Veronica is a Holistic Trauma Specialist. She is a qualified BodyTalk Practitioner, qualified TRE Provider and utilises quantum field talk therapy to help her clients address and understand trauma, and how it manifests in their body (physically, mentally and emotionally).
The holidays are upon us, full of family, love, travel, traditions, festivities, and holiday cheer—the Hallmark season. While this is the marketed image of this time of year and the picture many experience, there are also many who find this season very difficult for a variety of reasons.
What is a holiday trigger?
A trigger is something (a person, situation, or event) that causes a reaction inside of you. This reaction is outwardly expressed as an emotion and/or behavior. Triggers can vary widely; some elicit responses like sadness, while others provoke full-blown panic or dissociation, often tied to highly traumatic memories. Some triggers are associated with or linked to a specific time of year, a phenomenon referred to as seasonal trauma.
This time of year is full of triggers. Some examples include:
Battling to conceive and seeing families with babies celebrating the season as a family unit
Dealing with the first holiday season without a loved one or being reminded of a death anniversary
Being alone, not spending time with family, or being reminded that you do not have a family or partner of your own
Being reminded of a toxic mother/father relationship or family dynamic while observing others with their families
Struggling financially, coupled with guilt and anxiety as this season may put additional pressure on you
Walking into family functions knowing you will be judged for making choices different from “how you were raised”
What causes a trigger?
A trigger is caused by a memory seated deep inside your body and cellular memory, one that carries an emotional charge. It is a memory, desire, or fear that is active in your body, mind, and consciousness at that moment.
When you have experienced a traumatic incident, you may encounter something that reminds you, either consciously or subconsciously of that event. It could be a smell, a person, a similar situation, an image, or something else.
In effect, something has "triggered" a response within you. These triggers can be extremely painful for some.
How does the trigger affect the body?
Each body is different, and each trauma is absorbed in a variety of ways by the individual experiencing it. However here are some ways in which a trigger can affect the body.
1. Dissociation
Dissociation occurs when one becomes disconnected. It is a coping mechanism of the body. It is defined as “the separation of some aspects of mental functioning from conscious awareness, leading to a degree of mental dysfunction” (Oxford Languages definition).
What does this mean? A person shuts off their feelings and thoughts, suppressing certain memories. This can happen unconsciously as the body tries to keep the individual safe. For example, a child who was sexually abused may have memory gaps or may not recall what happened. Consciously, an individual may decide they are not allowed to feel angry or sad about something and, as a result, suppress those emotions. This can lead to an adult who is disconnected from an aspect of themselves.
2. Remembrance of a memory
On the other hand, a trigger reminds someone of something. For example, seeing your siblings or friends with partners might make you feel alone. This could remind you of something you desire and evoke feelings of sadness or highlight what you feel is missing in your life.
3. An overload of feelings
This time of year may cause an influx of feelings like panic, anxiety, guilt, and overall stress. Someone already stretched thin by work, family commitments, household duties, and other responsibilities may feel they simply cannot handle another obligation. This could trigger feelings related to being overwhelmed, isolated, or unsupported. A common physical manifestation of carrying too much emotional or mental burden is back or neck pain.
4. Stomach issues
The stomach is another area that absorbs many undigested emotions triggered by stress or memories. This may manifest as constipation, diarrhea, nausea, acid reflux, heartburn, or general stomach pain. During this season, increased consumption of sugar, alcohol, and processed foods, as well as overeating, is common. This combination can disrupt the gut microbiome, exacerbating stomach issues.
5. Fight or flight responses
When we are triggered, a memory may surface, and we may re-experience it along with the body’s reaction. As the memory rises to awareness, the body may relive aspects of it. Physical effects can include a racing heart, sweating hands and feet, the urge to run and hide or flee a situation, shaking, sudden fear, nervousness, and more.
Triggers and behavioral responses
Triggers such as constant music, loud sounds, flashing lights, and consistent sensory input can cause migraines and shutdowns in many individuals, particularly younger children, sensory-sensitive kids, and the elderly. While not an emotional trauma trigger per se, such stimuli can be overwhelming and provoke strong emotional reactions. Children may exhibit anger outbursts, disrupted sleep, or persistent crying—responses that indicate the body’s attempt to communicate that they are not coping and that their nervous system is overstimulated.
