Written by: Ryan Light, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Healing is not a "one and done" process. It involves making a commitment on your part to consistently put in the effort and do the hard work.
While you may still search for the proverbial magic pill or someone to save you, this will only prolong the healing process, as well as your hurt and pain.
When you make a decision to finally begin healing, I would suggest seeking out a therapist, counselor, or coach to guide you through this process.
A few techniques you might want to include along your healing journey as well are:
Journaling
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
Thought Field Therapy (TFT)
Meditation
Let's take a look at each of these in a bit more detail.
Journaling
You might think journaling only consists of writing down your thoughts or talking about your day. Yet there are actually various types of journaling that are beneficial, such as:
Jot Journaling: This is great for when you are on the go, but still, need to "let it out".
Inner Child Journaling: This technique is a chance for that little boy or girl inside of you to speak
Grief Journaling Technique: This will help you to work through any type of loss you may experience.
Jot Journaling works great to get your thoughts and feelings out of your head when the situation is not ideal stop what you are doing and "sit with it". I'd suggest keeping a small, pocket-sized journal in your purse, briefcase, car, etc. You can then revisit your entries when you have the time and solitude to properly work through them.
Inner Child Journaling is a technique used to enable conversations between your adult self and inner child. No matter the type of conversation, write with your dominant hand when your adult-self is speaking and your non-dominant hand when your inner child is. I know this may sound kind of strange, but when you write in this way, you will expose both your rational side (adult-self/dominant hand) as well as your emotional side (inner child/non-dominant hand).
TIP: Don't stop and think beforehand, worry about grammar, punctuation, neatness, or filtering JUST WRITE!
Grief Journaling is not designed to work through only the loss of a loved one, but to walk through a loss of any kind (marriage, job, childhood, financial, home, friendship, etc.). I would suggest journaling through this process in the following order:
What did I love about _____?
What do I miss about _____?
How am I going to remember/honor the loss of _____?
It is time to say goodbye.
Do NOT rush through this! Take all the time you need to not only journal but in choose and carry out those activities in steps 3 and 4.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
EFT is a technique designed to "talk it out" through tapping.
You start EFT by tapping on the points listed below in sequence for a total of 5 to 7 times each, while at the same time reciting phrases similar to the example below. You should do this for a total of 3 rounds. Check-in with yourself before you begin, as well as after each round to rate how you feel on a scale of 1-10.
The following is how to tap through feelings of "loneliness":
Top of Head: "Even though I feel lonely, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself."
Eyebrows: "I feel so lonely."
Side of Eyes: "I hate feeling lonely."
Under Eyes: "This loneliness hurts."
Under Nose: "I am so lonely."
Under Chin: "I'm frustrated by this loneliness."
Collarbone: "I'm tired of feeling so lonely."
If you are new to tapping or are searching for more specific topics to tap your way through, you might want to try a guided app like "The Tapping Solution".
Thought Field Therapy (TFT)
TFT is another tapping technique where how you tap is specific to the algorithm you choose to work through. Also, with TFT there is no talking involved, only tapping.
An example would be if you are struggling with what I call "love pain". This is the heaviness you feel within your heart.
What you would do is sit with this feeling (or think about what it feels like) and tap on the following points in order 5-7 times each:
Eyebrows
Under the eye
Under the arm (bra strap area)
Collarbone
What this does is calm down your amygdala. Continue through this sequence as many times as needed until you begin to feel the calm wash over you.
There are a wide variety of things you might choose to tap on, such as PTSD, grief, shame, and so on. I would suggest you look up "Callahan Techniques" to find a complete list of algorithms, along with their associated tapping sequences.
Meditation
The first thing I want you to understand about meditation is it has absolutely NOTHING to do with controlling your thoughts, but everything to do with anchoring your feelings.
Meditation is about learning to allow your thoughts to come and go. When your mind begins to wander (which it will), you choose an anchor to focus your attention back onto, such as your heartbeat or breath.
Meditation is not only a calming technique but will give you a safe place to go when you are struggling with feelings like depression, anxiousness, overwhelm, and so on.
There are a couple of guided meditation apps I would strongly encourage you to check out as well:
Headspace: Great for beginners
Insight Timer: Better for those more advanced in the meditative process.
Healing is a Process
The techniques above are just a few of many you may choose to utilize throughout the healing process.
It is going to take some trial and error on your part to formulate a plan in regards to which modalities will benefit you the most.
Just don't forget to allow room for plenty of self-care, self-compassion, and self-forgiveness.
Healing is not linear and is going to take time. But when you make the decision that the pain of healing finally outweighs the pain of hurting, you will never want to look back!!
Ryan Light, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ryan Light is a mental health coach, author, thought leader, and influencer in the mental health space. Having spent 20 years of his life attempting to run, avoid and hide from the pain of his childhood and adolescence. He struggled with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and panic disorder. After contemplating suicide, Ryan decided to finally confront his traumas through what he now coins “Feeling Work” and heal the real issues plaguing him with various mental health disorders. Today, his passion lies in guiding others through their struggles with anxiety, depression, and/or trauma through such avenues as social media, public speaking, self-paced courses, e-books, live workshops, and 1:1 coaching.
