Written by: Kristen Lessig Schenerlein, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The primary source of well-being is us. Not, however, meaning that to live a happy life we are on a solo quest, enhancing well-being within the confines of our minds. We make conscious choices to seek out experiences and people to support us on the journey. These guides model positivity and well-being practices we wish to emulate. To be happier, I surround myself with people who make me laugh and smile, demonstrations of happiness. Emotional states are transferred between individuals, emotional contagion that helps shift us to a more positive state from where we can build (Fowler & Christakis, 2009).
A strong foundation for ourselves allows us to extend to others in one-to-one relationships or within social circles we intentionally choose along our path. It is for this reason that I believe well-being starts and ends with the individual and is enhanced by a process of scaffolding within dyadic and group relationships.
Relationships serve as a guide, providing support on the journey to living a meaningful life. Further satisfying the feeling that we fit in and are important members of a group. Feeling understood, recognized, and affirmed through a process of giving and receiving affection, at both the dyadic and group level (Smith, 2017). We are transformed through a process of scaffolding, where one receives support to enhance learning, achieve a goal, traditionally beyond unassisted efforts (McLeod, n.d.). Gable and Gosnell (2011) suggest three concepts of support: structural (interconnectedness of social ties); received support (specific support transactions); and perceived support ( believing others are available if needed). Though different mechanisms may exist, received support was linked to positive outcomes in Gable’s research. Perceived responsiveness was a central aspect of satisfying relationships, specifically connecting to John Bowlby’s attachment theory wherein the foundation of a healthy relationship is built on having had a nurturing and consistent relationship with one caregiver as a child (Peterson, 2006). Support specific to aiding an individual in navigating stressful life events involves the main effects (actively engaged) and buffering (protect) support models. With support there are less stressful events or perceived stressful events in one’s life (Gable & Gosnell, 2011).
Understanding, validating, and caring are essential elements for supporting navigating problems. Our reactions to problems within a dyadic relationship can be active constructive (sharing in excitement); passive constructive-(giving the partner the benefit of the doubt); active destructive (considering ending the relationship); and passive destructive, (avoiding the partner for a while) contributing to both individuals' well-being (Gable & Gosnell, 2011). Alternately, capitalization is a technique supportive to shifting our attention to share the successes or even the small wins or good news so to build off of that, resulting in experiences of positive affect that far exceed the initial positive event. Beyond the intrapersonal benefit, capitalization cultivates a deeper connection (Gable & Gosnell, 2011). Mini moments of connection are an important condition for feeling valued or cared for in any relationship (Peterson, 2006).
Haidt (2006) alludes to the obvious fact that no man or woman is an island. Supported by the early works of Emile Durkheim and hundreds of studies since, if you wish to predict how happy a man or woman is, check their social relationships. Giving support is just as beneficial to the person in the caring role as it is to the person receiving. The process of supporting each other gives life meaning (Haidt, 2006). Through interdependence, we influence each other in the way of goals and outcomes, leading each other to be the best version of ourselves whether within a dyad or group. By incorporating wisdom and resources from those around us, we commit intentionally to become the best version of ourselves, motivated to seek more connections and to build our network (Gable & Gosnell, 2011). This is where we account for equity theory in contrast to earlier referenced attachment theory, where the emphasis is more cognitive versus emotive in nature. What we bring into a relationship, our investment and /or attachment, is where it comes back to us as individuals (Peterson, 2006).
Smith’s (2017) story of Tangier Island, the power of meaning brings us back to the individual role in enhancing well-being. Emphasis being on building close relationships because traditional forms of community are dissolving. Community structures need to be created to set individuals up for investing time and effort, making it easier to form social connections. Jane Dutton's work shows high-quality connections are intentional on our part. Individually initiating or reciprocating. Practicing compassion and providing support will have ripples on our collective well-being.
Kristen Lessig Schenerlein, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kristen Lessig-Schenerlein, a social entrepreneur, mental fitness coach and yoga instructor, is an expert in nonprofit leadership, forever passionate about the fields of neuroscience, positive psychology, and performance science. After nearly two decades of being driven by a mission, almost to complete burnout and after having experienced the real life effects of working within a toxic environment, Kristen began down a new path in service to others facing similar challenges. She integrated her own personal yoga practice and energy medicine into a science-based coaching practice. She became a trained yoga instructor guiding her clients “on the mat” and also an ICF Certified Professional Coach and a Certified Positive Intelligence Coach to support her clients “off the mat” with mental fitness training and coaching. Kristen has dedicated her entire career to transforming the lives of others and sees herself now as a guide to those willing to do the innerwork necessary to link their power with their passions, so that they can live a life more in alignment with their values, while showing up authentically in aspects of their lives. Kristen is the founder of Koi Coaching and Consulting, serving clients around the world, thanks in part to being part of the coaching team of BetterUp as well, whose mission is to make coaching accessible to all, unlocking greater potential, purpose, and passion.
Born in a small coastal town in Connecticut, Kristen also spent a good part of her career in Richmond, Virginia, where she founded her nonprofit organization before moving back to the coast where she now resides in Southwest Florida with her husband and a blended family of four beautiful children.
