Written by Royce Morales, Transformational Facilitator, Teacher, Podcast Host, Speaker, Author, Columnist
Royce Morales is a renowned trailblazer and creator of an innovative, spiritually-based approach to inner transformation. Her program, Perfect Life Awakening, emerged from a lifetime of frustration searching for inner work that worked. She discovered that by revealing specific subconscious origins of self-sabotage and removing its persistent influence, life can shift.
When the man who would become my future husband walked through my kitchen to get a glass of water, I suddenly noticed, wow, he has cute, muscular legs. Granted, I had known this man for a few years, considered him a friend, and saw him daily as the renter of my garage for his silk-screen business. So, it was odd to suddenly notice legs I had seen dozens, if not hundreds, of times. It shocked the hell out of me, actually.
I chose to ignore the feeling that surged through my heart, thinking it was just indigestion or maybe horniness.
To make a long story short, a week later, we discovered we had experienced that intense heart sensation simultaneously. It was like Cupid’s bow hit us at the exact same time.
We were both flabbergasted, so it didn’t take long to trust that insistent (and very wise) Cupid.
One week later, we said the “I love you” sentence. And the “M” word appeared shortly after that.
Ignoring the advice and well-meaning concerns of friends and family, we got married four weeks later. This coming December, we will celebrate our 40th anniversary, proving that Cupid’s aim was surely accurate.
Having a relatively long history of wrong choices in relationships, choosing Michael, or rather, Cupid choosing Michael for me, was the best choice I’ve ever made.
I share my rather amazing story to tell you what I’ve learned about real love. This may sound simplistic, but I learned that only love is real (thank you, John Lennon).
How I learned about real love
The Cupid instigated romantasy about Michael’s cute legs, which wore off soon after we got married. Living together, he became an expert at pushing any and all of my buttons. He’s always late; I’m always early. He’s always silly; I’m always serious. He’s always messy; I’m a kind of a neat freak.
Luckily, I teach in my Perfect Life Awakening program that buttons are simply fears being triggered.
More importantly, buttons accurately show mirrors of something we (in this case, I) don’t want to see about ourselves.
I know. Yuck.
So, my wonderful, perfect husband became my best (and full-time) mirror, reflecting hidden parts of me in ways that no one else could. Lovingly, he facilitated me to finally confront every inch of my well-camouflaged denial. Like all the anger I was suppressing. The guilt I was carrying. The sadness I hadn’t felt and released. The fear that controlled my every move.
Most importantly, he exposed how terrified I was to receive and deserve love. That was the toughest.
It wasn’t fun, but doing this inner exploration with someone I loved and who loved me was a privilege.
It taught me what true commitment means, not running, fighting, arguing, or judging when someone is simply reflecting on what you are suppressing.
The arrival of the hulk
Then there was a time Michael got boiling angry about something I judged as silly (I don’t even remember what it was). Suddenly, this kind, loving, and rational man turned into a modified version of the Hulk, punching a wall and threatening to storm out the door.
Putting on my best Spiritual Teacher persona, I tried to gently talk to him about his button. Calmly and with an overly sympathetic demeanor, I reminded him that he was just in a button. Truthfully, I tried to tell him that he shouldn’t feel that way, that his anger was way too extreme and totally ridiculous.
In other words, I was judging his anger as well as him.
Soon, it escalated even further as he angrily explained that it wasn’t a button but rather from me being an inconsiderate bitch. At that point, had he been one of my students, I could have easily and with full authority explained the mechanics of mirroring. However, doing so with my husband (AKA my mirror) only exacerbated his anger along with my growing frustration.
Then, my self-judgments took over. I heard myself think, Royce, you are a total failure if even your own husband doesn’t get your teachings about mirroring.
Right then, TG, my teachings kicked in, and I saw what I was doing. I stopped mid-stream and silently asked myself what he was mirroring to me.
It didn’t take long to see that he was showing me how suppressed my own anger was and always had been. Digging deep, I remembered an incident as a small child where I had judged myself for expressing anger and had been suppressing it ever since.
What a wake-up call!
