Written by Latasha Nicole Phillips, Life Purpose Coach
SoulFlwr LLC is a sacred service-oriented business with a focus on assisting those who come in contact with personal development progression with a focus on the self.
It isn’t new news that we all make mistakes. And since we all make mistakes, we all have a past. Usually, we keep that past hidden from others so as not to draw attention to our alleged flaws or poor choices. This keeps us in a loop of suffering until we decide to do something different, something that involves self-forgiveness, love, and acceptance.
Luckily, the booming information age has made this truth less inconvenient. We are now bombarded with well-meaning resources designed to assist us in just about anything we can think of these days. Namely, there has been massive input regarding building healthier relationships. However, even though we have this great surge of knowledge redirecting us to healthier and more wholesome relationships, an imbalance remains.
This imbalance lies in the lack of clarity and the negative connotations that sometimes surround the concepts of self-love and acceptance from our past. Many of us lack an understanding of the distinction between selfishness and what it means to be self-full.
Since we are well-versed in the characteristics of selfishness, let's delve into the basics of being self-full.
What is being self-ful?
This is a fascinating concept that is closely linked to the practice of self-care. Self-help leaders like Rev. Dr. Iyanla Vanzant have provided a great foundation for the term “Self-Ful.” From our understanding, to be self-ful, we must have love, acceptance, and approval. It involves the willingness to prioritize our needs and peace over all other priorities. It is also the ability to support and protect that willingness by enforcing boundaries with others when necessary.
A common example of being self-ful
One of the greatest examples of being self-ful is when we are about to take off on a flight. Our flight attendant always instructs us that, in the event of an emergency, we are to first place our oxygen masks on ourselves before assisting others. It is a noble ideal to be self-sacrificial or selfless. However, that has its place, and it is something that has been incorrectly inferred by many of us as the path to being self-ful. As the old saying goes, everything must be done in balance.
It is wise and logical to care for ourselves so we can show up better for ourselves and others. Being Self-Ful is the willingness to practice choosing ourselves with the intention of self-improvement rather than being centered on ourselves without considering others.
Self-care versus self-fullness
It is easy to confuse self-care and self-fullness because they are so closely associated with one another. The distinction, however, lies in the fact that self-fullness is an intention or plan to help us love ourselves more in healthy, healing ways. Self-care is a practice or act of self-fullness. In simpler terms, self-fullness is more of a noun due to its conceptual nature, while self-care is more of a verb since it usually involves some form of action or practice.
For instance, we can use mindfulness (as a form of self-fullness) to help us become more aware of our emotional states so that we may process them for inner peace. Getting a massage, taking a nice bubble bath, or even taking a nap are all examples of self-care acts that we can use with the intention of fostering self-fullness.
Benefits of self-fullness
Here are just some of the benefits we can acquire if we choose to embrace self-fullness:
Improved confidence
Improved resilience
Improved focus and clarity
Improved mental health
Better decision-making
There can also be an increase in energy levels. This practice is known to have a positive domino effect on our lives on many levels. The results are astonishing, even to the point where they are so significant that they cannot be fully articulated.
Challenges of self-fullness
Just like anything of value, practicing self-fullness has its challenges. While it is a lifestyle that grants personal freedom, healthy empathy, understanding, and respect for others, promoting harmonious and fulfilling relationships, it comes at a price. We must embrace willingness, flexibility, and the opportunity to explore new experiences that lead us to a greater expansion through lifestyle adjustments.
It also comes with uncertainties, as what is unhealthy in our lives will often resist any new awakenings to positive change. This tends to be especially true for those of us who struggle with various forms of trauma. That is why self-fullness and self-care practices are essential for maintaining us as we transition from suffering to recovery, in whatever form that means for us subjectively.
Ways to become more self-ful
Now that we have a clearer view of self-fullness, let's look at ways to become more self-ful. These are merely suggestions.
It is perfectly okay to glean from this list in light of our circumstances, preferences, and goals.
Self-discovery
Finding out who we are is the first step to becoming more self-ful. To have a relationship with anything, you must find out what it is about. That includes ourselves. Therefore, taking the time to research various aspects of ourselves and our personality is a game changer.
Tell ourselves the truth
This is the core of being self-ful. We must embrace the ability to see things as they are, despite what we desire them to be in our situations. This involves practicing personal integrity.
Being vulnerable to ourselves
This is intimidating for many of us, especially those who have experienced some form of abuse in childhood. Not having a safe space to express our emotional states can be detrimental to our self-concept. Being vulnerable to ourselves is not a disservice, as our fears might suggest. Instead, it is a way to empower ourselves to accept the truth of our situation, which naturally opens the door for change. This also fosters self-compassion, leading to a better understanding of where inner peace can be made regarding our issue(s).
Self-forgiveness
There is a saying in the self-help community that all forgiveness is self-forgiveness. Letting go of emotions surrounding events that we cannot change has a significant impact on our self-concept. This is not an approval of the past events, as they are often associated with trauma. Self-forgiveness is an acknowledgment that an experience affected us deeply, and we are letting go of its negative impact by choosing to make peace with it. That process of making peace usually involves a grieving process of some kind. The emotional release that comes with learning what to do differently to move on is the ultimate peace and reward.
Managing stress
Last but not least is the practice of managing stress. This is where we can incorporate our self-care practices. Alone time is one of the best ways to manage stress. Being self-ful involves prioritizing this alone time so that we remain balanced and focused on our goals. Some people prefer to take bubble baths as a self-care practice. Others take themselves out on a date to dinner or the movies. Some go on trips or retreats. Still, others visit nail salons and massage parlors or simply take a day to do whatever they choose without interruption. The core point is doing things that we love or prefer; those are the activities that energize us and build our self-concept.
Embrace self-fullness
We all have the right to choose what is best for us. That is the heart of being self-ful. Building our self-concept is a win-win for all of us. Yes, it has its challenges and rewards. Yes, we will mess up. As long as we accept that this is part of the process, we will excel in self-fullness. It isn’t as hard as we think.
Self-fullness brings a lot of balance into our lives. It makes us whole on levels we have not even imagined. There is a lot more information out there about this subject. We hope that we have inspired your curiosity as we encourage you to educate yourselves. After all, being self-ful includes striving to be the most informed.
Read more from Latasha Nicole Phillips
Latasha Nicole Phillips, Life Purpose Coach
Latasha Phillips & Shawn Cross are African American female leaders in mastery learning and meditation fields who assist others in personal development and self-improvement endeavours. They have two decades of experience with various tools and resources that they currently use to live lives of inner peace and fulfillment. They created Soulflwr LLC as a sacred service to all who are ready to heal their past and themselves.
