Written by: Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
They are on the rise. Yes, it is a buzzword. And an insult. Or a compliment. That is what the real ones take it for, as they don’t care. But how many people do know what narcissism really entails and are using it in the right context?
What is a narcissist?
The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as a condition in which people:
Have an inflated sense of their own importance
Believe they are superior to others
Believe they are entitled
Have a strong need for admiration
Are extremely confident
Exploit others for personal ends
Demonstrate hostility toward those who challenge them
I would add to that they show a complete lack of empathy. Narcissists will always prioritize their own success and glory over any kindness or sympathy.
One in five
The Cleveland Clinic (one of the best hospitals in the USA) has determined that up to 5 percent of the population has NPD and narcissism is one of the top 10 personality disorders in the United States. Other research suggests that 17-20 percent of the population has NPD, which translates as one in five.
These data are bound to be inaccurate because narcissists rarely seek treatment as they see themselves as perfect.
Which 20% of your colleagues, managers, or board members fit the bill?
Recognising a narcissist within the workplace is important to keep yourself safe, manage your expectations around your work and achievements and recognise the moment when you have to get out.
Typical behavioural traits to watch out for:
Narcissists behave with confidence and arrogance, never take responsibility for anything that goes wrong, and are quick to blame others even if it is their own fault.
They will, however, take the shine when something has gone very well, even if it wasn’t down to their efforts.
They are the opposite of team builders, as they are easily exploiting others for their own gain. They will not be held back by the human aspect of relationships or the impact of their decisions on the well-being of colleagues or employees. Their lack of empathy makes it easy to make ruthless decisions.
They will put people and institutions at risk for their own sense of power and importance.
Being challenged or criticised is taken extremely badly. Anger, aggression and hostility are natural reactions. And… watch out, because they will aim to punish the challenger.
Their belief in their own excellence means they won’t take advice easily. If they do, they’ll twist it and pretend it was their idea.
Because of their grandiosity, they feel above the law. Often leading to fraudulent or illegitimate choices.
More interested in their image, income, power and position than the organisation’s interest.
They are controlling and manipulating to get what they want. Both people and systems.
They are good at creating confusion and chaos, only to then stand up as the ‘saviour’ or hero.
They will sing their own praises. Endlessly. Never those of others.
They hide information, are non-transparent about their business activities, but are keen to get as much information from others as possible.
Narcissists make excellent first impressions. They are charming and charismatic, and this enables them to access high-status positions.
When an organisation hires narcissists in management positions, the culture changes fast. They will make sure to get rid of the people who don’t comply with them and hire their ‘flying monkeys’ instead. Flying monkeys enable the narcissist and are employees, chosen for their support instead of their skills. Enablers who admire the narcissist and go along with their manipulation and values.
The take-over strategy
The narcissist ‘hooks’ their followers through a pattern of behaviour. The emotional abuse cycle contains three stages. The first is ‘Idealization,’ where the enabler is being ‘love-bombed’: told how smart, creative, and perfect they are, treated with respect, extra bonuses, promises and anything else that makes them feel good. This is followed by the ‘Devaluation’ stage, where the narcissist starts to diminish and insult the enabler. It is done in a subtle way, creating confusion through inconsistencies: professional and personal criticisms, sneering, changing the goal post and undermining confidence. The enabler gets nervous, starts to self-doubt and becomes more dependent of the narcissist. This stage turns into ‘Discard’ stage, where the narcissist lashes out and loses the subtlety. They behave bluntly, nasty and rude, leaving the enabler in a state of desperation. And then… the narcissist turns to ‘Idealization’ again. Much to the relief of the enabler, who can stop questioning themselves about what happened as all is well. Until the narcissist enters the next stage, and so the saga continues.
The emotional abuse cycle creates a dependency in the enabler, called the Trauma Bond. A physical and emotional addiction to the good feeling of the ‘Idealization’ stage. It is this that keeps the flying monkeys hooked and the narcissist safe.
What if you recognise your co-worker or manager as someone on the NPD spectrum?
They won’t change, so don’t spend energy on that option.
Don’t upset them by challenging them.
Never believe what they tell you. Always check out if they are speaking the truth.
Don’t share important information as they will use it for their benefit, not yours or the organisation.
Be alert, notice diminishing comments and don’t take those on board.
It is a problem if a narcissist is part of your working environment. Don’t underestimate their influence and start looking to move away from them. You will never beat them. They have the mentality of the fighter who needs to win at all costs. Their focus on this and their lack of empathy help them to make choices that will lead them to be on top. Choices a healthy person will never make.
And that makes them the winner.
Sadly, everyone else, including the organization is the loser.
Find out who are the narcissists in your workplace via this quiz.
Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr Mariette Jansen is a successful coach, therapist, and blogger for over 20 years. Also, author of best-selling self-help book 'From Victim to Victor' for victims of narcissistic abuse. She grew up with a narcissistic mother and had several romantic relationships with narcissists. Her mission is to empower and educate on life skills, narcissistic abuse, and thinking patterns. She offers a free coaching session via her website. Originally from the Netherlands, she now lives in the UK.
