Theresa Rybchinski is a Mental Health Somatic Therapist and founder of Wild Journey Recovery. Her private practice supports individuals navigating trauma, addiction, and chronic stress, through a holistic approach to mental health and wellness.
Nervous system regulation has become a buzzword in the wellness industry, with countless quick-fix solutions promising calm and balance. Breathwork, cold plunges, and vagus nerve stimulation are frequently touted as the key to well-being. But is regulation really that simple? Many popular approaches misrepresent the science, offering surface-level solutions that fail to address the complexities of the nervous system, especially for those healing from trauma.
The problem with pop psychology’s take on regulation
"Just do breathwork." "Try cold plunges." "Stimulate your vagus nerve!"
If you’ve spent time in the wellness, therapy, or coaching space, you’ve likely heard advice like this about nervous system regulation. While these tools have their place, the way regulation is commonly discussed often lacks depth, misinterprets the science, and fails to provide effective, sustainable support, especially for those healing from trauma.
Nervous system regulation isn’t just about achieving calmness or "toning" the vagus nerve. It’s about adaptability, the ability to shift fluidly between activation and rest in response to life’s demands. When regulation is oversimplified, we risk offering surface-level solutions that fail to address the nervous system’s underlying needs.
This article breaks down common misconceptions about nervous system regulation and offers a more accurate, neuroscience-backed approach to truly supporting people.
What is nervous system regulation & why it’s more than "being calm"?
The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is central to regulating essential functions like heart rate, digestion, and respiration. Operating unconsciously, it constantly scans both our internal and external environments and adjusts accordingly. Its primary role is to protect us from threats, whether real or perceived.
When we encounter stress, such as a demanding job, an argument, or an intrusive thought, the autonomic nervous system relays the message to the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, triggering physiological responses designed to help us react. However, chronic states of dysregulation, whether due to persistent high alert and hyperarousal (fight-or-flight) or shutdown (freeze or collapse), can profoundly impact emotional and physical well-being.
In simpler terms, nervous system regulation is the body's ability to shift between different states of arousal and restoration as needed. It also involves neuroplasticity, which allows the brain to reprogram habitual, impulsive reactions. Nervous system regulation includes the following:
The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Mobilization (fight-or-flight) to respond to challenges.
The Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): Recovery and restoration (rest-and-digest, social engagement).
The Dorsal Vagal System: Freeze, shutdown, or dissociation when overwhelmed.
Neuroplasticity: The brain’s ability to rewire through consistent, corrective experiences.
True, healthy regulation means having access to all these states and transitioning between them fluidly without getting stuck in one, not just striving for perpetual calm. You can read more about this here.
4 misconceptions about nervous system regulation
1. "Regulation means staying calm" (It doesn’t)
A common myth is that being "regulated" means being in a constant state of peace. Regulation is about resilience and adaptability, mobilizing when necessary (without chronic anxiety) and resting when needed (without shutting down into collapse).
Western society often promotes the idea that we must be "calm" to be regulated. However, humans are emotional beings, and true healing involves building the capacity to sit with discomfort. Regulation work includes developing the ability to experience emotions fully, not just suppress them.
2. "Self-regulation is all you need" (Co-regulation is key)
Many models focus on self-soothing techniques while ignoring the fact that humans are wired for connection first. Safe relational experiences, known as co-regulation, help individuals learn to regulate their nervous systems.
For trauma survivors, relationships that foster safety are essential. Therapy plays a critical role, as a therapist's attunement can provide a new experience of safety for a client’s nervous system. Importantly, safety is deeply personal, what feels safe to one person may not be safe for another. In a therapeutic setting, it’s not about assuming safety but about creating space for individuals to define it for themselves.
"Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives." – Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score
3. "Breathwork and cold plunges fix everything" (They don’t, at least not alone)
Breathwork, cold exposure, meditation, and other lifestyle habits can be beneficial, but they don’t rewire deep patterns of dysregulation on their own. Cold exposure, for example, can help the body build resilience to stress. However, if an overactivated nervous system cannot return to baseline fluidly, adding more stress through cold plunges may not be helpful.
These practices should be introduced thoughtfully, similar to weight training. Just as a beginner wouldn't lift heavy weights without proper conditioning, nervous system regulation requires gradually and intentionally building tolerance to stress.
4. "Just do vagal toning exercises" (Polyvagal theory is about more than that)
Some misinterpret Polyvagal Theory as "stimulate your vagus nerve, and you’ll be fine." But Dr. Stephen Porges emphasizes that the vagus nerve doesn’t regulate us; our perception of safety does. Thus, we need to incorporate anchors of safety in our lives.
True nervous system healing occurs through experiencing safety in both the body and relationships. This process is essential for reprogramming a brain wired to detect cues of danger versus safety. You can dive deeper into the science of this here.
Regulation vs. avoidance: Knowing when to return to the trigger
Nervous system regulation isn’t about avoiding emotions but about building the capacity to process them without becoming overwhelmed. Many people use regulation tools to bypass emotional discomfort rather than engage with it. However, true healing involves both soothing the nervous system and eventually returning to the source of dysregulation to address it accordingly.
How to avoid using regulation as emotional bypassing
Recognize when regulation is being used to suppress rather than process emotions.
Once grounded, return to what triggered the dysregulation and explore the underlying emotions with compassion.
Differentiate between numbing out and self-regulating to create space for deeper processing.
Therapy, somatic modalities, and trauma-informed practices can support re-engaging with emotions safely.
The role of regulation in trauma healing: Safety first, then processing
For trauma survivors, nervous system regulation is necessary for deeper emotional work, including trauma memory processing. Without a foundation of safety, engaging with painful emotions can feel overwhelming or even retraumatizing.
Key trauma-informed principles for regulation
Safety first: Establish a foundation of safety before engaging in emotional processing.
Pacing matters: Build distress tolerance gradually to prevent becoming overwhelmed, which can lead to shutting down.
Integration is the goal: Regulation isn’t the end; it’s the doorway to deeper healing. Developing the ability to sit with discomfort and integrate the experience is key to finding wholeness in healing.
Final thoughts: Bringing depth back to nervous system work
Nervous system regulation isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about adaptability, relational safety, and integrating the mind and body. True healing comes from learning regulation tools and engaging with the deeper emotional work that these tools support.
If you’re interested in integrative approaches to mental health, I’d love to connect. If you’re in Alberta, Canada, and would like to work with me, you can book an appointment here. For collaboration inquiries, please email me.
Read more from Theresa Rybchinski
Theresa Rybchinski, Mental Health Somatic Therapist
Theresa Rybchinski is a Registered Social Worker (RSW) and Mental Health Somatic Therapist who integrates body-centred approaches like Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Trauma-Sensitive Yoga, and mindfulness into her work. With a decade of experience in trauma and addiction recovery, she specializes in supporting clients navigating chronic stress, burnout, and mental health challenges. Her lived experience with trauma and addiction informs her compassionate approach, creating spaces where individuals feel seen, heard, and supported. Theresa’s career began at Wilderness Addiction Treatment Centers and evolved into founding her private practice, Wild Journey Recovery, where she combines somatic therapy with trauma-focused care.