The best part was that once I remembered and resolved the origin of that self-judgment, Michael didn’t need to be my suppressed anger mirror anymore. No more Hulk. No more holes in the walls. No more getting lectures from me about his anger. No more trying to get him to change.
Seeing mirrors is having a superpower in your back pocket.
Strange notions about love
I share this story to shed light on the beliefs about love and relationships most of us have, thanks to Hollywood and our parents’ examples. We think that love means walking arm-and-arm off into the sunset, agreeing on everything, and living in constant bliss as we stare into each other’s eyes (or cute legs, as the case may be). When that fantasy gets shaken, we leave in a huff or spend years trying to get them to change.
Truth is, our Higher Consciousness (and Cupid) has us choose partners that are going to be our best, perfect mirrors. We may resist (Read: Fight like hell) seeing those reflections, but keep in mind it’s their assigned job to keep shoving them in our faces until we do.
If we spent as much time practicing self-reflection to see those mirrors (pardon the pun), not only would our buttons cease, but we would evolve exponentially. All our relationships would be elevated, and our entire lives would shift.
If you’re curious, here’s the precise, always accurate way to tell that someone is your mirror: If a button is pushed, there’s a mirror to see. And, nope, there are no exceptions. Sorry, not sorry.
Once you master that awareness, be a shining example of applying it. You can choose to look at it alone, by yourself, or as a couple.
If you want to do it in partnership, don’t do so by acting superior or shoving mirrors in their face. Don’t insist that they look at their mirrors since that never works. Remember, when you are pointing a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.
Rather, when your button is pushed, talk through the process of discovering your mirrors as a demonstration/example they will learn from. Keep in mind that sometimes mirrors are magnifications just to make sure you see them!
Imagine if everyone took the time to look at relationships like that: divorce rates would plummet, fights would cease, blame would end, and love would be real. And yes, I honestly believe there would be peace on earth.
So, this Valentine’s Day (or any day), rather than a box of chocolates and a sappy card, give your partner and yourself the gift of understanding mirrors.
Here’s the moral of the story: Only love is real when you are real.
Oh, and cute legs and Cupid are sure powerful!
Ready to discover mirrors and neutralize their subconscious origins? My Perfect Life Awakening program is life-shifting inner work that transforms you from fear to love. PLA offers profound spiritual concepts, providing tools to make them applicable in day-to-day life. The ten-week small group classes “From Self-Sabotage to Empowerment” are done remotely. I also offer private inner journey sessions using my time-tested, powerful, empowering clearing technique. If you’re tired of the struggle, want to connect with who you really are, and awaken to your true purpose, reach out here.
Royce Morales, Transformational Facilitator, Teacher, Podcast Host, Speaker, Author, Columnist
Royce Morales is a renowned trailblazer and creator of an innovative, spiritually-based approach to inner transformation. Her program, Perfect Life Awakening, emerged from a lifetime of frustration searching for inner work that worked. She discovered that by revealing specific subconscious origins of self-sabotage and removing its persistent influence, life can shift.
She developed a clearing technique that releases programmed, false beliefs from this as well as previous lives. Negative patterns and hidden fears resolve so paralyzing issues lose their impact. This exclusive, time-tested work takes students from triggered to empowered, uncovering their authentic, purpose-driven life.
PLA also provides applicable tools to navigate daily life – ways to rapidly shift from anger to calm, fear to acceptance, judgement to connection. The work emphasizes awareness of, trusting and following one’s innate intuitive wisdom, then taking bold, inspired, real-world action.
The Perfect Life Awakening courses take place remotely and are presented in small groups to provide individual attention. Royce offers private inner discovery sessions to facilitate deeper work, utilizing her proprietary spiritual clearing technique called Spiritual Cognition Integration.
Royce is the author of three books about her teachings: Want – True Love, Past Lives and Other Complications; Know: A Spiritual Wake-up Call and Back: Rebirth After Stroke, all available on Amazon.
Go to Royce’s YouTube channel where she shares enlightening information about her teachings. She posts weekly blogs and writes articles for several other publications.
