Written by: Krisztina Konya, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It is very likely that as a child, you’ve been taught “not to judge others”, and maybe you’ve heard many times the saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Yet, as adults, despite our best efforts, we often find ourselves judging others, and it feels like judging is our second nature. We automatically say things like: “What was she thinking?” or “What a stupid decision he/she made.” Or very often, we make remarks about people’s food choices and how they dress; they behave; we scroll on social media, and we find ourselves judging people who are not even in our circle; they are entire strangers to us, yet we are quick in judging.
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” – Wayne Dyer
The real question here is: why do we judge?
Judging others has nothing to do with the people we judge, but it has everything to do with us – what is going on in our lives and how we think and feel about ourselves. So, it is not something external to us. And very often find ourselves on the other side of the story, too – when we are judged.
I used to judge people, too. And none of us is likely an exception. Sometimes I found myself judging people in my head, being very harsh with them in my thoughts because I perceived that what they did was out of the norm, wrong, or not aligned with my values.
In time I learned that everyone makes mistakes, which is ok; it is a way of learning and growing. When we judge others, we compare ourselves to them to feel superior. The truth is, we don’t live their lives, we don’t know their struggles, and we are not walking in their shoes – therefore, this kind of comparison is very unhealthy and false. We all judge, and measure others based on our own standards.
I am not saying that judging is wrong because there are plenty of values in worthy judgement. For example, judging people who are violent or malicious reflects who we are. I believe that because of the way how we human beings are wired, it is almost impossible to stop judging others completely – but what we can do is to be mindful, to learn about ourselves, to know self-awareness because most of our judgements have to do something with us, not with the people we judge. They are a mirror to us, and we are a mirror to those who judge us.
Be self-aware and notice your thoughts.
Self-awareness is our most incredible power. Notice your thoughts and feelings – because your thoughts lead to judgement. Notice first how you feel, think, and talk about yourself and how other people are a reflection of these thoughts and feelings. In many cases, we judge others and put someone else down to feel better about ourselves. When you find yourself being judgemental, stop yourself. It takes excellent self-awareness and a good understanding of yourself. Therefore, it can be a difficult thing to do at the beginning. Keep reminding yourself to be the observer constantly—this way, you will better understand yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. Mediation can be an excellent way to become more self-aware and mindful in your daily life. And then, when you get this, move to the next step.
Understand
Instead of judging someone, try to understand that person. Practice empathy, which means understanding what someone else is going through, what they experience – from their point of view; put yourself in their shoe. Focus your attention on similarities more than on differences with that person. Always remember that there is your perspective, your way of seeing life and their perspective. The two might always be the same; therefore, be open-minded and open-hearted. This will enable you to be more compassionate.
Practice acceptance
Once you understand the person, or at least you kind of understand, try, and accept it. Acceptance does not necessarily mean that you must agree with their actions; it does not mean approving them or waiving your rights. It means accepting the reality of the other person. Sometimes you may not like it, or you may not even agree with it, or maybe you might get sad about it – but on a deeper level of understanding, be at peace with it.
Here’s the plan:
As you walk through life, try to do it with eyes wide open and with listening ears. Put yourself in other people’s shoes, and see them for what they are, not for what they try to show to the world. It will help you a great deal. Always remember that we are reflections of one another. You have what you see in others, and what they see in you, they have it, too. So, practice your self-awareness daily, meditate and reconnect with your soul, who you are. That will also help you see other people for what they are.
Never let someone else’s opinion of someone get in the way of forming your own. Be compassionate, understanding, and acceptant, first toward yourself. By judging others, you dim your own light. We are here with a purpose, both human and Divine; every day, we can go out there and be the light to others to raise the energy vibration around us. By judging, we dim our beautiful light and lower our vibrations. We are not complicated; we are complex; we are beautiful souls having a human experience. So why not live our lives knowing that we are the light the world needs?
“Doubt yourself, and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself, and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.” ‒ Nancy Lopez
Krisztina Konya, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Krisztina is deeply a passionate person, who believes that we are all destined for greatness. The first step in achieving success is to unleash the power of self-love and to know ourselves well. From here we can build up successful businesses from the heart and live a happy and joyful life. Krisztina is success & authentic leadership coach, company owner and author. She has a solid academic background with a Degree in Business Management, and she is a Spiritual Life coach. Her mission is to encourage women to find their path towards empowerment, to hold the space for them to achieve this by giving them some of the most valuable and practical tools.
