Written by: Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise
Why most people won't find true love and won’t be in their dream relationships is that...
They are focused on the wrong things and are instead looking for instant gratification. They are chasing a high, a “result”, a thrill, an intensity of emotions that feel good at the moment. These actions overlook a potential lifetime of belonging, acceptance, and the depth of a lasting, meaningful connection.
Most relationships these days are based on an intensity of physical and sexual attraction and overlook the depths of intimate and emotional connections.
In today’s dating reality, most modern relationships run their course in a matter of a few months. Relationships with longevity, finding true love, and creating a lasting, meaningful relationship are few and far between.
This is due to most people avoiding relationship challenges and “feeling bad,” and instead of getting caught up in the intense emotions of lust and infatuation, confusing it with love and meaning.
Most people are looking for a passionate love story but don’t pay much attention to the life story they can co-create with a partner. They put more focus on the wedding day than the actual relationship and marriage itself. They are looking for an illusion-based Hollywood “perfection” of love” which is not reality but merely a short-lived fantasy.
They are chasing a romcom movie-type superficial romance, an emotional utopia of the projected prototype of the “perfect connection.” A story neatly wrapped up in under 2 hours on the movie screen that does not resemble anything remotely realistic. Reality creates relationships where skillfully navigating challenges is the most critical part that determines the depth and the destiny of a relationship.
In the movie world, basic relationship challenges are shown as obstacles that drive couples apart and are only solved with conflict, drama, and ultimatums. In the real world, knowing how to navigate critical points and effectively address basic relationship challenges in a positive way is what brings partners closer together.
In the real world of lasting relationships, there is no screenwriter ensuring a happy ending no matter how immature or irrational people behave. In the real world, relationship intelligence actually needs to be developed and applied to create something lasting and meaningful.
How To Develop Relationship Intelligence
1. Instead of writing long lists of your potential future matches’ “qualifications”, actively work on yourself to become an energetic match to what you intend to manifest. Upgrade your mindset, relationship skills, health and appearance, knowledge about gender intelligence, understanding of the “science of love,” and skills in creating and sustaining a deep emotional and physical attraction.
2. Have realistic expectations and an understanding that real relationships are a full experience of emotional highs, lows, and middle grounds that one must learn to navigate to advance the relationship to the next level of depth and connection.
Finding true love doesn’t mean there won’t be any challenging moments in a relationship. Every moment of a loving relationship will not be rose petals, champagne, and 24/7 romance.
Avoiding relationship lows and middles and only focusing on the highs is a spiritual bypassing of real-life experiences and is completely unrealistic and inauthentic. The duality of the full experience of falling in love and staying in love is what makes relationships incredible and fulfilling.
3. You must be willing to feel and experience all the emotions and master them instead of avoiding or reacting to them. One must be willing to go through discomfort and face challenges from a place of intention and wisdom instead of reacting to triggers and frustrations. This requires emotional mastery and relationship skills. Effectively dealing with discomfort and challenges translates into a much stronger connection and lasting bond between partners.
4. Avoiding relationship challenges and distracting yourself by numbing your feelings with alcohol, over-eating, scrolling, Netflix, or constantly complaining about your partner does not lead to a meaningful long-term bond. To succeed in the relationship game, you must instead learn to understand your partner and their needs.
Not having a clear vision, high standards, strong boundaries, effective communication skills, and suppressing who you are to be ‘nice’ will never lead to anything more than short-lived, frustrating, and superficial physical relationships that wear out after a few months.
You can’t go into a relationship “protecting” yourself from being hurt, projecting past relationship wounds onto the new connection, or focusing on FOMO and wondering if there might be “someone better” out there in the sea of possibilities.
If you want to experience the deep connection that you crave and desire, you must choose to be fully present and invested in your current relationship.
Building a long-term, meaningful, dream relationship is a sub-product of:
WHO you are being,
HOW you navigate challenging and critical relationship phases,
WHAT you are feeling and how you process and manage these emotions and
BEING fully present with your current connection.
Creating a long-lasting, passionate relationship is a journey, not a destination. We never “arrive”; we keep creating, evolving, and keep on “dating” our partners. Indefinitely.
To learn more about Relationship Intelligence, how to develop modern relationship skills, creating and sustaining physical and emotional attraction, and developing a loving and lasting relationship, please visit my LinkedIn, Facebook Profile here and connect with me on Instagram or visit my website for more info!
Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Oksana Irwin is a Certified Mars – Venus Life and Relationship Coach, trained by the legendary John Gray. She is on a continuing mission to change the world one love story at a time!
Oksana is a leader in the dating and relationship coaching field. She equips her clients with powerful behaviors, winning mindsets, and gender intelligence knowledge that empowers them to unleash their mental and emotional constraints and achieve their very best in love, life, and career.
Within 3 years of sadly losing both her long-term marriage and role in a thriving family business, Oksana has created a new loving, passionate relationship and built a successful coaching business. She turned her pain into passion, passion into purpose, and purpose into profit by helping many women along the way.
She impacts her clients by unlocking access to feminine power, lowering stress, and skyrocketing confidence. Her clients learn effective and powerful gender dynamics, sufficient hormonal balance, and potent attraction and polarity techniques that produce outstanding results in creating loving and lasting passionate relationships and thriving, successful and fulfilling lives.
