Written by: Karen Gibson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If parenting were a gourmet dish, its secret ingredients would include love, discipline, consulting, and guidance. Supportive parents make it a priority to show their children that they are loved no matter what, and even if they fail a class, commit a crime, or engage in behavior that breaks a parent’s heart. The most challenging part of parenting is keeping one's cool when their child disrespects them. How does a parent handle their frustration and disappointment if their child is arrested? What if your child swears at you in anger?
What is the million dollar secret to loving children when they give you an attitude, refuse to do homework, experiment with alcohol before the legal drinking age, or don't obey your rules? Realize that you control your own emotional life. Are you taking on a responsibility that is not yours? Keeping this perspective in the midst of anger seems impossible.
However, if you practice this one tip, you will not only seriously save your sanity, your kids will grow into adults who feel unconditionally loved, accepted, and valued. It is normal to feel intense hatred towards your child during their challenging behavior. Remind yourself that your child's value isn't defined by their poor choices or misbehavior. It's easy to focus on the situation that causes you extreme anger and less on your child.
Keep in mind that overreacting can result in damaging the emotional connection with your child. Parents are often alienated when arguments arise, and their adult children feel that life without interacting with their parents would be more peaceful, less chaotic.
Parents may feel embarrassed, helpless, and ultimately angry — emotions that don't lead to feelings of liking or love. However, t's important to keep in mind that your child's behavior is his or her attempt to get unexpressed needs met, which does not reflect on your parenting. Focus on your child's strengths. Focus on loving your child no matter what!
Karen Gibson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Karen is the founder of "Letting Go with Aloha," offering coaching for overwhelmed parents and those in parenting roles who want to parent with peace instead of pain. As a former special education teacher, she also founded Brain Builders, a private tutoring business whose mission is to enhance students' mental and emotional potential. She is the author of "Mama's Gotta Let Go: How to Let Go Without Losing Your Sanity,” available on Amazon, as well as “100 Parenting Tips Inspired by the Pandemic,” published in March 2021 by Balboa Press.
