Written by: Meagan Brody, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The spiral is real. When something starts to feel out of our control, we take a big leap into the black hole of being unreasonable. Why do we throw ourselves into this self-destruction of thoughts which only makes us more miserable? Why do we do this when we know the spiral is usually based on self-conjured thoughts that developed in our heads? Control, ladies and gentlemen.
Why jumping to conclusions feels safe
When we think we can predict the outcome of something, we feel safer. Even if that means making misery out of thin air. We would rather expect the worst outcome than risk being caught off guard if the facts don’t align with the best possible outcome.
Why is the feeling of certainty so important? It gives us the illusion of having control in situations where we don’t actually have control. Not to mention how boring life would be if we knew everything that was coming our way. However, we use this certainty in an attempt to stop ourselves from getting hurt. We think we can stop the pain if we predict it ourselves.
The truth is, we will still feel the pain if we are invested in a situation whether it is meant for us or not. By jumping to conclusions, we are putting ourselves in a position of feeling anxiety before we know what the outcome is. We often spiral because we let our thoughts spin us out and we trust those thoughts in hopes of gaining certainty. Yet there is usually no evidence to support those thoughts. Can we read someone’s mind? Predict someone’s behavior? That’s where communication comes in. Without communicating about how we feel and what we want (because at the end of the day, this is YOUR life, and you should only be concerned about what is making you happy in it), we will never be open enough to receive the things we are looking for in a partner.
How to avoid the jump
We are so worried about someone liking us that we forget about our own feelings. We put the other person on a pedestal, we wonder how we can please them and make them like us more. Is it the reassurance that we are looking for? We often ask ourselves, “Am I still desirable? Am I still wanted? Am I worthy of his/her time?”. Those are all things we think about when casting aside our own needs. What is THIS person doing for us? Are they fulfilling us and understanding our needs? Do they make us happy or anxious? Are they able to be the partner we need and are looking for? Or do they just seem great because they are giving out attention?
When we start to look through the lens of “what do I want and what is best for me?” our mindset can shift. We start to look out for ourselves rather than pleasing the other person. We can find a partner who best fits our most genuine self when we are looking out for ourselves in the most authentic way.
Release the control
There is no need to jump to conclusions as no one can predict what will happen. We can guess and assume all we want, but the truth is we will not know about a situation until it happens in real-time. The first step in accepting instead of assuming, is to take control of our lives and not try to control the outcome of every situation. Know what we can control and what we can’t control and put that energy into the things we do indeed have control over. Let the things we cannot control fall to the side and if they are meant for us, they will find a way into our lives without damage.
Meagan Brody, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Meagan Brody is a Relationship and Communications Coach who helps her clients connect better within their own relationships and helps those looking for a relationship find the right partner. Although she studied Psychology, for ten years she worked in fashion pursuing the creative side of marketing. As she has transitioned into Life Coaching, she has realized that her creative abilities have helped her clients in reaching their full potential; whether that be in their relationships, personal growth or confidence in the real world. Meagan is NLP Certified (Neuro-Linguistics Programming) and has used these techniques to help her clients with various mindset goals.
