Written by: Susie Briscoe, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Resilient people recover quickly from setbacks and don’t allow difficulties to hinder their success. How does a person become resilient? Can you build your resiliency? Can you use resiliency to grow and succeed? Psychologists have determined that resiliency is a skill you can learn. And once you learn what you need to be resilient, you can also improve and grow your expertise.
I’m sharing this with you from a position of knowing – in the last 8 years alone I’ve been hit with one thing after another, as I’m sure so many of you reading have as well.
2015 – Stresses of moving house alongside husband’s failing health
2016 – Coping and dealing with the illness and finally the death of my husband of 46 years and being together since 1968
2017 – Dealing with the emotional fall out of my daughter’s unexpected divorce and the resulting turmoil
2018 – Adding onto all the above, which did not disappear but built upon each following year, by my teenage grandson fulfilling his job description of being exceptionally difficult, and finding a new school for him, which ended with him boarding for the first time, just coming up to his first important public exams
2019 – Getting a handle on all the above and deciding to move forward with strength
2020 – Enjoying the spoils of isolation by being in lockdown for the first time in the history of the modern world because of COVID-19
2021 – Continuing with lockdown with increasing difficulty due to the isolation it brought
2022 – Overcoming the trials and tribulations of all the above and starting another business alongside my existing one
2023 – Signing up to do a BA (Hons) Arts & Humanities with Philosophy at the age of seventy-five whilst continuing with my Coaching & Mentoring business and in building my health business by being a brand partner with LifeWave.
From all the above, commonly known as life happening in real terms, or life’s rich tapestry, and being a widow of a certain age, I continue to stand strong and absolutely love sharing my way forward for people who have all kinds of difficulties in the wonderful world we call living in the global village.
5 Characteristics of Resilient People
Resiliency is a character trait that is undoubtedly one of the strongest predictors for success in life. Being able to keep pushing forward in the face of adversity is necessary for anyone seeking to go above and beyond the status quo. Unfortunately, too many people lack the resilience needed to go out and get what their hearts truly desire and end up settling for less.
There are several common traits shared by resilient individuals. The way these traits manifest themselves on an individual basis is always unique to the individual’s interests, talents and specific goals. In this article, we will analyse 5 characteristics that are attributed to resilient people.
Being Able To Accept Delayed Gratification
Resilient people are able to understand that most of the time, taking the easy way around an obstacle result in a less optimal end result. Being able to avoid temporary pleasure and satisfaction and instead keep the long-term goal in mind is a mandatory part of accomplishing remarkable things in life.
For the most part, anything truly worthwhile involves a lot of sacrifice and hard work on the front end. Along the way, there will always be plenty of opportunities to throw in the towel and settle for good instead of great. The resilient person is great at prolonging gratification during difficult times and not allowing themselves to compromise what they are truly passionate about.
Able To Perform Outside Of Comfort Zones
As human beings, we have an inherent nature to seek comfort. Because of this, we have a strong tendency to surround ourselves in a bubble of comfort in every aspect of life. While this comfort zone is safe and familiar, it is a sure-fire way to plateau success and achievement.
Stepping outside of these comfort zones is all but impossible for most people. These self-imposed boundaries are often reinforced for long periods of time. What makes resilient people so unique is their ability to shed the fear of change and the unknown, venturing out into unchartered territories in their life in search of something more.
High Sense Of Self-Worth
An unavoidable part of the process of achieving big things is negative feedback and criticism from the people around us. Given that the majority of people have decided what they can and cannot do, they try to place the same limitations on everyone else. On the path to achievement, this criticism tends to continue all the way to success, where these voices of negativity suddenly begin to sing your praises.
Resilient people are able to overcome this negativity through all the obstacles and setbacks by maintaining a strong sense of self-worth. By believing in themselves when nobody else does, they are able to accomplish what no one else will.
Ability To Fail Forward
Too many people see failure as the end of the road, the mission failed, and game over. When faced with temporary defeat, they throw in the tail. What these types of individuals fail to realize is that failure is a necessary part of the achievement.
