Written by: Kristin Hendrix, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It’s been two years of non-stop disruption for most of us. During that time, everything has been impacted to one degree or another. Our health, work and career, home lives, relationships, food sources and supply chains. The list goes on.
At times it can be overwhelming. The “covid crash” is very real. We’ve had to normalize high levels of stress to get through our daily lives. Until it gets to a point where we struggle. Struggle some more. And then one day find ourselves on our couch for a week, unsure how to get going again.
Personally, each time I felt like I had my arms around one change, another would come. Then it was a new lesson in coping. In grit and resilience.
That was the pattern. Disruption would occur – a new loss, health issue, or work change – and I would struggle to cope. I’d lean on my grit and resilience to put one foot in front of me, and then another. Pull myself back to healthy coping one step at a time. Then I’d look for the lesson. Something the struggle or loss taught me and frame it in gratitude.
It kept me positive and moving forward for about 18 months. Until another health issue – a potential cancer diagnosis – threw me for a loop. I’m all for lessons and gratitude, but I wanted a new lesson. I was all done with grit and resilience, since I know those lessons really well and they were no longer enough.
Instead, I called out to the universe and asked “I’d like a new lesson please. How about how to receive joy? I’m not really good at that lesson, and I think I could use it.”
It changed everything.
Shifting perspective
Disruption is no longer for businesses. It’s for all of us. If we’ve learned anything in the last two years, it’s that disruption can happen anywhere and impact us in ways we wouldn’t expect. A ship turns sideways in the Panama Canal? That one event can have a ripple effect all over the world that we can feel in our homes.
Disruption has become so every day that it is impossible to plan for. Some of us are better positioned than others to weather those storms. We may have better financial means, which provide a solid foundation for creating the mental and emotional resilience to get through them.
Even when we have financial security and endless grit and resilience, it may not be enough when we are bombarded with regular disruption. It can pull us to a place where we struggle to cope and things start feeling dark.
We need a way to get the light back. And that’s where joy comes in.
Yes, there may be dark things going on and joy may be the last thing we’re thinking about or feeling. Yet at any moment, we can call on a moment of joy.
Recently, I was having a day that felt filled with disruption. I realized my thoughts were entirely focused on what was going wrong. I stopped in my tracks and asked myself “What’s going right? What can I find joy in right now?”
It completely reframed my day. The disruption may not have stopped, but by focusing on the good things, I felt better able to cope, manage, and take back the day.
Stop disruption in its tracks
There are three steps to stopping disruption when it feels like it has taken hold of us. The first is recognizing that it’s happening.
Often, we are so busy reacting to what’s going on around us, we don’t stop to consider what’s happening within us. If we endlessly react to disruption, we may not realize we are struggling until our coping mechanisms are no longer working. We can teach ourselves to recognize our thoughts, such as “I’m being short-tempered a lot today” or “I feel like nothing is going right this morning.”
Once we recognize what is happening, we can interrupt it. Taking a pause creates space between the trigger (disruption) and our reaction to create a better response.
The pause can be taking a few deep breaths (four count in, four count out) or standing up and getting away from our desk. Maybe we have enough time to get outside for some fresh air for a few moments or take a walk. Sometimes, physical space makes it easier to create mental space to disrupt patterns.
Once we take that pause and step back from what’s happening, that’s where choice comes in. We may not be able to change the disruption, but we can change our thoughts about our circumstances. We can consider what is going right in this moment. What joy can we experience right now, to put disruption in its place as a (hopefully) temporary moment?
It might seem comical to look for joy when disruption takes hold. Yet there is joy all around us for the taking. If we choose to see it.
Finding joy in the every day
Once we start looking for joy, we can find it just about anywhere. In our rush to get things done, or in our struggle to manage disruption, we may be overlooking moments for joy. With an improved ability to recognize what is happening, and pause to interrupt our automatic response, we can find joy in the every day.
It’s in the warm sun on our face in the cold air during winter. In the ability to help a friend. It’s the smile that lights the face of a neighbor when we wave and say hello. The shared laughter of an inside joke.
These are just a few examples I’ve found when I paused and took a moment to look. The unexpected hug from my teenage son. A wonderful note from a client thanking me for helping them through their struggle. The feeling of fresh sheets when I tuck in for the evening.
While they may seem like small things, these joy triggers can rewire our thoughts to look for the good in our lives. Grit and resilience absolutely play a part in working our way through challenge. However, we can still feel run down if we are constantly calling on them.
Joy refuels and reenergizes us. It replenishes our reserves, which may be tapped out given all that we are trying to manage. With that renewed energy, instead of feeling like we’re “digging deep” for whatever reserves we have left, we feel better prepared to handle the day.
Our joy triggers may be different, but we all can notice a negative pattern, step back from what is going on around us, and look for them.
The struggle is real
Finding joy and refilling our cup does help disruption feel easier to manage. Yet it can still be a struggle. Sometimes, the disruption is coming at a rate we can’t keep up with. Or we’ve already run our reserves so low, we are having difficulty coping.
If we find our coping mechanisms are not working, and it’s impossible to find even small moments of joy, it may be time to ask for help.
The lockdowns of the pandemic created a major shift to tele-medicine, increasing access to mental health support. The on-going stress of the pandemic, and the associated disruption that has come with it, has increased demand and resulted in affordable options to make support more accessible.
Whether we pursue professional help, or tap into our circle of friends and family, it helps to know we are not alone. Our struggle is unique to us, but struggle is part of the human condition and each of us is doing our best to navigate.
Reaching out a hand for help not only creates a light in our darkness. It can also bring joy for the person helping us, creating a virtuous cycle to pull us out of disruption. That’s the fourth step after recognizing what’s happening, taking a pause and stepping back from the situation, and finding joy.
Connecting with others helps us break the disruption cycle and multiply joy. And couldn’t we all use a little joy right now?
Kristin Hendrix, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kristin Hendrix’s mission is to be a catalyst of positive change in the world, one leader at a time. Kristin is a technology executive and professional coach guiding individuals and teams through transformative change. After learning leadership from the United States Marine Corps and evolving those approaches to benefit corporations in the Age of Disruption, Kristin recognized that deficits in the leadership pipeline limited diversity in leadership roles. She created LeadershipVITAE to dispel commonly held myths about leadership, making it more accessible to everyone. Through her writings, speaking engagements, and tailored coaching sessions, Kristin shares tangible methods and frameworks that help others unlock their power and practice the personal and professional leadership skills needed to achieve their goals.
