Written by: Stacey Ruth, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Just who do you think you are?
Are you an entrepreneur? A successful leader? An innovator? An effective coach? The list of incredible options is the stuff of a powerful LinkedIn profile. But not so fast! Are you someone who also secretly thinks, “I wish I felt like those things, but right now I am a struggling up-and-comer who can’t get enough business to stay afloat!”
Truth is, for many of us, we can vacillate between the high-achieving idea of who we are (and want to be seen as), and the self-defeating one, depending on the kind of day we are having. All those ideas are based on a set of beliefs we have created for ourselves. Whatever response we have to a situation, and whatever we think of ourselves, it all begins and ends with our beliefs.
If we want to spend more time living in the confident realm, where what we are dreaming of is being realized, we must take the time to build self-awareness about the outdated limiting beliefs we are holding onto – often without even knowing it! When we shed those old beliefs and step into a set of beliefs that are truly self-affirming, not only does our success accelerate, we also discover the meaning and purpose we have often felt was lacking.
Can I Just “Affirm” My Way Into a New Belief?
The short answer is no.
In my last article Simple Steps to Shift Limiting Beliefs, I talked a lot about affirmations. While affirmations can create new pathways in your brain, if you try an affirmation that is just too far from believable, your brain will reject it before you even get started. This is especially true when you have been building up an enormous amount of evidence to support an existing limiting belief. Our confirmation bias means when we choose to believe something, we immediately begin looking for evidence we are right. We also ignore any evidence to the contrary!
So, realistic affirmations will take you far, and at the same time, the ‘trick’ is that you also have to work on changing your behavior. Affirmations and mantras are not magic. Changing your beliefs – which in turn can change your life – requires action on your part – often in advance of a new belief.
For example, if you are currently dealing with a limiting belief that you are barely keeping your head above water in a growing business, and don’t have the time or resources to delegate any of the work, then an affirmation, “I have all the time and resources that I need,” isn’t likely to feel believable. What is believable is when you do show up for the next project, to affirm, “I can approach this project strategically, and look at how it fits in the big picture.” This invites you to shift your actions to align with the affirmation.
Visualize how a strategic individual would present themselves in this scenario and do your best to emulate that behavior. Perhaps a strategic person would explore a longer timeframe, increase the price, add specialized team members, or even turn the work down!
Now any of these actions are new, untested, and can feel very scary. Saying no to business being one of the scariest. Not many people are thrilled when they first step out of their comfort zone. The good news is, if you're doing your affirmations regularly, it will get easier every time you take a new action, and your sense of power, freedom and creativity will grow.
The bad news is, if you avoid this step because it’s scary, you’ll just feed your old limiting beliefs, and nothing will ever change. This is why most people stick with the old belief.
You don’t have to make massive, sweeping changes all at once to see radical shifts over time. Very often even just one small step in the direction of the new, more empowering belief will help you solidify your new identity as the person you want to be.
Think of these changes as baby steps or stepping stones. You’re not going to jump from Step A to Step Z in a single move. You need a road map to get you there. There’s nothing wrong with taking multiple small steps to change your limiting beliefs. So long as the end result is a positive belief that gives you confidence, it doesn’t matter how small you have to make those actions.
Also, remember your “new actions” don’t have to be perfect. They don’t have to yield a particular result to “count.” Make sure to acknowledge yourself when you’ve taken a new action. You could write it in a journal or decide to ‘treat yourself’ to celebrate. No matter the size of the action, it’s worth acknowledging. When you see small wins building up consistently, you can make it a game with yourself. See how long you can go without breaking the streak. Or decide how you’ll treat yourself after X number of actions. Have fun with it while remembering your ultimate goal: Changing those limiting beliefs.
The Secret Connection Between Beliefs and Purpose
Where are you uncomfortable? That is the place where you have limiting beliefs holding you back. Not only that, it is the place you are actually ready to outgrow those beliefs! This is the connection between beliefs and purpose. Your purpose is always about where you are growing – and it grows with you. The great news is that just showing up every day and taking some kind of action in the “right” direction is exactly what will move you further toward discovering your purpose.
Limiting beliefs both mask our purpose and point to it at the same time.
Your purpose will inevitably become clearer as you build new habits and your old beliefs about who you are and what you’re capable of fall away. Leaning into your discomfort, where your inner calling and limiting beliefs intersect, is the nexus of your purpose. When you take action – a little bit uncomfortable action – to move towards who you are becoming, then you are stepping into your purpose.
Most likely you’ve always had an “inkling” you were meant to do or be something more expansive, freer or more powerful – maybe you even KNOW what that something is – but your beliefs stopped you. Instead of wondering if it is possible, start the process of changing those beliefs and moving forward by taking small, manageable and still meaningful action.
If you commit to showing up every single day and taking one more “empowered” action, you’ll find that your purpose feels more tangible and real.
If you’re finding the “taking daily action’ part hard, take a cue from Atomic Habits. Author James Clear recommends the 2-minute rule: Do the “thing”– whatever action the ‘ideal’ or ‘new empowered you’ would take – for 2 minutes. You can survive anything for 2 minutes – whether it’s shooting off an email to an ‘intimidating influencer’ or peeking at your business bank statements. The odds are, that first 2 minutes will ‘break the ice’ and give you the momentum you need to keep going.
Or have you heard the term, “eat the frog”? It simply means to do the hardest task first to get it out of the way. Once it’s done, you’ll feel relief and possibly accomplishment which can put you in a good mood for the rest of the day.
If you’re a journal lover, consider journaling your feelings as you embark on taking these actions. For some, it may seem like no big deal to take action and make changes, but others can get stopped in their tracks with fear. Rather than stay stuck, journal about your feelings, repeat your mantras and revisit the journal to write about the results of your actions. When you see that the action was easier than you thought or the reaction from others was pleasant, you’ll find it easier to take additional actions.
If you’re a visual learner, consider tracking your actions on your calendar or in your planner or journal. If you prefer digital tools over paper and pen, use a mind mapping software to create a map of your goals along with the steps you need to take to make that goal a reality. Make it a habit to look at your mind map first thing every day, even before email or social media. Visual learners need to see the evidence in order to realize just how much progress they’ve made and having your actions written down in one place is a time saver.
Over time, you’ll find that these minor actions add up. You might not see the results on a daily basis (although sometimes you might!), but if you look back in 30 days or 6 months you’ll notice radical shifts.
This is the nature of the discovery process. It is the nature of transformation. There is no gigantic mystery to uncovering your purpose. It has been hiding in plain sight all along, and those pesky limiting beliefs are actually these beacons of insight pointing the way.
If you would like to dig deeper into your personal purpose, and build your own purpose mission statement, check out my Discover Your Purpose Workbook.
Stacey Ruth, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Leadership Coach, Stacey Ruth, is an acclaimed marketer, entrepreneur, minister, and founder of two multimillion-dollar agencies. She has been named one of the Top 50 Entrepreneurs in Atlanta and twice as one of the Top 100 “It” Agencies by Experiential Marketer Magazine. She did all this while struggling with two failed marriages, imposter syndrome, overwhelm, and stress-related health issues. This inner crash from outer success triggered the spiritual journey that took her to Manchu Picchu and had her walking across the fire. This was when she learned how we all could rise above circumstances to become irresistible and unstoppable. Today, Stacey advocates for leaders ready to reach their next level with clarity and confidence - most especially women leaders like herself. Stacey is the author of Own Your Own Shift: The Power, Passion, and Freedom to Be Unstoppable.
