason we run away from love has nothing to do with the person in front of us; it’s about unresolved wounds from the past. Old emotional scars can influence our behavior today, causing us to distance ourselves from someone who is treating us with care, even though they’re not to blame.
Conclusion
Here’s the truth: you deserve a love that doesn’t make you anxious or fearful, but instead offers you safety, respect, and peace. If you find yourself running away from someone who treats you well, it may be time to pause and ask yourself: “What am I truly afraid of?” Understanding your fears is the first step toward personal growth, and it’s the key to forming healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
If you identify with any of this, I encourage you to share your thoughts in the comments below. Together, we can break free from these fears and create a future where healthy, lasting love is your reality.
Ready to start your journey of healing and growth? You can begin your path with me here.
Read more from Chiara Esposito
Chiara Esposito, Coach, Systemic Therapist in Training
I help women reconnect with themselves and overcome emotional patterns. These patterns often lead to unhealthy relationship choices and stress. My coaching approach empowers women to build authentic, fulfilling relationships. Together, we work to create more confidence and balance in their lives.