Other behavioral reactions may also arise as a result of triggers. These could range from withdrawal in family or social settings to the avoidance of certain events, places, or people. Behavioral responses could also manifest as alcoholism, gambling, risky sexual behavior, or escapism into virtual reality, such as excessive video game use or time spent on online platforms. Generally, such behaviors are reactions that serve to avoid or numb the emotional response or pain.
How to deal with your triggers
Identify the trigger. Being in touch with what causes you to go into a state is very empowering.
Remember, you do not need to explain this to anyone.
Set boundaries with anyone who disrespects you or is toxic to you.
Do not allow yourself to be manipulated into being around people or participating in traditions or events that you do not want to.
Focus on eating good, wholesome, and nutritionally dense food. This will help keep your blood sugar levels stable and your gut healthy and strong, allowing for smooth production of neurotransmitters, especially serotonin.
If things become overwhelming, or if you feel it is needed, seek nonjudgmental help, either from a professional or, in the interim, a trusted individual.
Keep a routine. This season is full of disruptions, so maintaining a routine—especially a sleep routine—can help keep things stable and make it easier to manage so much change. This is particularly true for children, as it gives them a sense of safety and control.
Triggers hold a gift too
Nothing is random in the body; everything is in communication. Your triggers will reveal parts of yourself that need attention and healing. You can think of your triggers as information about yourself that you may not always be aware of—or are only aware of on a surface level but haven’t explored deeply enough. This does not always have to stem from large-scale trauma, as we have discussed. For instance, if something about someone irritates you, why does it irritate you? Why does it elicit a charged response instead of a neutral one where you simply notice, disagree, and move on with your life without any strong emotions surfacing?
If you can examine these aspects of yourself, you can shed light on them and address them. The result? A calmer nervous system, a body and mind that work together to understand you, and the release of whatever was lying beneath that trigger.
Example: You are in a new relationship, and every time a slight disagreement or argument arises, you feel your blood pressure rising. You feel nervous and hot and struggle to find the words to express yourself. Is this normal? No. This is a stored reaction based on a past experience.
There is a memory of how you experienced conflict in the past. Perhaps a past relationship was highly volatile, and you feared arguments. Perhaps you were never allowed to disagree with your past partner and were criticized for holding a different view. Perhaps, as a child, you were not allowed to disagree with your parents, and their beliefs were always considered right. There are so many possibilities.
Whatever the individual situation, your body stored this response, and the new relationship triggered it. Learning from your triggers involves asking, “Why is my reaction like this?” Understanding the story behind it is one layer, but the deeper understanding lies in uncovering what you absorbed. Was it a fear of speaking up for yourself? A fear of not being accepted? A fear of being scolded if you didn’t agree with your parents’ or partner’s thoughts or beliefs?
While shutting down and adapting may have been a strategy to keep you safe at the time, it can hinder your future or adult self. The situation has changed, but the memory and coping mechanism remain ingrained in your mind and body.
These insights into triggers hold valuable information—and simultaneously, they hold so much freedom.
This season, not everyone feels jolly, and for some, this time of year can be heartbreaking. You do not know what the person next to you is dealing with, nor do you know what they need. A good general approach? Remember kindness, both for others and for yourself.
That little kid having a meltdown is probably exhausted and dysregulated. That mom holding it together might be full of guilt, trying her best to create a magical experience for her children while dealing with her own triggers. The dad who never had a father may be grappling with his loss while trying to navigate fatherhood without a role model. That friend who built walls around herself to protect her heart may be fearful of being hurt. The young lady at the grocery store, working a double shift, might be trying to help her parents out. The silent PTSD sufferer, who no one notices because they have perfected their societal mask, is likely struggling too.
Not only will your compassion and kindness go a long way for others, but it will also soothe your own nervous system.
Read more from Veronica di Muro Merchak
Veronica di Muro Merchak, Holistic Trauma Specialist
Veronica has a unique approach to trauma as Holistic Trauma Specialist. She combines her personal experience, her academic qualifications, her professional experience, and her in depth intuitive understanding of people to help them navigate their individual situations. An important focus of hers, is to empower her clients so they understand how trauma was received by their individual body and above all; how it is possible to move forward, in an unapologetic and gracefully powerful way.
