Written by: Irina Costea, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When we talk about the coaching process, the first thing that we need to know about it is the fact that it’s a self-discovery process.
No matter the goals, the techniques, the plan or the strategies that you follow, all of them will be build from the self-discovery point of view.
Why is that?
Let’s imagine that the coaching process is a house. If we look at this house, then the foundation of it is awareness.
More than that, we can talk about meta-awareness. Meta awareness is our capacity of observing our own thoughts and our own narrative.
For the coaching process to be successful, awareness must exist. I have to be able to identify the stories that I am telling myself, the beliefs that I follow, and that are maybe holding me back.
Now let’s take this idea a little further, and to look at awareness from the somatic point of view. Why is it important?
Because if I have to understand who I am, I need to understand how I react to different situations, and what kind of emotions different situations trigger for me.
Emotions are the indicators of how what happens around me feels for me. Is it right? Is it wrong? Do I feel safe? Do I feel threatened?
Emotions are lived in the brain and felt in the body. This is why somatic awareness is essential.
For me to be able to put a space between trigger and response, I need to be able to identify how does my body feel in the fight/flight/freeze/social engagement zones and to learn how to make my body feel safe again.
I cannot regulate my emotions if I don’t have a complete understanding of what is happening with me.
In terms of body safety, I would like to refer to Stephen Porges' polyvagal theory, which he developed extensively in his book "The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication and Self Regulation."
In short, the author says that the autonomic nervous system not only acts as a balance between the parasympathetic and sympathetic systems but that the vagus nerve plays a key role in emotional regulation.
However, it appears that the nervous system has the ability to calibrate the level of threat, a process called neuroception by Porges.
It is important to educate ourselves to understand how the fight/flight/freeze/social engagement response feels to us, to know where we are and what we need to do to bring us to homeostasis (to activate the parasympathetic branch of calm and safety conscious, volunteer).
When the amygdala (the part of the brain that handles the “threat/fear response”) detects the threat, there are 3 responses of the nervous system:
Fight: the feeling is "I CAN DO SOMETHING" about the threat, and in the fight, I go TOWARDS the threat. The emotions felt in the fighting zone are: anger, irritation, and frustration.
Flight: The feeling is still "I CAN DO SOMETHING" but I move AWAY FROM the threat. The emotions felt are: panic, fear, anxiety, and worry.
Freeze: usually the state of freeze occurs when the nervous system is overwhelmed and receives the message "I'm stuck, I have no escape, death." The emotions/feelings associated with this condition are: dissociation, numbness, depression, energy conservation, helplessness, shame, hopelessness, preparation for death, and blockage.
Social engagement / parasympathetic activation area (rest & digest) is the area where we feel safe, connected, happy, present, curious, open, compassionate, we are here and now.
In my personal practice and with most clients, bringing attention to how our nervous system reacts to situations has played an extremely important role in this journey towards better emotional regulation.
Firstly because it develops the meta-awareness component, and secondly because only if meta-awareness is developed can you put space between trigger and response.
It's important to mention that our amygdala doesn't differentiate between what's a real threat: the lion in the jungle or our fear of public speaking it's the same for our brain.
You can modulate your emotional response only when you restore safety in the body. When the amygdala is firing, the body enters into the fight/flight/freeze state and 75% of the supply for your prefrontal cortex (essential in emotion regulation) is cut. You basically function with only 25% of your cognition.
So if you want to bring back your cognition, you have to understand what needs to be done to make your body feel safe again.
The polyvagal theory is extremely useful in understanding that our reactions or responses are something normal in our own life’s context.
At first, it’s an instinctive reaction, your brain does whatever it needs to do to protect you, even if you don’t like it.
And if you are aware of these things, you can consciously intervene and choose to act differently. This is why the coaching process is so important.
Because want it or not, emotional regulation is something that needs to be added to the skill list, when you are striving to reach your goals. And not only from a reaction point of view, but also from understanding better your life’s story, how did you got here to where you are now, and who you need to become in order to reach your goals.
So my challenge for you is to observe yourself a little bit more in the next period of time, when you are angry, when you are happy when you are sad: what do I feel? Where in my body do I feel it? What is the physical reaction that my body has when I live intense emotions?
Gather info, observe how your body feels, and with time you will start to catch those physical responses before you act. And that will allow you to choose what you do next.
Irina Costea, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Irina Costea is a Transformational & NeuroMindfulness Coach® and a former HR Professional. After a severe postpartum depression scattered with suicidal thoughts, Irina discovered Positive Psychology and the power of coaching. Once enrolled in the coaching school, she soon realized that her personal mission is to help other people unlock their true potential through practices of neuroscience and mindfulness. She believes that only by mapping and following your fears and blockages you can live authentically. Because only when you use them as your stepping stones you can connect to yourself again.
Costea has been trained as a Coach at CoachVille, one of the first coaching schools in the world, and as a NeuroMindfulness® Practitioner at the NeuroMindfulness® Institute. She also worked as a Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist for one of the biggest travel platforms in the world.