The resilient person is always able to see failure for what it is; a lesson to be used for success on the next go around. When they fail, the use the lesson to fail BETTER the next time. Over time, these failures allow them to inch closer and closer to their goals.
Great At Seeing The Bigger Picture
Setting remarkable long-term goals while being short-sighted are two things that cannot coexist. The path to excellence and high achievement is a long and winding road full of obstacles and shortcomings. Without the ability to maintain a clear picture of the finish line, giving up prematurely is all but guaranteed.
Resilience: The Cornerstone of Your Personal Power
Do you remember when you were a child, and a bully called you a name or made fun of you? If you answered “I am rubber, and you are glue. What you say bounces off of me and sticks to you,” your answer personified how resilience is the cornerstone of personal power. Resilience, or the ability to bounce back from difficulties, is the basis for creating your own personal space, view, and power.
Your personal power depends on how resilient you are. Life coaches teach that building resilience grows your personal power to cope with challenges and obstacles. Psychologists have studied the link between resilience and personal power. They’ve determined that these key aspects of resilience help support personal power:
Focusing on the Present Supports Faith in Yourself
Learning from Your Failures Supports Self-Acceptance
Positive Thinking Supports Courage in Your Principles
Stress Management Supports Being Yourself
Changed Perspective Supports Choosing Your Response
Focusing on the Present Supports Faith in Yourself
Resilience requires focusing on the present. You can’t be resilient if you distract yourself from your goals by worrying about the past or future. Learning to focus on the present supports your personal power by understanding and giving you faith in yourself. Since you can’t change the past, you need to focus on what you can do now to improve your future. Believing that you have the power to shape your future shows your personal control.
Learning from Your Failures Supports Self-Acceptance
Instead of blaming others, resilient people understand how they contributed to a failure. Resilient people are willing to examine their life and look for ways to overcome difficulties. They use mistakes as opportunities to gain experience and grow.
Acknowledging your role in failure also allows you to own your part in success. Self-acceptance means you have worked hard to understand yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses. When you learn from your failures, you build the self-awareness that leads to self-acceptance. Because you accept yourself, your personal power is built on your resilience to life’s obstacles.
Positive Thinking Supports Courage in Your Principles
Even when dreadful things happen, resilient people think positively by looking for ways to resolve and overcome obstacles. They don’t let others define their opinions or principles. Because resilient people stay focused on positive outcomes, they aren’t easily swayed by the negative views of others. When you think positively, your principles are based on knowing you can and will succeed. Your belief in yourself creates personal power.
Stress Management Supports Being Yourself
Resilient people experience stressful situations in life. Instead of letting stress overwhelm them, they have learned to manage their lives to work through stress. Resilient people understand that not everything that causes stress is horrible or never-ending. Stress can be a motivator and teacher too.
Knowing how to process stress and work through it supports your personal power and being yourself. Because resilient person doesn’t allow others’ expectations of them to cause stress, they are free to be who they are. In fact, being true to yourself often causes less stress once you learn to feel comfortable with your opinions and principles. Being yourself builds your personal power and allows you to take the time needed to recharge, grow, and achieve.
Changed Perspective Supports Choosing Your Response
Personal power isn’t about control over others. Personal power is control over yourself. Resilient people’s positive perspective of learning, growing, and living in the present supports the ability to choose the best response to any situation. Choosing your personal response without interference from negative forces is the definition of personal power.
It’s impossible to build and maintain personal power without resilience. As the cornerstone of personal power, resilience provides the skills of focusing on the present, learning and growth, positive thinking, and stress management.
These skills change your perspective and support your personal power by helping you choose your response despite outside influences by building faith in yourself and your principles, self-acceptance, and the courage to be yourself and choose your best outcome.
Stress Management Supports Being Yourself
Resilient people experience stressful situations in life. Instead of letting stress overwhelm them, they have learned to manage their lives to work through stress. Resilient people understand that not everything that causes stress is horrible or never-ending. Stress can be a motivator and teacher too.
