Lauren Saint-Louis is a fitness and nutrition coach and founder of LSL Fitness. She specializes in helping today’s high-performing professionals build fitness-forward lifestyles and sustainable habits and overcome the “all-or-nothing mentality” when it comes to behavior change.
Picture this: You’re at a team dinner or a family party. As you pass on the second round of drinks or choose the grilled salmon over the burger, someone gives you a look or says, “Come on, treat yourself,” or “Why are you always so disciplined?” These comments can leave you feeling frustrated or misunderstood. As someone who values wellness, you understand how essential your healthy habits are for sustaining your energy, focus, and success.
People who’ve known you for years may associate you with a particular identity. Maybe you’ve always been the “life of the party” or the one who never says no to dessert. Changing your habits can disrupt their expectations, sometimes even leading to disappointment. But here’s the truth: their judgments usually have little to do with you and everything to do with their own perceptions.
Why does this happen?
Judgment is often rooted in discomfort, not ill will. When you make intentional choices, like skipping dessert or opting for a mocktail, you can unintentionally highlight someone else’s insecurities. Behavioral psychology tells us that when people perceive a gap between their actions and their ideals, they may feel guilt or inadequacy. Your discipline can act as a mirror, reflecting their unmet goals or shining a light on their unhealthy habits.
Social norms also play a role. Group settings often revolve around shared indulgences, like celebratory drinks or rich meals. When you choose differently than others, they may feel as if you’re rejecting the group dynamic, even if that’s not your intention. Recognizing these dynamics allows you to handle such moments with empathy while staying grounded in your values.
Sometimes, though, the judgment we feel isn’t coming from others; it’s coming from within. When you’re committed to making lifestyle changes, you may assume others are scrutinizing your choices when, in reality, they might not be. This projection often stems from your own insecurities or fear of standing out. Give yourself grace and recognize that you are evolving into a newer version of yourself. Letting go of an older version may feel challenging, but it’s a necessary part of your growth.
1. What they think has nothing to do with you
The first step to handling judgment, whether real or imagined, is to depersonalize it. Understand that comments about your habits are more about the other person’s internal struggles than your choices. If you’re projecting judgment onto yourself, take a moment to pause and ask, “Am I creating this narrative, or is it actually happening?”
Your healthy habits are an investment in yourself. Just as you wouldn’t let someone’s opinion deter you from advancing your career, don’t let another person’s comments derail your commitment to your health. With this perspective, you can respond calmly and confidently to any remarks that come your way or release the need to anticipate them entirely.
2. Make your goals known and set boundaries
Sharing your goals can turn judgment into understanding. A simple explanation like, “I’m focusing on building my energy for the week ahead,” or “This choice helps me get a good night’s sleep,” can diffuse tension and even spark curiosity.
For those who remain unsupportive, setting boundaries is key. A kind but firm redirection works wonders:
“Thanks for noticing! This really works for me.”
“I appreciate your perspective, but this is something I’m committed to.”
Boundaries don’t need to be confrontational; they’re about honoring your choices without needing others’ validation.
3. Set intentions for meals and events
Social gatherings are common settings for judgment, but you can set clear intentions before attending. Ask yourself:
What’s my priority for this event?
How do I want to feel afterward?
Maybe you decide to enjoy one indulgence, like a dessert, while focusing on balanced portions. Or you stick to simple guidelines, such as prioritizing protein and hydration. Intentionality helps prevent external comments or pressure from swaying you.
Intentionality also allows you to fully enjoy the event. Remember, food and drinks are just part of the experience, not the whole experience. Focusing on connection, conversation, and celebration shifts attention away from your plate and onto what truly matters.
4. Let go of the need to explain
Ultimately, you are not responsible for how others perceive your choices. Let go of the need to justify or seek approval. Your health reflects your values, not theirs.
If you catch yourself projecting judgment or overthinking someone’s reaction, pause and reframe. Instead of assuming they’re criticizing, remind yourself that they might simply be curious or not thinking about your choices at all. By focusing on your intention rather than their perception, you reclaim your confidence and peace of mind.
When you embrace this mindset, judgment loses its power. Every decision you make aligns with your vision of success and well-being. Staying true to that vision is far more important than appeasing someone else’s fleeting opinion.
Live your healthy lifestyle with confidence
Changing your behavior can come with challenges, but change doesn’t have to shake your confidence. By setting boundaries, reframing your own projections, and approaching meals and events with intention, you can navigate these moments with grace. Focus on what truly matters: your health, happiness, and ability to show up as your best self.
If you’re ready to stay inspired and elevate your wellness journey, subscribe to the LSL Insider. Get weekly tools, insights, and strategies to maintain a leveled-up lifestyle without it being all or nothing.
Read more from Lauren Saint-Louis
Lauren Saint-Louis, Fitness & Nutrition Coach
Lauren Saint-Louis is an Exercise Physiologist and fitness & nutrition coach based in NYC. She specializes in behavior and lifestyle change, habit development and is passionate about helping clients overcome the “all or nothing mentality”. She founded LSL Fitness to help today’s high-performing professionals elevate the version of themself that they bring to their career and life.
