Written by Nicole Ayub, Personal Finance Coach
Nicole Ayub's passion is to help people have a healthy relationship with their money & reach their financial goals. This led to her becoming a personal finance coach & launching her brand Wall Street Girl Next Door. She currently works on Wall Street where she sees her industry overlook the everyday person & not address people's emotional behaviors which drive their financial decisions.
Money is a significant part of a relationship and one of the leading causes of divorce. Yet, couples are resistant to talking about money with their partner. Lack of communication and transparency can lead to financial infidelity.
What is financial infidelity?
Financial infidelity refers to secretive or dishonest behavior regarding money in a relationship. It occurs when one partner keeps financial matters hidden or without the knowledge or consent of the other.
This can involve hiding purchases, accumulating debt in secret, lying about income or savings, or maintaining secret accounts. One of the most common things I hear is that one person in the relationship handles the finances, and the other has no idea what is going on. Your finances should be a shared responsibility.
What financial infidelity looks like
Hidden debt: One partner secretly accumulates credit card debt or takes out loans without informing the other.
Secret spending: Hiding making purchases or large expenditures.
Lying about income: Dishonesty about how much money one makes to control the family budget or avoid contributing fairly.
Maintaining secret accounts: Opening and managing separate bank accounts, investments, or assets unknown to the partner.
Making investment decisions or investing in risky ventures that could impact your overall financial health.
Financial infidelity can damage trust in a relationship and may lead to conflict, mainly if it affects the couple's shared financial goals or long-term plans.
The reasons someone commits financial infidelity can vary. However, fear of judgment, differing financial values, and attempts to maintain independence or control are common reasons. Financial infidelity can lead to feelings of betrayal similar to emotional or physical infidelity, potentially threatening the honesty and trust in a relationship. Open communication and shared financial planning are suggested to prevent or resolve such issues.
Ways to avoid financial infidelity
The first thing you want to do is regularly communicate openly about your money and financial situation. Sit down together once a month and go through your spending and accounts together.
Talk and commute about how you feel about money. This is beyond looking at numbers; it is about talking about fears or even shame. Be honest with your partner and, at the same time, hold space for them to talk to you about their feelings. Share your beliefs about money and notice if there are areas of contention or misalignment.
It's really important to have shared financial goals and a plan for your future. You want to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about your future and how money will play into that.
If you are keeping something from your partner, the best thing to do is to come clean and disclose what happened. Being open and honest is always the best policy.
Ask for help if you are struggling to communicate openly about your finances. A third party or financial coach can mitigate the situation, help you get on track, and open lines of communication in a healthy manner.
Money should not be ignored in a relationship. It is one of the leading causes of divorce. If you would like support with this, click here to schedule a free consultation.
Read more from Nicole Ayub
Nicole Ayub, Personal Finance Coach
Nicole Ayub's passion is to help people have a healthy relationship with their money & reach their financial goals. This led to her becoming a personal finance coach & launching her brand Wall Street Girl Next Door. She currently works on Wall Street where she sees her industry overlook the everyday person & not address people's emotional behaviors which drive their financial decisions. Nicole's goal is to bridge the gap for people who do not qualify for financial advising & give them the support and resources they need to make healthy financial decisions. Through this brand she is bringing awareness to people’s relationship with their money on an emotional & mental level so they can achieve financial freedom.