Knowing how to process stress and work through it supports your personal power and being yourself. Because a resilient person doesn’t allow others’ expectations of them to cause stress, they are free to be who they are. In fact, being true to yourself often causes less stress once you learn to feel comfortable with your opinions and principles. Being yourself builds your personal power and allows you to take the time needed to recharge, grow, and achieve.
Changed Perspective Supports Choosing Your Response
Personal power isn’t about control over others. Personal power is control over yourself. Resilient people’s positive perspective of learning, growing, and living in the present supports the ability to choose the best response to any situation. Choosing your personal response without interference from negative forces is the definition of personal power.
It’s impossible to build and maintain personal power without resilience. As the cornerstone of personal power, resilience provides the skills of focusing on the present, learning and growth, positive thinking, and stress management.
These skills change your perspective and support your personal power by helping you choose your response despite outside influences by building faith in yourself and your principles, self-acceptance, and the courage to be yourself and chose your best outcome.
Yes, You Can Build Your Resiliency and Grow from it
Resiliency requires a commitment to improving yourself. Specific actions and skills are needed to become and stay resilient.
Researchers have identified the following ways you can build and grow resiliency:
Take Responsibility
See Change as an Opportunity
Have Goals
Learn from Success and Failure
Get Support
Take Action
Be Optimistic
Have Patience
Take Responsibility
Resilient people understand that they can control their actions and reaction, but not the actions and reactions of others. To be resilient, you need to take responsibility for how you manage and conduct yourself. Blaming others for your mistakes makes you weak. Taking responsibility for yourself makes you strong and focuses your control on yourself.
See Change as an Opportunity
Is change good or bad? To build resiliency, you need to answer that question by knowing that change is an opportunity for both good and bad. When a person sees change as being forced on them, they lose their control of the situation. Resilience requires a different approach. Resilient people see change as an opportunity to gain experience and grow.
Have Goals
You can’t learn to recover from setbacks if you don’t have goals. Otherwise, you may spend your life reacting to things that don’t improve your experiences or help you reach your goals. Having goals helps you focus, avoid distractions, and stay committed, making you more resilient.
Learn from Success and Failure
Resiliency is a skill that comes partly from the knowledge you gain with each success and failure. When you accept your responsibility for your actions, your successes and failures depend on you. Each time you succeed, you learn ways to improve your life. This helps you grow and achieve more. When you fail, instead of belittling yourself, use your failure as an opportunity to discard what doesn’t work and learn new ones to overcome obstacles.
Get Support
Life has many challenges. Getting support from others helps you overcome life’s challenges and be resilient when faced with difficulty. Seeking others out for knowledge, through education and mentoring, helps build your resilience. Knowing you have trusted friends and family can help motivate you and keep you focused on your goals.
Take Action
Resilient people don’t give up. They find ways to achieve their goals despite setbacks and difficulties. Resiliency requires action to create the opportunity to learn and grow. Allowing your circumstances to dictate your responses isn’t action. Action involves trying new things and making the changes necessary to succeed.
Be Optimistic
Realistic optimism is necessary for resiliency. Overly optimistic people don’t adjust their plan when they need to make changes to reach a goal. Pessimistic people rarely stay committed to their goals because they don’t believe they can achieve them. Realistic optimism is required to be resilient when obstacles arise.
Have Patience
Building resiliency involves allowing yourself the time needed to reach your goals. Long-term goals, like finishing your education, losing weight, or buying a house take time to achieve. Patience allows you to stay focused on your goals even when you make mistakes or need more time to meet them. The resiliency you build with patience can help you in your life, relationship, and professional goals.
Yes, you can build resiliency. By focusing on the skills, you need to develop to become resilient, you can grow as a person and improve your life.
The Connection Between Self-control and Resilience
Self-control is crucial to coping with life’s challenges and being a resilient person. No matter what the circumstances are, a person can only control their actions and reactions to a situation. How you act and react to life’s obstacles builds your resilience, and those actions and reactions are based on the level of self-control you have.
