Written by: Tanya Heasley, Positive Anger Coach
As a positive anger coach and success mindset mentor, Tanya Heasley guides her clients to activate their authentic selves, cultivate assertive communication, and develop self-confidence so that they can flourish and thrive in all areas of their lives.
Anger is good for us. The thing is, many of us are using our anger in the wrong way—such as manipulating others to get what we want, or ignoring those who have upset us in the hope that they will feel guilty and then comfort us, or eating and drinking too much to help us calm down and feel better inside. However, all these actions just perpetuate unhealthy anger and keep us from getting our true needs met. The good news is, if you activate positive anger, you will flourish and thrive in all areas of your life. I’ll show you how to do this a little later.
But first, I want to put anger into perspective. When you experience adversity or a difficult and unpleasant situation, your anger is triggered, and how you use your anger depends on whether you know what you need, and whether you’re functioning automatically, or consciously.
On an instinctual level, your anger’s primary function is to keep us alive as it prepares us to either fight or run away from danger. Essentially, the primary goal of your anger is to free you from a perceived threat. Instinctual anger does not differentiate a threat, and positive anger is only possible when you are functioning consciously.
If you are making the following mistakes with your anger, such as shouting, hitting out, breaking stuff, or even self-harming, then you’re probably in survival mode and functioning on autopilot. This means that you are not in the present moment, or conscious of what you need. Therefore, you’re unable to rationalize the situation, and you’ll react without thinking. Remember, primary anger will keep you safe, regardless of the consequences.
Whereas positive anger will give you the motivation to act and change something adverse in a healthy way. When you’re conscious or mindful of your circumstance, you will be able to think more clearly and know what you need. Therefore, thinking is the essential tool required to activate positive anger.
For instance, when someone is treating you unfairly, or abusively, and you know why you need this to stop, positive anger can give you a voice to stand up for yourself in an assertive way. It is a motivating force that provides you with the energy to make changes and reach goals. We are more likely to pursue our goals when we have positive anger, this is because it will make you feel strong, confident and push you out of your comfort zone and towards taking positive action.
Furthermore, when you activate positive anger, you will be able to self-reflect, cultivate self-compassion, and feel motivated to change the things about you that you're not happy with. This is because positive anger is essentially a growth mindset, enabling you to transform.
To get you thinking more, identify your anger triggers and patterns, discover what you need in your life, and begin activating positive anger, then I encourage you to start an anger journal and just ACT:
Acknowledge when you’re angry, and complete the following sentence starters in your journal:
My anger was triggered today because….
I was thinking…
I felt…
When I’m angry, I would often…
Consider your ideal outcome.
What I really want to happen is….
My best response would have been to….
If I responded positively, who would benefit?
Trade your mindset.
What needs to shift in my mind to help me use anger positively?
What behavior can I replace to help me change?
What needs swapping to get me what I want?
For more sentence starters and journal prompts, purchase my Activating Positive Anger Journal here or check out my Positive Anger Coaching services here.
Read more from Tanya Heasley
Tanya Heasley, Positive Anger Coach
Tanya has the ability to identify and liberate the hidden blockages within her client’s psyche. Her intuitive, empathetic, and direct approach empowers her clients to become the best version of themselves. As award-winning serial entrepreneur, Tanya is also the Director of Tristone Coaching Ltd., a social enterprise with the mission to improve the lives of young people affected by adult anger. With many successes under her belt, Tanya believes that her greatest achievement is being a mum to her four children.
