Charon Normand Widmer LMSW is a licensed psychotherapist, somatic sex therapist and trauma specialist. She specializes in working with individuals and couples seeking support navigating erotic, gender and sexual identity challenges; queer and alternative relationships, and trauma, utilizing a strengths-based, psychodynamic, compassion-based approach. Many seek therapy to feel better; working with Charon entails learning how to get better at feeling.
Dating while in an open relationship is often misunderstood. Many assume it’s about avoiding commitment or seeking thrills. For me, it’s not about filling a void or escaping intimacy; rather, it’s an enriching experience that reflects the personal growth I’ve cultivated. I enjoy dating because it allows me to exercise the skills I’ve developed in boundary-setting, interdependence, and self-worth. These aspects not only enhance my dating experiences but also deepen my connection to myself and my primary partner.
The power of boundaries in relationship
One of the most transformative lessons I’ve learned in life, and especially in relationships, is the importance of boundaries. Dating while in an open relationship requires clear communication and an honest understanding of where my lines are drawn. This practice isn’t just about safeguarding my own needs; it’s also about respecting the autonomy of others. Boundaries have taught me to approach dating with intention. Before engaging with someone new, I ask myself questions like: What am I seeking from this connection? What am I comfortable sharing or experiencing? What are my limits? By being clear with myself, I can communicate transparently with others. For instance, I’ve had conversations early on in dating where I’ve explained my open relationship dynamic, laying out what I can and cannot offer emotionally and physically. Surprisingly, these discussions often foster deeper trust and understanding. It’s a relief for both parties to know that honesty is prioritized from the start. Boundaries create a space where authenticity thrives, and I’ve found that to be one of the most rewarding aspects of dating in this way.
Practicing interdependence
Interdependence is another cornerstone of why I enjoy dating. It’s a delicate balance of maintaining individuality while cultivating meaningful connections. In an open relationship, interdependence becomes particularly crucial because it challenges the traditional notion that one person must fulfill all of our emotional and relational needs. Dating allows me to engage with different people who bring unique perspectives and energies into my life. These experiences don’t detract from my primary partnership; rather, they enrich it. I’ve learned that it’s possible to deeply appreciate one person while also cherishing the novelty and growth that come from new connections. This practice has helped me avoid codependency and instead focus on mutual respect and autonomy in all my relationships. I no longer feel the pressure to mold myself into what I think someone else needs or expects. Instead, I approach dating as an opportunity to simply share who I am while learning about someone else. It’s liberating to know that I can honor my independence while still building meaningful relationships with others.
Embracing my value
Perhaps the most profound reason I enjoy dating is that it’s a continual affirmation of my self-worth. Entering the dating world can sometimes feel daunting, there’s always the possibility of rejection or misalignment. However, being in an open relationship has given me the confidence to approach dating from a place of abundance rather than scarcity. I know my value. I know what I bring to the table, and I’ve worked hard to cultivate a life that feels full and meaningful. Dating, for me, isn’t about seeking validation or proving my desirability; it’s about connection and exploration. Every interaction is an opportunity to deepen my understanding of myself and others. This self-assurance doesn’t mean I never face insecurities or doubts. Of course, there are moments of vulnerability in dating, as there are in any meaningful connection. However, I’ve learned to meet these moments with compassion and curiosity instead of fear. I remind myself that my worth is not determined by someone else’s interest or approval. This mindset has transformed dating into a joyful and empowering experience.
How it all comes together
When I reflect on why I enjoy dating while in an open relationship, it becomes clear how much these three elements, boundaries, interdependence, and self-worth, intersect and reinforce one another. Setting boundaries ensures that my connections are grounded in honesty and respect. Practicing interdependence allows me to celebrate individuality while cultivating meaningful relationships. Embracing my value gives me the confidence to approach dating with curiosity and openness. What I’ve discovered is that dating, in this context, isn’t about finding “the one” or seeking something outside myself. Instead, it’s about building connections that honor my personal growth and the growth of those I interact with. It’s about creating a space where everyone involved feels seen, respected, and free to be themselves.
Enriching all aspects of life
Interestingly, the skills I’ve honed through dating don’t exist in isolation, they extend into every area of my life. The boundary-setting I practice in relationships helps me advocate for myself in professional and personal contexts. The interdependence I value in dating mirrors the balance I strive for in friendships and family dynamics. The self-worth I’ve cultivated serves as a foundation for how I approach challenges and opportunities alike. Being in an open relationship has shown me that love is not a finite resource. It has taught me that relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or otherwise, can coexist and complement one another. Dating, in this context, is not about replacing or diminishing my primary partnership; it’s about expanding my capacity for connection and growth.
An ongoing journey
Dating while in an open relationship is a journey, not a destination. Each new connection brings its own lessons and opportunities for reflection. There are moments of joy, excitement, vulnerability, and even discomfort. But through it all, I’ve found that the rewards far outweigh the challenges. I enjoy dating because it’s a space where I can continually practice being the best version of myself. It’s an opportunity to show up authentically, connect deeply, and celebrate the diversity of human relationships. Most importantly, it’s a reminder that love, in all its forms, is boundless and ever-evolving.
Charon Normand-Widmer, Sex Therapist, Relationship Coach
Charon Normand Widmer LMSW is a licensed psychotherapist, somatic sex therapist and trauma specialist. She specializes in working with individuals and couples seeking support navigating erotic, gender and sexual identity challenges; queer and alternative relationships, and trauma, utilizing a strengths-based, psychodynamic, compassion-based approach. Many seek therapy to feel better; working with Charon entails learning how to get better at feeling.
