Written by: Carole L. Sanek, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I was informed this past week by my grief therapist that she can only do two more sessions with me. It seems I have reached a point where ongoing therapy is no longer needed.
I felt saddened but not gut punched. I knew this day was coming. I am in a much better place and there is a vast difference in where I was 3 years ago and where I am now.
Being a widow is my superpower. I speak about this often on many different platforms and I know when I say this I get looks, like what the hell am I talking about? Most people cannot wrap their collective heads around my statement. It takes another widow or widower to get it.
Let me begin to explain my stating we widows and widowers have survived a loss most people cannot even begin to imagine. This is me, sharing my story, letting all who read this into my intimate world of grief while explaining why being a widow is my superpower.
It takes time, a lot of time, however, one day I realized I get up and I get things done because I have to do this. I push through and pushing made me stronger.
I teach others how to grieve. Over a year ago when I made a long-distance move from the beaches of Florida to the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, I entered a store that called to me as I drove by and I met the owner.
The conversation eventually led to me revealing I wrote a book about grief. I saw his face change instantly and for the next 30 minutes he spoke to me about his grief. There we were, strangers, sharing intimate details of the wilderness of grief we were living in at the time. He kept apologizing, I kept saying please keep talking. He did and when he finally said he had to go back to work and thanked me for listening I told him only we who grieve can talk about it and help others.
In late 2021 I realized I like my independence. I embraced it. I like living alone. I know this is how I want to spend the rest of my days. On the flip side of this, I do not like being lonely. It took me a long time to gather my courage and take myself outside my four walls and go to gathering places. However, I did it, and I liked it, and I do it more now. I have made wonderful friends, and I am in charge of me not being lonely.
Being a widow brought out my authenticity. When I was married my loving husband defended me, took care of me, and he kicked ass for me. Now I do the ass-kicking and I have become good at it. Nobody puts this widow in the corner.
I know how quickly our worlds can change. I see the blue in the skies, I feel the warmth of the sun, I smell ALL the flowers not just the roses. I understand joy and pain coexist. I do things I may never have done. I understand the importance of doing the dance and I took it seriously enough to take ballet lessons.
I look back at these 3 years and realize the only person I could save was me, the imperfect me, and I know my imperfections and I accept them. I will never have all the answers however I have peace in knowing that.
In understanding my superpower, I also saw the people who were no longer there for me. Here I was grieving a huge loss and knowing I had to also let go of the toxic people who showed their ugliness to me. They are all gone and I could hear my late husband asking me what took me so long. He knew, he always knew who they were.
Here is an absolute to consider. Losing a spouse is at The VERY TOP of the stressful things that happen. You can look it up for yourself it is 1. Letting go of people who treat you like shit is absolutely necessary.
The biggest question I get asked over and over is how do I do it. I often think, do what? I certainly didn’t do anything but exist for weeks, maybe months, but now? I do it because it is my superpower.
If you are a widow, you understand that we get up everyday all by ourselves, we put on our capes and we welcome whatever comes our way knowing we will get it all done. We hit the mattress at night and wake ready to do it all again.
I am a widow. What is your superpower?
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Carole Sanek, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Carole L. Sanek is a certified life coach specializing in personal coaching from a perspective of understanding grief. Carole is also an author and her book Fractured-Living with Grief was published in 2021. Her daily 2 minute podcast, thrivelivethrivezone, is available on all podcast platforms. Carole is currently working on a film project and is producing a docuseries about thriving in life. She welcomes people to reach out to her.
