Written by: Lea Gerlock, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever had a day where everything seemed to go right? Where each part of your daily routine flowed smoothly without interruption? An enjoyable day can make you feel calm, centered, even joyful.
And then, out of the blue, something negative sneaks up on you, and that’s it. Your mind grasps on tightly to the problem (and the feelings you feel as a result) and refuses to let go. Suddenly, you can no longer focus on, or be grateful for, the one hundred things that went well that day. All you can think about is the one thing that didn’t.
The trigger that opens the door to a flood of negative emotions can be something different for all of us. Perhaps a disagreement with a friend, maybe the never-ending guilt that comes along with parenthood, or a missed deadline at work. Even something as insignificant as a small mistake can suddenly render you unable to focus on anything else but your negative feelings.
This is where I step in and ask… "Just who is in charge here, you or your emotions?"
Before you answer, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, the answer is you. You ARE in charge of how you feel. The bad news is you are not completely in charge of what happens in your world. There will be events that bring about an emotional reaction, and that part, you cannot control. However, you can certainly take charge of how you feel when things do go wrong.
Despite the relentlessness of your negative emotions at times, you do not have to be a victim to them. As a Life Coach, I’ve helped many clients get past overwhelming emotions with a three-step process. I know it can feel impossible when you are in the thick of it. Still, I promise this is within your power.
When you feel pushed around by your emotions, here are some tips to help you reclaim control:
Step 1: Feel what you feel (Awareness)
The first and most fundamental step is self-reflection. To take charge of your emotions, you must first identify what you are feeling. Emotions can be complex, sneaky things. Grief, for example, will often masquerade as anger until you expose it for what it is. The better you get at identifying how you are actually feeling, the better equipped you are to face it. Take out a notebook and start journaling. Don’t critique or edit your feelings; get them out on paper.
Once you know what you are actually dealing with, practice things that encourage an actual mind-body experience. Many of us have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid our negative feelings. We numb out. We pretend it isn’t happening. So, when difficult emotions pop up, we have no idea how to handle them. Stop that. It is impossible to conquer your emotions if you avoid them entirely. They will still pop up, only by then you won’t have a clue what to do with them, having pretended they don’t exist for so long. Just feel it.
Emotions can be many things, but one thing is for certain they are fluid and ever-changing. You are never stuck in a permanent state. You have to go through the bad ones to get to the good and vice versa. If you suspect you are numbing out, try to bring your mental and physical states together in harmony. Yoga, tai chi, or meditation are great tools to help you achieve this.
Step 2: It is what it is (Acceptance)
Back in the Stone Age, a good day meant survival. Emotions were not something to be numbed out or avoided because negative feelings were often directly connected to personal safety. In modern times, we no longer have that incentive to recognize our negative emotions and respond appropriately. However, that doesn’t mean we don’t still experience them. We have no idea how to deal with them anymore.
We have gotten so accustomed to a life of comfort that when faced with difficult emotional situations, we balk at the thought of feeling that discomfort. However, we evolved as a species because of our ability to recognize and feel negative emotions. Our feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, or frustration are not going anywhere. So, get comfortable with being uncomfortable sometimes. Life does not have to be perfect. We are wired for both the highs and the lows. Acceptance, rather than avoidance of your negative feelings, is the key to moving past them.
Step 3: Take action where you can (Action)
Once you have identified, experienced, and accepted your negative emotions for what they are, it is time to act. Action can take different forms for all of us. Maybe for you, action means a gratitude journal to remind you of the best parts of your life. When you are grateful, it is hard to become bogged down in negativity. Perhaps action means taking steps to surround yourself with positive people and influences that bring about balance to the difficult times. Maybe action means celebrating your small victories and treating yourself with the kindness you extend to others.
No matter what action means in your life, one thing remains true. You and only you have the power to determine your state of mind. Maybe you cannot control the root cause of your negative feelings, but your emotional well being is within your domain. Do not avoid your feelings or try to change them. Just be as you are. In doing so, you put yourself back in the driver’s seat. Empower yourself with the knowledge that whatever you feel, you will handle it. And nothing lasts forever because you will not allow it to. You are stronger than you think.
Lea Gerlock, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lea Gerlock is the Founder and CEO of Personal Chapter, a life coaching and personal development empire focusing on mastering all transitions to step into one’s highest potential. As a divorced mom of 3 and recovering alcoholic, Lea was able to break through the fear, self-doubt, and uncertainty that comes with major transitions in life. After overcoming her own battles, Lea quickly learned that so many people struggle to navigate major and minor transitions. Her superpower is helping people transition into the next and very best chapter of their lives. When Lea is not working, she enjoys traveling, long walks on the beach, and spending time with her 3 amazing sons.
