Written by: Michele DeVille, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Everyone will grieve. It’s a part of life that is impossible to avoid and it is not a question of if you will grieve, but when.
It is not an easy journey and there will be days when you feel lost, alone and like the journey of grief will never end. And, in part, it doesn’t really come to a hard stop or end. Following a significant loss, there is no destination in grief.
Grief quickly becomes a part of who you are, and it changes everything. Life is not the same after a difficult loss. How could it be?
You will not be the same person? How could you be?
Society will feel uncomfortable with your grief. People will desperately search for the person you used to be “before” and then struggle to accept who you have become “after.”
Sadly, you will feel pressured to get back to normal at home, at work and in the community. To be the person you once were. To pretend like you are okay even when you’re not. To put your grief behind you and to apologize when you can’t.
Because that is what society needs you to do. Friends, family, and colleagues need you to be okay because it is far too uncomfortable when grief is hanging around.
But what if I told you:
You don’t have to justify your grief. To anyone.
It’s okay to grieve in whatever way feels right to you and for as long as you need to.
What if I told you?
There are no timelines or expiration dates when it comes to grief.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is only your way to grieve.
What if I told you?
It’s okay to not be okay.
It’s okay to have days when it is difficult to take those hard steps and it’s a struggle just to survive.
What if I told you?
You don’t have to hide or ignore your grief. Just because others need you to.
You don’t have to pretend you are fine when your life has turned upside down.
You don’t have to do any of those things.
What you do need is to give yourself grace and permission to grieve. To feel all that you need to feel.
You need to love yourself and tend to your heart when you are in pain. To remember that it’s okay to feel joy in the midst of the pain. To cry when you need but let go of the guilt when you smile and laugh.
You need to rest, heal, and recharge. To be patient as you learn to grow around your grief and carry it forward.
Hold the memories close, talk about your loved one and share the stories that warm your heart.
Life may never be the same, but life can still be good.
Grief is unpredictable and there will always be days that are filled with grief. But there will still be things to enjoy, beauty to be found and people to connect with and love.
You may have changed, and grief has become a part of who you are but eventually, the raw edges of grief will soften. The heavy baggage of loss and grief will become lighter and easier to carry forward from one moment to the next.
It is possible for the curtain of darkness to lift allowing more light to find its way through the cracks of all that feels so broken.
Is it easy? NO. Possible? YES.
Grief isn’t meant to be easy and it’s a path no one ever chooses to take but it is a journey we will all walk. We are all in this together and while grief is an experience that is personal and can only be carried by you, it is important to remember you don’t have to do it all alone.
If you are struggling with loss and grief or are desperately trying to support a loved one who is grieving, I’m here to help. Visit www.micheledeville.com for tools, resources, articles and support.
Michele DeVille, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Michele DeVille has a deep passion for supporting those who are grieving as well as educating loved ones, communities and the workplace on how to better support grievers. Her own life experiences and grief journey led to this important work. She is dedicated to changing how we think about grief through workshops, coaching, writing and creating helpful resources in the grief space. All grief matters and deserves to be validated, seen and heard.
