Written by: Debbie Gill, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
"Persona. The mask or image we present to the world. Designed to make a particular impression on others, while concealing our true nature." – Carl Jung
We all wear masks.
We use them as part of our daily routine. Masks hide our pain, our anxiety, our shadow selves. A person rarely escapes childhood without some scar or wound, so we learned early on that we needed to protect ourselves, and they became a safety net that conceals our true feelings.
If you're like most people, you were told as a child to get perfect grades, to behave, and to follow social norms. Years of indoctrination can cause you to feel like you have to be someone else to be accepted, so you hide your authentic self behind a façade and stay stuck in your childhood wounds.
There are so many occasions you may wear a mask you aren't even conscious of when you change them. What persona do you show to the outside world: family, friends, business associates?
Are you a "Shrinking Violet" that hides behind a "Look at Me" mask? Or perhaps you're wearing "Happy, the Clown" when you are sad and depressed. It could be you feel inadequate about your ability to engage in a conversation on world affairs, so you wear your "Intellectual" mask.
Here are five typical masks we wear. Ask yourself, "Which of these do I wear?"
1. The Overachiever/ Hyper-Achiever— The Overachiever felt their parents loved them for achieving, behaving, or being polite, and as a result, began to don this mask. It hides all the insecurities you have about failing and your worthiness.
As an Overachiever, or Hyper-Achiever, you may focus on perfection, as not being perfect is a sign of failure. Successful outcomes are the standard by which you judge yourself: you feel worthy when you succeed.
2. The People Pleaser— The People Pleaser must be liked and accepted and will go to any lengths to win the approval of others. That means you are always doing something for other people, with no time left for yourself.
As a result, you neglect your own needs. You are hiding your feelings of low self-esteem and feel it's your fault when anything goes wrong. Others easily influence you, and making decisions is difficult.
3. The Comedian/Humorist/Clown —The Comedian may use comedy and humor both as a defense mechanism and a way of coping with adversity by enabling people to perceive the absurdity in highly challenging situations.
They may also use it as a protective shield, preventing anyone from getting too close or intimate. As such, the Comedian doesn't allow anyone in and is lonely.
4. The Controller— The Controller feels the need to control everyone and everything around him. They use order and power to achieve a sense of security and connect with others through conflict.
The Control Freak may be created when a significant loss or wound occurs in their life and develop the mindset that it will never happen again. They may also be shadowing their insecurities and low self-esteem.
5. The Intellectual— The Intellectual craves validation for being innovative or unique. They are the classic know-it-all but, underneath they have self-doubt, knowing they are not perfect or superior.
They may have been the center of attention growing up or had to compete for it. Intellectuals like to act smart and go to any length to prove they're knowledgeable.
We wear many more masks based on the people we're with and our situation. Taking the time to identify what masks you wear to protect yourself is the first step to healing the wounds from the past and creating a more meaningful relationship with others.
"Being authentic begins with unconditional self-acceptance—imperfections and all." – Azim Jamal & Brian Tracy
To be authentic, you must have the courage to acknowledge your limitations and embrace your vulnerability. Have the courage to recognize one mask you wear and then take it off. See what happens. Feel what it feels like to know what it means when Polonius said in Shakespeare's play, Hamlet, "This above all: to thine own self be true."
Debbie Gill, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Debbie Gill is the founder of Go Within Spiritual Coaching and Go Within Yoga. She integrates her knowledge and experience as a spiritual coach and yoga teacher with the wisdom of Caroline Myss, a Medical Intuitive and five-time New York Times bestselling author, Anodea Judith, an expert on the Chakra System, somatic therapy, and yoga, and Lion Goodman, creator of the Clear Beliefs® Process. As a Certified Clear Beliefs® Coach, Debbie can assist you with clearing core beliefs that hold you back from becoming your true self and living your true purpose through the Clear Beliefs Process® (CBP). The CBP is a set of tools and techniques that frees you from past limitations so you can freely choose your beliefs and live an empowered and more fulfilling life. Debbie is the author of, Struck by Lightning: My Journey from the Shadow to the Light, where she chronicles her life’s struggles with her shadow aspects and addictions. The spiritual memoir reflects her emergence from the shadow caused by traumatic wounds to the light where truth brings awareness and healing. A grateful recovering alcoholic since June 6, 2000, she lives the 12-Steps of AA and practices its principles in her daily life, and continues her study at CMED with Myss and Judith, and Goodman.
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