Written by: Lenore Matthew, PhD, MSW, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If your partner has passed away, here are three spiritual practices to feel their presence this Valentine’s Day.
For those of us whose partner has passed away, Valentine’s Day may bring up a plethora of difficult emotions. Even if it’s not a holiday one ascribes to, the onslaught of messages around love and relationships that pour down on February 14 are a harsh reminder that our person is no longer physically here.
But what if our person were still here – just in a different, energetic form? And if they were, how might we call them close to ease the sting of Valentine’s Day… Or even enjoy it together?
I’m a Dr. of Social Work and a specialist in grief, evidence-based practice, and the afterlife. I’m also a young widow. My late husband passed away unexpectedly in 2020, and from the night he crossed over, I have experienced a visceral, ongoing connection to him. In my work today, I conduct research on the afterlife and teach people how to connect to their departed loved ones. My work shows that maintaining a connection to our departed loved ones is not only possible – but it’s also good for our health, well-being, and healing after loss.
As Cupid draws back his bow this Valentine’s Day, here are three ways to call your late partner close and feel their presence again.
1. Write a letter using channeled writing
Channeled writing (also known as automatic writing) is an intuitive practice that connects us to the spirit world by way of written word. The practice is similar to freewriting or journaling, but instead of engaging your cognitive brain, you set the intention to invite in your loved one and have them write through you.
To do this practice, find a piece of paper or a special journal and something to write with. Take a deep breath, perhaps close your eyes, and ask your loved one to come close. You might light a candle and have meditative music playing in the background. Take some time to settle into a meditative state, or, if it feels right, head immediately to pen and paper.
You might start by writing your invitation for your loved one to come close on the paper, and then, “what would you like me to know this Valentine’s Day?” Then let the pen take off! It may start slowly; it may zoom across the paper. Trust what comes through and try to put all judgement aside. You might even close your eyes as you write.
When the energy settles, come back up for air, and thank your loved one for coming close. Observe the words and any nuances of the writing itself, such as changes in penmanship or use of words that are not in your regular vernacular. Those are indications of another energy working with you. There are many messages packed into spirit communications, some literal, some more interpretative.
Although nuances such as penmanship would be forgone, you can also type on your device if that feels more natural than pen and paper.
2. Connect through meditation
There is ample research documenting the physical and emotional benefits of meditation, including the reduction of anxiety, physical pain, and depression. According to one review published in JAMA Internal Medicine, mediation is as effective as antidepressants in the treatment of depression.
But the benefits of meditation don’t stop at the body and the mind. Meditation also activates the soul and opens the door to higher states of consciousness. For that reason, meditation is a foundational practice of connecting to loved ones in the spirit world.
To connect to your partner using meditation, start by setting sacred space. Bring close any items that help you feel their essence: a candle or incense, a photograph, one of their belongings. You might put on meditative music or binaural beats to deepen your meditative state. (There are many free options on YouTube and meditation apps). From there, find a comfortable seat, soften your gaze, and say, “I’m open. Come close.” Settle into a meditative state, and trust what you receive, be it physical sensations, visualizations, emotions, or even smells and sounds. Even if difficult emotions arise, let the love be your guide. Our loved ones come close to bring us joy and help us heal.
Stay with the energy as long as it lasts. You may want to journal your experience afterward. As always, thank your loved one and the energy of connection. And thank yourself.
3. Enjoy Valentine’s dinner together
If meditation isn’t your thing, or perhaps it’s too much right now, trying taking yourself and your loved one out for a special meal, or cook one at home together to commemorate the day.
As you’re preparing the meal or ordering off the menu, take a deep breath and ask them to come close. Ask them what they would like to eat? Drink? Relax into the energy and feel their responses. You may experience having a conversation with them as you do.
When you sit down to enjoy the meal, mindfully savor each bite. Tune into your partner. How do they feel about the meal? In my research, I’ve found that surviving loved ones sometimes feel their departed loved one vicariously living through them, enjoying the finer things in human life including tastes! Your partner may be doing the same.
Yes, Valentine’s Day is a difficult holiday for those of us whose partner is on the Other Side. But if we’re open to ways in which connections continue, we might open ourselves up to feeling a vein of love that transcends the limits of time, space, and the cognitive, thinking mind.
Lenore Matthew, PhD, MSW, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Lenore Matthew holds a Ph.D. and Master's in Social Work with expertise in grief, evaluation research, and the afterlife. Once a researcher working in public policy, Dr. Matthew's life shifted in 2020 when her late husband suddenly passed away and her intuitive abilities awoke. Today, she blends her social work and research background with her intuitive abilities, to help people connect to their loved ones on the Other Side. Her research and programs are revolutionizing the grief space, demonstrating that not only is connecting to the afterlife possible, but that doing so positively impacts people's health, well-being, and healing after loss.
