Written by: Agnes Gomori, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There is a certain word starting with an ‘s’ that men seldom talk about amongst themselves: sensitivity. When you think of an empathetic leader, do you picture a man or a woman?
When someone describes Sam as a good listener, or Charlie as a sensitive and caring partner, would you assume that Sam and Charlie are females?
Being a woman, it’s no-surprise that I’m a big advocate for empowering fellow women. But I’m also conscious of giving voice to another group. The empathetic men.
For the untrained eye, it’s hard to spot them. They have a lifetime experience of blending in and not showing their emotions in order to feel accepted by society. Often both in their private lives and at work.
We know how certain conditioning we have in our childhood can prevent us - if it remains unchallenged — from reaching our best. Phrases like ‘boys don’t cry’, ‘toughen up’ or ‘don’t be a girl’ might come from a good intention to motivate the child but result in shame.
Toxic masculinity is forcing these men to behave in a way that is very unnatural to their core being. They feel pressured to live up to the expectation of what society calls a 'real man'. But these sensitive men don’t want to play tough, they can’t ignore their traumas and ‘just get on with it’.
Step into their shoes for a moment: If you’d repeatedly hear as a child that your sensitive nature is something to be ashamed of, then you’d probably would do anything to be like the other children in order to fit it.
By the time you reach adulthood, you might believe that it’s only safe to show your true-self to the people closest to you. And those who don’t have social support numb themselves as they desperately try to escape their reality; leading them to addictive behaviours, physical and mental illness and it some cases, sadly, suicide.
Women tend to have a trusted circle of friends with whom they can openly share their feelings. Men, on the other hand, tend to hide their sensitive side, because they don’t want to feel side-lined, they want to belong to the pack.
Women are also more inclined to use tools like meditation or mindfulness to deal with anxiety. But the sensitive men just try to ‘man it up’, keeping it all in, not sharing their feelings, trying to fit in while silently feeling isolated.
It is not uncommon for clients to have the tears of relief as they work on self-love. Self-acceptance doesn’t come easy after years of not feeling enough, but self-love is another, deeper level that many feel hard to cultivate. This is why being able to talk about our feelings openly is just as important to a healthy, balanced life as our diet and exercise.
I’m not suggesting that empathetic men are flawless human beings. But I do think that when we give them space to flourish, these are the men who will listen to you, and will communicate their thoughts and feelings openly and calmly. Isn’t it what we need in a partner, a friend or in fact, in an outstanding leader?
Gender stereotypes are slowly but firmly being banished and the importance of emotional intelligence is finally being recognised. Creating a safe, non-judgemental space in our life where we can talk openly about our emotions is an absolutely necessary part of our health in mind, body, and soul. I am passionate about helping people to banish the barriers around their sensitivity and turn it into a finely tuned superpower.
Are empathic men the ultimate peacemakers we need right now? One thing is for sure, empathetic people, women and men, can pave the way to the ultimate inclusivity where our differences are being celebrated, rather than dividing us.
Agnes Gomori, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Agnes Gomori is an Intuitive Life Coach and Healer. As a multi-passionate, creative Empath, Agnes is committed to helping fellow Empaths to find their true calling by applying the healing power of arts and nature, which she combines with energy healing in her therapeutic coaching sessions. Agnes has helped clients from across the globe to unlock their true potential. Her mission is to help extroverted Empaths become the empowered creators they were born to be.
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