Written by: Abigail Stason, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Drama on screen is entertaining. Movies would be boring without heroes (rescuers), victims, and villains (persecutors). These are the three primary personas of the Drama Triangle, created by Dr. Stephen Karpman. Even documentaries use some music to raise tensions and evoke some suspense. We look forward to the dynamics between people to keep us interested. Films would be boring without drama.
Unconscious drama in the workforce, relationships, and society is toxic. We are all familiar with victims and villains. However, the most misleading and unhealthiest persona is that of the hero/rescuer. In referencing heroes, I do not mean real heroes, rescuers like firefighters, and other roles. I also don’t mean everyday heroes who step up in emergencies. I’m referring to people who take more than their share of responsibility, rescuing when nothing needs to be saved, creating an unhealthy dynamic.
This is a razor’s edge. Heroes are rewarded in the workplace because they give the false impression of productivity and altruism. Rescuers work long hours and push themselves to inevitable burnout. Instead of being present leaders, heroes invite others to be victims and villains.
Like everything else I teach, I am speaking from direct experience. I am a reformed Hero. Pushing myself to the limits and always on epinephrine, I disempowered others by rushing in to save the day. I was super productive; however, I had neck pain, shoulder pain, hip pain, and shooting foot cramps up my feet at night. No one knew. I was a high performer and hid my pain – another characteristic of rescuing.
Look at the news or social media to see the Drama Triangle is prevalent in society and something you want to watch for. Here is how to recognize if you are wearing the hero persona mask and rescuing plus an inquiry for each:
1. Are you creating a lot of motion but not making progress?
One of the simplest alarms you are rescuing is when you are creating a lot of motion but making little progress. For heroes, there is ALWAYS something that needs to be saved and someone who needs to be rescued. It’s as if they are carrying the world's weight, which manifests into lots of tasks, doing instead of being! Here are some examples:
Offering to help people without asking if support is needed.
Taking on too many projects at once.
Not allowing others to step up and do their part.
Not delegating because “it’s easier to do it yourself.”
Continuing to dive into tactics instead of scaling your leadership.
Your inquiry: Am I creating unnecessary activity instead of aligned action?
2. Are you taking too much responsibility?
Rescuers, aka heroes, take more than their share of responsibility in any situation. The hero looks for sources of suffering. It assumes that it can control the situation. You will know if you are in the hero persona if you are acting with expectations of a reward: that you or others, because of your deeds, will “feel better.” Heroes have a “blind optimism,” thinking they can quickly push a boulder up Mt Everest, blind, naked, backward, and without oxygen.
Your inquiry: How can I take my share of responsibility and release what does not belong to me? How can I empower others?
3. Are you avoiding your emotions?
Humans are very predictable. People bypass emotions and create drama. Feelings can be very uncomfortable. Emotional intelligence is crucial to leading and being a human being, but at the same time, we aren’t comfortable with our feelings. We enter drama to avoid fear, sadness, or anger. Instead of consciously feeling our emotions, heroes create thrash by going into motion to save something or someone.
Furthermore, heroes try to rescue others from “negative emotions” or “feeling bad.” One of the worst things leaders do is try to convince others to avoid their emotions instead of creating the capacity within themselves to stay present when others emote. One of the most powerful ways to avoid drama is to learn how to process emotional energy. A byproduct of emotional ventilation is an increase in resilience.
Your inquiry: How can I allow my feelings to flow and capture the wisdom from my emotions?
4. Do you withhold information to protect your employees?
Leaders must have employees’ backs and provide air cover, but when it overflows into protecting them by hiding the truth, there is a lost opportunity to stretch and grow. People “CAN handle the truth” with strong and present leadership. By shielding your employees from harsh realities, you disempower others, prevent innovation, and stifle development.
Your inquiry: Where do I hide the truth from others, and how can I share what’s real, stay present, and provide strong leadership?
5. Are you addicted to epinephrine (formerly called adrenaline)?
We create drama to get a hit of epinephrine, a very addictive drug. Soon enough, we aren’t aware that we are relying on it for everything, which can cause us to become conditioned to need it for normal functioning. After months of this, people often come to love the edge that this fix gives them in terms of energy, mood boost, and quick wit. However, too much epinephrine leads to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart attack, physical pain, excessive anxiety, and hypochondria. The simple act of breathing is your greatest weapon, along with mastering your nervous system maintenance plan.
Your inquiry: Am I breathing deeply into my belly and calming my nervous system?
6. Do you avoid the discomfort of difficult conversations or the truth?
Instead of getting present and diving into difficult conversations, heroes go into motion by creating problems to solve. This gives the impression of progressing forward when they are in an unproductive swirl. In this paradigm, issues fester. Moments turn into days, weeks, and months while relationships erode and productivity tanks.
Your inquiry: How can I dive into and see difficult conversations as a chance to grow and develop?
7. It’s just some old conditioning
One of the most straightforward reasons we put on a hero mask is a habit. We’re on autopilot, falling into the trap of an old pattern that once was of service. Conditioning is necessary and valuable, but we are not responsible for our experience when left uninvestigated. Without conscious commitments, awareness, and activities, our unconscious patterns rule us. Running on autopilot keeps us from adapting to the moment. Instead, heroes avoid the moment's truth, pain, and discomfort by rescuing anyone and anything.
Your inquiry: What patterns and conditioning are no longer of service? What new commitments do I want to step into?
You likely notice a theme of avoidance due to not knowing how to navigate the human condition while relating with others. As I mentioned, I can relate. I finally woke up to myself and learned how to be present. Presence is a much more delightful experience as a human being and more effective for leadership.
Do you want to shift out of hero and into your whole leadership? Do you want less drama in your organization, on your team, and in all of your relationships? Evolution Revolution: Conscious Leadership for an Information Age is your individual development plan, team development roadmap, and culture handbook. You can also dive into your learning and development with my online course.
Abigail Stason, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
More Master Teacher than coach, Abigail “Abby” Stason is a social activist and skill builder with 20+ years of professional experience as a leader, organizational consultant, and group facilitator. As a disrupter, Abby is committed to a new social awareness in favor of exposing outdated structures that are no longer of service, giving way to the experience of peace, freedom, and truth in the world. She is a catalyst for societal evolution. In short, she helps human beings, leaders, teams, and organizations wake up by equipping them with behavioral skills for a modern world. Abby created a conscious leadership curriculum, a series of practices that are easily accessible to everyone.
