Written by: Jessie Liew, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Sometimes it is ourselves that hold us from connecting with our children.
As a parenting coach, many parents assume that I was born and inherited good parenting skills from my upbringing.
How I wish this is true. Hahaha…
To be honest, the situation back in 2019 was not that great. I was constantly having battles with my children in all areas of life.
My children do not like to connect with me. I was not present with my children. In fact, I was coming from a mindset of controlling.
Back then, I was always in reacting mode with my children, especially when my eldest daughter refused to obey my instruction.
Sometimes I can just feel anger eaten into myself and I became a monster mom to my daughter. I realized something was wrong.
When I managed to calm myself down, I looked into myself, wondering what was wrong with me. I realized that I was following in some of my mum’s footsteps!
Tears went down my cheek. If I had experienced that, how can I do the same to my little Suen?
My husband recommended that I meditate.
Back then, I was having some anxiety attacks due to some career and working relationship issues.
In the beginning, I did not see that sitting silently would solve my problem. But I just couldn’t get out of my existing problem on my own.
Knowing my husband comes from a place of love, I decided to obey and meditate together with him.
Little by little, day by day, after weeks of meditation, I begin to feel the calmness in my heart and my mind.
My mind was cluttered back then.
Once I started to see the clutter seems to disappear, I started to see the path clearly.
I knew that whatever I believed at that time was not true. These are the false belief systems that I had which someone else planted there for me.
I become aware of my mind and my surroundings.
What are the messages coming into my mind, what are my thoughts at the moment and what can I do to dismiss these negative thoughts or false belief systems. I started to begin my personal development journey.
The first thing that I do for my parenting area is to list all the false parenting beliefs that I have.
I used to think that my children should be good at studying because I used to be a good student. I realize this is a false belief.
It comes from my cultural belief as a Chinese person. For Chinese families, to succeed; you must have a good education.
All of us come with some talents and strengths. My second son, Wei, has good artistic talents and I do not have that.
Once I have dismissed this false parenting belief, I can accept my children for who they are and focus on their strength and talent.
The second false belief I have is that all children must be filial and listen to their parents.
Where does this false parenting belief come from? It comes from my cultural traditional Chinese upbringing. I realize I do not want that.
Instead of following me blindly, they should be able to think and decide on their own using critical thinking.
They should follow and pursue their own path. I want to pursue empowerment parenting so that my children are empowered to pursue the life that they want.
Lastly, when my dear friend, Lee passes on due to nose cancer in March 2019, it allows me to realize what is more important to me, which is my family, fulfilling my true potential and being able to bring impact to the world.
Lee’s passing on teaches me a lesson on being a mother, that we always do not give ourselves a higher priority; a need for self-care.
It does not mean being selfish. I started to self-care for myself more.
When my glass is full, I can give more to others.
So, parents, how many of us have parenting beliefs that we still hold and it has become baggage in parenting our children?
As I talked about all these, how many of you started to think about your parenting belief?
So take a moment, really think, and be aware of your false parenting belief.
So what happened to Jessie's new family in 2020?
Now, I have the basic foundation of family values to discuss and decide together with my children.
My children love to connect with me and will discuss things in their life, online and offline world.
They rather have less toy or screen time, they just wanted to spend more time with mama.
I am present with my children and we have a better quality time together.
We have established a clear family culture and values. All my children know and take the family values as their own values.
This has become more powerful as it comes from their heart.
My parenting style comes from an “empowering” perspective rather than a “controlling” perspective.
So do you want a transformation in your family life?
Here’s the step:
The first step is to be clear about your role as a parent.
What is the role of us as a parent?
What do we really want out of our parenting journey?
For myself, I want to have a long-lasting relationship with my children, to share their growing and growth journey, and to inspire them to be better people who can contribute to the world.
Second, be present and be mindful of your current parenting practices.
Most of us come with some false parenting beliefs. You have to break these down so that you can move on.
Sometimes, these false parenting beliefs are the one that holds us from connecting with our children.
Lastly, we have to change from a mindset of controlling to empowering.
This is true especially since our children are born in the digital era.
I know it is hard being a parent sometimes in this digital age and we just want the best for our children even with our limited knowledge.
Here’s the good news, with our digital parenting program, you can build a better relationship with your children and empowering your children to use electronic devices responsibly and staying safe on the Internet.
Here are some case studies of our students:
A. Simona Condrachi, a parenting coach, a mother of 2 boys
B. Roopa Tailor, a Montessori specialist, a mother of 2 girls
I hope this helps you realize the power you have in your children’s future if you choose to embark on digital parenting.
If we can help you establish a better relationship with your children while empowering them to use the Internet and technologies responsibly while staying safe on the Internet.
Would you be interested?
I am looking for responsible parents who love and care about their children and screen use / Internet Safety.
They wanted to build their children to be better future digital citizens and they want to have a life-long lasting relationship with their children.
They want to become confident digital parents.
If this is you, click here to book a free strategy call with me.
If you would like help with reducing your children’s screen addiction and improving your relationship with them, join my free Facebook group to get immediate access to all of my free training.
If you would like 1:1 coaching with me to help you reduce your children’s screen addiction and improve your relationship with them, book a free strategy call with me.
Follow Jessie on Facebook for more information.
Jessie Liew, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jessie Liew is a Digital Parenting Coach. As a cybersecurity expert, a mother of 4, she also has to face the same task as all parents, which is rearing safe & responsible digital citizens. We are living in a digital era, and hence we need new skills to parent our children. She’s been working in the cybersecurity field for more than 14 years. She also holds professional certifications in Cyber Security (CISSP, CRISC, and CISA). She has been able to shape the companies’ employees' internet habits as well as in her own children. Her Mission: Empower Parents to nurture their children to use the Internet and technologies in a positive way while staying safe on the Internet. This builds the foundation of our future Digital Citizens. She is looking for parents or educators who want to nurture their children to be responsible digital citizens and build a great relationship with their children.
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