Written by: Liz Loizou-Smith, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
First, let’s talk about what a self-saboteur is, then let's figure out if you fall under one of these top 3 categories I see show up in my clients. According to Psychology Today, Self-saboteurs allow fear to guide their thoughts, plans, and actions. They focus on the negative and ignore the positive; they bring up the past, they settle, they may even be masters of procrastination.
When I talk about self-sabotage, I feel like I need background music (dun dun duuuuuun). But in all seriousness, self-sabotage behavior is real and can create daily problems in our personal and professional lives, sacrificing happiness and relationships. The goals we choose and the approach we take widely depend on whether we’re going to sabotage those results or not.
How often do you find yourself saying, “Why does this always happen to me” or “Why do I always do this?” or how about, “I knew this was going to happen anyway.” Finally, you get so close to reaching that goal, and then it just all falls apart. Something gets in the way, something or someone prevents you from getting there, you didn’t have enough time. You get the idea.
All these excuses are exactly that, excuses. In a nutshell, self-sabotage is about you proving to yourself that you can’t do something; it’s a protection mechanism. You might be wondering why anyone would want to block themselves from success, and the simple answer, to avoid disappointment, fear, risk, and stress. You don’t have enough faith, confidence, or belief in yourself to get to that end goal, so instead, you literally set yourself up for failure so that you don’t have to fail unexpectedly. You already knew you would, so you might as well throw a wrench to prove it.
Today we’re going to go over the top 3 behaviors I often see come into my practice. These 3 behaviors can be seen in all five life areas; relationships, family, career, health, and money. (Now’s a good time to reflect and write down any thoughts that might come to you while reading this). So here are those 3 behaviors. Think about them alongside each of the 5 life areas and see where you may need to put in some work.
1. The Doubter
If you don’t believe in yourself or your ability to achieve something, you can’t possibly reach your goals. The Doubter has that little voice in their head telling them that they can’t achieve something. This often comes from deep-rooted stories that probably go back to childhood. We carry these thoughts with us through adulthood without even realizing it. Listen to how you speak to yourself and listen to the thoughts of doubt that come through. Are these your personal thoughts or thoughts that come from something someone told you?
2. The Fearful Failure
When it comes to Fearful Failure, they will inherently bring on failure they will inherently bring on failure if they give themselves a reason to fail. So instead of proving themselves wrong, they prove themselves right by sabotaging their goals. This way, there’s no room for unexpected disappointment.
3. The Blamer
The blamer will typically blame others or situations because they can’t do the things they need to move closer to their goals. They believe the choice is not up to them at all, and when something goes wrong, they can turn the blame on those people or instances that “got in the way.” But in reality, they’ve set up that blame by giving themselves no options to make changes. For example, the mom has a million and one thing to do. Therefore there’s no chance she can make it to the gym or engage in self-care, yet she refuses to ask for help.
If you relate to any of these personas, don’t feel bad, it's actually great that you recognize this could be a pattern. This is how we fix things. Below are a few steps you can begin to put in the work to overcome these behaviors.
1. Pay attention. How often you allow negativity to creep in and consume your thoughts. When you begin to think or talk about how something isn’t working out, stop and ask yourself these questions.
Why isn’t it working out?
Is this even valid or the truth?
What is working that I can focus on more?
When we begin to switch those thought patterns, we can recognize the triggers that bring them on and course correct.
2. Welcome failure. Failure doesn’t mean you need to give up. You can always pick up where you left off. Learn from the mistake and move on. Mistakes are the only way we can grow and become better.
3. Practice daily affirmations. This is a really great habit to get into. Put sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, in your car, and anywhere that you go often. If you can remind yourself to do this enough, it will become part of your every day. I even have an affirmation to get me through hard times, “This is only temporary. I am the one in control”. This helps me relax any negative thoughts and stand in my control.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Investing in a coach who understands this behavior can help you break barriers you never thought existed. When you focus on gradual improvements, I promise they will add up and help in the rewiring process of our subconscious and default mindset.
Liz Loizou-Smith, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Liz Loizou-Smith is a leader in Human Performance Coaching. She helps individuals tap into their greatness by guiding them in rebuilding their power from within. She is a certified Holistic Health Practioner, Sports Nutritionist, and Movement Specialist. She is also a practicing Reiki Master and a highly intuitive individual. Her approach involves an integrated solution rooted in holistic health, which combines Eastern and Western modalities of nutrition, movement, and mindfulness practices. Her quantum alignment background allows her to connect with her clients' energetic imbalances intuitively.
She is the founder of Rebel Instinct Coaching, which integrates physical, mental, and spiritual well-being by fueling the body, engaging the mind, and nurturing the spirit. Her belief, if one of these areas is out of alignment, than none of them can properly function.
Liz has made it her mission to help others incorporate these practices into their personal and professional lives in a way that is aligned with their goals. She has also developed the Teen Rebel Mastery Program, an interactive, highly engaging mental and physical training program that helps each grasp and apply critical concepts for peak performance in both sports and life.
Her passion for integrative health has inspired her to develop, The Power Plate Method and The Connected Body Method, which, at its core, focuses on nutrition, movement, and mindset.