Resilient Self-Control Actions
Psychologists have identified the positive coping skills a person needs to be resilient. When life is difficult, resilient people take action to improve their situation. They know they need to control their:
Plans
Goals
Health
Patience
Making plans is a positive coping skill that allows you to take control of your success. Self-control builds when you commit to your plans. People who work toward their goals cope with obstacles by growing, adapting, and staying focused on their goals. The self-control needed to carry out a plan builds resilience against difficulties and distractions.
Resilient people also have goals. Instead of allowing life’s challenges to overwhelm them and struggling with negative outcomes, resilient people have goals that they work to achieve. They recover from setbacks because they are focused on and committed to their goals. People without goals often find themselves without a clear direction because they don’t have the self-control to work toward their success.
Physical health is essential to resilience because it provides a positive way to cope with stress. Exercise, a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep all to contribute to good health. A healthy lifestyle requires self-control. You need to have the self-control to stick to an exercise plan, commit to healthy eating, and find time for adequate rest.
Because a resilient person has self-control, they understand that reaching their goals can take time. It can be hard to wait for the gratification of achieving your goals, but self-control allows you to stay focused and follow your plan despite distractions or the immediate pleasure doing something else. Being patient makes you more resilient when you face obstacles because you know it may take time to overcome them.
Resilient Self-Control Reactions
When faced with a challenge or a situation you don’t like, being resilient also involves how you react to those stresses. Life coaches teach that your reactions are under your control. Learning how to respond positively includes:
Self-esteem
Avoiding Overreaction
Facing Problems
Humor
Self-esteem is essential to resilience. People who believe that the world is against them, and that others are always trying to hurt them do not have the resilience to cope well with life’s challenges. Self-esteem requires self-control by not reacting poorly to situations that aren’t ideal. Instead, resilient people use their goals and plan to work through difficulties and don’t let their self-esteem suffer from others’ opinions.
When a resilient person fails, they understand they have control over making changes and trying again to reach their goal. They don’t blame their failure on outside forces and think they can’t make the changes needed to achieve.
Self-control plays a role in avoiding overreaction too. When a person overacts, they often lose their focus on their goals because of their immediate emotional reaction. While everyone gets upset, angry, and sad from time to time, overacting is a sign that a person doesn’t have self-control or resilience.
Resilient people face their problems with a plan, a goal, and a commitment to overcome them. People who aren’t resilient avoid dealing with their problems and often use unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol and other drugs to lessen their disappointment and pain. You need self-control to choose a positive way to cope with challenges and be resilient when face with difficulties.
Humor is an important skill that helps you be resilient. Being able to accept difficulties and setbacks by finding the humor in situations lessens stress. Self-control allows you to let go of negative feelings and laugh when things don’t go as planned. Resilience includes moving past the difficulty and finding a new way to reach your goals.
Resilience is based on the control of your actions and reactions to life’s challenges. Successfully overcoming a challenge increases your self-control, helps you learn and grow, and builds resilience.
Resilient people are able to tolerate everything thrown in their way and still maintain a strong conviction as to why they started to begin with. By keeping the big picture in mind, these individuals never lose their sense of purpose when things get hard.
If you would like to arrange for a confidential chat to discover how you may move forward through the struggles we are now facing as members of our global village, please reach out to book a no-obligation discovery and strategy session with me by visiting here.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Susie Briscoe, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Susie Briscoe, Global Business & Executive Lifestyle Legacy Coach Mentor founded Acer Coaching Associates in 2003, and has guest appeared on various podcasts and radio stations, including Voice of America. Susie has written two no.1 International best selling books ‒ “Colour Your Legacy” & “Ascension to Legacy”, also contributing to numerous collaborative books. She works via Zoom thus travels the world several times in a day! Susie has dedicated her life to supporting charities, so it is natural that her work includes helping others to see how each of us are creating our legacy each day of our life. Her mission is to ‘’help you find the rainbows of happiness in your life” to help us understand our blessing.
